Chapter 9
Knowing that Jax wouldn’t let her evade him, Viviana decided to pick up the gauntlet he’d thrown down when he asked her what was wrong with her. Unfortunately, she was angry with him on so many levels she didn’t know where to start. Meeting his narrowed gaze, she surprised herself—and she was sure, him—when she blurted, “I don’t know where I stand with you. How . . . what . . . you feel about me . . . ” Unable to finish her thought, Viviana tried to pull away from him.
Jax shook his head, then tightened his grip and said, “Keep going.”
Viviana expelled a hard sigh and whispered, “I don’t know if I can trust . . . ”
She was relieved when Jax finished her halting sentence. “If you can trust me?”
Viviana swallowed hard and nodded yes, then pressed her cheek against his muscled chest, not willing to look at him.
Jax tipped up her chin, forcing her to meet his stern gaze. His voice was serious, without a trace of its usual irony. “Viviana, I understand that what happened in Belize shattered your trust. You believe that I betrayed you. And I did.” Rubbing his coarse beard shadow across her soft cheek, he added with a frown, “But, darlin’, it’s time for you to put that betrayal in perspective. You are a fellow law enforcement professional, and you now know the level of the operation that I was leading. I’m confident that you understand why I did what I did—at least from a professional perspective.” When she didn’t answer, just pressed against him farther, he continued. “Yes, I lied to you about who I was. But, Viviana, I did something much more potent than lying to you in Belize. As I told Greg today, I did something that in a million years I never believed that I would.” He held her chin, not letting her look away. Viviana was startled at the fierce expression on his rigid face and more shocked at his next words. “To put it baldly, Viviana, I fell madly, passionately in love with you.”
Viviana didn’t know how many minutes or seconds passed before she was able to grasp what he was saying. She finally controlled her ricocheting emotions enough to stammer, “You . . . did? You . . . fell in love with me?”
Jax groaned. “Yeah, sweetheart. When I saw you dive off that fuckin’ cliff, then clamber up the hillside stark-naked, I fell for you. Christ, at first I thought you were some crazy woman trying to commit suicide. I never dreamed you were gutsy enough to dive headfirst into a pool twenty feet below—just for the hell of it. Damn, darlin’, I thought I was an adrenaline junkie! Baby, your daring took my breath away.” He held her closer for a long moment and then said, “But do you know what you did that sealed the deal? Captured my heart and my soul?” When she shook her head no, he said, “When you saw me staring at you, voyeuristic asshole that I was, you hesitated for a moment, then, daring me, you stood tall, naked, and proud, flaunting your extraordinary body. After a breathtaking moment, you slipped on that gauzy see-through cover-up and turned to run up the hill. But at the summit, you looked back and tossed me a saucy smile and a wave. And then you were gone.” He was silent. “I didn’t acknowledge it until later, but, Viviana, at that moment I truly did fall madly, deeply in love with you.”
Viviana sucked in a tortured breath. It was impossible to ignore his serious expression or the compelling certainty of his startling proclamation. Closing her eyes, not knowing how or if she could answer him, her dismissive retort died in her throat. But apparently Jax wasn’t going to stop. Grasping her chin, he said firmly, “Look at me, Viviana. There’s more, darlin’, that you need to hear. As surprising as you seem to find my declaration, what’s even more shocking is the fact that you love me.”
When she pulled away, truly startled, he shook his head and tugged her back. “Uh-uh, baby. It’s time that we get to the bottom of this crazy situation that we’re in. We’ve both reveled in our independence for so long, certain that commitment is not something we want or are seeking, it’s no wonder we’re scared. We’re like two love-averse warriors circling one another, trying to avoid a blow we’re sure is coming when what we both want to do is cling to each other.”
Conjuring up enough spit in her mouth to try to answer his unbelievable assertions, Viviana manage to choke, “I . . . I don’t know what to say, Jax.” Before he could respond, she rushed forward. “I don’t know if I can . . . ”
“Can what, Viviana?”
She put up her hands in dismay and said, “If I can love you.”
He smiled at her and shrugged. “The problem with that, darlin’, is that you already love me. Hell, you’re as crazy about me as I am about you. According to a number of people, including Greg Bannon, my friend and your new boss, and your rowdy partner, Mick O’Reilly, the fact that we are ass-over-elbows in love with each other is public knowledge. What we need to do is figure out how two fanatically independent people can give in to the fact that they are madly in love.”
For a long moment, Viviana allowed herself to consider the enormity of what Jax was saying. She’d been stunned when he told her that he loved her. And while she wasn’t sure she believed him, she admitted that at some deep level she was thrilled. It seemed impossible that this extraordinary man, whom she was frankly crazy about, declared that he loved her. The problem was when he asserted that she also loved him. The minute he said it, the rush of joy she’d felt at his declaration became anxiety. What did loving him mean? That she’d feel as uncertain as she did now? That she would have to give up her independence? God, he was so arrogant, so domineering, so determined to control her.
Her uncertainty had to be written on her face, because he shook his head and grinned. “Okay, sweetheart, before your active brain convinces you that we can’t possibly be in love with each other, how about you acknowledge that we are and then let’s address the real problem. Do you think that I’m not aware of how bossy I can be? Or that you are impossibly independent?” When she didn’t answer, he persisted. “C’mon, Sergeant Moreau. You’re the most courageous woman I know. How about you put all of your second and third thoughts about the ramifications of loving an overbearing, arrogant asshole like me aside and man up.” His grin hardened somewhat, but his voice was soft, not as demanding as his words. “Say it, Viviana. Tell me that you love me.”
Viviana swallowed hard, then put up her hands in defeat. “I do love you, Jax. More than I knew it was possible to love someone. But I . . . I’m scared . . . and—”
He pressed his finger against her lips, not letting her finish the sentence. “Stop right there, sweetheart. We can deal with all the ‘buts’ later. Instead, let’s stop for a moment and acknowledge the miracle that we have wrought. Consider this, Viviana. Arrogant asshole that I am and pathological loner that you are, we have actually taken the courageous step to declare that we are in love.” Grinning at her, his eyes danced but had a sheen of moisture that Viviana realized she had never seen before. “How about it, tiger? Can we just marvel in that momentous mutual declaration and figure out all of the other shit later?”
Surprised at the tears burning her eyelids and the sob caught in her throat that made it hard to reply, Viviana nodded. “I . . . would like to do that, Jax.” She couldn’t keep from adding, “As long as we do deal with the shit . . . ”
“Later, darlin’. Much later.”
Lifting her off his lap, Jax laid her on the chaise lounge and stretched out alongside her. Gazing down at her, she was surprised to hear the catch in his voice. Running his finger across her lips, he murmured, “I don’t tell you enough how beautiful your mouth is, Viviana.” He shook his head and said with a sheepish grin, “Jesus, I’m always commenting on your gorgeous breasts and lusting after your phenomenal ass. But I don’t tell you nearly as often as I should how much I love your mouth and your beautiful eyes.” Stroking a calloused fingertip over her lips, he pinched the corner of her mouth and said with a chuckle, “Another thing I don’t do nearly enough is to kiss you. God knows we’re great at wild monkey sex, with me throwing you against the wall or fucking your brains out on the floor or wherever I can ravish you the fastest and the hardest way that I can. But soft, long, slow passionate loving? Starting with kissing this beautiful mouth of yours? Uh-uh, darlin’, I don’t do that nearly enough. And tonight seems to be a very good night to right that particular oversight. Starting with feasting on the most kissable lips and mouth I’ve ever had access to.”
Jax leaned down and gently kissed each of her eyelids. Swiping at the tear on her cheek with his thumb, he murmured, “I hope that these are happy tears, Viviana. I gotta believe that they are, because I seem to have a few of my own fighting to get free. But enough talk; action is definitely required, starting with this.”
Holding her face between his hands, he began to gently kiss her. Nipping at her puffy lips, he ran his tongue across the seam of her mouth from one corner to the other. “You’re gonna need to open to me, darlin’. Even though this is going to be slower than we’re accustomed to, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to take this luscious mouth of yours deeply and thoroughly.” When she reached up and wove her fingers in his hair, tugging at the short strands, pulling him down closer to her, he groaned softly. “Yeah, baby, do that. Show me how you like to be kissed.” Pressing his tongue against her lips he commanded softly, “Open to me, Viviana. Now, baby.”
Jax thrust his tongue past her teeth, forcing her mouth open and began tangling with her probing tongue. In seconds their teeth were clashing, and she was kissing him as fiercely as he was kissing her. Their mutual groans testified to their growing passion. When she continued tugging at his hair, sending fiery sensations across his scalp, he gave in to the lust swamping him. Spreading open her robe, he gazed hungrily at her naked body. Shucking off his robe, he rose up over her.
His voice was a raspy growl. “Jesus God, Viviana, going slow with you isn’t an option. I can’t get enough of you. I need you, darlin’, more than you can know.” Spreading her knees wide apart, he bent them back, then yanked her hips up hard against his strong thighs, baring her crotch to his eager gaze. His breath hitched at the sight of her glorious pussy, already puffy and glazed with her musky cream. Pressing his raging cock against the entrance to her weeping cunt, the command in his voice was apparent. “Enough foreplay, Viviana. Open to me. Now, baby! I need to get in here as deep and as hard as I can.”