Chapter 20
Sorrow. It never goes away. All you can do is act like it’s fixed, when in reality all you’ve done is put a tiny Band-Aid over a gaping, bleeding hole that’ll never be repaired.
-Fact of Life
Mia
My stomach hurt.
My head hurt.
My heart hurt.
I was devastated.
Everyone was devastated.
The waiting room of Kilgore Memorial Hospital was jam packed with on and off duty firefighters, police officers, paramedics and dispatchers as well as nurses, and Fatbaby’s family and friends.
There wasn’t a single empty seat on the entire first floor of the hospital.
I walked carefully over to Tai and offered him a coffee from my cup holder.
He took one, and I moved on to the next man, PD.
He took one, too, giving me a nod of thanks.
I continued that until I caught up with Winter who’d been offering drinks to the guys as well.
There wasn’t enough coffee.
Not anywhere near enough coffee.
I tossed the paper holder into the trash and looked at Tai.
Tai’s eyes were cloudy as he looked over at Fatbaby’s wife.
She was acting inconsolable.
And maybe she was.
But I couldn’t kick the feeling that she wasn’t being genuine.
I would definitely be inconsolable had the same thing happened to Tai, but she was acting…strangely.
I couldn’t put my finger on it.
“I can’t find his ring!” She cried frantically as she combed through the bag of his personal effects that the nurse had just handed her. “Where is it?”
I looked down at my hand as Chief Allen walked over to Lynn Sims and patted her lightly on the shoulder.
Nobody liked her, something that was glaringly obvious when none of the men went to her or were consoling her.
Had that been anyone else, any other member of KFD’s wife or girlfriend, the guys would have had her surrounded, offering her what comfort and support they could.
One of their own had nearly died. He still could die.
And they didn’t offer her anything other than a few words.
A paramedic walked into the room and Tai pushed off the wall he’d been holding up and stopped in front of him.
I’d never seen this paramedic before.
He must’ve been on A-shift, because I knew everyone on the other two shifts.
He spoke very softly, then Tai’s eyes shifted to Lynn before shifting back turning to look at the wall.
His jaw tightened.
The paramedic said something else, and I was momentarily distracted.
“Hey,” a male voice said.
I looked up to find Jack staring down into my eyes.
“Yeah?” I asked softly.
“He’s going to need you tonight,” he said. “I was going to ask him to stay with me, but I know he’ll say no. You need to make sure you stay with him.” It wasn’t so much a request as much as it was an order, and it didn’t bother me in the least.
In fact, it warmed my heart to know how much Jack loved his brother and how he wanted him to have someone taking care of him.
“I will,” I promised, even though I’d been planning to stay with him whether he wanted me to or not.
Hours later, we finally made it through the front door of his house.
He hadn’t said a word since we’d left the hospital.
His eyes were haunted, though.
“You want to take a shower with me?” I asked softly.
He shook his head.
“I need to make a few calls,” he said, sending me on my way without another glance in my direction.
I left him there to make his calls, heading into his bedroom first and then to his bathroom.
I took a nice long shower, hoping he’d join me. Sadly, he never did.
When I got out, I realized why he didn’t when I heard the voices coming from the front of the house
I peeked out and sighed when I saw Luke, Nico, Downy, Michael and two other men whose names I couldn’t recall.
Closing the door quietly, I gave them the privacy I was sure he wanted for that conversation.
Laying down on the crisp white sheets of Tai’s bed, I shoved my face in his pillow, inhaling his scent, as I closed my eyes, letting the darkness of a dreamless sleep take me away from the horror of the day and the memories they brought up for me.
I don’t know how long he’d been in bed before his movements woke me, but by the amount of sweat soaking the sheets around the hot body at my side, it’d been a while.
Tai was thrashing in his sleep, whispering something over and over that I couldn’t quite make out.
I lifted up on my elbows to look at him.
The light from the alarm clock at his side cast an eerie green glow on his face, and I ran the tips of my fingers down his cheek.
“Tai,” I said softly.
He jerked awake like I’d pinched him instead of saying his name.
“What?” He said breathlessly.
“You were having a nightmare,” I said softly.
His eyes closed again, and he turned to face me.
“I always have nightmares,” he said softly.
I hadn’t slept with him overnight before.
In fact, this was the first night I’d ever spent in another man’s bed.
Acting on instinct, I moved towards him.
He caught me up to his chest and turned us so we were face-to-face, my body pressed up along the length of his.
“What was your nightmare about?” I asked softly, running the tip of my nose along the bridge of his.
He let me go and sat up, glancing at the clock as he did.
4:43 AM.
He sat on the side of the bed with his legs slightly spread and his feet flat on the floor, and he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees as he dropped his head into his hands.
His pose was defeated.
And sad.
My heart hurt for him.
I got up on my knees and scooted to sit behind him, sliding each of my thighs along the outside of his, as I threaded my arms under his to wrap them around his chest.
His bare back was like a heated blanket against my front.
His muscles tensed when I wrapped around him, but relaxed only moments after that.
I placed a kiss on his shoulder, then another one on his neck, following up with a final one on the scruff of his bearded jaw.
The beard was new. He’d always had the goatee, but the rest of his face was clean-shaven.
“I like your beard,” I told him.
He growled.
“I do, too. But I can’t have a full beard because my respirator doesn’t seal against my face correctly with one,” he replied.
“That’s a shame,” I said softly. If I couldn’t get him to tell me about his nightmares, maybe I could take his mind off of them. “I’d like to feel your beard against the insides of my thighs. Running up the smooth, sensitive skin and giving me a beard burn. I hear those are fun.”
One of his arms wrapped around my back, and suddenly I found myself yanked around so my back was now pressed to his front.
He had me in a bear hug as the beard in question rubbed along the smooth skin of my neck.
“You want me to show you what I can do with my beard?” He asked in a rough voice that sent shivers down my spine.
But he didn’t do all that much with said beard other than to run it and his lips up and down the length of my neck and shoulders.
One hand went down to free his erection, while the other went to my panties and ripped them free of my body.
I was surprised with how easily they tore.
I thought they were made of sturdier stuff.
Or maybe Tai just had the strength of The Hulk.
Regardless, I was now naked from the waist down.
Tai’s thick fingers burrowed as deep into my pussy as they could, causing me to gasp in surprise at the intrusion.
Despite my surprise at how quickly he’d turned the tables on me, I found myself moving my hips in time with his fingers.
My head fell back to rest on his shoulder, and my pussy clenched in need when he ran the beard that’d began all of this down the back of my neck.
His hands fisted in my hair as he pushed me forward.
My feet weren’t touching the ground, so all I had to settle myself was Tai’s hand around my waist, and my hands on his knees.
My thighs started to protest as I clenched them in an effort to hold still. They began to burn as they contracted even more tightly to grip the outside of his thighs as he thrust himself inside of me hard and deep.
A hoarse scream left my body at the feel of him filling me up so completely.
“Fuck,” I whispered. “Oh, fuck.”
The position I was in was awkward – for me.
I couldn’t control a single thing as Tai continued to pound into me, hard and fast. His arm around my waist was the only anchor I had as he pounded inside of me.
My fingernails dug into his forearm, and it was all I could do to hold on and let him have me the way he wanted me.
It felt sublime.
I could feel the cage of his muscled arms flex as he moved me how he wanted me. His abs flexed and his arms constricted with his movements.
I’d never felt anything like this in any of our sexual encounters before.
Just as quickly as it began, it was over. I now totally got the appeal of ‘hard and fast.
Tai pulled out of me and groaned with a curse as he quickly moved his hand to the crown of his cock to catch the release that was now jetting out of it.
His large palm cupped the head of his cock against the top of my pubic bone, and the entire time I could feel the pulsing tip against my clit.
It was when he pulled his hand away from his cock and smoothed his release into the skin of my belly that I started to come.
I whimpered and arched, grinding the ridge of his cock furiously into my clit as my orgasm raced through me
He held still, letting me use him.
“Damn, I wish I could have watched your face,” he said as he stoked my back while I came down from my orgasm.
I grunted out a winded chuckle in reply.
“We need a mirror. We’re doing that again, and next time, it’ll be in front of a damn mirror,” he declared.
I hummed my approval against the side of his neck and he then pressed a soft kiss over my spinal cord.
“Want to go get breakfast?” He asked.
I looked at the time.
5:05 A.M.
“Do you have time?” I asked.
I knew he had to be at the KPD training facility at seven, and if it was me who was going to be running an obstacle course, I wasn’t sure I’d want to a big breakfast before I went.
“I’m not going.”
I blinked then quickly maneuvered myself to face him.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, pressing my belly to his.
I could feel the wetness between us, but he didn’t seem to care.
So I didn’t either.
“Just what I said,” he replied tersely, his eyes snapping with fire. “I’m not going.”
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“How about you check the attitude,” I said. “I’ve done nothing to deserve it.”
He swallowed and sighed, looking down as he did.
“You have to go. He wouldn’t want you not to go just because he can’t. Give him the satisfaction of knowing you’ll be there,” I said softly.
His shoulders stiffened, and he looked up at me.
“You’re good for me, you know that?” He asked.
I smiled.
“You’re good for me, too.”
I got up and smacked him on the knee.
“Now, get going or you’ll be late.”