Chapter 15
He was inordinately fond of her, it seemed. That was the conclusion that Gideon came to as he sat in the bath looking at his bride to be as she lay on the bed a few hours later.
They had arrived at the inn only to find that there was only one room left. Emily looked a little pale and he suspected the shock she had received from nearly being killed by that carriage was contributing to her state. He really had no wish to carry on. Also, it was Sunday. Maybe this was what came of travelling on the Sabbath. It was the reason the inn was full so early in the day. Few people had travelled that day. Only him, the godless creature that he was, and he had debauched Lady Emily in his carriage.
He really did deserve to go to hell.
It had been wonderful though and it was not as if he was not going to marry the chit. Of course, he was. He had wanted to push his fingers inside her this afternoon but had refrained. She should be untouched in there on her wedding night. Even though he had to share a bed with her tonight, he would not touch her and he would not sully her further.
Though sully was probably the wrong word. She had enjoyed it and she had been more than willing. She’d understood what she had been doing and he’d given her the opportunity to leave his cock alone and get dressed. She had liked the feel of him. He smiled at that.
A rustling from the bed caught his attention and he looked up to see her propped on her elbows. He had stayed in the tap room while maids had bathed her and readied her for bed. He had organised dinner for later to be brought to their room and hot bricks to warm her in bed.
“Are you well?” he enquired.
She wiped her face with her hand and scowled. “Why have you put me to bed like a naughty child?”
“I had the maids put you to bed to warm you up. You looked like a ghost when we arrived here. I wanted to care for you, not punish you. You’ve had a terrible shock. You were nearly killed.”
“You had a terrible shock too.”
“True but men are made of sterner stuff and I was not the one nearly killed. Now lie back down so I can get out of this bath without you gawping at me.”
“I have seen you naked before.”
“Y-e-s, and look how that ended.”
Her blue eyes twinkled and he laid his head back against the tub. “I quite enjoyed how it ended actually.”
“Yes, well there shall be no repeat of it until we are married. I have to face your brother and I want to be able to tell him I have not debauched you. Well, at least not fully.”
“Oh, well, that is a little disappointing, I must admit. I thought since we were sharing a bed…”
“No, Emily. You shall be a virgin on your wedding night. I shall keep my hands to myself from now on.”
“It was not your hands I was thinking of, Gideon.”
Was she making a joke about his cock? Good God, she was. She was going to be the death of him. Dashed little hoyden that she was, but she made him smile and laugh, and God knew that given the current state of the country with this terrible weather and the failing crops, there was dashed little to laugh about.
“I shall be keeping that far away from you until our wedding night too. No more grabbing onto it as an excuse because there are ruts in the road, Lady Emily.”
“But what if there is nothing else to hold on to, my lord? You would not want me to be injured.”
“I swear, my lady, if you touch it again before our wedding night, I shall tie you up in my carriage and recite Homer to you for the rest of the journey—in Greek.”
“The Iliad or the Odyssey?” she asked. Impertinent little wench.
“Both,” he roared as he rose out of the bath, not caring that she was seeing him in all his naked glory yet again. Damn, this woman, she was frustrating, irritating, and damned wonderful. He just needed to be allowed to bed her, but his conscience would not allow him to go that far.
She lay there and watched him as though she was in a box at the theatre watching a play. She didn’t avert her eyes, or blush, or feign modesty. He concentrated on drying himself. His upper body, his wet hair and then his lower body. He was half-erect from her scrutiny. He was getting aroused by the fact that she was not the shrinking violet an innocent lady should be. He kept imagining striding over to the bed, pulling back the covers, insinuating himself between her legs and taking her. Quickly he pulled on a pair of clean breeches and a shirt. He would put on his stockings, neckcloth and waistcoat later. Dinner would not be served for another couple of hours and he did not much care if the men who came up for the tub saw him in a state of undress. He would pull the curtains around the bed so they would not see Emily in her nightgown.
She was still watching him and he could not help but be drawn to her. He crawled onto the bed and pulled her into his arms, him on top of the covers and her below.
“You should try to sleep for at least an hour.”
“I am not at all sleepy.”
“You were too busy peeping at me in my bath, were you not? It seems mighty unfair, Lady Emily, when I was in the taproom while you bathed.”
“So, you would like to see me naked again.”
“What one wants and what one should have are two different things. I would like a kiss, however.” He leaned over her and waited. She lifted her hand and drew his head down.
Gideon could not have said how long he kissed Emily for. It was a long time. He had never kissed anyone for so long or so thoroughly or with such gentle passion, but he enjoyed every minute. Normally a kiss was simply a prelude to sex. He never kissed innocents at balls. That was what one did if they were looking for a leg-shackle and until now, he had avoided that like the plague.
When there was a rap on the door, he called out to the men outside to wait for a minute. He drew the curtains around the bed and then let the men in. As they dragged the hip bath out, he smiled to himself at the memory of her lying in the bed, her lips swollen, her chin red from his day beard and a faint blush colouring her cheeks when he winked at her just before he pulled the drapes tight. Was Lady Emily developing a tendre for him? Was she fascinated by more than just the size of what was inside his breeches?
When the door clicked shut he opened the curtains. Emily was looking dismayed.
“What’s wrong now?” he asked, sounding harsher than he meant.
“Do you think they thought we were… well… you know?”
“Emily, considering you are an innocent, your mind seems to constantly be straying to the topic of sex. I told the staff, you had fallen, hence the dirty clothes. They no doubt thought you were sleeping, which is what you are supposed to be doing.”
“I do not feel like sleeping.”
He walked over to his valise, opened it and pulled out a book. He deposited it on the bed beside her. “Then read. Though I am not sure you should be reading books with romantic themes like Mansfield Park. You have a vivid enough imagination as it is.”
“Perhaps I should become an author.”
“Heaven forbids. I hate to think what lurid gothic novel would come out of that unfettered imagination of yours.”
She picked up the book and started to flick through it. She was not reading. She was not even trying to find her page, for he had given her a bookmark and it was sticking out of the book. She was frowning. Her head was down. Was she upset?
Suddenly she tossed the book aside and turned onto her side, curled up into a ball.
“Emily?”
“I am tired. I should sleep.”
“You are upset with me. I was teasing.”
“No, Gideon. You were not. What you say is true, even if you were.”
He sighed. This was not silly female hysterics. The young lady he was about to marry was crippled by self-loathing and self-doubt. Even some gentle teasing made her feel worthless and while someone else would laugh it off, Emily took it to heart. In many ways, he was glad he’d had this time alone with her before they wed. Now he knew. Now he could help her. He wasn’t sure how but he could do something.
“Emily?” She sniffed. It told him that she was crying but also that she had heard him. “Emily, my darling, please sit up and listen to me.” He had no clue what he was going to say, but whatever it was, it was going to come from the heart.
“I think you should not marry me, my lord. Leave me at my brother’s house. I shall be fine. I do not need to go back to town. You shall not be harmed by the scandal of a failed elopement. I can stay in the country and tend the garden.”
“Not in this weather. Who knows how many years this rain might go on for.”
She turned onto her back and wiped her wet eyes. “That is not funny, my lord. People are beginning to starve. You said so yourself.”
“I know, but it’s not funny that you think yourself so unworthy of marriage, a home and happiness that you would throw it over because I was teasing you.”
“But what you say is true, my lord. I speak out of turn, I am clumsy, I nearly got myself killed today, I do not think before I act, I let my imagination run away with me, I have been wholly inappropriate. I am obsessed with the act of… sex.” Her eyes were wide with horror. He wanted to laugh but he tamped down the urge. He placed his hands under her shoulders and pulled her into his embrace. She resisted at first and then her arms were around him and fresh tears were flowing. He allowed her to weep. He had a feeling this was years of pain she was letting go.
He pressed kisses into her hair as her sobs subsided and she started simply to sniffle. He had no handkerchief on him. Stroking his hand down her long braid, he spoke.
“You have told me what you think of yourself and how you believe others view you, now let me have my say. I may not have known you more than a week or so, but I am coming to know a delightful, funny, intelligent, witty, sensual, beautiful young woman who is curious about the world around her. We are both very different kinds of people, Emily. We need to learn to live together and learn each other’s ways. That’s the case in all marriages, I would presume. You have given me a litany of what you perceive to be your faults. I could give you a long list of my faults. It seems to me that you only see your faults and none of the wonderful things that everyone else sees. Take Sophia for instance.”
“What about Sophia.”
“Do you trust her.”
“Of course. She is my very dear friend.”
“And you are hers. She trusts you, she likes you—nay loves you, as she speaks of you often. Do you think my sister a ninny?”
“Indeed not.”
“Then why do you doubt her judgement when it comes to choosing friends? She chose you. She likes you. Sophia sees many wonderful gifts that you have.”
Emily pulled back and gave him a sceptical look. “I feel like you have tricked me by using your sister.”
“There is no trick. Sophia makes up her own mind about people and, as you know, she does not suffer fools gladly.”
“That is true.” Emily smiled. He had a feeling she was remembering something that Sophia had said or done about some young lady of the Beau-Monde.
“Let me find you a handkerchief. I have no doubt that we have quite a distance to go before you feel happy about who you are and what type of person you are, Lady Emily, but I shall be your husband and I shall be there with you every step of the way.”
“Even when I fall flat on my face?”
“With luck, I shall be there to catch you every time.”