Chapter Eighteen

Savannah

By the Light of Arthur here I stand

The long night as cold as my heart

Winter lifts the veil, giving way to the spring

Tearing the truth of my past apart

As the last chords of the melody fade into the crisp air, I glance over at Ronan. I still can’t believe I talked him into singing and playing with me. The sun shines warm on my face. My lips yearn to pull into a smile of contentment. For the creativity. For the simple beauty of the venue.

For the man sitting beside me.

But my lips falter, unable to complete the upward swing. It’s as if they’re frozen in place by Ronan’s icy demeanor. He’s been so frosty, I’m surprised his fingers were thawed out enough to work the strings the past few minutes.

A tenuous burst of panic sweeps through me even as my ears digest the roar of the small crowd. Their love and support don’t move me when the man beside me looks like he hates my guts. Of course, his anger is better than the total avoidance I’d been treated to last night and this morning. Without a word, he’d climbed into the loft, leaving me to look at the space in which he’d disappeared, completely puzzled.

This morning was much of the same, with Ronan barely looking in my direction. He was polite but very distant, and the more I tried to interact with him, the more he pulled away. On the ride into town, he placed a bag between us, ensuring that our bodies were unable to touch in the saddle as they had our first trip into town. He didn’t touch me, not even to help me onto his horse.

And I have no idea why.

When we played our song…everything else melted away for those few magical moments. Our voices merged as if two lost souls had found their home.

The music had moved me, but now it’s over. The connection is over. Everything is over.

I close my eyes for a moment, fighting away the deep grief that accompanies my thoughts of Ronan and my impending departure.

Tomorrow, I’ll be gone. And I hate it. Hate to leave things so cold between us. I know me and how my mind works. For all of my life, I’ll wonder and worry about what happened. There are loose ends between us. Loose ends that need to be tied tonight.

If he’ll even talk to me.

Emptiness settles in bone deep. I acknowledge the crowd with what I hope appears to be a genuine smile and wave, and then rise, leaving Ronan behind to deal with later. After placing Helen in her velvet-lined case, I pivot my head, searching for Caris. At least she’ll be nice to me. I still want to walk around the festival and learn more about the traditions of this ancient Yule celebration.

“Don’t walk away from me, woman,” Ronan’s deep baritone stops me dead in my tracks.

So, we’re back to woman again, are we? I can feel his electric heat before I even turn around. I don’t want to move as every cell in my body screams to defy him. He doesn’t own me, and his surly behavior doesn’t inspire me to capitulate to his moody whims.

As I imagine walking away, for one final second I stay rigid and remember what it felt like to fall into the arms of a man who can hold space for me instead of simpering and falling at my feet. Even now, he takes me to a place I’ve never been before. His entire body radiates a raw masculinity that I can’t describe. I can only feel it.

And dammit, do I feel it now.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” I say, and I might not even mean it. The words are a knee-jerk reaction to his control over my body. Over my reactions. The sudden thudding of my heart irritates me along with the crackling magnetic pull suspended in the air between us.

I jump when I feel the heat and pressure of his large hand touch my shoulder. I hate my body for reminding me how much I’m affected by this man.

“I want to talk to yer about somethin’ afore yer go, if yer please.”

I don’t please.

“I need to go find your sister,” I say, not giving him a chance to make any more demands I can’t honor.

Besides, the sooner I can get away from him, the sooner I can exhale.

His hand tightens when I try to jerk away. “I won’t be denied.” The same grit dripped from his tone the first time we had sex. I’m sure he’s used it during every single encounter with a woman since he reached puberty. He’s not going to get away with his leash and collar bullshit with me. I’m fucking Savannah Starr. No man disrespects me more than once and gets away with it.

“You may find it easy to convince the people here in Wintervale that you’re some kind of demi-God, Ronan. I’m not so easily swayed.” I poke him in the chest. “If you don’t shut the fuck up and stop trying to control me, I’m going to slap your impertinent face. What do you think of that?”

The fingers on my shoulder become my answer, digging into my flesh so deeply the line between pleasure and pain blurs into a tornado of sensation. He yanks me until I fall into his solid chest with a resounding thump of aching flesh.

His warm breath hovers around my ear. All I feel is his steely body flush with mine, and all I can hear is the thudding of my own heartbeat in my ears. Tense moments crawl by until he finally breaks the silence. “I’d like to see yer try it, woman.”

“Don’t tempt me, man. You’re pushing me, and one day, you’ll push me too far.”

I tense even further, my body a ball of anxiety and seething emotion. He smells like man and lust and something else that I never knew I wanted. A wave of answering heat sweeps through me, wetting my panties. Every single time I try to will it away, it flitters off for a second but then comes back twice as strong as before.

I raise my hand to hit him just to prove that I can, but he anticipates me and encircles my wrist in a vice-like grip. We’re standing in the wings of a makeshift stage. Hundreds of people socialize and dance around us, taking in the sights, sounds, and tastes of the Yule celebration. But Ronan and I are alone in spite of the boisterous company. No one else exists in this moment and time.

He wrests me away from the crowd, and I struggle in earnest, flailing my arms and legs. With each awkward movement, his commitment to contain me grows until I can’t even flex a muscle without an answering squeeze from his hand or his body. He traps me as he bends me to his desires, and it’s not a feeling I’m used to.

My heart begs to explode out of my chest as I anticipate a thousand ways I can make him pay for manhandling me. I’ve never wanted to call my lawyer so much in my entire life. And after that phone call, I want to make a date with my vibrator. In spite of what he’s doing to me, I still want him with a fervor that can’t be denied.

Then why am I not screaming for Mel?

You know why.

“You’re hurting me!” It’s a futile hope that my raw words can play on his mercy. Not that he has any. How could I forget that very important fact? What he hasn’t anticipated is that I never back away or down from anyone. He may have every single part of my body wrapped up in a maelstrom of turbulent emotion. Except one.

I lift my foot and bring it down on the top of his, delighting in the crunch of my heel on his leather boot. That’s going to leave a bruise.

Ronan jerks me even harder against him, and before I can even inhale, he captures my lips in a kiss so searing, I fear flames might erupt around us right on this first day of winter. His mouth covers mine, taking everything that I’ve been unwilling to give. More like demanding. And damn me and my traitorous body, I surrender with only a pathetic final protest, melting into him.

I’m letting him devour me at the same time my mind’s screaming at me to pull away so I can retain a shred of dignity. In a burst of rational thought, I twist away from him and look up into his face. Those damn blue eyes dance with mirth, and fire, and…triumph. I reach out my hand again, wanting more than anything to connect my flesh to his in a way where I can gain control. He grabs my wrist, but this time he brings my hand between his legs. His cock throbs and pulses underneath my palm, and all my self-righteous anger fades away.

“I think ‘tis time yer use yer hands for somethin’ more productive, woman,” he rasps, and I feel him grow harder under my palm. “Don’t defy me again.”

As if I’m in some kind of hypnotic trance, I sink to my knees. If I’d had a drink before going on stage, I’d swear he slipped something in it. I imagine him standing in front of a sacrificial altar, casting a spell on me that makes me want to jump to perform his warped bidding.

Even knowing how foolish I am, I slowly unzip his jeans, never losing eye contact with those piercing blue orbs. He holds my stare, demanding I give him exactly what he wants. All of me. The price is too high but that doesn’t stop me from capitulating. Every nerve in my body fires on all cylinders, my blood rushing through my veins. I want to be possessed in a way I’ve never been before.

When Ronan makes his incessant and unreasonable demands, something comes over me, stealing my senses. Like he’s giving me the space to forget the parts of my life where I’m forced to become a caricature of myself. With him, I can let all of that pretending fall away, and I come into myself as a woman in a way I’ve never been before.

As Sarah.

He’s so big, so powerful. And yet…there’s a gentleness about him too. Not everyone can see it. But I can. I can see all of Ronan O’Farrell, even the parts he keeps hidden and locked away so tightly.

“Yer laggin’, Savie. Put yer mouth on me. I want yer to suck me ‘til I come straight down yer throat.”

I don’t want to fight with him anymore, I just want to wrap my lips around him. I want it even more than he does. My mouth waters and another flood of wetness pools between my legs. I don’t even care that someone could barge into this flimsy tent and see me going down on a man I barely know.

I take his straining cock in my hand and work it into my open mouth. I have to stretch my lips wide, but I delight in the strength and power there. The throbbing heat takes over as I close my lips around him and my eyes flutter shut. Ronan’s hands slide into my hair to pull me close. I know if I don’t do what he likes, he’ll give me a little pull to correct me.

I move my head back and forth, his steely shaft popping in and out of my mouth. Using my tongue to stroke his length, I enjoy the sound of a strangled moan as it leaves his lips. I’m getting to him, and it gives me a power unlike any I’ve ever experienced. I’m no blushing virgin, but I’m not loose either. Ever since I became Savannah Starr, the men I’ve been with have worshipped me in a way that becomes a turn off within months.

Not Ronan O’Farrell.

I’m on my knees worshipping at the altar of his monster cock and loving every second of it. He’s too big for me to take the whole length inside my mouth, and I move my hands to cover the inches I can’t take. After trying to close my fingers around the base, I finally give up and work him over as best I can, sucking in my cheeks and using my tongue underneath.

I feel Ronan moving against me, and I glance up, wanting to see his face. His eyes are closed. Seems he’s unable to stick to his own rules in this twisted game. I reach down to touch myself as I suck, feeling dirty and raw as I do. Swirling my tongue around the tip of Ronan’s cock, I lick up the salty essence of his unique taste.

“Don’t stop, Savie.”

My pussy clenches at his words, and I know he’s close. I moan against his skin and he pulls me even closer, becoming frantic in his breathing and movements. I love the feeling of his fingers tangled in my hair, guiding me to his greatest pleasure. This is the first time I’ve ever tasted a man in this way, but I’m not worried. It’s like I want to take a part of Ronan with me when I go, take his DNA into my body.

I rub myself faster as I pleasure him, and my own breathing becomes haggard. I’m going to come with a cock in my mouth and underneath the pressure of my own hand. Thank God TMZ can’t see me now, vulnerable and surrendering to a man that more closely resembles a Neanderthal than any metrosexual on the streets of L.A.

I’m about to explode, I’m so close. I moan again, and this time Ronan lifts his hips, thrusting himself so deep inside my mouth it almost trips my gag reflex. Looking up at him, our eyes meet as we slip over the edge together. Sucking down every drop, I realize I’m never, ever going to be the same once I leave Wintervale.

Because…just as I’m taking a part of him with me, I’m also leaving a part of me behind.