Chapter Thirty-Seven

It’s a long walk back to the Hotel Belle View; it’s a long trudge up the stairs, and the corridor seems interminable. I know what’s waiting for me behind the door, and I’m not looking forward to it.

It’s time for a change.

Boy, is it ever.

‘Where were you?’ Carter snaps as I open the door: no hello, no Are you OK?, no I was so worried. ‘I was waiting for hours.’ He waggles his phone at me. ‘You could have given me a heads up, you know. Before you got me all riled up and fucked off across the city on a… where did you even go, anyway?’

‘I told you,’ I say. ‘I went for a walk. I needed to get some air.’

‘Well done, El,’ he says. ‘We’ve got to check out now or we’re going to miss our flight back home. You just wasted this fancy hotel room. Congratulations.’

And just like that, the last shred of doubt slips away. ‘Sit down, Carter,’ I say calmly. ‘We need to talk.’

To his credit, he actually does – without complaint, without comment. It’s not something I’m used to from him. Perhaps – just perhaps – he finally sees the importance of the conversation we’re about to have.

‘You made the right call,’ I say. ‘Back in Chicago. Breaking things off. I didn’t realise it at the time, but… yeah. I’ve had a lot of time to think recently. I should thank you for that, really.’

‘For what?’ he asks. ‘Babe, what are you saying?’

As gently as I can, I slip the engagement ring off my finger and place it into his palm. ‘Sorry,’ I say. ‘It’s for the best.’

It takes him a hot minute, but eventually his eyes narrow into thin little slits. ‘You’re serious?’ he asks. ‘You’re breaking up with me?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Yes, Carter. It’s for the best, I promise.’ I pause. ‘I mean, you’re a great guy, it’s just…’

He shakes his head. ‘Whatever,’ he says – and it’s all he says before he stomps out of the hotel room, slamming the door behind him.

~~~

It’s a little while before I end up downstairs, and when I do I’m not entirely sure how I get there. The world around me seems foggy, somehow distant, like everything is just a shimmering illusion that would disappear if I were to wave my hand through it. None of it feels real.

None of it feels like much of anything.

I don’t know if I ever really thought that things with Carter had come to a stop. There was always some little piece of me that was convinced I’d be able to change his mind, to persuade him that I could change and that he should take me back. When Jack had come along, I’d tried to convince myself that I was still a loyal fiancée, that I could never be tempted away from what I was sure was still the man I was supposed to marry.

But now, it was over. Like, over-over. Finished. For good.

It doesn’t feel quite as bad as I’d thought it might. Then again, I’ve had some time to get used to the idea now. Before he arrived, it was over. Before he proposed again, it was over. I’ve spent most of the last week inoculating myself to the idea that, whatever my life would look like after Lauren’s wedding, it was going to be very different to the way it looked before.

And maybe that’s a good thing, I think. Maybe what I said to Jack was the truth: that I need a change, or a fresh start. A new plan – or maybe no plan at all. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for me to wing it for a while. Learn to be myself for a while.

The post-Carter Ella. It’s terrifying… but thrilling, in a lot of ways. There’s a whole new world out there just waiting for me.

And now it’s time for me to take it.

~~~

It doesn’t take me long to find Lauren; she’s in the lobby, her face painted with concern. ‘Oh, thank God,’ she says. ‘I was just about to come looking for you. Everyone else has said goodbye already.’

‘Goodbye?’

‘They’ve all checked out. We’re about to hit the road. Honeymoon, remember?’

Stupid. ‘Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you waiting. I just had… a thing I needed to deal with, that’s all.’

‘Well?’ Lauren asks.

‘Well what?’

‘What just happened?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Oh yeah? Then why did I just watch your darling fiancé storm through the lobby like someone had set his ass on fire?’

I sigh. ‘You didn’t.’

‘I promise you, I…’

She trails off once she sees me holding up my hand, completely devoid of engagement ring. ‘No,’ I say. ‘You didn’t.’

‘Oh, El,’ she says. Immediately her long, slender arms are wrapped around me, pulling me in close. ‘You OK?’

‘Yeah, I’m OK. It was the right thing to do.’

‘Yeah, it was. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck, though.’

‘You’re telling me. How did he look?’

She’s not capable of keeping the glint out of her eyes. ‘Oh, he looked furious,’ she says. ‘Like he was going to burn down an orphanage just for the sake of it.’

‘You’re not helping.’

‘I know. But… you’re better off, El. I promise you.’

‘Easy for you to say, happily married.’

She grins. ‘It’s been about twenty-four hours,’ she says. ‘We might murder each other yet.’

‘If you do end up killing him, can I call dibs?’

‘Sure thing, honey,’ she says, patting my head gently. ‘We’ll go on the lam. Just a couple of old spinsters. Robbing banks, getting into shootouts, running from the police…’

‘Bonnie & Clyde?’

‘I’m calling Bonnie.’

‘Damn,’ I say. ‘No deal, then.’

Lauren breaks off the hug, and holds me at arm’s length. ‘You sure you’re OK?’ she says. ‘We can wait around for a little longer if you like.’

‘You’ll miss your plane.’

‘There’ll be other planes. If you need me, I’m here.’

I stare across at Drew, who looks momentarily pained but nods in agreement. If I need her – if I need them – then they’re here for me. That’s what family is for, after all. I won’t lie, there’s a part of me – a small, stubborn, selfish part – that wants to tell her to stay and look after me in my hour of crisis, but somehow I manage to shake my head. ‘No. Don’t be an ass. Go and have fun.’

The look on Drew’s face is one of tremendous relief. I’ve already taken a lot of the spotlight after their wedding; it would be a tremendous dick move for me to ruin their honeymoon.

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘I’m going to stick around here for a couple more days, I think. Give things time to settle before I go back to Chicago. Maybe give Carter a chance to grab his things from my apartment.’

‘And then what?’

I shrug. I wish I had more of an answer for her than that.

But for the first time in a while, I think I’m going to be OK.