Yale University

Thirteen years before

 

Roman Calder rolled off the bed, not bothering to don the robe he’d slung over the desk. It lay in a heap, along with the rest of the clothes that had gone flying last night when Augustine Spencer had walked into his house.

“Have I told you that you have the most spectacular butt I’ve ever seen?” Gus lay on her side, the sheet only covering her below the waist. She cradled her head in one hand, the skeins of her caramel hair draping down to the mattress as she slid him the grin that never failed to tempt him. Sometimes Roman was sure Eve had used the same smile to tempt Adam when she’d offered him the apple and encouraged him to take a juicy bite.

That’s exactly who Augustine Spencer was to him, Eve seducing him away from paradise with a desire he found almost impossible to resist.

It probably sounded crazy to most that his version of paradise was the grind of the political world. He would begin his first campaign in a few weeks, running Zack Hayes’s bid to become a senator. They were young and taking a gamble by going big, but Zack’s father—a political animal himself—had identified a district hungry for new leadership. If Roman did everything he should, this would be their first step on the road to the White House—straight to the money, power, fame, and control he’d always craved.

So why was it that all he wanted right now was to climb back in bed with Gus and shut out the world?

Unable to resist, he sat beside her and smiled her way, caressing the silky cascade of her hair. He loved when she looked sated and mussed. She was usually meticulous, hair in a chic bun or twist, but when he tugged on it and the curls came tumbling down, it was like a massive cloud around her. That hair went everywhere, touching him, brushing his skin. Arousing the hell out of him.

“Well, you know I work hard. A lawyer is only as good as his glute routine.” He winked as he settled his palm on her lush hip. “But I need more cardio if I’m going to keep up with you.” He winced. “I’ll need it even more if your brother ever finds out about us. Why did Dax have to turn into such a badass?”

Daxton Spencer was one of his best friends. In fact, there were six in his group. They’d all met at Creighton Academy and remained close, despite anything and everything prep school—and life—had thrown at them. They’d finished Yale together. Recently, he and Zack had completed law school. Now they were at a crossroads. Gabriel Bond and Maddox Crawford were already in New York working at their family businesses, well on the way to taking over their respective multibillion-dollar birthrights. Dax had followed in his father’s footsteps and joined the Navy after Yale, quickly rising through the ranks. Connor Sparks was at Langley, a valuable recruit of the CIA. He claimed he was an analyst. Roman deeply suspected otherwise.

It had been nearly a year since he’d fallen into bed with Augustine. She’d been in her last year of law school then. He’d known her since adolescence, of course. But she’d come over one night to help him prep for an exam…and wound up in his bed.

He’d hardly let her out of it since—not that he had to try hard to keep her there. Gus loved sex as much as he did.

They’d quickly fallen into a routine, but they shared nothing close to what he’d call normalcy. If Roman could count on anything in his relationship with Gus it was that if they weren’t fighting, they were fucking. They fought about politics, heated arguments that would inevitably lead him to throw her over a sofa and thrust hard into her from behind. They argued about social issues. A disagreement about a Supreme Court decision had once led to them breaking the breakfast table. He hadn’t even cared. They’d hit the ground with a bounce and he hadn’t broken rhythm at all. He’d had to concoct a good excuse the next morning, and he still wasn’t sure Zack had bought it.

“What do you mean? Dax is a sweetie,” Gus said, rolling onto her back, a move that left her generous breasts totally available to him. “Besides, he’s going to find out sometime.”

God, he loved those breasts. They were full and soft, with pretty pink nipples. And so responsive. Sometimes he could make her come simply by sucking on them. He palmed one, his brain only half on the conversation. “I don’t see why. He’s barely home now. When he comes back, we’ll cool things off for a bit so he doesn’t know anything.”

She sat up abruptly. “That won’t work forever, Roman.”

The sudden flare in her eyes told Roman that he was on dangerous ground, that he’d stepped into something better left untouched.

He sighed and reached for her hand. “Let’s not worry about that now, Gus. I don’t have long before the bubble of school is over, when we’ll have to move on. Can’t we spend our time happy?”

He wanted peace with her. He wasn’t sure why but she sometimes seemed to delight in pushing his every button, keeping him off-kilter. Yet he was drawn to her time and time again.

Maybe the distance would do them both good. He might get his head screwed on straight again.

So why did he ache at the thought of being apart from Gus?

“Move on?” She scooted away. Her eyes had gone blank, her voice small.

Gus was never, ever small.

“You know what I mean,” he said, trying to wave his words off. “Your clerkship is almost done. You’ve got that job with the firm in New Orleans. I’ll be on the road with Zack soon. We won’t see each other often.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about that.” She sat up, reaching for the robe he’d eschewed. She wrapped it around her body. There was no way to miss how tense she’d become. “I got another offer, this one at a firm in DC. Close to the Hill, lots of political work.”

She was thinking about moving to DC? “The NOLA firm has some political work, too. Wait, are you talking about the job with Kleinman and Horne? That doesn’t pay anything like the NOLA job, and you would be going in as a junior associate.”

“Only for a year,” she replied.

“Yes, and after that year they cut ninety percent of the class.” He shook his head. What the hell was she thinking? The NOLA firm was old and respected, and she could grow her career quickly there. The DC firm was a recognized bloodbath. Yes, the two or three lawyers who made it tended to become sharks of the highest order, but they had to fight, teeth constantly bared.

She waved her manicured hand. “I’m not worried about that. I can handle the competition. Hell, I’ll probably enjoy it. But if I stay in DC, we don’t have to split up.”

He strode to the dresser and grabbed a pair of sweats from a drawer, silently gaping. Were they really discussing the future of a relationship he’d never considered serious enough to warrant this conversation? Gus blew in and out of his life like a hurricane, and while he craved her constantly, he was smart enough to know all the reasons they wouldn’t work.

He’d assumed she was, too.

Hell, he and Gus were oil and water. God, they were like his parents. Always fucking or fighting—with almost nothing in between.

Roman’s childhood came rushing back. He’d often been grateful to return to Creighton where he didn’t have to listen to the two of them scream at each other one minute, then behave as if they were the stars of the greatest love story ever the next.

How they’d stayed married all these years, he had no idea. But he refused to let that kind of bullshit drama overtake his life. Despite how crazy he was about Gus, he couldn’t live constantly on the edge, always anxious about the next fight. Forever waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I think you should take the NOLA job, Gus.”

“Really?” Her gorgeous face went still with shock. She was quiet as she looked away. When she faced him again, her eyes sheened with tears. “You don’t want to see me after you graduate, do you? You never intended to have any sort of a future with me.”

Holy shit. Roman had never seen her cry. Not once. The sight threatened to tear out his heart. He moved into her space, reaching for her hand again. “I want what’s best for you. I want you to have a happy life, and the next two years of mine are going to be a lot like hell, on the road, in one crappy motel after another. I’ll be focused on Zack. I have to be.”

“I understand that. Roman, I’m not some lovestruck teenager. I know how hard it’s going to be and I could handle it.” She squeezed his hand. “I’m tough. What I can’t handle anymore is being the secret you shove in the closet. I hate that. We’re good together. We challenge each other. We understand each other. I think we should give us a real shot.”

He let go and took a step back. “I don’t know where this is coming from, Augustine. You’ve never talked like this before.”

“Because we haven’t needed to,” she replied. “I know we started this whole thing on a lark, but don’t you know I love you, Roman? I’ve been in love with you for a while. We’re not kids anymore. Isn’t it time to start thinking about the future?”

Every word felt like a punch to his gut. She loved him? He couldn’t allow that. He’d worked too hard to give everything up for a woman, even one as amazing as Gus. When he married, his bride would be someone demure, someone who didn’t yank his chain or push him, someone who would enjoy taking care of their house and would fully support his career. He would like his wife. He would never love her.

Unfortunately, he loved Gus. She was an aching pit in his soul, and if he stepped off the edge with her, there would be no climbing back up. His life would be a tumultuous hell, exactly like his parents’. Sure, he and Gus would be all right for the brief moments they sat at the top of the rollercoaster. But what went up always came down. Roman couldn’t live with the lows. The fights. The desolation. It would be even worse between him and Gus. She was passionate—and stubborn—about everything. And they both knew exactly where to stick the knives in.

“Come on, Roman. Tell me you don’t think about you and me together, and maybe a family someday? We would rule DC. I’ve already got some thoughts on Zack’s campaign, actually.” She was giving him that grin that threatened to melt his resolve.

He was teetering. He could practically feel the cliff crumbling beneath his feet. One step, and he would be falling over the precipice…and into the abyss.

“No,” he managed.

“Ever?” She shook her head like she didn’t understand.

“I don’t think about us in any way except naked. We’ve had fun, but I never intended for it to last. We’ve always had an expiration date, Gus, and I guess we’ve found ours. You’re right about one thing, though. We’re not kids anymore. I have to get serious.”

“But not serious about me.” It wasn’t a question. She made the statement as though she needed to hear the words aloud.

Perhaps she did. Maybe a clean break would be best. Somewhere in the back of his head he’d imagined he could pop down to NOLA from time to time and see her, sleep with her, fill up that part of himself no one else could. Like she was a freaking gas station or something. How cruel was that of him? She deserved more. She deserved a good life with a man who would put her first, even if that thought killed him.

But no man could love her more. No one would ever love Augustine Spencer as completely as he did. Fucking no one. Too bad he was broken and couldn’t give her his whole heart, the way she deserved.

Maybe it was better if she hated him.

“No, Augustine. I’m not serious about you. I never was. In fact, I have a date tomorrow night. Zack is meeting someone new, and I’m going with him.”

“You mean Zack is auditioning political wives and you’re going along to approve,” Gus scoffed, no small amount of bite to her tone. “Don’t look surprised. I’ve known for a while that Zack’s father is sending ‘proper’ women his way. His date tomorrow night is a friend of mine, Joy. She’s lovely, but she’s no match for Zack. She’s far too quiet. He needs some fire in his life. I love Joy, but Zack will squash her under his controlling thumb.”

“I’m taking a date, too.”

“Like…a double date with Zack and Joy? You’ve gone along on his dates in the past as the third wheel. Why wouldn’t you… Oh.” Something heartbroken crossed her face as she pressed her lips together in a grim line.

Yes, Gus was catching on. This was something he’d never intended to tell her, and watching her now hurt.

“You’re auditioning, too.” Her murmur sounded hoarse, strained.

He nodded. “Eventually, I’ll need a wife.”

“And that won’t be me. So what you’re telling me is that you do think about having a family, but you don’t want one with me.”

“Not exactly. I’m out on the family thing. I don’t want kids. Ever.” He wouldn’t put his own offspring through the hell he’d endured. Even if he managed to find a woman he could live and build a proper partnership with, he refused to risk becoming a father and potentially fucking up some innocent kid’s psyche.

“So I’ve been a convenience.” She tossed off the robe, turned her back to him, and grabbed her clothes.

He leaned against the dresser. “I didn’t say that. I thought we were just having fun since we never see each other outside of the bedroom.”

“Really? So all those times I met you for a drink or drove over and we talked for hours, those don’t count because they tended to end or begin with sex? When I helped you study for the bar, that didn’t matter, either?”

“I didn’t say we weren’t friends.” Actually, it hurt to think about how much she’d become a fixture in his life since his buddies had finished their undergraduate degrees and started their careers. He’d probably spent as much time with Gus as he had Zack. “I don’t want us to not be friends.”

That would be even worse.

She hooked her bra and shimmied her khakis over the silky underwear he’d damn near torn off in his haste to get inside her earlier. “I’m supposed to stand back and watch you find this dream wife of yours? And when the sex gets boring, maybe, just maybe you’ll come and see the slut?”

Right on cue, the never-back-down goddess who knew exactly which buttons to push appeared, just in time for a rousing fight.

“I never called you that.”

“But you thought it, didn’t you? Gus is good enough to fuck but dear god, don’t let my friends know I’m slumming it.” Her hands were shaking as she buttoned her blouse. “So you thought it was okay to fuck your way through the entire female law school population, but somehow I’m not good enough to be your political wife. Is that right?”

“You want to know why you can’t be my political wife? It has nothing to do with sex, baby. You are the be-all, end-all of sex for me and you damn well know it. It’s that you can be a righteous bitch and you’ll never learn how to play nice with others. That mouth of yours is a liability I can’t afford, so yes, I’m ending the relationship because I’ve got to grow up and stop playing around. You’re not the marrying type. Or the motherly type. So I don’t understand why you’re pissed at me when I’m merely being honest.”

The flat of her palm cracked against the side of his face. His head snapped around, the jarring smack ringing between his ears. His jaw ached. He rubbed it with tense fingers.

Damn but that woman didn’t hold back—not her opinions, not her advice, and definitely not when she decided to slap someone. Gus always gave as good as she got.

This was what they did. They pushed and poked each other until one of them backed down or broke. Then they always ended up in bed. Hell, angry sex had been a regular staple for them, and he hated to admit how much he loved it.

He had a feeling they wouldn’t be having that anymore.

“I hope you enjoy the rest of your life, Roman, you fucking coward.” She stepped back, grabbing her bag. “That’s what you are. You and Zack have a lot in common. You both need women who won’t challenge you.” She scoffed. “Good luck with that.”

She strode out of the room.

He let her go, watching every moment of the train wreck until she disappeared out of his bedroom.

It was done. They were over.

Well, they should be, but he followed her out, unable to find the slightest willpower to let her leave. “I’m a coward because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life like this?”

She didn’t turn around as she crossed the second-story landing and headed for the stairs. She merely raised her hand and gave him her middle finger. “Well, you can spend it kissing Zack’s ass. That’s what you’ve really prepped for all your life. Poor Roman. So terrified to have his own life, he needs to leech off Zack.”

She was halfway down the steep stairs that led to the main floor when he caught up to her. He reached out, intending to stop her because there was zero way they ended with this much ugliness between them. She could not have the last word.

The minute his hand touched her arm, she whirled around to face him with fire in her eyes and a curse on her lips.

That was the moment she slipped. Her eyes widened as she started to fall back.

Roman’s heart nearly stopped in his chest. He reached frantically for her, desperate to stop her tumble.

Her blouse was silky. He couldn’t grab on. She literally slipped through his fingers.

Gus crashed down the stairs, her body beating against the wood and the railing until she finally stopped at the bottom in a heap.

Roman raced down to her, so stunned he’d swear he had stopped breathing. “Oh, god, Gus. Are you all right?”

The door shot open, and Zack rushed in with Maddox right behind him.

“What the hell was that noise?” Zack asked, then saw Gus, who started to writhe and whimper. “Do I need to call an ambulance?”

“Yes!” Roman shouted, his only thought to get Augustine in his arms. To make sure she was all right. To fucking apologize to her and start this conversation over again. Because they couldn’t be over. He’d feared that letting her go was a mistake the minute she’d started to fall. He’d seen a world without her, and it had been bleak as hell. Cold. He hadn’t wanted any part of it.

She’d been right. He had been a coward. He had to own up to that, fix it.

“Don’t touch me,” she spat his way as she got to her knees with a groan.

“Augustine, please let me help you.” He had to know that she was all right. She looked so pale, so unlike her. His Gus was ballsy and full of life. He’d forgotten that sometimes she could be fragile.

“I want to know what the fuck is happening and I want to know right fucking now.” Maddox, the happy ne’er-do-well, stood at the bottom of the stairs like Gus’s avenger, glaring at Roman with one of the single darkest looks he’d ever seen.

Gus held a hand out. “I fell, Mad. I came over to pick up something before I leave town and asshole here ran true to form.” She sent a thumb in Roman’s direction. “I took the stairs way too fast and I fell. Don’t you dare call an ambulance. I’m fine with the exception of my pride. That’s pretty busted up. So if you’ll get out of the way, I’ll say goodnight.”

Mad was right beside her, taking her hand in his. “Let me help you to your car.”

“I walked here,” she said. “I’m fine.”

Roman couldn’t let her leave with things so broken between them. “Gus, we should talk.”

“I don’t want to speak to you, Roman. Not for a long time,” she said without looking back. “And if you try to come anywhere near me before I’m ready, you should know that I can be every bit the bitch you accused me of being. I’ll blow up your world and I’ll enjoy it. So fuck off. And Zack? Joy is a sorority sister of mine. She’s sweet and kind and good, and if you hurt her, I’ll kill you. Do I make myself plain? You boys think you’re the ultimate brotherhood. You have no idea what my sisterhood can do.”

She headed out the door.

When Roman hurried after her, Zack put a hand on his chest, holding him back. “Don’t. You will accomplish nothing except getting in another fight. You know Gus. She’ll do everything she threatened. Mad?”

“I’ll drive her home, take care of her.” Mad frowned Roman’s way. “If you keep your distance, I might not call Dax and let him know you fucked his sister over. I know you think she’s some kind of warrior goddess whose vagina isn’t attached to her heart, but she’s way more delicate and caring than you give her credit for.”

A chill went through Roman as Mad exited and slammed the door behind him.

“You knew?” Roman asked Zack. “Both of you?”

Zack sighed and walked over to the sideboard where they kept the good Scotch. He quickly poured out two glasses. “Did I know that you spent an enormous amount of time with Gus and it wasn’t all studying and talking about former professors? Yeah. You didn’t fool anyone. The two of you practically spark a fire when you’re in the damn room together.”

“Dax?”

“Is spectacularly unaware. And you’ll have to forgive Mad. He loves Gus. He lost his virginity to her, and they’ve been close ever since.”

Roman winced.

Zack pointed his way. “There it is. That’s exactly why you should have left Gus the hell alone and never touched her.”

Roman took the glass, his hand tightening around it. “What do you mean?”

After a long sip, Zack sank into the big leather chair he somehow always made look like a throne. “You’ll never accept the fact Gus has more experience than you.”

“That’s not true.” But maybe it was. He hated knowing that she’d slept with Mad. He loathed Zack for throwing it in his face right now. Though she hadn’t gotten naked with that playboy Crawford in years, it still bugged him. Then there was that pesky rumor about her and Zack… At the thought, jealousy burned through him.

“It is,” Zack replied. “And it’s hypocritical. But I don’t think it’s something you’ll be able to overcome. You resent anyone who looks at her twice, and she is one sexy woman. If you can’t accept that, you’ll make yourself insane. Then there’s the fact that Gus is smarter than you are. She’s funnier. She’s a better lawyer. She’s—”

“Could you stop? You know, if you want Gus to run your campaign, I can catch her for you.”

“You’ve made my point brilliantly. You can’t love a woman you’re always in competition with. Sit down and make a decision here and now. You’re either going to go after her and figure out how to make the two of you work, or you have to let her go.”

He knew exactly what he should do. Zack was right. He didn’t want to spend his life fighting with a woman. Or competing with her. Otherwise, his very existence would be a constant battle. As much as he lived for the political fight, he needed peace at home. Without that, he’d go insane.

He sank into the seat opposite Zack. This was how they ended most evenings—single glass of Scotch in hand, planning the future.

“So tell me about this new girl. Not Joy. I’ve read the dossier your father sent over. I’m talking about her friend.” A hollow place gaped inside him, but maybe that was better than always being on tenterhooks. It might be boring and devoid of passion, but at least he wouldn’t live in constant turmoil. He could think. He could breathe.

And he knew that made him weak. Zack was right.

“Are you sure?” his friend asked. “Maybe you should take a few days to think about this. I can handle the date with Joy alone. She’s likely nothing more than one of my father’s blindingly dull Jackie O wannabes. And now that I know Gus will murder me if I so much as lay a finger on this girl, I’ll likely end this evening early.”

“If Gus likes her, you should seriously consider her. Gus has good instincts.” About most things, though apparently she had terrible taste in men. “And I need to look at this the way you are. Finding female companionship should be a logical choice. I need the right woman. I need someone who understands the job, who won’t feel as though I’m ignoring her.”

“Someone who doesn’t care?”

Frustration slithered through him, a snake threatening to bite him. “Make up your mind, Zack. Either I’m an asshole for holding on to a woman who is clearly better than I deserve or I’m shit for being analytical and unemotional. Besides, you’re one to talk. You’re the one who’s actively auditioning political wives.”

Zack stared down at his glass, swirling the expensive amber liquid around. “Yes, but I’ve never once felt about a woman the way you do about Gus. I’ve never had one knock me on my ass, and I’ve realized it’s never going to happen. I’m not capable of that sort of passion. It’s best if I make a deal. I don’t want to hurt whomever I marry because I’m incapable of love. I’m going to be upfront and honest, build a partnership with her.”

That sounded so shallow and empty and…so easy. “What if you meet someone who knocks you on your ass?”

Zack shook his head. “Never going to happen. I’m too cold. I hate that about myself. I hate even more that my dad’s trait in this matter seems to have prevailed. I try to connect to women but I never do. I would settle for a pleasant friendship. But I can only be passionate about one thing: The Oval.”

That was something they agreed on—always. But Zack was wrong. He’d been passionate about his friends for years. He’d put himself and his career on the line for them more than once. Zack was nowhere near as cold as he thought.

But Roman felt a terrible chill envelop him. Without Gus to warm him, he had nothing left to do except embrace the cold.

Sucking back the pain, he raised his glass to Zack. “To the Oval.”

 

* * * *

 

Augustine Spencer strode away from the townhouse, desperate to put distance between her and her Waterloo. That was how she would forever think of this night and this place. She had made her stand.

And she’d lost.

She wasn’t going to cry. She refused to. She was a grown-ass woman. And she might be leaving with a broken heart, but at least she’d keep her dignity.

“Hey, Gus. Please let me drive you.”

Damn it. Mad was on her tail, and she knew he wouldn’t let her put him off. For all his charming ways, Mad was actually a bit like a tick when he wanted to be. He dug in and nothing would persuade him to let it go. She had to convince him that she was okay.

Gus stopped and turned, forcing a smile. “Mad, I’m good. You remember what they taught us in lacrosse. Walk it off, baby. My ankle actually feels much better.”

She was worried about something else far more personal than her ankle, but she hoped the cramping pain would soon go away. After all, her baby had only been growing inside her for a few weeks. It would be so tiny nestled deep inside her right now.

The baby Roman had never, ever wanted. So it would be hers and hers alone.

“I hated all sports, Gus. You know that.” He reached for her hand. “And I’m also not as unaware as you think. You love him.”

Oh, but she couldn’t anymore. She forced herself to laugh, although when she really thought about it, she should be laughing at how stupid she’d been. Roman Calder had never lied to her. He’d never promised her anything but a good time in bed. In the beginning, that had honestly been all she wanted anyway. She loved sex, and he was good at it. She made no apologies for her high-voltage libido.

But somewhere along the way, she’d fallen in love with him. She hadn’t dated or taken another lover since the first time they’d gone to bed together, though she suspected he couldn’t say the same.

“I don’t love Roman. I’m not that girl.” But she feared she wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all Mad. He knew her better than she sometimes knew herself. They had a lot in common.

“Gus, don’t bullshit me. I know.”

She went still. “You know what?”

“Everything.” He leaned against his Porsche, his eyes on her. The streetlight beamed a circle of light down on them, and she wished suddenly the street wasn’t so well maintained. She would prefer shadows to Mad’s probing stare. “I stopped by your place last week to drop off that book you loaned me. I let myself in with my key and before I left I used the bathroom.”

She froze. It had been a terrible mistake to let Mad have a key to her place, but he stayed there sometimes when he was in town. She had an extra bedroom, and Zack and Roman often had too many things going on to spend time with him. Mad could be quite needy, though he hid it behind his party-boy image. He didn’t like to be alone, so they spent platonic, friendly time together.

Panic tore through her. “You can’t tell Roman.”

Mad doubled over with a low groan. “Shit. I was hoping that pregnancy test wasn’t yours. You’re really pregnant, Gus?”

Well, she’d known it wasn’t ideal. “That’s my business and no one else’s.”

She turned to go. If Mad ratted her out, it wouldn’t matter. In Roman’s eyes, she was nothing but a convenient piece of ass. He probably wouldn’t even think the baby was his. By morning, she would have her plans in place. She would quit the DC firm and go home to NOLA and beg the firm there to take her back.

She’d been such a stupid, naive girl. Now it was time to be a woman.

Mad caught up to her. “Nope. This is not just your business anymore. What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to have a baby.” She’d thought about this every second of every day since she’d taken that pregnancy test she shouldn’t have left on the bathroom counter. She should have thrown it out, but looking at it had filled her with excitement, knowing she was growing a tiny being that would forever be a blend of her and Roman.

She’d wanted to keep the proof that their child existed.

“You’re having Roman’s baby.”

“No, I’m having mine. Not ten minutes ago, Roman made it clear that he has zero interest in either marrying me or having children. He’s going to double down on the Zack Hayes method of arranged marriage.”

“They’re idiots, Gus. And he’ll come around. He’s probably in there right now realizing what a mistake he made.”

“I don’t see him running after me.” She gestured toward Roman’s house.

Yeah, some small part of her had wanted that, too. Her foolish heart had even believed he would dash out the door after her because that was what they did. They fought, someone stormed out, the other coaxed the first back in, and they ended up in bed. They’d always fixed everything with sex.

She’d thought she would already be in Roman’s arms by now, that he’d be carrying her to his bed as he often did, whispering to her that everything would be all right. All they needed to do was to stop talking with their mouths and start talking with their bodies.

But he wasn’t coming after her this time. He’d been plain. Now everything felt more wretched because she realized he hadn’t been biding his time, waiting for the right moment to tell everyone about them. He’d never intended to tell anyone.

She’d been his dirty little secret.

“Well, he will after he finds out about the baby,” Mad swore.

That was the last thing she needed. Well, almost. She needed this cramping in her stomach to end, too. But she didn’t want a shotgun wedding. She’d always wanted a loving, stable marriage, like her mom and dad shared. She’d never get that kind of love from a man who was forced to marry her.

“Please, Mad. I don’t want him to know.”

He stared back at the house, and she could practically see the wheels in his brain turning and turning. Mad was the king of crazy plots. “All right, then. There’s only one thing to do.”

“I’m going home to New Orleans.”

He frowned. “I thought you were taking the DC job.”

She shook her head. “I can’t as a single mother. The hours are too grueling. Believe me, I want that position more than ever. I need it to take my mind off Roman, but I have to think of my baby. I’ve got a great trust fund, but I don’t want him or her raised by nannies. When I thought I’d have Roman by my side, I was willing to take the chance and try the family thing. Now I have to go home to New Orleans so my baby can have some kind of male role model I don’t have to pay by the hour. My dad has been talking about retiring. Dax will be home every now and then. I’ll tell him I don’t know who the father is. He’ll believe it.”

“Tell him I’m the father. He’ll believe that, too.”

“What? Mad, this is not the time for one of your schemes.” She wanted to cry, but she needed to get away from here and regroup.

The trouble was Mad had truly become her friend, too. He was the only one of her brother’s friends who had. Mad was special, and not because they’d so briefly had sex in high school. Mad reminded her so much of herself sometimes that it felt like looking into a mirror.

If only she could have fallen in love with him.

“It’s not a scheme.” He stepped close, tangling his fingers with hers. The saddest look crept across his face. “You need someone to help you out with the baby. I need purpose in my life because let me tell you, the days are getting long and the nights are even longer. I might be a crappy role model, but I promise I’ll try. Come to New York and we’ll do what Zack and Roman are doing. We’ll build something together.”

She shook her head, her heart so full. Why did everyone see him as some soulless party machine? Mad was one of the best men she’d ever met. What Roman hadn’t managed with his rejection, Mad was doing with his sweet offer. Tears rolled down her cheeks because at least someone cared about her. Which was precisely why she couldn’t take him up on it. “Mad, you’re going to fall in love one day and I won’t be the woman who keeps you from her.”

Because no matter what anyone said about him, Mad would be faithful to his wife. If he had a family, it would take something terrible to make him break those vows.

He shook his head. “No. I fell in love once and I wasn’t good enough for her.”

“Sara was young back then.” She knew all about the summer he’d spent trying to get Gabe Bond’s sister to notice him. She also thought Sara had been too immature to see what Mad could offer. Or maybe too afraid to believe that sometimes love was worth the risk. “You don’t know that she won’t come around.”

“Nah, she’ll marry some nice guy with a nice job,” he replied casually. “I’ll be the dirty boy she kissed once and was smart enough to tell to go to hell. She told me I was the devil, believe it or not. So what do you say? I think we should just fuck ’em all. Let’s show them how two badasses do life.”

That was Mad. Arrogant. Sweet. Rebellious. Loving.

She couldn’t let him do it. And she couldn’t marry another man when Roman the bastard was still in her heart. Sadly, he might always be.

A pain low in her body started stabbing in earnest. Damn it. She was going to be sore in the morning. At least she hoped that was all. She should have been more careful, but she’d been so angry, and when she’d realized Roman was behind her, she’d lashed out.

“Gus?” Mad had gone pale.

She straightened up, forcing her shoulders back and her head high. It was time to go home and cozy up to ice cream, lay down and take care of herself and her baby. Tomorrow she would face a world without Roman. She could do it. She was strong. She would do whatever necessary to protect herself and her child.

Then the world seemed to tilt, her equilibrium shifting. She felt nauseous. Maybe she should sit down.

“Gus, baby, you’re bleeding. I have to get you to a hospital.”

One minute she was thinking about how strong she was and the next, Mad was lifting her up and shoving her in his car.

She was bleeding? The world was spinning. And all she could think about was that if she lost this baby, she’d be utterly and completely alone.

She could hear Mad’s voice from seemingly far away, telling her everything would be all right.

But it wouldn’t. As she passed out, all she wanted was to hear Roman’s voice, to feel his hand in hers.

But she feared in her heart that she never would again.