Chapter Eight
“I’ve been trying to get hold of you,” he said, as he walked forward and stared at me. “Are you okay?”
“I got a virus. I’m feeling better now. Sorry I didn’t get back to you.” I tapped something on the computer and pretended to read the screen as he stared at me. “How was New Year’s?” I had come across some pictures on a few sites that showed him with the team as well as Lara at the bar, though he wasn’t actually with her in any of them.
“New Year’s? Did you see the texts that I sent you? It wasn’t good without you there,” Nick told me, and I looked up at him. “I kept thinking you’d get back to me. I even tried to come by your place the next day.”
“I was running some errands. I must have missed you,” I explained, as Nick tilted his head.
“What’s wrong?” My heart broke as I forced a neutral expression onto my face and fought through my pain. “Melissa? What’s going on?”
I looked around the now empty store and back into his tormented eyes. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I was doing some thinking and it isn’t working for me.”
“You’re not doing this now. Not when the biggest event of my life is happening so soon,” he told me, as I forced a smile on my face.
“I’ll still be there for that. I’m still proud of you guys, but I just don’t want to be like we were anymore.” I shrugged. “It was fun, but I don’t think it’s working for me anymore.”
“Mel, I was going to step it up with you. I told you I loved you on New Year’s Eve. Did you see that?” His face was shocked, and I shook my head.
“No, when did you say that? Nick, this was never love for me. It was a crush, and we acted on it, and it was fun,” I feigned disinterest as he ran his hands through his hair. “I want to move on.”
“Is there someone else?” Nick demanded, and I shrugged. “Jesus, Mel. I stopped everything for you and fell in love with you. I didn’t have the guts to tell you until I’d had something to drink and…it’s too late?”
“I guess so. I’m sorry, Nick. I just don’t want this.” I watched him leave the store, and my stomach lurched. I hurried into the small bathroom to throw up. I felt like a piece of me was missing right now and I cried as I leaned over the toilet. I knew that I should get back out there, and I rinsed out my mouth and splashed some cold water on my face. I looked pale and tired in the mirror.
I tied my hair up into a messy bun as I returned to the register for the longest shift of my life. Lindsey came in to start her shift at two and rather than have me clean up, as usual, she ordered me home to rest. I got into my car and drove to the apartment as tears slid down my cheeks. I was pregnant, and I’d sent the father away. I couldn’t tell anyone who the father was, and I’d have to lie if I decided to keep the baby. I was relieved when Bonnie wasn’t home, and I locked the door and went to my bedroom. I fell into a fitful sleep and woke up dreaming of Nick in my room making love to me. The sounds he made echoed through my head as I rolled over onto my stomach and clutched it with my hands. I missed him more than I’d ever missed anybody.
I got up and had dinner with Bonnie that night after a shower, smiling and chatting with her as if things were normal. She told me all about her trip and showed me the diamond necklace that Cory had given her for a late Christmas present, which reminded me of the things that Nick had given me. I’d never spent any of the Vicky’s card on anything for him, not yet. I knew that I wouldn’t at all anymore, and I took a slow breath. “Are you alright?” Bonnie asked me, and I blinked.
“Yeah. Tired. I worked the early shift today, and I think my little nap messed me up even further. I just need a good night’s sleep. So did you see him play any games?”
Bonnie went on to talk about how well he played and that she thought that she liked hockey as much as she did football. She giggled when she told me that and said that her brother was not pleased about any of this, and I looked at the floor.
“He’s just protective of you, like Bran is with me. He loves you.” My voice was soft, and I smiled at her as I shoved my pain aside.
“I guess. He seems down. I talked to him today, and he almost sounded like he did when Mom died. I don’t know what happened. Maybe he split up with that girl?” Bonnie wondered, and I shrugged. “Have you talked to him?”
“Oh, we don’t speak that much. I see him when I’m at the house, or he’s at Mom and Dad’s, but we don’t talk on the phone or anything.” I’d erased every text message from him today as I cried, and deleted every call. There was no trace of what we had, and my phone had been silent all day. “I don’t know anything, Bonnie.”
“I hope he pulls it together for the game,” Bonnie said, looking concerned. “He’s worked so hard, and he loves football.”
“They’ll be great. Give Nick a minute and he’ll be all in again. Bran will rub off on him, at any rate.”
We moved on to watching some show and talking about that before I excused myself for the night. I went into my room and cried silently into my pillow, swearing that I could still smell him on the cover. This became a nightly thing for two weeks, although I pretended for everybody that I was happy. I was feeling a little better, and I finally made an appointment with the doctor.
She told me that I was eight weeks pregnant, which added up right to about the night that the condom had broken. When asked about the father, I told her that he wasn’t in the picture. We discussed my options: keeping the baby, adoption or abortion. I knew that it was within my rights to do any of these, but I couldn’t stomach the idea of ending a life. I told her that I’d think about the first two and I went home to check my email on my computer.
There was one from my drawing teacher that caught my eye. She was telling me that a friend who owned a gallery in Portland was looking for someone to assist her in running it and that she was interested in my being an intern and possibly getting the job after I graduated. That was in just a few months, and I might be able to leave town without ever showing the pregnancy. I could start over without being too far away. I sent something in response and took a deep breath as I clicked send.
I was caught up with the messages regarding the job, and we decided that I was ahead enough to leave a couple of weeks before school ended. I’d been doing extra work since I’d started school and was at the top of the class. I broke the news to Bonnie just as she was ready to tell me that she was moving to Colorado with Cory after she graduated. We both cried in the living room as we played back all of the years that we’d been together. It was heartbreaking to be losing her, but I was starting over as well, and I had that to think about.
We went to the game and the guys lost by a mere three points. I felt so wrecked inside as I watched Nick walk off the field with slumped shoulders along with my brother. Bonnie and I hadn’t broken our news yet, since we didn’t want to take away from the team’s glory. We all left the stadium silently with the disappointed fans, and Bonnie went to her brother’s house while I went home to the apartment.
I hadn’t spoken to him since the day at the store. I didn’t know whether I was relieved or heartbroken that Nick had done what I asked him to by letting me move on. It hurt so much as I tried to think about my upcoming move to Portland, a city that seemed like a perfect place to start over. The job sounded very promising, but I hadn’t told my teacher or my future boss that I was expecting a baby.
I had made the decision to keep it. No matter how hard it would be, this baby was a piece of Nick and me that I wasn’t willing to let go of. I would find a way to support the baby somehow and show her or him all the love that I could.
Bonnie came home crying, as she had just told the guys about her moving. Nick was angry with her, and Brandon was just sad. We were all so close, or at least we had been. She let it slip that she’d told them about me as well in the heat of the moment, and I rested my head in my hands. I heard my phone chiming from my purse. “I’m sorry, Mel. It slipped out when I was crying, and I didn’t mean it. It only fueled the fire.”
“I’ll bet.” All of my limited optimism faded from my mind, and I stared at my purse as the chiming kept going on. “Fuck, Bonnie I wanted to do that myself.”
“Mel, I’m sorry.” She looked at me in shock, since I never cursed much. I stood and grabbed my purse and walked into my room before slamming the door. I pulled the phone out of my purse and saw that Brandon was calling me, and I pushed the answer button and held the phone to my ear.
“What the hell is going on, Melissa?” Brandon yelled. My eyes flashed in anger.
“I got a job after graduation is what the hell. It’s not that far, and it’s a good fucking opportunity!” I yelled. There was silence on the other end. “I didn’t want to ruin your big day, and I was going to tell you soon before Bonnie decided to handle that for me.”
“You’re both leaving us, Mel. I don’t want that, and Nick doesn’t want that,” Brandon said, and I rolled my eyes. “Can we talk?”
“I am leaving in a month and a half. I wasn’t just going to leave, Brandon,” I told him, as I sunk onto my bed. “I just wanted to tell you myself.”
“Can I come over?” Brandon asked, and I shook my head.
“Not tonight, Bran. We’ll have dinner soon and talk this out,” I told him, as exhaustion and pain hit me hard. I said that I needed to go and hung up as I started crying.
It wasn’t Brandon but Nick that showed up at my door the following day. Bonnie was out running some errands, and I stared at him.