Chapter Seven

Kendra

I felt guilty for sneaking around and letting my parents believe I’d been spending the nights with girlfriends when I’d really been with Drake, so I decided to come clean.

“Hey,” I said, walking into the kitchen, where my mama was chopping vegetables on a cutting board at the counter. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Slow cooker stew for dinner,” she said, smiling.

“Need any help?”

“I’m almost done, but pull up a stool and talk to me. I feel like I’ve barely seen you since you’ve been home, and before we know it it’ll be time for you to leave again.”

I got an unfamiliar pang when I thought about leaving now. For the past six months, I’d been excited about my adventure in Africa, but now I was questioning everything. The people who loved me raised some good points about my safety, but the real reason I was debating my trip was Drake. After spending the last few nights in his arms, I knew it would be harder than ever to leave.

I pulled a stool up and propped my chin in my upturned palm. “So, um, I haven’t been with Lindy the last few days.”

“I assumed as much.”

“You did?” I didn’t know why I was surprised. My parents always seemed to be one step ahead of me. I assumed it was because my brother had already broken them in, pulling every stunt in the book as a teenager.

“Sure, but I don’t know why you felt the need to lie to us about it, honey. You’re a grown woman. If you’re involved with someone, you don’t have to hide it from us.”

I bit my lip, wondering how she would feel about the news that I was seeing their son’s best friend. I knew they loved Drake as a person, but would they think he was a suitable partner for me? “The thing is it’s, uh, Drake.” I held my breath, waiting for her response.

“Hmmm.”

“That’s all you’re going to say?” I needed her to list all the reasons it was a bad idea, or smile and tell me she couldn’t have chosen a better man for me and was thrilled. Something. I just hated indifference.

“Would it really matter what I said if you two are committed to each other?”

“Did I say anything about making a commitment?”

Mama laughed as she transferred the vegetables from her cutting board to her slow cooker before setting to work on the beef. “I know Drake. No way is this a casual thing for him.”

“How can you say that? Drake has had plenty of casual… relationships over the years. Why would it be any different with me?” It was different. I felt it every time he touched me. I believed him when he told me he loved me and was convinced I was his forever, but I wanted to know if my mama had seen the signs too.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one else is looking. Your father’s seen it too. So believe me, this is no surprise to us.”

It proved how clueless my big brother was, that he’d missed the same signs that had been so obvious my parents. Or maybe he just didn’t want to see it. If he could turn a blind eye to it, he could pretend his best friend wasn’t falling for his baby sister.

“I just don’t know what to do.” I snagged an apple from the bowl of fruit on the counter and bit into it, feeling restless, needing something to do. “I’ve been planning a trip like this after graduation for as long as I can remember. I knew I wanted to take this year to work in a different country, to help underprivileged kids, but I’ve also, um, had feelings for Drake for a long time too.” That was putting it mildly. When we’d lived in the same town, I’d been obsessed with the man. Putting some physical distance between us was the only thing that allowed me to gain a little perspective.

“How does Drake feel about you leaving now?”

“He hates it.” I sighed. “He wants me here, with him, where I’m safe. You know him. He likes to control everything and he thinks if I’m thousands of miles away without him, something terrible could happen.”

My mama was trying so hard to hide her fear, but I could see it in her eyes when she looked at me. I imagined someday I’d experience the same thing with my own kids. I’d want to protect them, but they’d want to explore and test the boundaries and I’d have no choice but to let them go. And pray for their safety.

“Something terrible could happen,” she said, adding the beef to the mix. “But I suppose something terrible could just as easily happen here. There are no safe bubbles in the world where you’re insulated from bad things happening.”

That was true, but we lived in a small town where a lot of people still didn’t lock their doors at night. “I never thought I’d be having these kinds of doubts about leaving. I was so sure this was what I wanted to do. But then, I never planned on Drake either.”

“Love sometimes happens when you least expect it, doesn’t it? That’s the way it was for me and your daddy too. We met just before he graduated college. I was still a freshman so I had to get through the next few years without him. It was torture.”

I’d heard that story countless times, but I never tired of hearing it. My parents had figured out the recipe to a successful marriage, and I knew I could learn a lot by watching and listening to them.

“It wasn’t easy for me going off to college either. Me and Drake kind of… connected before I left. I was so sure he’d want to do the long-distance thing, but when he didn’t, I was devastated.”

She gave me a knowing smile. “I could tell something was bothering you when I drove you up to school that morning. You were so quiet and I was expecting excited chatter the whole way. So Drake was your first?”

I knew I shouldn’t be embarrassed talking about sex with my own mama, but she knew Drake so well and I didn’t want my revelation to change the way she treated him. “Yeah, he was.” I shrugged. “I’d never wanted anyone else. I guess I kind of saved myself for him.”

“I’m glad you waited to be with someone you loved. Someone who would take good care of you.”

I didn’t even have to ask how she knew Drake had taken good care of me. He was a born caretaker. Anyone who knew him knew that. “You think it’s even possible to know what love is at eighteen?” I asked, working my way around my apple. “I mean, I thought I did. But what I felt for Drake then can’t even compare to what I feel for him now. This feels like… forever. And that scares the hell out of me.”

“Why is that?” she asked, looking amused as she added water and seasoning to her meat and vegetables before turning the slow cooker on.

“I’m too young to be thinking about forever, aren’t I?”

“I don’t know about that, baby. Your daddy and I were younger than you, and we knew we wanted to spend our lives together.”

“Yeah, but things are different now, Mama.” I tossed my apple core in the trash with a heavy sigh. “Folks are waiting a lot longer to get married. They’re traveling, exploring, finding themselves. Marriage and babies come later. Much later.”

She giggled as she filled the sink with soapy water instead of setting the dishes she’d used in the dishwasher. “Baby, you forget we grew up in the sixties. Our generation coined the term ‘finding myself’.”

“You didn’t have the urge to do that?” I asked. “You know, explore, meet new people, explore different cultures, before you settled down with Daddy?”

“I’d always been a homebody, so making a life with him was the only thing I ever really dreamed of doing.” She smiled. “And it’s been a good life. I certainly have no regrets. But you, you’ve always had a bit of wanderlust, haven’t you?”

I had a scrapbook of all the places I wanted to visit. I started it the summer I turned ten and have been filling it with clippings ever since. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“You know, exploring the world and being in a relationship don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Maybe it’s something you and Drake could do together?”

“I don’t know. He’s never talked about wanting to travel.” I shrugged. “Besides, he has the shop. It’s a big commitment.”

“I have a feeling that man would do just about anything to make you happy, Kendra.”

“How can you say that?” I laughed. “Until ten minutes ago, you didn’t even know we were a couple.”

“Drake is a part of this family. He has been ever since your brother brought him home for dinner the first time. You think he’d jeopardize that if he wasn’t sure you were the woman he wanted?”

I knew how much Drake loved and respected my family. “No, I guess not.”

“I’ve watched him grow up,” she added. “And I’ve told your father a dozen times the woman who finally captures his heart will be a lucky lady, indeed.” She smiled as she looked at me. “I always hoped it would be you. I knew he’d take good care of you.”

“Mama, I don’t think women today are supposed to be looking for a man to take care of them. We’re supposed to be able to take care of ourselves.”

She rolled her eyes. “Trust me, anyone who’s been married as long as I have knows that’s nothing but a crock. You’ll take care of your husband. He’ll take care of you. That’s just the way it is. Or the way it should be, if you have a good marriage.”

I’d never thought about it like that. I’d been so focused on becoming a strong, independent woman that I’d never allowed myself to entertain the idea of a man taking care of me. But damn, I did love the way Drake took care of me. Especially in bed.

“A good man can make your life easier, darlin’. And so much better.” She rinsed the dishes she’d washed and set them in the old-fashioned drying rack built into the second sink. “We’re not meant to go through this life alone. At least I don’t think we are. If you have a partner you can count on, you never have to worry about that.”

“I guess you’re right.” I could always count on Mama to impart her wisdom, give me something to think about, even when I thought I had it all figured out.

“Just ask yourself this, given the choice, going it alone or having Drake by your side, which would you choose?”

That was a no-brainer. “I’d choose him.”

She smiled before drying her hands and pulling me into a long embrace. “Then choose him, baby. Choose him.”

***

Drake

I was surprised when Kendra’s mama showed up at the shop and invited me to lunch at the diner across the street. We were close, but she’d never done that before, so I had to assume her daughter clued her in about where she’d been spending her time since she’d returned home.

Once we’d ordered, Lorraine said, “So Kendra tells me you two have been seeing each other.”

“Yeah.” I shifted, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden. “I know I probably should have talked to you and John about it first, but—”

“Nonsense.” She waved off my concern. “Our daughter is a grown woman. You certainly don’t need our permission to date her.”

“I want you to know how much I care about her.” I was tired of hiding my feelings for Kendra. I wanted everyone to know the truth. “I’m in love with her. I want to be with her… for as long as she’ll have me.”

She smiled, sweetening her hot tea with a packet of sugar. “I suspected as much. I’m glad to hear you finally know what you want.”

“You don’t sound surprised.” I brought the coffee cup to my lips as I regarded the woman I hoped would one day be my mother-in-law. I already loved her like a mother, but I wanted to make it official.

“Why would I be?” Her lips twitched with amusement. “I’m not blind, honey. I see the way you look at my daughter. I was just wondering how long it would take you to admit to her, and everyone else, that you’re in love with her.”

I chuckled. “I was trying to give her the time and space she seemed to need to figure things out for herself. Your daughter is pretty headstrong, and I love that about her, but it means no one can tell her the way it should be.”

She laughed. “Don’t I know it. You remember the challenges I had with that girl as a teenager, don’t you? The hair, the makeup, the clothes, the boys.” She shuddered. “Thank God she’s past that stage.”

I hadn’t thought much about her then. She’d been too young. Just another sister of one of my buddies. But once her senior year rolled around, all that changed. I started to become aware of her, and the fact that she seemed to light up any room she walked into.

“But she’s entering another phase,” I said, running my thumb over the handle of my mug when I set it back down on the table. I watched the repetitive action, cursing the fact I felt so helpless. “And I don’t think you’ll have any more influence over her now than you did then. Lord knows I don’t.”

“Then you’ve tried to talk her into staying?” I could see the anxiety in her eyes and knew it must be reflected in mine. We both hated that she was leaving, but didn’t know how we could convince her to stay without standing in the way of her dream.

“Of course I’ve tried, but I’m not sure that’s even possible.”

“I can think of one thing that might convince her,” she said, running her fingertip around the edge of her cup. “But I’m not sure if you’d be willing to consider it.”

I didn’t feel good about talking strategy with Kendra’s mama behind Kendra’s back, but what other choice did I have? “I’ll consider just about anything at this stage of the game.”

“You could always ask her to marry you.”

I shook my head slowly, wishing that were a possibility. “She’s not ready for that yet. It may be a few years before she is.” I leaned forward, resting my forearms on the table. “And I’m okay with waiting, if that’s what she needs me to do. But I won’t be the guy who pressures her into a commitment she isn’t ready to make. That wouldn’t be fair.”

“But you do want to marry her?” Lorraine pressed.

“I feel like this is something I should be talking to you and John about, when the time is right, buy yeah, I definitely want to marry her.” Before she could respond, I raised my index finger. “When she’s ready.”

“How do you know she’s not ready now?” she asked, sounding frustrated. “Have you asked her?”

“Look, I get what you’re trying to do. You’re scared for your baby and you see me as the only person with the influence to convince her to stay.”

“You are!”

“You’re wrong.” I sighed. “She has to make this decision on her own.” I’d lost a lot of sleep sorting through this in my mind, and that was the only conclusion I could come to. It had to be her decision. If it wasn’t, and she felt pressured, she’d only end up resenting us and I couldn’t live with that.

“Do you have any idea of the kind of danger she’d be putting herself in over there?” Her eyes filled with tears, which she quickly blinked away. “I’m scared to death for her, Drake.”

“So am I.”

Every day she was over there would feel like a prison sentence to the people who loved her, but I equated it to people who had loved ones in the military. They were scared for them, but they had to let them go. It was their calling. Just like this appeared to be Kendra’s calling.

“But…?”

“I can’t claim to love her then try to stand in the way of something she wants as much as she wants this. What kind of man would I be if I did that?”

She pursed her lips. “I hate that you’re being so rational about this. I don’t want you to be. I want you to be irrational. I want you to be as panicked as I am so you’ll want to figure out a way to help me keep her here. You’re my last hope. John tells me I have to let her go. Her brother claims he’s talked to her and she won’t listen to reason. Even Lindy’s gotten nowhere with her. I don’t know where else to turn.”

I squeezed her hand. “It’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t know that.” She sniffled as she pulled a paper napkin from the dispenser. “I was so thrilled when I heard she’d gotten involved with you because I know the kind of man you are. You’re strong, opinionated, domineering—”

I chuckled. “I don’t think you meant that as a compliment.”

“In this instance, I do. Because I was so sure there was no way you’d let her go. Now you’re telling me you’ve just given up.”

I understood Lorraine felt desperate. I did too, but she knew her daughter as well as I did. There was no way I could start issuing orders and expect, for a second, that Kendra would simply obey me.

“Honestly, I love your daughter because she stands her ground. With me and everyone else. She doesn’t let anyone tell her what to do or push her around. So how can I say that I love that about her in one breath, and in the next breath ask her to put what I want ahead of what she wants?”

“You’re right,” she said, releasing a shuddering sigh. She tapped her temple, then her heart. “Up here I know that. But down here… not so much.”

I smiled as I leaned forward, covering her hand with mine. “You’ve raised an amazing woman. She’s willing to put her own life on the line to help kids who need someone like her to care about them.” And I loved her even more for that, because I knew if she could give so much of herself to someone else’s children, her love for ours would know no bounds.

“You’re right,” she said, taking a deep breath as she squeezed my hand. “I just have to hold on to that.”