Across the grocery store I watched through narrowed eyes as Hannah spent minutes looking at each bouquet of flowers, one at a time. Curiosity raged through my veins, but I hung back to absently sift through apples and oranges I wasn’t going to buy.

There was no way she was buying flowers for James, so who? Hannah wore her usual, happy smile, but there was something different about it; it was brighter, excited, and she showed off her straight, white teeth with it. I’d seen her a lot lately, and she never glowed so much.

“I’m not going to get any answers creeping on her…” Muttering to myself, I adjusted my grip on my basket to stride over to the florist’s section. So enwrapped in what she was doing, Hannah didn’t notice me until I tapped on her shoulder. Her entire body jolted in surprise, and she gasped as she whirled around. Red instantly seeped into her rounded cheeks, and I arched an eyebrow when she started to sputter out words.

“Et- Ethan! You scared me- erh… what’s up? Doing some shopping?” She was nervous; I could almost smell it on her as she rubbed her palms together. Holding up my basket casually, I shrugged as I glanced at my meager soon-to-be possessions.

“I am. Need some help picking out flowers?” Without waiting for a response, I jerked my chin at the stand, and Hannah’s smile flared before she nodded furiously. “Who’re you getting them for?”

“Oh-… my dad. I haven’t seen him in a while, so I thought it’d be a nice gift…” For a long moment I stared at her; Hannah was pretty in a plain, pure kind of way. There were definitely more beautiful women than her, physically at least. The longer the silence stretched on, the more her smile seemed to falter, and a darkness flashed behind her bright blue eyes. Watching her lose her cool, even a little bit, was interesting to say the least, and I tore my gaze off her to look at the flower display.

“You’re better off getting something small…” Pointing at a small, plain bouquet of only three flowers I couldn’t name, I turned back to Hannah with a smile of my own. “Do you want a ride? It’s pretty cold out with the wind.”

“Uh-h… yeah. Okay. Thank you.”

Maybe it was a little underhanded, but I wanted a chance to talk to Hannah without risking her going on the defensive. If Nick or James were around, she’d be careful with what she said.

But I don’t care about what she says, just how she acts. And she didn’t act like she was nearly as into my brother as he was into her.

Closing Hannah into my car, I rounded the front to slip into the driver’s side seat with a huff. The engine sputtered to life, and I shuffled in the worn, well-used leather to grip the wheel and shift the gear.

“So, when are you going to tell James that you don’t want to date him, and you don’t think what you’re doing right now is dating him?” Posing my question once we reached the mildly congested streets, I glanced over at Hannah only to frown. She stared at her lap, stroking her flowers like she’d just bought a puppy. I almost opened my mouth again to repeat myself, but she spoke up before I had the chance.

“Why do you think that?” The question resonated in me, and I grunted as Hannah confirmed a theory Nick already had. She was superficial; she cared about people until they started digging too deep. Taking a slow turn, I shrugged carelessly even as my mind churned.

“You and I are the same. I go from girl to girl before they start asking the questions I don’t want to answer. What’s my favorite food? Movie? Do I like cats or dogs? No one gives a crap about any of that. But when they start asking about why I’d rather mooch off my brother than try to make something of myself- that’s when I drop them. You’re not different just because you haven’t dated much. I bet that’s even why you haven’t dated much. You can’t fool me with that smile, Hannah.” My little speech came to a close, and silence reigned until Hannah sighed heavily. When she spoke up her voice was deeper, rougher, and I didn’t need to look over to know her eyes were moist.

“I… I can’t even fool myself anymore.” A small, humorless laugh filled my car, and I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I knew exactly what Hannah meant; she didn’t have to explain even as her coarse voice followed. “After I fell the other day, I went home and thought ‘Maybe my dad doesn’t want to see me, and that’s why he won’t pick up my calls…’ and the more time passes, the more I think about it. The more I realize- why would he want anything to do with me after all this time? He doesn’t even feel guilty for what he did enough to talk to me…”

“He kicked you out for being a stripper, right?” The wrapping around the flowers crinkled loudly, and my gaze flickered from the road to watch Hannah’s face twist in disgust. My heart pounded hard in my chest at the sight; she looked like an angel ready to bring the wrath of God down on everyone and everything in her path. Small tears slipped from her eyelashes to drip down onto her hands while her knuckles turned white.

“He kicked me out for wanting to go to college in the first place. I’m no good with people- I never have been. I thought college would help, but he wanted me to stay at home like my mom. She does whatever he wants for any reason he wants it, and she never complains… but I can’t turn into that. I won’t let it happen. I’m going to be someone…” The hurt, the betrayal, the pain- it was all laid bare for me on the center console. My chest ached in sympathy, and I reached over to grab Hannah’s hand. Salty, warm tears smudged against my palm, and she squeezed back.

For the first time I realized she never even told me where I was supposed to be going. I was just driving around aimlessly.

“You need to accept it, not fight against it. You’re going to break sooner or later, Hannah. James can help you- you just have to let him. You’ll feel better afterwards, I can promise you.” Letting my head fall back against the rest, I let out a breath going through a yellow light. “My parents hate me, too. They’ve got the prodigal son making more money than any one person should. They got the man decorated from the military. And then there’s me- the drop out- the loser. They don’t understand why I can’t do anything. I’ve been compared to Nick and James my entire life. First, I was the accident, and then I was the dumbass. I went from being the baby that always got what he wanted to being a disappointment that can’t do anything but ask Nick for money.”

“How are you okay with that?” Hannah’s eyes bored holes into the side of my face, and I frowned deeply as I pondered her question. None of this bothered me anymore, but I couldn’t say when that’d happened. It just was, and I was content with life.

More or less.

“There are just some things you can’t change. I can’t change the fact that I’ll always live in Nick’s and James’ shadows. So, I guess… you just have to figure out what you can change. For me, it’s not a matter of forgiving. Nick and James always back me up, but I don’t ask or do anything that wouldn’t make sense. I’ve driven this car for six years. I got really good at figuring out if a woman wants me, or just wants to be around my brothers. In the end, you can either accept that your family ostracized you, or you can chase their ghosts until it kills you. Either way, the only person’s life you’re affecting is your own. The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be. James really likes you, and I know Nick does, too. He told me that seeing you like that at the studio made you seem more real- that he was more assured about hiring you. So, the question is- are you going to take the job for you, or to try to teach your dad a lesson he won’t understand?”

For the first time in my life I was the one that felt like a big brother, and Hannah was quiet as I slowly wound through the streets. The snowmelt made the roads wet, but the piles were smaller even than they had been last night. Focusing on that change, I released Hannah’s hand to take a sharp turn onto a side street leading to the south end of town.

“I think… I will talk to James. Erh… do you think he’ll understand I don’t want to date right now?” Nodding firmly, I took in a deep breath at Hannah’s acceptance. Across the cabin she sniffled hard, and I reached into the door compartment to grab some take out napkins.

“He’s 36 years old, Hannah. If you say you want something more casual, he can handle it. Besides, it’s totally understandable that you don’t want to add to your plate with this new job fresh out of college. Nick is going to work you ragged, and he knows that.” Tossing the napkins at her, I reached to turn up the heat a bit as Hannah righted her tear stricken face. “Do you want me to bring you home or to our building, or what?”

“I’ll go with you, if that’s okay.” Rolling my eyes, I eased off the gas to do a U-turn in a parking lot entrance.

“Of course, it’s okay. I offered. Just so you know, Nick hates that consideration crap. If someone offers you something, you take it- no questions asked.” This time Hannah’s laughter was real, and a smile stretched my lips. Flicking on the radio, I surfed through stations before deciding on some hip-hop. My head bopped back and forth to the beat, and out of the corner of my eye I watched Hannah do the same.

Maybe she just needed a good dose of young adult partying to put everything in perspective. Drinking, dancing, glow sticks- those were the remedies of youth. Working my phone out of my jean pocket, I drove slow as I searched through my contacts for my latest girl.

She knows how to party.