After I’d stuffed my face and knocked back enough beer that the pounding in my head had started to dissipate, I stumbled back to my apartment. I didn’t have anywhere else to go, and I didn’t want to risk being seen out and about by anyone who might recognize me after calling in sick, not to mention how horrible I had to have looked.

As awful as I felt before I went to eat when I fell back on my bed in the apartment, I somehow felt worse. How was that even possible? It wasn’t like I did anything to create the problem, but there it was nonetheless. The room spun around me, and for a brief moment, I thought that I was going to be sick. I’d probably eaten too much, but it was easier to eat my feelings than to feel them.

Because the thing was, no matter how I tried to justify it in my head, I felt like I’d made a terrible mistake. Truthfully, I knew I’d made a terrible mistake, but I couldn’t very well take it back now. Every time I thought about it, all I could see were my parents’ faces, the smug, self-satisfied smiles they’d have when they realized just how much of a stranglehold they had on me. It enraged me more than anything; I felt like this was all their fault. Why couldn’t they just let me be happy? Why did everything have to be all about them?

Then again, maybe it didn’t have to be all about them, maybe I’d just fallen into the trap of trying to make perpetually unhappy people happy. Why was it my responsibility to make them look good? I mean, it wasn’t like I meant them any harm, I didn’t want to see anything bad happen to them, but at the same time, I’d had enough of their constant games.

Sure, some of the punishment they doled out to me over the years had been deserved—including shipping me here—but a lot of it felt unnecessary. I hated feeling like I was constantly looking over my shoulder, constantly worried about whoever might be watching if a photo might be snapped when I didn’t expect it of me in a less than flattering moment.

At every turn, no matter where I went or where I was, the fear of losing the money my parents held over me never went away. At this point, I was stunned they hadn’t already booted me off the trust, considered me a lost cause and moved on to better investments—because that’s exactly what I was to them, an investment gone horribly wrong, the world’s worst stock.

Which made me think that maybe none of it mattered and that I’d made a terrible mistake by breaking up with Mike. Would it have been nice to inherit all that cash? It would’ve, but would I ever actually get it, and if I did, was it worth all this? Did I want to sell my soul, never really truly be happy, just so that I didn’t have to worry about the future?

I was never cut out for the rich and refined life anyway, a fact I’d learned over and over again, but had never really absorbed until now. It was strange, but in a lot of ways, I felt like I was more at home here in this tiny town in the armpit of the United States than I was back in Stockholm. I didn’t miss Sweden at all.

I’d tried over and over again to fit into the image my parents wanted me to portray, and I’d always fallen short of it. But maybe it wasn’t me who was broken, maybe it wasn’t me who was the problem, maybe it was the mold all along, and I was never meant to fit into it. Maybe I needed to be sent across the world to realize just how screwed up the whole thing was, get some distance from it and some clarity at the same time.

Mike’s face swam into my mind, the way he’d looked when I’d told him I couldn’t keep dating him for fear of what might happen, the bullshit way I’d said that it was to protect him when and if my parents exacted their revenge on me. It wasn’t true at all. The truth of it was that I was terrified, of him and myself, of whatever our future together might’ve shaken out to be. I’d never felt the way I did for him about anyone else, and I didn’t know how to handle it.

Because I’d experienced love—real, unconditional love—for the first time, and it’d knocked me on my ass.

I was so scared I would hurt him due to my inexperience, but in the end, I’d ended up hurting him anyway. And now what? I was stranded, on the ropes with my boss and definitely with Mike. It wasn’t fair to any of us, but I didn’t know what to do.

A pounding on the apartment door nearly sent me through the roof. Who the hell was at my door, and why? Was it Jason, come to tell me how much of an asshole I was for calling in sick, to tell me never to set foot in his bar again? I wouldn’t have blamed him, though Dan didn’t sound like he was particularly upset when I’d called in. Then again, Dan was a performer, so maybe he’d put on an act.

The hammering on the door continued, and with each pound, I felt it in my head, so I crawled off the bed and made my way to the front door.

“All right, enough already! I’m coming,” I shouted and when I opened the door, the last person in the world I expected to see on the other side stood before me: Mike. His face was beet red, and he was huffing and puffing like he’d run all the way over here. How the hell did even find out where I lived? I’d intentionally gone out of my way to make sure he didn’t figure that out, just in case. More than that, though, I didn’t want him to see the depressing place, didn’t want him to feel sorry for me for having to live in it.

“Mike? What are you doing here?” I asked, caught off guard. It didn’t make any sense. If anything, I would’ve expected never to see him again, and I wouldn’t have blamed him for writing me off after the way I’d treated them. I deserved it.

“You know, I’ve been asking myself the same damn thing the whole way here,” he said with a smirk. “Can I come in?” he asked.

“You’re not going to, like, try to kill me or something, are you?” I asked, and he raised an eyebrow at me.

“Boy, don’t be an idgit, step aside,” he said and didn’t wait for me to do so before he shoved his way to the door.

“What the hell is an idgit and what are you doing?” I asked after I closed the door behind him.

“It’s nothin’, don’t worry your pretty little head about it. Anyway, I know this must seem real crazy and all, but I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try,” he said.

“Try what? You’re scaring me,” I said.

“This,” he said, and without another word, he seized the sides of my face and pulled me in for a kiss. At first, I made to pull back, totally confused, but the feeling of his lips against mine, the way my heart raced and my jeans tightened convinced me otherwise. Instead, I kissed him back, trying to use the action to say how sorry I was, to let him know how much I realized I’d screwed up everything.

A few moments later, we broke apart, and he stood staring directly into my eyes, searching them for something. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but I hoped more than anything else he found it.

“How was that?” he asked.

“Amazing,” I laughed. “Though I’m still more than a little confused. I thought after our last little talk you would never want to see me again, much less do that.”

“Are you kiddin’ me? That’s all I want to do for the rest of my life, stand here and kiss you,” he said, and I laughed again. “Why are you laughing? I’m being one hundred percent serious.”

“I know you are, but that’s exactly why I’m laughing. Not too long ago you looked like I’d ripped your heart out and spat on it, so seeing you here, kissing you again, it’s all a little much. What else can I do but laugh?” I asked.

“Well, it a little kinda crazy, but what about us ain’t? Look, I had somebody beat some sense into my head. I knew you were struggling, knew you were having a helluva time making up your mind, so I thought I’d try something extreme for an extreme situation. I hope I tipped you back in my favor.”

“You started to,” I said. “Mike, God, I’m so sorry,” I continued, my voice cracking along with my heart. He was such a good guy, underneath his gruff exterior, and I felt like I’d crapped all over him. He deserved better than me; I didn’t understand why he was here trying to convince me to be with him when there were a million fish in the sea that would be a better fit for him, who could treat him like he deserved to be treated.

“So am I. I don’t know what else to say other than that. You were hurting, and I was a total dick to you, but I was hurting too,” he said, one of his thumbs stroking my cheek, wiping away the one tear that’d appeared there after trickling down from my eyes. “We had a good thing going, intense, but good nonetheless, and I knew I could never live with myself if I just let you go if I didn’t at least try to make my case.”

“You don’t have to make a case at all; I already know how good of a person you are. I just don’t think I’m worthy of you,” I said, and he burst out laughing.

“Please, I’m not exactly the world’s best person either, or have you already forgot all about the shit I said to you at the bar? Look, I know we both got our problems, I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, and you’re trying to start over and all that, but I think we could be really good for each other,” he said. “Hell, we’ve already been good for each other. I mean, I would never be here doing this with anybody else. There’s something about you, Kai, you little Swedish snake, you just slithered right into my heart, and now I couldn’t get you the hell out, even if I wanted to.”

“Swedish snake?” I laughed. I wasn’t offended, in fact, I thought it was pretty cute.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean no offense by it, but it’s true. You just have a way of getting inside people’s heads, making them do crazy shit,” he said. “Anyway, can we try again?” he asked, still staring deep into my eyes. “I don’t care what happens; I don’t care if your parents go AWOL and try to cut you off. I’ll take care of you; I’ll be there for you. We’ll make this work if you want to. Lord knows I do. All night long tonight, all I’ve been able to think about was you, how angry I was I’d lost you. I know I overreacted, I know I said some harsh things, and I’m sorry for all of it, the whole kit and kaboodle.”

“You don’t have to explain, I understand. I’ve felt awful ever since that conversation. I knew I was making the wrong decision, but it seemed like the only decision I could make; like the choice was already made for me. I’m so sorry,” I said.

“I forgive you. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, it wouldn’t be easy for me to walk away from millions of dollars either,” he said with a chuckle. “But you know what? Money ain’t everything. There’s gonna come a day in your life if you go back to Sweden and chase that pot of gold, where you’ll wake up and realize that you’re sittin’ at the end of the rainbow alone and the gold’s bought you a whole lotta nothin’.”

“I know, trust me, I’ve already had the revelation,” I said. “Honestly, the idea of going back there, having to be with my parents again and be fake is probably the worst thing in the world. It makes my skin crawl to even think about it. That’s my favorite thing about you, you are who you are, no apologies.”

“Then don’t go. Stay here with me. It ain’t gonna be easy, I know it won’t, but we can make it work. I don’t care what I have to do, don’t care what I have to say, I just want to be with you. I can’t imagine you being on the other side of the world. It would kill me to see you go,” he said, and now he was crying. It was hard to believe, especially given that we hadn’t been seeing each other for that long, but I felt the same passion he did. I knew there was something between us, something inexplicable. Maybe it was the fact that we’d both shared the pain of rejection, maybe it was because we saw that in each other.

I would never reject him again.

“Then I won’t go,” I said.

“You serious?” Mike choked, his eyes wide as if he never dreamed I would say that.

“Very serious. I don’t want anything to do with that life anymore; I can’t imagine going back to it. It took this to make me realize I didn’t want any part of it anymore. I don’t belong in Stockholm, I don’t belong with the rich, famous people, I belong with you, here,” I said.

“I dunno what the hell to say right now,” Mike said, absolutely beaming.

“You don’t have to say anything. As a matter fact, hold on,” I said and pried myself from his grip to get my phone. As I was dialing a number, he scrunched his eyebrows at me.

“Now what’re you up to?” he asked. I shushed him as the line rang, kept it on speaker so he could hear it all. After just a few rings, and despite the time difference, my mother answered. She was always up with the chickens, so I wasn’t surprised in the slightest she was awake.

“Hallå lilla killen,” she answered in Swedish, literally “Hello little guy,” her favorite way of patronizing me while making it look like she cared about me.

“Good morning, Mom. I hope I didn’t wake you up,” I said to her in English, to make sure Mike could understand the whole conversation.

“Oh, I rarely sleep well anymore, not that you would know anything about that,” she said. The sound of her voice, even despite her condescenion, sent a pang through my heart. I knew what I was about to do would change my life forever, knew it would be like a slap across her face first thing in the morning, but it was time for me to do what I needed to do to be happy.

“I don’t want to keep you, especially this early in the morning, but I need to tell you something,” I said. A period of silence followed that, interrupted only by the static on the line.

“And what might that be, dear? Finally called to apologize?” she asked, shattering the silence.

“Not exactly. Listen, I’m not coming home. I know I’ve caused you a lot of grief over the years, and I know my latest made things difficult for you and pappa, but I’m grateful that it put me here. I’ve met someone, Mom, someone special. I love him, and I know you wouldn’t approve of him as a husband for me,” I said and if Mike’s eyes were wide before, they were bulbous now.

“But I don’t care about that anymore. I’m tired of being held hostage to that stupid trust fund, of denying myself the things I want just to keep you happy and keep you in work. I’m done being someone I’m not, done being your cash cow. I’m going to be happy, and I don’t care what happens to the money,” I continued. Another few moments of silence passed, and my heart hammered in my chest as I waited for her reaction. Part of me didn’t want to hear it, and I considered hanging up right then and there before she could say anything, but just as I did, she started to speak.

“I see,” she said, her voice flat, the warmth, or at least the feigned warmth, now totally gone. “Well, I hope he brings you much happiness.” The line clicked off, and I sat staring at the phone. I couldn’t believe what I’d just done, but I didn’t regret it in the slightest. Once the dread of the moment passed, happiness swelled inside my chest as I looked at Mike, who was crying so heavily now I didn’t think I’d ever be able to get him to stop.

Without a word, he practically ran to me and threw his arms around me.

“I can’t believe you just did that. You are fuckin’ crazy, aren’t you?” he cried into my ear.

“Does me wanting to be with you make me crazy?” I asked.

“Aw, come on now, I was trying to pay you a compliment, don’t go all Jedi on me again,” he laughed, still crying. “Thank you. There’s nothing else I can say, just, wow, thank you.”

“I should be thanking you,” I said into his shoulder. My head spun as I thought about everything that would happen from here, the calls from my parents’ lawyers that would no doubt follow, the eviction from the apartment—and the happiness I had to look forward to because I’d finally made a decision for me instead of for them.

“I love you,” he croaked into my ear, and his words tore through me, convincing me I’d done the right thing once and for all.

“I love you too,” I said.

Nothing had ever felt more right.