Dani shook. Every inch of her body felt bruised and battered from the inside out. It felt like someone had twisted her insides around over and over until nothing seemed to be in the right place anymore.

“He’s in agony you know.” Jeremy had taken to talking to her like they were girlfriends gossiping. “Not over you. He hates the fact that he hasn’t protected someone he’s contracted to protect. You’re like property to him.”

“We don’t have a contract.” Dani heard the words coming out of her mouth, but they sounded foreign. Her eyes were on Julian’s form. She couldn’t stand to see him like that. The last ten minutes had been hell. Jeremy had shifted his attention between the two of them. He would work Dani over with the prod and then zap Julian. Watching her big, strong man shake and writhe was worse than feeling the pain herself. She could take the pain, but not the agony of watching Julian’s pride fall away.

Jeremy stopped. “What do you mean?”

Dani tried to focus on him. “No contract.”

“I thought you were sleeping with him.”

“I didn’t write a contract on her, asshole.” Julian’s words sounded weary. He leaned back. “I never meant to keep her. She’s a vacation fling, nothing more.”

The words stung, but she knew what he was doing. He was trying to protect her.

But Jeremy didn’t seem to know what to do with that. “You don’t have flings.”

Julian laughed, but it was a shallow, bitter sound. “Shows what you know. I only came after her because you pissed me off.”

“Really?” Jeremy moved toward Julian. “I think you’re lying. I think you actually might give a shit about her. Why fucking her? Sally was more beautiful, and I hated Sally. Why women at all? Why do you need a fucking hole? I never understood that. I never understood why I had to share you with a fucking cow. Do you know how that made me feel?”

Even his eyes were wild now. He was building. She could feel it. Val cowered as much as she could. Dani tried to catch her eyes, but she was lost to terror. Lexi was unconscious in the corner. Julian was firmly bound, and even if he managed to get out, Dani doubted he would be able to move. He’d been hit several times with the Taser.

She managed to shift her feet. Her arms felt numb above her. The pain had gone away a long time before, but if she concentrated she could still move. She turned her head up to the ceiling. The crack was there, perfectly visible, simply too small to give her what she needed.

“I don’t care how you felt, you little prick. I never cared.” As tired as Julian sounded, the bile kept spewing out. Since that moment when he’d begged Jeremy to spare her, she’d watched as he retreated further and further into himself. There seemed to be nothing left but an indefatigable rage. And then she saw it. He moved his foot with purpose when Jeremy turned his back. He flexed and pointed it straight her way. The hardness was still in his eyes, but he wasn’t giving up.

“I knew that, too. And you call yourself a Master.” Jeremy reared his foot back and kicked Julian straight in the gut, the sound a dull, resounding thud that filled the room.

Beside her, Val cried out. She begged to no one in particular.

“Shut up!” Jeremy screamed the words. He dropped the cattle prod and shoved his hands in his hair, pulling and pulling.

“He’s crazy,” Val said, tears streaking down her face.

“You think?” Dani couldn’t help the sarcasm. If she gave in to the terror, she would be utterly useless. Sarcasm seemed safer. “What gave it away?”

Jeremy stopped and turned to her. The resolute look on his face nearly stopped her heart. He was done playing.

God, she wasn’t done. She wasn’t done with anything. She wasn’t done with life or love or any of it. She couldn’t die when she’d just started to figure out who she was. But her body didn’t agree. She couldn’t find the strength to pull anymore.

“Let’s see how much of a fling you are.” Jeremy spun her around until she was facing the window. At least she could see the sunlight.

“Fucking leave her alone!” Julian’s shout was hoarse. She could hear him pounding at something, most likely the floor. He was giving away too much. He was panicking.

“Not a chance,” Jeremy returned.

Dani shivered as she felt hands on the waist of her pants. She remembered his promise from before. He was going to do it. He was going to shove that damn prod where it shouldn’t go and turn it on. Her previously numb hands shook. How could she take this?

“Please.” There was a shaking cry to Julian’s words, and her heart broke. He was begging for her. It would kill a piece of him.

Jeremy’s voice shook with rage. “I begged you once, Julian. I cried and begged. It didn’t do me any good. It won’t do you any good, either. You don’t deserve forgiveness. You never have. There’s a reason you’re alone. There’s a reason terrible things happen to the people around you. I’m merely helping the universe along, Master.”

Jeremy pulled at her jeans, and Dani struggled. Tears filled her eyes. Nothing was working. She stared at the woods in front of her. She’d played in them as a child. She’d run through the woods pretending she was somewhere else. She’d never go anywhere, never be anything now. She’d seen a future, and now it was all about to end. He was going to kill her.

And then she saw him. He stood alone in the woods, his back to a pine, his face peering out.

Finn.

Finn had come for her. Numb or not, Dani felt a thrill of hope run through her body. She couldn’t see him plainly, but she knew it was him. A brief thought played in her brain. It could be a trick. Her mind could have made up the sight of Finn, like a mirage of an oasis in the desert, but something made her discount the idea. Even if it wasn’t true, she had to fight. She had to fight until she took her last breath. If Finn was out there, he was waiting for his chance.

She saw the rifle in his hands. He couldn’t shoot Jeremy because she was in the way.

Why was he alone? Where were Leo and Taggart and the police?

Suddenly there was a loud popping sound, and Dani thought she might know where they were. It sounded as though they were right outside the door.

“What the hell?” Jeremy jumped back.

Dani twisted her head to look at her kidnapper. He was staring at the door but made no move toward it. When she looked back at Finn, she could see the frustration in his stance. The rifle was up. He was waiting, but he couldn’t get a shot because she was in the way.

With a burst of energy she was sure she didn’t have left, Dani pulled her legs up. She brought her knees to her waist. Every ounce of her weight hung by that small hook. Her wrists ached, and she thought she could see a thin line of blood beginning to trickle from where the zip tie bit into her hands. She groaned.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jeremy asked.

“Danielle,” Julian started to call out to her, but he was interrupted by a long groan that came from the ceiling and finally, blissfully, a loud crack.

One minute Dani was suspended, and the next, her knees hit the hard floor. She jerked forward. She looked up, and Jeremy stood over her, a scowl on his face. The cattle prod was in his hand.

“You think that will stop me, bitch? Nothing is going to stop me.”

“Don’t you fucking touch her again,” Julian shouted. Dani could see he was pulling at his own bonds. His face was chalky white, but he fought, trying to get to her.

Jeremy practically glowed as he pulled the prod up. “No one’s going to stop me. Even if that was the cops, they’re too late to save her. Live with that, Master.”

She gasped as the sound of glass breaking cut through the air. Jeremy stopped and looked down at his shirt. A slight stain broke through the fabric, blooming like a rose opening to the sun. He staggered back as he was hit again. Two to the chest. He fell to his knees with a low groan.

“Was that the cops?” Val asked breathlessly. “The cops are here?”

“No, it was Finn,” Dani replied, struggling to get to her knees. Her legs felt wobbly, but she started to crawl toward Julian. He stared at Jeremy’s body, his gray eyes colder than she could ever remember.

The front door flew open with a crack. Jimbo strode in, rifle at the ready.

“He dead?” Jimbo looked down at Jeremy’s body. One side of his mouth quirked up. “Damn, he took out both lungs. Remind me not to get on Finn’s bad side.”

“Dani!” Finn burst in and completely ignored the body on the floor. He was at her side in a second, pulling her up and taking her in his arms. “Baby, I was so worried.”

“Get Julian out.” Dani couldn’t take her eyes off of him.

There was something about how still he was, how cold his eyes were that made her wonder if the worst wasn’t yet to come. He should be relieved, but there was nothing in the way Julian held himself that told her he was happy this was over. The rest of them were relaxed. Even Val was sagging into Jimbo’s arms as he pulled her off the hook. Julian was stiff, his gaze on Jeremy’s body as though he expected him to get up.

Finn kissed her cheek and helped her sit up. “Jim, you got a knife?”

Jimbo snorted as he reached into his pocket.

“Yeah, I know. Dumb question.”

Finn quickly sawed through the bindings on her hands and moved toward Julian. She got to her wobbly feet, rubbing her wrists. She bit back a groan as the blood started flowing again. The pain meant she was alive, so she would take it gratefully.

The minute Finn pulled Julian’s hands free, Dani tried to get into his arms. If anyone needed a hug, it was Julian. She remembered all the terrible things Jeremy had said to him. At least her torture had been purely physical. Jeremy had been ruthless in his mental torture of Julian.

“Are you okay?” Dani asked, trying to get close.

“I’m fine.” Julian turned to her, his face a blank mask. “You call the police now, unless Finn brought them with him.”

Dani shrank back. He might need a hug, but every signal he gave off told her he didn’t want one from her.

“Here, let me help you up, Sir.” Finn held out a hand.

Julian stared at it. “I’ll manage on my own.”

There was the sound of sirens and cars squealing up the road.

Jimbo held Val in his arms as he looked out the window. “Looks like the cops finally figured it out. Damn, I think that’s Jack Barnes’s truck. That kid there should be glad Finn killed him. I don’t think he would have liked what Barnes would have done with him.”

Finn knelt next to Julian, who struggled to get the Taser probes out of his chest. Finn reached down to help him, but Julian pushed his hands away.

“I didn’t tell you to touch me, sub. Back off.” Now Julian’s eyes had some life in them. Unfortunately, it was rage that Dani could see. He was so angry. He pulled the probes out and tugged the collar off. He tossed it away as though it was diseased.

“Come out with your hands up.” Someone was yelling through a bullhorn. Then Dani could hear someone shouting. “Damn it, Barnes. There’s a protocol involved in this.”

All she could see at first was a massive gun and then a huge man who looked an awful lot like Ian Taggart was sweeping his way through the room, that big gun in his hand.

“Clear,” the slightly smaller version of Taggart yelled.

Jack Barnes’s enormous form suddenly filled the doorway. He held a shotgun in his hands. His green eyes quickly surveyed the space. He looked down at Jeremy and then around the room.

The blond Viking of a man shouted out to the cops. “We’re going to need a bus! Two if you have them.”

“Lexi?” Barnes shouted the question through the small cabin. When he finally saw Lexi’s form, his face fell, and the shotgun was on the ground at his side.

Lucas Cameron shoved his way past his brother. He looked like a younger version of Jack, but his eyes were wild with worry. He was completely unkempt. He stopped when he saw Lexi’s still form.

“Oh, god, no, no.” He looked like he might fall over.

“She’s fine.” Dani prayed that she was telling them the truth. “She’s just unconscious.”

Lucas had tears rolling down his face as he knelt down next to Lexi and pulled her into his lap. He moved her dark hair out of the way and stared down at her.

“Is there anyone else, or was this bastard working alone?” There was an odd tremble to Jack’s voice, as though he was containing his emotion, afraid to let it out.

“He was alone. You can bring Abigail in.” Julian’s voice was perfectly steady. It scared the hell out of Dani.

Jack waved a hand and Abby rushed through the door, followed quickly by Leo and two police officers. Abby was at her daughter’s side in a heartbeat. Lucas had already gotten her bindings undone.

“Thank god, she has a pulse,” Abby said. Her hands moved up and down her daughter’s body, checking her.

Lucas wouldn’t let her go. He stood up. “We’re taking her to the hospital.”

Jack nodded. “I think we should take Julian and Dani, too.”

“Please, take Danielle. I need to stay and clear up all the legalities. Mr. Taggart, if you don’t mind.” Julian held a hand out to the other Mr. Taggart. With help from the new guy, Julian managed to get to his feet. Every movement was careful and seemed to take something out of him, but his face remained perfectly placid. “Sean, I would like a report, please. I take it you were with Jackson in Dallas when the call came in? Did you break land speed records?”

Sean Taggart inclined his head. “We were already on our way back and I know a few shortcuts. My Scout moves faster than you think it would. When we realized Lexi was likely being held here in Willow Fork, we made excellent time. Ian is on his way.”

“Excellent,” Julian said, completely ignoring everything around him, including her. “Go and make sure the ambulance is on the way and then call your brother and have him meet Jackson at the hospital. I want someone watching over them.”

“No, I’m not going to the hospital until you do,” Dani said.

Julian didn’t look at her, but his spine straightened. “You will do exactly what I tell you to. You will go with Jackson and get yourself checked out.” He looked to the man he’d called Sean Taggart. “Please inform the EMTs that she was hit several times, and he used a cattle prod on her, not to mention the fact that he drugged her. They need to check her for nerve damage. She was hung like a side of beef for far too long. She needs blood tests and a thorough physical.”

“I don’t need anything but you.” Dani felt herself choking up. Julian’s coldness felt worse somehow than the damn cattle prod. He’d come for her. He’d put himself in danger for her. Why wasn’t he holding her?

Finn’s arms came around her. “The ambulance isn’t going to be able to get through. It’ll be faster to drive out.”

“Sean, if you don’t mind,” Julian said.

“I can get them out of here quickly. I’ll make sure they’re safe,” Sean promised.

They were leaving Julian?

Finn nodded Sean’s way. “Come on, Dani. We’ll get in the truck. You and Lexi need to get checked out. Jim, can you bring Val?”

“Yes,” Jimbo said, nodding. “I think the drive will do her some good. I have a few things to say to her.”

Val’s eyes got wide. “I don’t know what it could be.”

“Nothing you’re going to like hearing, babe. And I think I’m going to start taking after this crowd. You give me trouble, and I’m going to spank that ass of yours.”

“You jerk. You touch me and I’ll call the cops.”

Jimbo shrugged. “The cops? You mean my uncle and my best friend? Good luck with that, babe.”

Jimbo strode out of the cabin, Val bitching in his arms.

“Come on, Dani.” Finn hauled her up as Lucas walked out of the cabin with Lexi. He turned back to Julian. “You feel free to take care of the legalities, Julian. I’ll take care of my girl.” He looked at the cops in the room who were staring down at the dead body. It was probably the first gunshot homicide they had ever seen. “If you want a statement, I’ll give you one. I killed that fucker because he messed with my girl. That’s my statement, and I’m sticking to it. If you need more, I’ll be at the hospital.”

Dani watched Julian’s face as Finn carried her out. He stood there, stoic and proud, though Dani knew he’d been utterly broken.

She might never be able to put him back together.

 

* * * *

 

“This is how you deal with tragedy?”

Julian gritted his teeth. Of all the people he didn’t want to deal with at this moment, Leo was the third. Danielle and Finn would be worse, but Leo was definitely not someone he wanted to talk to. He’d hoped Leo would stay in the main house. It was just his luck Leo had followed him to the guesthouse where Julian had spent twenty minutes packing his clothes and trying not to look at the bed where he’d taken Danielle and Finn.

Julian closed his suitcase and glanced at the clock. It had been hours, and there was still no word on when Danielle would be released. He’d spoken to the Taggarts earlier. After he’d finished with the police, he’d sent the entire security team to the hospital. Lexi was still unconscious and, though the doctors believed she would be fine, being kept overnight. Sam had already gone to the hospital by the time Julian had finished with the cops. Danielle was fine, Ian had informed him. They were waiting for her blood work and she would be released.

Julian intended to be gone long before then.

He turned to his troublesome employee. “I don’t consider Jeremy’s death a tragedy. I wish we’d killed him when we caught him trying to dose Lucas. As for my exit, I believe it will be easier for everyone to get on with their lives if I head home.”

Where he would never again try this whole huggy, love crap. The next time Jackson called, he would be busy. Jackson didn’t need him. Samuel didn’t need him. He would treat Leo as the employee he was from now on, and he would never again take a slave. He would fuck the subs in his club, but they wouldn’t belong to him.

He’d begged. He’d pleaded. God, he’d known that if Jeremy hurt Danielle the way he’d threatened to, he would have rather died than live knowing what he’d cost her. He couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t be in that position again. It wasn’t worth it.

“You’re running. Can’t you see that?” Leo asked the question on an exasperated sigh.

Of course he was running. He was running as fast as his not fully functional legs would take him. If he didn’t, Danielle would be here and he would have to deal with her. Finn would be here, with his hard eyes. He’d felt every inch of Finn’s wrath when he’d carried Danielle out of the cabin that had served as their torture chamber. He certainly hadn’t missed Finn’s pointed use of the word “my” when he talked about Danielle being his girl. Not “our” girl.

It was far better that way.

“I prefer to think of it as knowing when I’ve overstayed my welcome.” The next time he needed a vacation, he’d rent an island and go alone.

“I don’t think Dani and Finn are going to feel the same way.” Leo’s muscular arms were crossed over his chest. “I think they’re going to feel used, Julian.”

Acid burned in his gut. He knew how Danielle would feel. She would feel small. She would feel confused since he’d given every indication that he wanted her to come with him when he left. If he were in Danielle’s position, he would be very angry. But he wasn’t Danielle. Danielle wouldn’t be angry. Her heart would break.

“That isn’t my problem. I didn’t sign a contract. I owe them nothing.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue, but it was best to break the tie now. If he didn’t, he worried he would never break the tie. He would never be able to give them up. They would be the ones to leave. He couldn’t handle that.

“You and your contracts.” Leo’s eyes were rolling in a fashion that got Julian’s back up. “You think those contracts will protect you, but they can’t. If you had Dani and Finn sign a contract, they could still leave you. They could still die or fall in love with someone else or just decide they made a mistake. Believe me, I know. I signed a pretty fucking permanent contract, and years later I was signing divorce papers. Nothing is for certain.”

And that was precisely why Julian wouldn’t do anything like this again. “Thank you for making my point. As it happens, I’ve changed my mind about contracts. I don’t think I’ll sign another. I think I’ll keep everything casual from now on. Better for everyone.”

“It sure isn’t better for you. You’re not going to understand a word I say, but I’m going to say it anyway. Nothing is certain, but you got to try, man. You think I’m going to let the fact that my ex cheated deter me from finding someone else, someone to spend my life with? I’m looking. When I find her, I’m sure not going to let past heartaches keep me from future happiness.”

Julian felt his fists clench. Sanctimonious prick. Leo had no idea what he was talking about. Julian hadn’t had his wife walk out on him. He’d had his world destroyed. First by an accident, and then by his uncle’s neglect.

Jeremy had merely pointed out to him that it could all happen again. He’d almost taken Danielle from him. The hole in his life would have been huge, and he’d only spent a few days with her. What if he brought Danielle and Finn to live with him? How much would he ache when they left? The only way to protect himself was to not give a shit. Apathy protected him. It protected Danielle and Finn, too. He’d been the one to put them in danger. With the enemies he had, it could happen again. “Stay out of this, Leo.”

“I’ve stayed out of it for years. What are you so fucking afraid of?”

A low anger churned in his gut. Leo thought he could psychoanalyze him? Well, he knew a thing or two about his Dom in residence. Leo wasn’t as brave as he made himself out to be. “That is none of your business. And you’re quite the hypocrite to call me out. You have a doctorate, and yet you spend your time in a BDSM club spanking submissives. What a crock. Why don’t we talk about what happened in Afghanistan, Leo? You talk about that, and maybe I’ll think about listening to you. You’ve used my club to hide for years.”

Leo’s jaw firmed and a low snarl came from the back of his throat. “I might be hiding, but I’m not hurting anyone. I’m not letting people fall in love with me and then dumping them the minute the going gets tough. You know what? You’re a coward.”

Julian practically teared up in joy. This was what he needed. He reared back and let his fist fly, connecting firmly with Leo’s jaw. The younger man’s head snapped back, but Julian wasn’t through with him. Not by a long shot. He struck again, sending him stumbling back out of the doorway and into the playroom.

“Stop it, Julian!” Leo growled, holding his bleeding nose. “You hit me one more time, and I’ll hit back.”

There was nothing he wanted more. He punched Leo straight in his gut and was satisfied when he fell back over the spanking bench.

“Feel free,” Julian said.

Leo was on his feet in a second. “Maybe I’ll see if Dani wants to come to Dallas with me. You don’t give a fuck, right? I’d love to get into her panties. So soft. She looks so fucking sweet. Tell me something, Julian. How’s she in the sack?”

That hurt far worse than a fist to the gut. Julian was determined not to let the asshole see how much that hurt. The thought of his Danielle in Leo’s arms knocked the breath out of him, yet he was a consummate actor. “She’ll be quite suitable after she’s properly trained.”

There was a soft cry behind him, and Julian caught Leo’s grimace before he turned and saw Danielle, Finn, Jackson, and Taggart standing on the stairs. Danielle’s face was stark white and already tears were leaking. Finn’s hand curled into hers. Finn would always be there, his hand open to her, offering comfort and support.

Julian’s hands felt so cold.

“I didn’t think I was that bad.” Danielle’s eyes bore through him.

“He’s being an ass. He’s scared shitless, and he’s running,” Leo said. “It’s not a reflection on you.” Leo pushed past him. “And yeah, I know, I’m fired. Hell, I quit. If this job is years more of watching you shut everyone out, then I don’t want it. It’s gone past pathetic.”

Leo strode out of the room.

Jackson moved to allow the former SEAL to leave, then turned back to Julian. “I take it you’re leaving? Would you even have said good-bye? Forget about the fact that you’re walking out on the people you’ve been sleeping with. You were going to walk out without even finding out whether or not my stepdaughter is alive.”

“I talked to Taggart earlier.” It sounded like a pitiful excuse even to his ears.

Jackson was having none of it. “You know, I have always given you the benefit of the doubt. I know a bit about your past, so I let you act like a cold, unfeeling bastard because I knew it was only armor to protect yourself. I know, man. I’ve been there. But there comes a time to take off the armor and take a fucking risk. You can’t live like this the rest of your life.”

He could. He was going to. He stared at Danielle and Finn. Danielle, for all her curves, looked delicate and fragile. Finn’s eyes had changed during the course of Jackson’s speech. They had gone from angry to something softer, something that looked much more like pity. Julian hated that look. He would have greatly preferred Finn smacked him. He would have taken it.

“Leo was right, baby,” Finn said quietly. “Don’t take it wrong. He’s in love, and he’s scared out of his mind. He’s not being a Dom right now. He’s just a man in the end.”

“No one asked your opinion, Finn.” Why wasn’t he walking away? He should simply walk out. His feet wouldn’t move. He felt planted to the floor.

Finn stepped away from Danielle. “I know, Sir. Look, I’m going to lay it on the line. I think I’m falling in love with you. I know Dani is. I think we could be something amazing. I think we could make it. I want you, and I want Dani. I want to live together, and if it works, I want to have a family. I think this is forever, but if it’s not for you, then we’ll move on. We’ll be like a person who loses a limb. We’ll always miss you, but we’ll learn to walk again. It won’t be the same, but we won’t let losing you ruin us. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

He forced himself not to reach out and pull Finn in. The impulse was almost overwhelming, which was exactly the reason he should ignore it. He understood exactly what Finn was saying. Finn was saying that he, Julian, would be the only one to lose if he walked out. “It doesn’t matter. Believe what you want. This was a vacation fling for me. Nothing more.”

“You came for me. You put your life on the line to save me.” Danielle stepped up. Her blonde hair had escaped the ponytail she wore, and it wisped around her face. She looked tired. She needed to be in bed, being coddled and loved back to life.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t love her. “I would have come for anyone. I’m quite the humanitarian.”

She shook her head. “No, you aren’t. You’re a bastard, but I love you anyway. Does that count for anything?”

He couldn’t let it count. “No, Danielle. I’m going to leave, and I won’t see you again.”

Now she would plead. She would cry, and it would hurt his heart, but he had to let her go.

“All right, then.” There were tears in her eyes and a sadness that kicked him in the balls. “It wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I really, really hope you find someone. You just know that I’m out here, and I love you. If you need me, I’ll come.”

She backed away, though he felt her need. She wanted to put her arms around him. God, what was she thinking? She should be raging at him. She should shout and scream the place down. He’d used her, and now he was throwing her away. How could she say that she loved him?

“Why?”

She turned, startled by the question. “Why what?”

Julian knew he was being cruel, but he had to try to understand. “You keep offering. Everyone has refused, Danielle. You’ve told me your story. I’ve heard it from Finn and Jackson, too. Everyone in this town has rejected you in one way or another, yet you offer yourself again. Are you stupid? Is there something wrong with that brain of yours that you love the ache that comes with rejection?”

Finn started to respond, anger clearly taking the forefront again, but Danielle held her hand out.

She brushed her hair back. “Maybe I am dumb, Julian, but I won’t stop. I won’t stop trying to love people. I won’t cut my heart out and store it somewhere because life’s been crappy. If I do that, then all the people who stomped on me get to win. You taught me so much. You taught me that the world is a way bigger place than I ever thought it was. I want to know it, and I don’t just mean places and other people. I need to know me. If I spend the rest of my life closing myself off, I’ll never do that. As for loving you, well, it’s way more important to love than to be loved. Loving people makes us better, even when it’s not returned. So I’ll love you till the day I die, but I won’t stop living for you.”

He felt numb. Danielle was younger than him, with so little life experience, and yet she understood things he hadn’t begun to comprehend. Things he didn’t want to comprehend. They deserved better. He wouldn’t change. He would simply put them under a contract, and after a while they would just be slaves. He would never change.

Jackson shook his head as though disappointed. He put his hands on Danielle’s shoulders and looked down at her. He was in full-on Dom mode, and it raised Julian’s hackles.

“Dani, don’t worry about a thing. I’ll take care of you and Finn. I’ll make sure you get everything you need,” Jackson said.

Finn stepped up. “No, Sir. I appreciate that, truly I do, and I would love to be able to call you if we need something, but I’m responsible for her now, and she’s responsible for me. We’ll be fine. I’ve been reading up, and I think I can be what she needs. I can be a…what do they call it? A switch.”

Jackson stood back. “You’re wrong. A switch is merely someone who likes to both top and bottom. What you’re talking about is something different. You’re talking about doing whatever it takes to love a woman. We call that a husband, Finn.”

Finn took Danielle into his arms, and she buried her head in his neck. Her chest heaved up and down.

Julian brushed past Jackson on his way down the stairs. He’d been frozen in place before, but now he couldn’t move fast enough. He ran down the stairs. He couldn’t breathe. The sight of Danielle and Finn clinging to each other made him ache in a way he’d never thought possible.

The door slammed behind him, and he dragged long breaths into his lungs, but it didn’t help.

Distance. He needed distance. Once he was back in his condo, he would find his balance again. He needed normalcy. He needed control.

He needed his car.

“Take my truck.” Jackson stood in the doorway. He tossed the keys to his big black truck at Julian’s chest. They hit him and then the dirt at his feet. “It’ll take hours to get your car back. When the police are done with it, I’ll have someone drive it to you, or hell, you’re not attached to anything. You can buy a new one.”

There was a derisiveness to the younger man’s tone that normally would have set Julian off. Now all he could think was that he deserved it. He reached down to pick up the keys as Jackson walked into the house.

Julian stared after him. Jackson would walk in and soon he would be surrounded by his family. He would be enveloped in their warmth. Abigail and Samuel would open their arms to him. Jackson had once told him that Doms all too often forgot their subs owed them comfort, too.

How long had it been since arms had wound around him seeking nothing more than to comfort him? He’d treated his subs as something to show off, something to prove his status. He’d never once lost himself in one’s arms.

Until Danielle.

God, some of the sex he’d had with her had been so vanilla. It hadn’t been sex at all. He’d made love to her. He’d taken her with no protection. He might have made a baby with her. It was unlikely, but he’d taken the chance.

If he let her go, she would move on. Her heart was strong, stronger than any he’d known. She would build a life with Finn, and Julian would be on the outside, forever staring in. They would have a family, raise children. Perhaps they would even find another Dom.

And Julian? He could see his life, too. He would go on as he always had. He would play the generous benefactor. He would give of his money, sometimes his body. He would let his heart rot because it was a useless, dangerous thing. He would let those moments when he’d been abused and neglected rob him of everything that could have healed the hurt.

“It gets easier.”

Julian started and realized he wasn’t alone. Ian Taggart was standing across from him, his face a stony mask. “I’m sorry. You can go, Mr. Taggart.”

“Go where? Back to work? That’s what I have, you know. Work and sleep, and sometimes if I get desperate enough I’ll find a sub to fuck. I’ve learned a lot from you, Mr. Lodge. I always put them under a contract. I won’t touch anyone without a contract,” Taggart said.

Rules. He had so many of them. Jackson always told him that his rules would keep him from something good someday. Julian’s rules stated plainly that it was time to walk away. He stared at the guesthouse where he was sure Finn was holding Danielle while she cried. Rules and contracts. That was what his life came down to.

Those rules were his safe word. He’d been screaming his fucking safe word for twenty years.

“And it works? The contracts protect you?” He knew the answer, hated the fact that someone like Taggart would think to learn from him.

“It reminds me that I didn’t have one with her. Not one that stopped her from dying. Not one that stopped her from taking me with her when she went,” he replied.

“Her?”

“My wife, and if you ever mention her, I’ll kill you. No one knows about her. She’s dead and buried, and the best piece of me went with her, so I’m going to tell you how this goes because you taught me so much. It’ll hurt in the beginning. You’ll feel hollow, and nothing, no amount of liquor or drugs or fucking, will ever fill that place, so you let it be empty. You let it be hollow. And one day you realize you’re cold and that’s so much better than being warm. Because you’ll never be warm again, so welcome it, brother.”

Welcome the cold? A cold bed. A cold life. A life where he never spoke of them. Never talked about them. Never let anyone even know they had existed. “Your brother doesn’t know?”

“About my Charlie? No. I try to forget about her but she’s always there. Sometimes I can get through the night without dreaming of her, but not often. Maybe it’ll be different for you because you made this decision. You didn’t love them.”

“I did. I do.”

“No, you didn’t because if you loved them, you wouldn’t have walked away. I would sell my soul for one more minute with her. I would give away the rest of my fucking life to hold her in my arms one more time, and I hate that bitch as much as I ever loved her. She lied and used me, and I would give anything to be with her one last time so no, Mr. Lodge, if you can walk, it’s not love.” Taggart glanced over at his truck. “So why don’t you let me drive you back to Dallas and we can both get on with our pathetic lives.”

Could he stop? He thought he couldn’t change, but hadn’t he changed already?

There was something wet on his cheek, sliding down toward his mouth. He brushed it off and then gazed at his own hand. Tears. He was fucking crying. More and more rolled down his skin. Another broken rule.

He’d begged. He’d pleaded. He was crying. All broken rules. He had two choices. He could get into that truck and drive home and pull all those rules around him like a protective sheath.

“Or you can walk back into that house and thank god they’re alive and they love you,” Taggart said. “You fill that fucking hollow place inside with them and be whole. I’ll never be whole again. I’ll never be the me I was when I was with her. You could be better.”

He could be as brave as his Danielle, as steadfast as his Finn. He could sink into them and let them be a balm to his wounds.

If something happened down the line, at least he would know he’d loved them. At least he would know that he’d lived.

He dropped the keys in the dirt and, tears blurring the world around him, walked back into the house.