The people, the music, and the celebration going on in the room is giving me a headache and causing a stabbing pain in my chest.

I don’t want to be here with my family when I can’t have the woman I love by my side. Instead, I’m here in my aunt and uncle’s house with my date, as a favor to a friend from college. Her younger sister, Gretchen, just happened to be in town, and I saw her as an excuse to keep me away from my cousin, Rachel. I suffer a twinge of guilt at the thought that I’m using her.

Except I’ve hurt Rachel and I’m not sure whether or not that was my intention. I certainly wanted her to believe I was carrying on with my life, like I’d told her to do. I’m not really. Every time I close my eyes, I feel her body against mine when we were last in the stables here. I feel her lips against mine. I remember the taste of her tears as I put a stop to it. Stopping wasn’t what I wanted, what I craved, but that can never be.

Feeling sorry for Gretchen, and indebted to her sister, I invited her here. Walking into the house, I’d immediately spotted Rachel across from us with a date of her own. My heart had cracked and I’m sure I felt real pain at the sight before me.

She’d looked at me and her eyes had filled with tears as she’d turned away. At that point, I’d wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and stride across the room to claim the girl. I hadn’t as I’d been stuck at the door, and it was only Gretchen tugging on my hand that had gotten my feet moving.

The night has been crucifying me, tautening me to the point that I have to force myself to put my hands on Gretchen. I’m touching her back or holding her hand. I don’t want to touch her, which is why I’m currently slipping into my uncle Michael’s dark study. Midnight is approaching and the last thing I want is to be in a position to kiss Gretchen.

I’m an asshole for leading her on and later tonight when I take her home, I’ll apologize without being too open about what is really going on with me.

“Alexander,” Rachel whispers my name, sending ripples of awareness down my spine.

I tighten my fists before I turn and find her in the darkened room.

She’s so close and the nearness is making my senses spin as my body hardens in the most basic way. The warmth of her gaze wraps around me like a warm blanket, leaving my mouth dry.

My gaze won’t leave her beautiful face and I can’t help but stare at the way she’d curled her hair this evening. She’s smaller than me and for years, I told myself that I was only looking out for her because I was like a brother, but that had been a lie. Even back then, when we’d hang out as teenagers, I think I knew that she was more special to me than anyone else.

Her gaze rakes over me causing a delicious shudder to heat my body. Groaning, and in one forward motion, Rachel is against my chest, and I’m lifting her into the cradle of my arms.

Her breath is warm and moist against my face, and her heart races against mine as I search her gaze, which is full of the love she feels for me. I return the look tenfold and a shiver of awareness shoots down my spine and straight into my cock that is currently nestled between us, throbbing with a life of its own.

Rachel groans and that’s all it takes. My lips find hers and the kiss sends spirals of ecstasy through me. Burying her hands in my thick hair, she returns my kiss hungrily…and then we hear a throat being cleared…

She pulls away, fighting back tears as we watch each other before we turn to see who is in the room with us…

Lucien…my father.

Rachel whimpers and tries to move away, but I hold tight. She buries her face against my throat, while I whisper into her hair, “I know we can never be together, but never forget that I love you.”

Without looking away, she backs out of my grasp, my hands trying to hold on to her for as long as possible.

She wipes at a tear and moves toward my father. “I love him, Uncle Lucien.”

Dad nods and focuses on me. “Let me talk to my son, Rachel.” He smiles, and after hugging her close, walks her to the door.

He leans against the closed door, fixing his eyes on me.

I turn away and stare into the fire while I try to get my emotions under control. I always lose them around Rachel, and after having my hands and mouth on her, I need to be alone while the sadness and heartache that my need always causes me runs its course.

My father moves to stand beside me, and asks, “How long has this been going on?”

I’m not even going to lie to him. “I love her, and I know it’s impossible for us. I’ve loved her for years.” I shrug and drop my head, my shoulders drooping. “I brought Gretchen tonight as a favor to her sister, thinking that she would keep me away from Rachel. That didn’t work too well.”

“I’m honestly lost for words, although I’m not surprised.”

I snap my head to look at him and watch as the flames from the fire flicker in his eyes.

“I don’t know what to say, or what advice to give you because what’s going on between you both isn’t straightforward.”

“There’s nothing going on Dad. We stay away from each other when we can, we just always seem to end up close.”

“Hmm.” He sighs. “I’m going to find your mother before she worries.”

“You won’t say anything?”

He pauses and shakes his head. “I won’t, but she knows there is something going on. I think everyone does.”

Slumping into an armchair, I sit forward with my elbows on my knees, and my face buried in my hands, wishing with every breath in my body that things were different.