Chapter Six

Anna

I never dreamed I would be shopping for my daughter with my brother, let alone Axel and Taz. I am sure we are drawing all kinds of attention. Me and three, big, bad bikers all pushing carts in the baby section. I have to hold my tongue as Scott starts throwing in item after item into the carts. I turn and see that Axel is just as busy. These guys are crazy, and I let a giggle escape. Taz smiles at me and Scott tells me to shut up and let them do their thing. Walking over to the clothes, I see some cute little dresses and find myself grabbing several even though I have no idea if they have clothes for her already.

“Pick out enough clothes for at least a week,” Taz tells me, coming over to see what I have found.

“I don’t know if I need that much and I don’t want to spend money on things she already has. I should have asked them what they had of hers. Maybe she has everything from her house, but I guess she could have lost everything too. I did not ask enough questions,” I sigh feeling completely overwhelmed.

“Just breathe, Peaches! You did not have time to process what was being said, let alone come up with the right questions. Tell you what, get what things you need for the next few days and once she is home, we can see what else we need to get and go from there,” Taz tells me, beginning to start putting things in one of the carts.

“That is probably a great idea, but I don’t know if we can pull Scott and Axel away from shopping,” I giggle as I turn to watch them continue to throw an overabundance of items into the carts beside them. “Let’s see if we can get them to go over to the baby food isle.”

As I approach the two men, I see that they have lost their mind. This little girl will not need any toys till she turns twelve. I start giggling as they look at me with sheepish smiles. CeCe is going to be spoiled and loved. I don’t know why I was so afraid of her being with me. They still don’t know the exact details and I hope to keep that a secret, but I am sure that if I end up having to tell everything Scott will still be by my side. It even seems that Taz is planning on sticking close too. I don’t even know what I think about Taz. He is so good looking, but he seems to be even better on the inside. Now isn’t the right time to explore things with him though. I need to focus on learning how to be a full-time mom. I am so excited but terrified at the same time. I thank God that she already knows me. She must be so confused and scared right now. CeCe probably wonders where her mommy and daddy are. Oh shit, I am her mommy now. I need to stop for a second and let that sink in. I’m going to raise my baby girl!

“What do I need to do in order to keep her?” I ask Scott as we walk through the store with overflowing carts.

“Baby girl don’t worry about that. Prez asked Turtle to look into what we need,” Scott tells me confidently. “We should have a good idea what we need to do by morning so that when we go pick up CeCe we can file the necessary papers too.”

Why do I keep feeling surprised? I know that the club will help figure out things for me so that I can focus on my angel. It’s going to be a whole new life that everyone around me will have to adjust to. Right now, it seems that I’m the only one having a hard time figuring out how to do that.

“Axel and Scott,” I begin. “I don’t know how to thank you for all the help you are giving me. I don’t deserve any of it after not trusting that you would help me through this. I am so sorry for taking this time with CeCe away from you and myself,” I cry, knowing that they have every right in the world to hate me.

“Anna, I won’t pretend to understand what you have gone through, or even why you did not trust us. But we are family and we will always have Voodoo’s back and yours,” Prez tells me with a smile. “Now no more tears. Let’s get this food you want and get back to your place, so we can put this bed together.”

Several hours later and lots of laugher on my part the bed is almost together. I have never heard some of the words they used while trying to read directions for the crib. They tried to say that all the words were in Chinese, but when I glanced at the directions, I swear I saw English. After I said that, they made me leave her room and go do something that would keep me out of their way. I washed all the new bedding and her clothes. Then, I spent at least an hour organizing her food and then changing it, only to go back to the way I originally had it. When they finally get the crib put together, they call me into the room. I see that they not only finished the crib, but they got the changing table put together. Somehow, they snuck in a glider, so I can rock CeCe. All that is left for me to do is make the bed and put her things away. I’m so glad that I have something to do otherwise I would go crazy waiting for tomorrow to get here. Scott hovers behind me like he is wanting to talk to me. Looking at him, and without words, I give him the permission he needs to ask me what he is dying to know.

“Anna, I really want to talk with you. Do you want me to ask Axel and Taz to leave?” he asks, as we stand in the middle of the nursery among all of CeCe’s new things. “You know I will probably end up telling Axel because he has been my brother for years. He cares about you almost as much as I do.”

“No. They can stay,” I mumble. I know that I need to tell them everything, but I need to focus on my baby girl more. What if this makes it harder for me to keep her. “Let’s head into the living room to talk. I don’t want any bad memories or feelings to taint CeCe’s room.”

Scott follows me to the living room and calls Axel and Taz in from the kitchen. We all take seats before the attention is turned to me. The two guys are all looking between Scott and me to see what’s going on.

“Anna has agreed to answer our questions and tell us the rest of the story tonight,” Scott says, taking the lead so I don’t have to.

Axel, Taz, and Scott all get comfortable. I begin to start pacing across the living room, not being able to sit while I share my story. I feel like I’m facing the firing squad. Finally, Axel gets up and grabs my hand and tells me that nothing I say will change how the people in this room feel about me.

“Go ahead and ask your questions,” I tell them. I can’t bring myself to start this conversation.

“Ok,” Scott says. “I will begin. Did I do something to make you feel like I would not help you through this?”

“NO!” I emphatically reply. “This was my fear. I was afraid if you knew the whole story, you would do something that you can’t take back. There was the fear that I would embarrass you with the club. I know how much they mean to you.”

“What is it that you are trying to say without using words Anna?” Axel questions, knowing that I’m avoiding telling them the truth.

“I. Um. I,” I stutter the words slowly. “Well there was a party, like I said before. It was when your sister club came to deliver all those parts for the Single Moms Car Clinic,” I say as I look up to see that they are remembering that party. “I was there, and I had been doing shots with Toad, Racer, Tigger, and Skid. I can’t tell you every detail because I don’t remember what happened. I know that Axel called church for some reason, so it was only me and the prospects. When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I noticed was that I sore and had some blood down there,” I say without looking any of them in the eye. “I rushed to get dressed before going home or anyone in the club was able to see me. I did not really think more about it until I started waking up and running for the bathroom every day.”

“Who was the prospect? And did you say yes?” Axel asks me through gritted teeth, trying not to blow up in front of me.

“I would really rather not say,” I mutter, knowing that they aren’t going to let me get away without giving up a name.

“It was Skid, wasn’t it?’ Taz asks to my surprise.

“How did you know that?” I question, the shock clearly written on my face. “I didn’t tell anyone who it was!”

I begin to hyperventilate when what I said sinks into my mind. Axel grabs a paper bag from the kitchen and passes it to Taz. He places it over my nose and mouth, so I can slow my breathing. Scott, I notice has punched a hole in my wall. All I can think is I have to get that fixed or my landlord will never return my deposit. Nothing else is registering in my mind right now.

Finally, my breathing is back to normal and I am a little less panicked. Everyone is sitting around processing what I have told them. I go to the kitchen to get beers for the men and bottled water for myself. As I hand Axel his, he gives a grim smile and sighs.

“I need to know the full story Anna,” he tells me. “Are you saying that Skid raped you?”

I hesitate before I continue with my story. “As I said, you had called church. I was very tipsy and needed help to the room I use at the clubhouse. Skid said he would help me, to be honest I was not even worried about anything happening. I was in the clubhouse and everyone knows you and Scott put a no touch order on me years ago. When we got to my room, he insisted on helping me over to the bed. We were joking about how he could get in trouble if I ended up on the floor because he didn’t walk me all the way there. All of a sudden, we were on the bed. He played it off like we had tripped and was laughing. I told him that I was fine, and he could go. Skid said I had been coming on to him all night and now it was time to pay. I tried to push him off, but he was so strong,” I tell them as I begin to cry. “He tore my shirt off and then he ripped my leggings down. I was crying but he told me to shut up because if any of the brothers found out, they would see me as free game since I was with a brother. I had stopped thinking at this point. I was terrified. He stole my virginity that night. After he left, I put my clothes in a bag with the wash cloth I used to wipe myself clean with and threw it in the back of the closet. I locked my door and put the desk in front of the door because I knew that I could not drive. The next morning, he was smirking at me as I ran from the clubhouse. I have not had a drink at the clubhouse since that night” I tell them as I finish my horror story.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m gonna fucking gut that sorry ass motherfucker!” my brother yells to the room in general.

Scott looks at Axel with a look that promises death. This is why I never told anyone. I hid my secret so I can protect my brother and anyone else that wants to get revenge on my behalf. I cannot bare the idea that Scott could go to prison for my stupidity.

“Scott, please don’t do anything,” I beg. “We are picking up your niece soon. I don’t want her to get to know you from a prison visitation room. He’s not worth the time or energy that would be wasted going after him.”

“Peaches, there is no way in hell that we are going to let that asshole get away with this. He is fucking lucky that he is still breathing in my opinion. I know your brother and Prez are barely keeping their tempers in check. We cannot let this go for many reasons. What would you do if you found out he did this again?” Taz asks, laying his hand on my thigh.

I know he’s right to an extent, but I have lost so much already. I don’t want to lose anything, or anyone, else especially now that things seem to be turning around.

“What are you going to do?” I ask Axel.

“Sweetheart, I am not going to tell you that. I will say that this is going to be dealt with and that I am calling church for tomorrow. Do you feel up to telling your story to the brothers or would you rather I tell it for you?” he asks me.

I know that he is not supposed to ask me what I want. The fact that he is giving me this means so much. I look at Scott to see what he thinks I should do. I really don’t want to repeat this, but I will do almost anything for my brother.

“Prez, she doesn’t need to speak or have you tell her story at all if you don’t mind me having my phone in church,” I hear Taz say, as he reaches down next to him.

We all look at him in confusion. He shakes his head sheepishly. “I wanted to have a record in case you want to press charges at some point. I was gonna tell you about it in a few days and let you decide what you wanted to do. You need to process everything before you make any decisions. We can play this in church and neither of you have to repeat it if you don’t want to Prez,” he confesses as he looks at all of us.

“I’m not thrilled you recorded this,” I tell him. “But it does make it easier and I would not have to be in the room and face everyone,” I say, finally seeing the bright side of this recording.

Scott looks like he is ready to swing at Taz or maybe me, I am not sure at this moment. He finally looks at me and says what’s on his mind.

“Anna, this is not your fucking fault. No one is mad at you, embarrassed by you, or whatever other negative crap you have floating in your head. I am pissed at Skid and it’s taking everything I have not to walk out the door and go fucking kill him. He is the asshole that violated you and disrespected the club. Whatever happens to him is only gonna be a fraction of what he deserves. I am ok with Prez playing the recording, because it seems to take a weight off you. I wish I had not screwed up so bad. I missed something horrible in your life and made you feel like you had to give up your child. I am so sorry. I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you somehow,” he says, while walking up to wrap me up in a hug that starts putting the pieces of my life together again.

“Scott, this was never on you!” I sob, knowing that he would take what happened to me and place it on his shoulders. “You are the best brother in the world. I am sorry I hurt you and kept your niece from you. I am so happy that you can get know her now. Cecelia is so beautiful. She has the biggest blue eyes in the world and such soft blond hair. My daughter is an angel.”

Prez decides that enough has been said tonight. He tells Scott to stay away from the clubhouse and Skid until decisions are made at church. He asks me if I want to press charges or if I am willing to let the club handle this. After asking Scott, I decide to let the club deal with it. If it were up to me, I would ignore it, but I understand that they need to do something. Prez tells Taz that they have to act like nothing is going on so that Skid doesn’t get spooked and take off. Scott decides he is gonna spend the night on my couch. At some point it was decided that Scott and I would bring CeCe to the clubhouse after we pick her up and get some answers we can share with the club.

As everyone gets ready to leave, Axel pulls me in for a hug. He whispers in my ear that he is sorry he did not protect me, and that he’s proud of how strong I am. I have never thought I was very strong. I actually feel like a coward who has run from my troubles. I hope someday, I can be who he sees and that my daughter will think I am a strong woman too. Taz gives me a hug and tells me that we will be talking sooner rather than later. He seems to think that we may be more than friends, but I am now a single mom who has been assaulted. He can do so much better.

Scott locks up the apartment, then helps me get all the clothes and bedding from the dryer so I can finish up CeCe’s room. I am exhausted after all the emotions of this day. Scott sends me to take a bubble bath and relax while he finds a game on tv. Once I’m out of the tub because I was starting to fall asleep in there, I head to bed. Before I even know it, I am in bed and sound asleep.