“This is the place!”

Even though he’d slept a full night and seemed to be back on Tennessee time, Roman looked dazed as his gaze followed Oscar’s gestures.

The studio was shabby right now—it needed some interior work, and Oscar had put off thinking about exactly what that would entail.

“The apartment’s at the back,” Oscar added and strode over to the longest wall. “Obviously this is where I’ll put the mirrors. The floor will be the biggest cost, but the guy from the small business development center is willing to work with me.”

“The… papers are signed?”

“Yep.” Oscar was still limping and feeling constricted by his brace, but at least he was walking on his own again. The brief rest period had done wonders to get him through that stage of healing. He couldn’t push it, so they were heading straight home again after this, but being able to move—even a little—lifted Oscar’s spirits. “Scary, huh?”

“I’ll say,” Roman agreed.

Oscar gradually grew aware that Roman hadn’t said much about this place or the deal at all. “So, uh, what do you think?”

“Of the place?” Roman looked around as if assessing it.

“Of everything.”

Roman blinked at him. “Um. That’s a… broad question.”

“It’s a broad situation,” Oscar teased, wrapping an arm around Roman. He hadn’t realized how much he’d grown used to leaning on Roman, despite his initial bruised pride. Even now, he found himself kind of liking it.

Especially when Roman’s arm slid around his shoulders and pulled him against his chest. Oscar hummed with contentment as Roman’s arm stayed around him.

“I guess… I just don’t know what’s gonna happen now. I’ve gotten kind of used to this,” Roman admitted.

Oscar nodded slightly. “But I need to be independent, too.” He couldn’t make Roman do all the work here—support him, house him, hell, feed him sometimes. Not only did it rub him wrong because of who he was, but it didn’t seem like relationship material.

“I get that.” Roman sounded glum, though. “So, the apartment?”

“Oh, it needs some work before it’s livable,” Oscar shook his head. “It’s only a little studio. I’m gonna come here tomorrow and make a list of everything I need to do.”

“Okay.” Roman squeezed his shoulders. “I’m glad you’re gonna do something you want to do. That has to feel good.” His tone sounded forced, but Oscar wasn’t about to question the sudden change of heart.

“It’s cool. It’s really… good.” Oscar’s words failed him and he laughed sheepishly. “I just felt so useless.”

“You’re not,” Roman said immediately and fiercely. “Stop that.”

“We’ve been through this before, haven’t we?” Oscar chuckled.

Roman grunted and let him go, then wandered around the place, his eyes everywhere but Oscar’s face. “I like it. I can see the potential,” he said.

“Just like me,” Oscar chuckled under his breath. He gestured around. “Someday, the light will touch all this, and it will be mine. Or something.”

Roman laughed. “Yeah, it could use the newspaper off those windows. That’ll help.”

“Will it ever.” Oscar couldn’t wait for some more physical work. As long as he didn’t push that knee, he could put his upper body to work renovating. Plus, there were a thousand minor details suddenly on his mind: he had to figure out a class schedule, advertise himself, find students and start running classes. The deposit on this place had drained a good chunk of his savings. He could only float a few months’ mortgage payments without bringing anything in. Roman touched his shoulder, bringing him out of it. “Huh?”

“I said,” Roman chuckled, “you look like you could use a neck rub. Come on, let’s get home.”

“Sorry. I’m gonna be a basket case for a while,” Oscar told Roman with a quick grin.

Roman shrugged. “Me, too. It happens. I think it’s part of being an adult.”

“Yeah. I guess so,” Oscar admitted. He sidled closer to Roman until he could lean into him again. “Okay, I’m sick of bank meetings and lawyer meetings and paperwork out the ass. Let’s just go cuddle. If we hurry, we can make it home to a HGTV marathon and yell at the assholes looking for a half-a-million house with a hundred fifty.”

“Sounds perfect.” Roman sounded distracted again, but he took Oscar’s hand and walked at his pace as they made their slow way out to the car.

Something had been off since he’d gotten back last night. As they’d fetched Roman’s car, as Roman had given him the sweetest gift of ridiculous salt and pepper shakers from abroad to apologize for leaving so suddenly, something had still been hanging in the air between them.

Oscar swallowed hard, nervous for the first time in a while at the prospect of cuddling with Roman, only silence to fill the space between them.

But he’s still here for me.

* * *

The first couple minutes of leaning into Roman made Oscar’s stress drop from a seven to four. He didn’t even realize he was leaning his head on Roman’s shoulder until Roman nudged him away enough to kiss him.

“What’s up?” Oscar finally asked after a few minutes of the dreaded silence. It was difficult to handle while knowing there were still things up in the air between them. Seeing Roman stare into space and not knowing what was behind those beautiful eyes made him uncomfortable as hell.

“Huh?”

“Something’s bothering you. Is this a good time to talk?” Oscar pressed. “I think we’re supposed to do that.”

Roman winced. “Oh. Yeah. Sorry.” He cleared his throat, loosely draping his arm over Oscar’s shoulders. “There’s just a lot to think about, what with your new studio and my job and stuff.”

Oscar could feel him trying to deflect. He kicked Roman’s ankle gently. “Try again.”

“Like an old married couple already,” Roman grumbled teasingly. “I mean, you’re… moving out?”

“Well, I have to fix up the apartment first,” Oscar said slowly. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this so fast. God, he’s basically been away this whole time. But it’s not his say what I do… “Why?”

“I dunno. I just… want to do what makes you happy. But… if it’s anything I did…”

“Oh, fuck.” Oscar hadn’t realized until now how Roman might take it, what with his habit of overcommitment. “No, hon. It’s just… we should date like regular people, right? Come over and see each other sometimes, go out to eat, you know. That stuff. And then there’s Christmas. I should be moved out in time for that.”

Roman looked skeptical. “I guess. Do you want to?”

“I guess. Do you?”

Roman shrugged and nodded. “It sounds… okay…”

He doesn’t want me around? Oscar’s brow furrowed, and he rubbed his forehead. The exhaustion from the whole damn process of buying his first property had set in, making it hard to think straight.

It wasn’t aided by his own anxiety. The more he thought about it, the more worrying it was that they were already having this much trouble talking. They’d gotten too close too fast, and the idea that he could fuck up the relationship that way was scary.

Oscar had never had something like this, and he didn’t want to lose it. Or, he realized, he didn’t want to be the last to know when it was already lost. He’d always been the first to leave.

And nobody ever wants me to stay. Not really.

Oscar rose to his feet. “I think I’m gonna go pick up supplies so I can start tomorrow before the stores open.” Might as well put his goddamn dawn rising habit to use. And get out of here before he cried all over Roman like a clingy boyfriend.

“Okay.” Roman looked confused, but his acceptance somehow irritated Oscar even more.

“Okay.”

Oscar was halfway to the door when Roman’s phone went off. Despite the annoyance and frustration and anxiety churning away in his stomach, he couldn’t help but listen in to Roman’s end of the conversation.

“Yes, it’s Roman. Sorry, when? Today? Uh…” Roman looked up at the wall clock. “Yeah, I can make it. Okay. Thanks.”

“Work?” Oscar didn’t mean it to sound as catty as it did.

Roman flinched. “Sort of, yeah. HR meeting.”

Oscar paused, his jacket halfway on. “What?”

“It’s nothing. I’ll explain later. I gotta go if I’m gonna—no, I’ll change first. Have fun at the hardware store, babe.” Roman headed for the master bedroom at a brisk stride.

Oscar stared after Roman, then looked at the door. “Need me to come along?” he called out after a moment of indecision. The distance between them had never been present before, and he didn’t know what to do about it.

“No, it’ll just be boring waiting around,” Roman answered. “Go have fun pottering around the new place. Don’t forget we’re meeting the guys tonight.”

Right… it was Friday again. Oscar’s days had been filled with enforced rest or frenetic meetings, and no in-between.

How they were gonna explain all of this if anyone asked, he didn’t know. He welled up but rubbed his eyes with frustration. If Roman had some work thing going on, that would explain everything. Now wasn’t the time to push his issues onto him again.

“Good luck. See you later,” he managed without his voice cracking, then slipped outside.

I’m a shitty boyfriend anyway, he thought as he headed for the car, rubbing the wetness from his eyes with his thumbs. If this is the beginning of the end, it’s probably better for us both.