Delilah

My throat is flooded.

Water overflows.

I can’t breathe.

I savor the fiery orange on the inside of my lids. Orange means life.

Flailing my arms to find anything to hold on to that will give me the leverage to save myself is useless. I’m held under the faucet as it pours over my face, drowning me in his arms.

. . . The horror I felt in that moment has worked its way into my veins. It’s attached itself in ways I can’t remove. I was so close to that slice of paradise with Jason that even though we survived and still have that future, I don’t think I’ll be able to easily let last night go as I almost met death.

I thought I was doomed to spend eternity tangled up in Cole and death, hate, and hell.

Jason stirs and I look back. Just the sight of him, the feel of him and me alone in this room has me smiling, though. He once told me he was a soldier, a mercenary of sorts, but when I look at him I only see my dark-haired knight. His sleep is steady, his features finding peace, as his body lies bare for me. The sheet is tangled around a leg, exposing parts of him that I’m the only one privy to these days.

How can he possibly be that hard when he’s sleeping?

Men will always be a mystery to me.

It’s a mystery I’m happy to solve over the next sixty or seventy, or more years. I’d love to live a long life with him. The years we were apart, when he was off doing those things he doesn’t like to talk about, will pale in comparison to the years we’ll spend together. One day they won’t matter at all.

One day, last night won’t matter.

We survived. Together. That’s all that will matter when our souls leave this place.

I shut the blinds and crawl back into bed next to him. Careful not to wake him, I untangle the sheet and cover us both up. I lie there staring at him. Even in the dark he’s so damn handsome. It doesn’t matter that time has touched the carefree youth we once existed in.

Life has changed him.

Sighing, I let my mind go where I usually stop it from going.

Life has changed me, too.

Lying here now, I know it had to. It would have with or without my permission anyway. I need to accept it.

Is that how he sleeps so soundly tonight? Even after what could have been a horrific tragedy?

Is the peace that keeps his features softer in the moonlight his acceptance that the world has bad people in it? He’s just learned to deal with it?

If he had his way, my life would remain pristine and untouched by the outside world. It’s good in theory but not realistic. I’m human, which means I’ll make bad choices . . . breaking up with Jason and trusting Cole are hopefully the worst. It also means I have a chance to start over, clean the slate, and move on. Move on is what I intend to do. I feel so incredibly fortunate that I get to move on with him this time.

I run my fingers lightly over his arms, appreciating the dip and rise of the muscles beneath. After the events from earlier I shouldn’t want him. Is it wrong to want to get lost in something wonderful for a while?

His eyes open. “Delilah.” My name languidly rolls off his tongue as if we have more than one lifetime together. In no great hurry, his hand reaches for me.

“Make me forget for a little while.”

Reaching for my top, he starts pulling it up. I raise my arms as it’s taken off and tossed aside. When his large hands take control of my breasts—kneading and squeezing—I close my eyes and enjoy the feel of him and how my body responds to him, to his touch. Moving on top of me, I open for him, opening myself and letting him in.

I need his weight, his lips on mine, the rough tips of his fingers scratching across my skin. I want him to mark me as his. I don’t need to feel pretty to the world, to wear a tiara and smile. I just want him to find me beautiful when I’m not wearing makeup and my hair is a mess. I only want to be how he sees me, the real me . . . the bare and bold me. The me I am with him.

His mouth moves to my neck. He kisses and sucks. My hand slides into the back of his hair, wanting this, wanting him to want me like I want him—ravaged and real, carnal and lustful.

He warms my neck as his fingers flame the fires of desire between my legs. “Yes,” I whisper in his ear.

“I want all of you, baby.”

“Take me. Take every last bit of me.”

The stubble of his beard has grown in overnight and scrapes against my chest. My skin is left raw and stinging. I love it. It’s not so pretty, fitting for how I feel. He looks at me, his eyes gently drifting back forth between mine. “Sometimes the bad helps us remember the good. Let me be that good for you.” He is so good. He knows exactly what I need, how I need to be loved.

“Leave no part untouched.”

He pushes inside me, clearly needing me like I need him. My back arches and my head goes back, leaving my neck exposed. Jason pulls back and thrusts forward while his lips find my throat again.

Wrapping his arms under me, he uses my body against his, uses me for his pleasure while heightening mine. Our bodies start to sweat, sliding with ease and creating more. The sounds of our love are the only sounds I hear. The troubles from the night drift away as I find the ecstasy in his arms instead.

“I love you,” I exhale with every breath. “I love you. I love you.”

Our bodies slow until our souls sigh in satisfaction. His head rests on my chest and I hold him there, never wanting to let go.

Time doesn’t stand still for us. It ticks by as we lose minutes or days, like the years we lost that we’ll never get back. This time there’s no true loss because it’s time I’ve spent losing with him. Allowing the ugly of the day to fade away, together we find our own safe haven. I’ve found solace in his arms.

Moving to lie next to me, his hand covers my cheeks. He kisses me gently on the lips and whispers, “I didn’t use protection.”

With my lips against his, I kiss him back with such care for this man I love so deeply. I fall back on my pillow and twirl his hair between my fingers. “I know.”

I would welcome a baby into this world if it were his, if he was there with me to prove that when lives are meant to be entwined, they twist themselves completely into eternity.

“Let’s get married as soon as we can get away from here.”

“Away?”

“I want to show you all the places I went looking for you.”

“You didn’t have to leave to find me. I was here waiting for you all along.”

“I didn’t know you were mine to find. I was searching for the next life. I wasn’t willing to lose you twice.”

Oh God. All those years he’d believed I hated him. That I didn’t love him. But here he is, forgiving me when I can’t forgive myself. Could I be so kind if the roles had been reversed? My heart would be too damaged to repair if I had seen him with another woman. This man. This man before me is the most generous of beings. And like he once said, maybe my true heart now can heal the broken parts of his soul once and forever. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for, honeysuckle?”

“For assuming instead of trusting. I did more than break my heart. I broke yours, and that’s harder to live with.”

Taking my hand, he places it over his heart. “You healed this broken heart and settled my restless soul.” He brings my hand to his mouth and kisses each finger. He takes my left ring finger, closes his mouth around it, and then slides it out slowly. “If you could have any ring, what kind do you dream of?”

“I don’t need rings or jewelry. I have everything I need right here.”

Smiling, he chuckles. “Oh no, you don’t. You don’t get off that easy. I want everyone in Freeland County and wherever we travel to know you’re mine.”

“And you’ll wear one because you’re mine.”

“I will flash that ring every chance I get, proud to say I’m the lucky bastard who gets to go home with you every night.”

Dawn peeks through the window. We slide farther under the covers. “I’m not ready to get up.”

“Ricardo will manage the farm. Let’s stay a few days.”

“Here at the hotel?”

“Here in this bed. We’ll make love. We’ll eat like kings. We’ll binge on bad TV—”

“And we’ll fuck.”

“Fuck, it’s sexy when you say that.”

Snuggling closer, I rest my head next to his on the pillow. I steal a quick kiss but he catches me before I sneak back to my side. “Better get used to this, honeysuckle.” Slipping his arm under me, we mold to each other. “I plan to hold you like this every night for the rest of our lives.”

My eyelids dip closed, my body finally heavy with sleep, or maybe it’s that peace he found earlier. I turn and he spoons me, his arm wrapping over me. His breath is warm on my neck, but it’s even and comforting. Cocooned against him, I feel safe. “You saved me.”

“I didn’t save you. You saved yourself.”

“I’m not talking about last night.”

No more words are needed. We both sigh in contentment and close our eyes.

Just as I’m finding sleep, he whispers, “I’m going to make up for every minute of time we were apart. I promise I’ll give you the forever you deserve.”

“I’ll give you the same, Jason,” I whisper. My lips turn up, happiness filling me, and I tighten my hand around his as I drift asleep.

* * *

The hotel was a nice reprieve, a little escape in the middle of chaos. Returning to the farm is difficult at first. Not because I’m scared. I’m not. This place holds way more good memories than bad, but dealing with the aftermath of physical damage is stressful. “I don’t know where to start,” I say, rubbing my temples.

“We just start. Pick something to fix and see it through.”

Billy stands staring, inspecting the bullet hole in the living room floor. “You turned and the bullet landed here?”

Jason is standing on the other side of it with his arms crossed and nodding. “Yup. Pretty much.”

“Damn, dude. Did you shit yourself?”

I laugh when Jason scrunches his nose and replies, “No.”

Billy’s hat is off, and he’s scratching his head. “What’d you do then?”

I peek back at Jason before I enter the kitchen. “I shot the fucker.”

“Whoa.”

We had a cleaning crew from one town over come and clean up the blood on a referral from the police. It makes it easier to deal with a mess of broken lamps and a few holes.

Following up his astonishment, Billy asks, “What did you do while you were gone again?”

“Fishing boats in Alaska. A little time in New England. A few other cash-in-hand jobs.”

I guess that’s the story we’re sticking with. His past doesn’t matter anymore. Like he said, he doesn’t have regrets. I don’t either. Guess it took being in his shoes to finally understand why. I do. Us versus them. I hate that there’s even the necessity to think this way, but when push comes to shove, I’ll fight for us. Just like he did.

Looking out the window doesn’t bother me. It should, considering that’s how the beginning of that night began, but Cole’s been released from the hospital straight into a rehabilitation facility. He’s facing time for his alleged ties to an underground gambling ring.

He doesn’t rule my mind or control my life anymore. The people of McKinney are no longer blind to who Cole Cutler really is. I doubt he’d be able to get within a mile of my farm now that they know the truth. I finally feel . . . free. Vindicated.

I let myself rest, leaning on the counter. Warm lips caress the back of my neck as his hands slide around my hips, coming to rest across my belly. After kissing the shell of my ear, he whispers, “You think we have a baby in there?”

I cover his hands. “I hope so.”