Chapter 16
Holly
“I just don’t understand!” I exclaimed loudly, between sighs, breaths, and sniffles.
I was at my mother’s house down in my old hometown in Virginia. When I’d seen Alex with that big-boobed, blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman, I had literally almost lost my fucking mind. I hurried straight to my apartment, packed up a suitcase with everything I needed for the next several days, and jumped right in my car and started heading south.
At times like these, I just felt like I needed my mother. I needed to be around her—to see her, talk to her, and hug her. And maybe she would even make me a bowl of that tasty beef vegetable gumbo I loved so much. She always used to make for me whenever I was younger—especially if I’d had a bad day and she felt that I needed some cheering up.
It had been an eight-hour drive to my old hometown and I spent the entire drive down still trying to wrap my head around exactly why Alex would do something like this. It went against everything that he had appeared to be and to stand for all the way up until that exact moment. Maybe it was some kind of rich-guy thing or something? Shit, I didn’t fucking know. All I knew was that it fucking hurt. It hurt like hell and I was having a hard time dealing with these feelings all on my own.
Joana had offered me as much comfort and support as she possibly could. In fact, she had even invited me to stay at her house for the weekend so that I wouldn’t have to be alone. But, to be honest, I really didn’t want to become a burden on her and to possibly cramp her cheerful, bubbly attitude and party-girl lifestyle.
I was feeling so heartbroken over this whole entire situation that I had found it much too difficult to focus on my job. Also, I didn’t want to chance breaking down and crying in front of my students during the school day and having to explain to a room full of eight and nine-year-olds why their teacher couldn’t seem to function like a normal human being. I needed a few days off to get myself back together.
I just felt so out of control and helpless—and hopeless. Alex had been the first guy I had strong feelings for ever since me and Danny had called it quits. Well, ever since I had left Danny for being such a pompous, arrogant, controlling, inconsiderate, verbally abusive and emotionally neglectful asshole.
“There, there, honey. Mama’s here. I’m right here for you. Just take your time, sweetie, and let it all out,” my mom said softly as she rubbed the small of my back in the same exact way that she used to do when I was a little girl.
“Oh, Mom, I just feel so confused and so heartbroken! What is it with men? If they’re not being thoughtless, self-centered egomaniacs, they’re cheating on you. I can’t seem to win for losing!”
“Sweetheart, I really don’t know. That’s why I stayed single after your father and I broke up. I felt that it was more important and worthwhile for me to invest in myself rather than to continue trying to invest in a man who would probably end up not being willing to do the same for me in return,” she stated solemnly.
She continued to rub my back and offer consolation in her own way. I knew she meant well, but her words really weren’t helping me feel any better. I loved my mother with my whole heart but I didn’t want to end up an old maid with nothing but my career and my cats to keep me company. Still, just being there with her in that quiet little house I grew up in seemed to help me relax, clear my head, and get my wits about me.
I still had absolutely no desire to speak to Alex, though—at least not yet, so I continued to block his attempts to contact me.
By mid-week, however, I was literally bored out of my mind. I had gotten out all of my crying and I’d taken a few days to relax but after that, it seemed like this old small town was nothing but a constant reminder of the reasons why I had left here in the first place.
All I could think about was how much I hated being here in this small, boring town. It was so different from the hustle and bustle of the fun, crowded, and exciting big city. Even if things between Alex and me didn’t work out, there was still so much more for me out in the city.
What had I been thinking when I had put in my termination notice?
My mother and I had both agreed that I should take a few days to focus solely on getting myself together and deciding exactly what I wanted to do. So, for the first few days of my stay, I kept my phone turned completely off and hadn’t checked any of my calls, texts, or voice messages. But, by Friday, I was completely losing my mind and suffering from an overload of boredom and monotony.
While my mother was out working her shift at the local hospital, I went ahead and turned my phone back on. The messages began to pop up one after the other until my screen was completely full and I knew I was going to have to scroll down forever just to be able to check them all.
“Well, no better time to get started,” I said aloud to myself with another quick sigh as I plopped down on the living room couch.