Several months earlier…
On weekends and extended breaks during their senior year, Wil spent long hours working at the station and Lily was in charge of watching her siblings who were also out of school. Daisy and Jasmine were old enough to entertain themselves, but Poppy and Butch were 6 and 5 and needed plenty of attention.
Her mother had a part-time job working at the bowling alley restaurant and was able to pick up extra hours on occasion. Lord knows they needed the money. Lily tried to get an after school job once to help support the family, but was called away too many times to take care of her sisters and brother that the owner told her she wasn’t working out since she missed too much.
That particular day was just like any other. She was cleaning the kitchen after their macaroni and cheese lunch, while Poppy and Butch had been put down for their afternoon nap. Daisy and Jasmine were in their room playing Barbie’s and the house was quiet.
Unfortunately, her father’s friends thought the door was revolving and just came and went as they pleased. She heard the metal door squeak as it opened and whoever entered had let it slam as they all did on a regular basis. Lily dried her hands off with a dish towel and walked around the kitchen island to see who was in the living room.
“Ricky, what are you doing here, it’s mid-afternoon?” Lily asked the dirty, scruffy man sitting in her father’s recliner. The friends her father kept were often not the most desirable of sorts. Ricky couldn’t keep a job and came around when he needed money or food or to beg for Lily’s father to try to help him get him a job. They worked on construction sites together doing grunt labor, but he wasn’t reliable.
“Would you be a peach and get me a cold one, Lily?” he asked with a sly smile. Fucker.
“Um no, I wouldn’t. You know for a fact that Dad knows exactly how many beers are in the fridge and I’m not dealing with the conversation later that one of them has disappeared,” she stood her ground. “There’s some macaroni and cheese left on the stove if you want that, but regardless, get your dirty butt out of Dad’s recliner.”
“You’ve got your sassy pants on today, Missy!” Ricky said to Lily as he got out of the chair. She reached behind him and flicked the dirt off the foot stool of the recliner.
“It’s not even 2 o’clock, why aren’t you at work?” she asked trying to figure out a way to make him leave. Just go away.
“Got kicked off the job today, apparently, I wasn’t working fast enough,” he said walking into the kitchen. Ricky was one of those you wanted to feel sorry for: no real friends, no family close by. But he couldn’t stop running his mouth; he stayed drunk too often; and he wasn’t reliable. She knew why her dad never went to bat for him. He was a piece of shit.
Lily walked back into the kitchen and Ricky sat down at the table. At the sink, she poured a glass of water and handed it to him.
“Poppy and Butch are asleep, please don’t wake them,” Lily said walking out of the kitchen and into the laundry room. “I have stuff to do, so eat what’s left of the kid’s lunch if you want it and then hit the road.”
Ricky got up and grabbed a fork from the dish drainer. He ate what was left of the macaroni and cheese right out of the pan, not even bothering to get a plate. Well, at least I don’t have another dish to wash.
“You turned 18 yet?” Ricky said as he leaned against the yellow countertop eating the noodles.
“Yeah, my birthday was in November,” Lily said continuing to fold the clothes.
“Then why don’t you let me take you out one night since you’re of age now.”
“Ricky, that’s ridiculous, you’re twice my age and I have a boyfriend,” she left out the part that he stunk and he was certainly not the type of person she’d ever consider dating.
“So, what’s that got to do with anything?” he said putting the pan into the sink with the other dishes. He appeared in the doorway of the laundry room and slyly leaned up against the molding until she looked up and saw him.
“Geezus, are you trying to startle me?” Lily said practically throwing the laundry basket full of folded clothes at him.
“Come on, whaddaya say? Go out with me Lily!” Like hell I will.
He was pushing her buttons and making her feel uncomfortable.
“Give it up Ricky, I told you, you’re too old for me and I have a boyfriend,” both of those statements should have hurt his feelings and she hoped after that he would go away. “Speaking of Wil, I need to call him to discuss our date later this evening.”
“So this Willie, he’s your boyfriend?” Lily’s skin crawled listening to him refer to Wil.
“That’s right, he’s my boyfriend; do you need something else? I only have a little time before the kids wake up and I have things I need to do.”
“You sound all grown up like you’re a mom or something,” he said continuing to follow her around the house as she put the laundry away. “A hot mom, at least,” he said under his breath loud enough for her to hear him.
“Ricky, you’re bugging me, please go away, dad won’t be home for a while and I’ve got shit to do without you bothering me!” She was getting tired of him being there and was more than starting to feel uncomfortable.
Please go away.
She added the last of the towels to the linen closet and as she shut the door, Ricky grabbed the white basket out of her hand and tossed it on the floor. He threw his hand across her mouth and held her tightly against his chest.
“Shhh girl, just cooperate with me and this will all be over before you know it,” he said shuffling her into her bedroom. Ricky pushed her against the bed causing her to fall flat on the mattress.
“Ricky, this is inappropriate,” she said as he locked her bedroom door behind him. “Go get whatever you want out of the fridge, I could care less, just leave me alone.” If he took her up on that, Lily was already formulating a plan to get the kids out of the house and to the neighbors. He had acted inappropriately before, but this was beyond ridiculous.
“Baby girl, this is going to happen with or without your cooperation, so you might as well just lay back and enjoy yourself,” he said as he started unbuckling his belt.
“Oh hell no it’s not going to happen,” Lily yelled getting up off of the bed and charging at him with all her might.
He took the shove as an invitation that she liked it rough and grabbed a pair of socks off her dresser and shoved them in her mouth.
“It is going to happen baby girl, and it can either happen with you being cooperative or I can bring in each of your baby sisters one by one and have them join in on the fun,” he said holding her hands behind her back tightly and pushing her down on the bed again.
She tried desperately to push the socks out of her mouth, but with no luck. At the thought of her baby sisters, she relaxed a little hoping he might rethink what he was about to do. If he thought she was cooperating, maybe she could get free or knock him over the head with something.
Unfortunately for Lily, she was not that lucky.
Ricky pulled his pants down and ripped her leggings off her body, shredding her pink cotton panties in the process. He shoved himself into her so hard she immediately started bleeding and silent tears poured down her cheeks. She couldn’t look at him, she couldn’t look at anyone. She kept seeing the faces of Daisy, Jasmine and Poppy in her mind and hoped he would be done soon enough. Every time he thrusted into her another tear ran down her cheek, but through all the pain she remained silent. Socks still stuffed down her throat.
When he was done, he told her if she didn’t have such a sassy mouth he wouldn’t have been forced to do such a thing. Lily didn’t believe a word he said. He left her on the blood stained sheets, pulled his pants back up and buckled his belt.
Lily started thinking about how dirty he was and wondered if he had given her some sort of disease.
“So as far as we’re concerned this never happened, capiche?” he said looking down at her as she laid on the bed, her head turned away from him and her arms still pinned behind her back. She pulled her arms out and removed the socks that had been shoved in her mouth. She rolled over on her side and waited for him to leave.
“I’d hate to have to come back one afternoon and see if Daisy is a better lay than her big sister,” he said as he left her bedroom. Lily laid there until she heard the front door open and close and the metal screen door slam.
She held back the urge to cry uncontrollably and managed to get off the bed and put on her bathrobe that hung on the closet door. She wrapped herself up in the soft terrycloth and went into the hallway hoping the little ones were still napping. Poppy and Butch were thankfully still sleeping and Daisy and Jasmine were in their room plotting a treasure map so they could bury a tin full of trinkets to find later. Daisy was 11 and very mature for her age. She got along well with Jasmine, who was just a couple of years younger, and they enjoyed each other’s company.
“Dais, do you mind listening for Poppy and Butch to wake up from their naps for me? I need to go take a shower,” Lily asked only barely opening the bedroom door so they wouldn’t see her face.
“Sure, Lil, I will listen for them,” she said continuing to draw on the construction paper.
Lily went back into her room and removed her bedding, taking it straight to the washing machine. She filled the load with extra detergent and turned the water temperature to hot. Her mother told her many times it cost more to wash with hot water, but the thoughts of anything left on those sheets made her nauseous.
The wash would be done by the time she got out of the bath and she could have her sheets dried and back on her bed before her father came home.
She took her small hand held radio into the bathroom and turned it on enough so that Daisy couldn’t hear her sobs. Once the water turned on, the tears started flowing again and didn’t stop for what felt like an hour. She sat in the bathtub with her knees pulled up to her chest and buried her head. She needed Wil. He was the only one who paid any attention to her and he was the only one that made her feel like she was loved. Of course her parents loved her, but they made her feel more like a worker than a daughter.
Lily had lied to Ricky earlier when she said she needed to call Wil to confirm their date for the evening. He was working late and she had to stay home with the kids anyway. But she needed him. She needed his reassurance. She pulled herself together and put on fresh clothes. She dried her hair and put on a little makeup to make herself feel better. She took two ibuprofen and prayed whatever damage he had done to her would heal in a couple days’ time.
“I have to stop thinking about it,” she said aloud looking at her puffy eyes in the mirror. “It’s over. I can’t do anything about it. I have to stop thinking about it.”
Lily’s thoughts went from Daisy to Wil back to Ricky and how dirty he felt as he rubbed up against her. Then she thought about how upset Wil would be if she told him. She tossed around the idea of going to the cops but knew nothing would come of it being her word against his. He’d just skip town anyway. And any evidence had already been washed down the drain.
She went back through the house and Daisy was in Poppy and Butch’s room playing with them after their nap.
“How about some milk and animal crackers, you two!” Lily said in the doorway relieving Daisy from her duties.
“Thanks, sis,” she said to her. “Any chance you might be able to help Dad with the kiddos after he gets home and we have dinner? I forgot about a paper I have to write and need to swing by the library.”
“Okay, I don’t mind,” Daisy told Lily.
“I owe you one,” Lily said as she ran her fingers through Daisy’s ponytail.
“No you don’t sis, you spend more time with us than both mom and dad combined, and I know when you graduate in a few months things are going to change and we’ll probably see you less,” Daisy said, “And I’m going to miss you.”
“Hey now, when did my little sis get so wise? And you don’t need to worry about missing me, I’ll be around, I promise,” she pulled her against her chest and hugged her tightly before going back to the laundry room.
Sheets changed. A family size TV dinner of Salisbury steaks was in the oven and Daisy knew how to make the instant potatoes. Her father had just come in and went straight to the shower. She caught him before he closed the door and told him she had some homework to do at the library.
“Mom should be home soon and Daisy is watching the kids until you get out,” Lily tried to hurry and didn’t want him to notice she had been crying. The puffy eyes were starting to go away, and she wanted to see Wil and get back home before the bruises on her arms turned a deeper shade of purple.
“Okay hun, you have a project or something to do at the library?” he said through the closed bathroom door.
“Yep, I’ve got an assignment that is due sooner than I originally thought, gotta get to it,” she headed out the front door throwing on her heavy zip-up sweatshirt and carrying her side shoulder bag of school books. She wasn’t going to the library, but she needed to look like she was.
It was only a short walk down the familiar path to the library and then a couple blocks down the main road to Wil. She headed toward Griffin Gas with one intention. She needed her person. She needed his reassurance. And she needed to feel him against her to know she was going to be okay.
He was working the full service line when she walked up and she waited until he finished with his last customer before heading over to say hello.
“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, whatcha doin’ here sweetheart?” Wil asked Lily as he wiped the grease from his hands. They went toward the office and he motioned for Marcus to take his place while he talked with Lily.
“Marcus, I’m due a break, can you cover me for a little while?” Wil asked.
“Be happy to, take your time Wil,” Marcus said jogging out to help the next car that pulled up.
“Let me clean up a bit so I don’t get you dirty,” he told Lily. They got inside the office which was normally inhabited by Mrs. Griffin, but she only worked until late afternoon most days. Wil shut the door behind them and Lily didn’t let him finish cleaning his hands before throwing her arms around his neck and sobbing into his work shirt.
“Whoa baby, what is all this? Has something happened?” Wil said, not trying to push her away, but still get a good look at the face that was suddenly buried in his chest.
“I just needed some reassurance from the one person who I know loves me,” Lily said choking back the sobs.
“Honey, whatever you need you know I’ve got it, but you know there are so many people that love you,” she cut him off.
“Not like you do, not like what we have together, promise me you’ll never leave me,” Lily said holding tight to Wil.
“I certainly have no intentions of leaving you, you beautiful girl,” Wil reassured her, “I’m smitten and there’s nothing anybody can do about that.”
Lily’s breathing regulated and she got the tears under control.
“I guess it’s just hormones and the fact that we’re graduating soon and I’m having a bad day,” she told him. Hella bad.
“We all have bad days, sweetheart, are you sure that’s it?” Wil asked again.
“Yes, I’m sure,” she wiped her nose on a clean red rag that was sticking out of his pocket. “Can I keep this?”
Wil laughed, “You sure can now!” And just like that he made her chuckle. He held onto his girl for a little longer before going back outside. “I know I haven’t been making as much time for us as I should. We don’t get to see each other very much at school anyway. I’ll start scheduling myself some more time off.”
Lily appreciated what Wil was trying to do and told him she was okay, she just needed to see him. His break ended and she sat in the office for a little while before going home. She got herself together and decided what had happened was in the past and that’s where it needed to stay.
And for the love of God, she hoped she’d never have to see Ricky again. She was going to make sure that Daisy was instructed to always keep the door locked and a chair wedged against it when she was home alone. She’d also make sure Daisy knew how bad of a guy Ricky was in case he ever came around again and Lily wasn’t home. She could only protect her siblings for so long, but she could certainly make sure they were prepared and informed.
Weeks went by and Lily decided to make an appointment with a gynecologist for a physical and to get tested for any possible STDs that Ricky may have passed on to her. Thankfully, Wil had been too busy lately for them to find time to sneak off together and the one time they had, she said she wasn’t feeling well. He didn’t question her and assumed it was her time of the month.
The female doctor came in and talked to Lily about precautions, ran some tests and did an exam. She told her she would come back in to talk to her once the results from the urine test came in, which she was glad about because she wanted to ask her about getting on The Pill, and find out if she could afford the prescription on her own.
The doctor came in carrying a brown gift bag that looked like it contained, at first glance, a ton of information and even a couple of books.
She sat on the stool and the words that came out of her mouth Lily will never forget, “Lily, I’m assuming that this is going to be a shock to you since you’re inquiring about birth control and STDs… you’re pregnant, about a month along, best I can tell.”
Lily was right, the doctor had carried in plenty of information for her. She put it in her backpack and went on home.