America
My toes sparkled in the sun, freshly painted with Pretty in Pink. They wiggled as I relished the thin sheen of sweat on my skin and the heat dancing off the pavement surrounding the turquoise water. I was surely burning under the bright rays, but I remained on the white plastic slats of my lounge chair, happy to soak in the vitamin D, even with the little shits in 404B splashing like heathens.
My sunglasses fell down for the tenth time, the salty beads on the bridge of my nose making them slide around like a stick of melting butter.
Abby held up her water bottle. “Here’s to having the same day off.”
I held up mine and touched it to hers. “I’ll drink to that.”
We both tipped up our beverages, and I felt the cool liquid glide down my throat. I set the bottle down next to me, but it slipped from my hand and rolled under my chair.
“Damn it,” I said, protesting but not moving. It was too hot to move. It was too hot to do anything but stay in the air-conditioning or lie by the pool, intermittently slithering in the water before we spontaneously combusted.
“What time does Travis get off work?” I asked.
“Five,” she breathed.
“When does he go out of town again?”
“Not for two weeks, unless something comes up.”
“You’re awfully patient about this.”
“About what? Him making a living? It is what it is,” she said.
I turned onto my stomach and faced her, my cheek flat against the slats. “You’re not worried?”
Abby lowered her glasses and peered over them at me. “Should I be?”
“Nothing. I’m stupid. Ignore me.”
“I think the sun is frying your brain,” Abby said, pushing up her glasses. She settled back against her lounger, her body relaxed.
“I told him.”
I didn’t look at her, but I could feel Abby staring at the side of my face.
“Told who what?” she asked.
“Shep. I told him—sort of, in a way—that I was ready.”
“Why don’t you tell him for sure, directly, that you’re ready?”
I sighed. “I might as well ask him myself.”
“You two are exhausting.”
“Has he said anything to Travis?”
“No. And you know anything Trav tells me in confidence is off-limits.”
“That’s not fair. I would tell you, if I knew it was important. You’re a shit friend.”
“But I’m a great wife,” she said, not an ounce of apology in her voice.
“I told him we should visit my parents before classes start. A road trip.”
“Fun.”
“I’m hoping he gets the hint to pop the question.”
“Shall I plant a seed?”
“It’s already been planted, Abby. If he doesn’t ask me, it’s because he doesn’t want to … anymore.”
“Of course he does. You’ve been together three years in August. That’s not quite three months away, and it’s definitely not the longest a girl has waited for a ring. I think it just feels like it because Trav and I eloped so fast.”
“Maybe.”
“Be patient. Rejection is hard for their egos to take.”
“Travis didn’t seem to mind.”
She ignored my jab. “Twice takes twice as long.”
“Rub it in, bitch,” I snapped.
“I didn’t mean—” Abby squealed as she was lifted off the lounger and into Travis’s arms.
He took two long strides and leaped into the pool. She was still screaming when they rose to the surface.
I stood and walked to the edge, crossing my arms. “You’re off early.”
“Had a cancellation at the gym.”
“Hi, baby,” Shepley said, wrapping his arms around me.
Unlike Travis, he was fully dressed, so I was safe.
“Hi,” I began.
But Shepley leaned, and soon, we were falling into the pool like a toppling pillar.
“Shepley!” I shrieked as we hit the surface of the water before going under.
He popped up and pulled me with him, cradling me in his arms. He shook his head and smiled.
“You’re nuts!” I said.
“It wasn’t planned, but it’s over a hundred fucking degrees outside. I’m baking,” Shepley said.
The little shits from the next building over splashed us once, but after just one frown from Travis, they were scrambling to get out of the pool.
I planted a kiss on Shepley’s lips, tasting the chlorine on his mouth. “Have you thought about the road trip?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I checked the weather. They’re supposed to have some gnarly stuff coming in.”
I frowned. “Really? I grew up in Tornado Alley. You think I give two shits about the weather?”
“What if it hails? The Charger …”
“Okay, we’ll take the Honda.”
“To Wichita?” His nose wrinkled.
“She can make it! She’s made it before!” I said, defensive.
Shepley dragged his legs through the water to the side, and then he lifted me to the concrete. He wiped water from his face and squinted up at me. “You want to drive the Honda to your parents’, this weekend, with storms coming. What’s so urgent?”
“Nothing. I just thought it would be nice to get away.”
“Just the two of you. A special road trip,” Abby said.
When Shepley turned to look at her, I shot my best friend a warning glare. Her stoic expression didn’t give anything away, but I still wanted to dunk her.
He traded glances with Travis and then turned back to face me, confusion scrolling across his face. “It’ll give us time to talk, I guess. We’ve been busy. That’ll be nice.”
“Exactly,” I said.
Once I spoke those words, something lit in Shepley’s eyes, and a million thoughts seemed to flip behind his eyes.
Whatever was bothering him, he shook it off and pushed himself up, pecking my lips. “If that’s what you want, I’ll ask off.”
“It’s what I want.”
He climbed out of the pool, his white T-shirt translucent, his jeans sopping wet, his sneakers squishing with each step. “I’ll go in and make the call. But we’ll take the Charger. It might be twenty-five years older, but it’s more dependable.”
“Thanks, baby,” I said, smiling, as he walked away. Once he was out of earshot, I turned to Abby, all emotion gone from my face. “You’re an asshole.”
Abby cackled.
Travis looked from Abby to me and back again. “What? What’s so funny?”
Abby shook her head. “I’ll tell you later.”
“No, you won’t!” I said, kicking water at her.
With his hand, Travis squeegeed droplets of water off his face, and then he kissed Abby’s temple. She left him, swimming to the side of the pool and climbing up the ladder. She took her towel off the lounger and dried off. Travis watched her like it was the first time he’d ever set eyes on her.
“I’m surprised you’re not pregnant yet,” I said.
Abby froze.
Travis frowned. “C’mon, Mare! Don’t say the P word. You’ll freak her out!”
“Why? Has it been on the table?” I asked my friend.
“A few times,” Abby said, looking pointedly at Travis. “He thinks I’m going to stop my birth control the moment we graduate.”
My eyebrows pushed up. “Are you?”
“No,” she said quickly. “Not until we buy a house.”
Travis’s expression intensified. “We have an extra bedroom.”
“Thanks, Mare,” Abby grumbled, bending over to rub the towel over her legs.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’m going in. We have a road trip to plan.”
“Hey. If you go, be careful. Shep’s right. The weather is supposed to be bad. Maybe you should wait until the storm season is over.”
“If we don’t go now, we’ll get busy. Once classes start, it will be too late. We’ll have to wait until a break.” I looked to the ground. “The way he’s been acting, I don’t know if he’ll be patient much longer.”
“He’ll wait forever, Mare,” Abby said.
“Too late for what?” Travis asked, climbing out of the pool. “What’s he waiting on?”
“Nothing.” I shot Abby a warning glare before gathering my things and pushing out of the gate. I closed it behind me, keeping my hand on the hot metal. “Keep your mouth shut. You might be his wife, but you were my friend first.”
“Okay, okay,” Abby said, cowering under my stare.
Shepley
“Thanks, Janice. I appreciate it.” I tapped the red button and set the phone on the bed.
Janice had loved me since the moment I stepped into her office for the interview. What had started out as a gopher job had turned into administrative work, and then I’d somehow ended up in the wealth management department. Janice was hoping I’d stay on after I graduated college, promising me promotions and opportunities galore, but my heart wasn’t in it.
I stared at the almost empty drawer of my nightstand. That’s where my heart is.
Once the display light on my cell phone disappeared, the darkness of the room surrounded me. The summer evening sun snuck in through the sides of the curtains, creating faint shadows on the walls.
We’d lived here for less than a year, and already, the walls were crowded with frames holding our memories. It hadn’t been hard to mesh our belongings because the last two years had been us and our and we. Now, I wasn’t sure if it was a symbol of our lives together or if it was a memorial of the couple we used to be.
I’d regretted proposing since the moment America said no. We had become different after that.
I rubbed the muscle between my shoulder and neck. It was thick with tension. I’d already peeled off my wet clothes and wrapped a towel around my waist. It was fluffy, something I hadn’t required before living with my girlfriend, but I had come to appreciate it along with the smell of her lotion on the sheets and the boxes of tissue in every room of the apartment. Even the clutter on her nightstand had become comforting.
I became glaringly aware of the drawer in the nightstand. It held only one item—a small dark red box. Inside was the ring I fantasized putting on her finger, the ring she’d wear on our wedding day, fitting perfectly over a matching band. I’d purchased it two years before and taken it out as many times.
We had a long road trip ahead, and I was going to take it along for the ride. Our drive to Kansas would mark the third time the box would be seeing the outside of that drawer, and I wondered if it would return to its home. I wasn’t sure what it might mean if it did, but I couldn’t keep wondering and waiting.
My hands felt scratchy and dry when I interlaced my fingers and looked at the floor, wondering if I should produce a flowery proposal like last time or if I should just go for it. Asking her to marry me this time would amount to so much more. If she said no, she would have to talk about what was next. I knew America wanted to get married someday because she’d talked about it to me and to Abby with me in the room.
Maybe she just doesn’t want to marry me.
Worrying that it would never be the right time for America to say yes had become a daily torment. No was such a tiny word, yet it had affected me. It had affected us. But I loved her too much to push the subject. I was too afraid she would say something I didn’t want to hear.
Then there were the tiny scraps of hope—like her talking about the future and the larger confirmations, like moving in together. But even as we’d unpacked the boxes, I’d wondered if she had just agreed to get an apartment because she was too stubborn to admit to her parents that they were right about us not being ready.
Still, the fear of the truth kept me from asking. I loved her too much to let her go that easily. She would have to fight to leave as much as I would fight to keep her. I questioned my sanity for even considering proposing a third time, and I feared it would be the first agonizing day of many where I would have to learn to live without her.
If she said yes though, it would make pushing through all that fear to ask worth it.
“Baby?” America called. The front door closed behind her words.
“In the bedroom,” I replied.
She opened the door and flipped on the light. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
“Just got off the phone with Janice. She wasn’t super happy about the late notice, but she gave me Friday off.”
“Sweet!” she said, dropping her towel. “I’m going to take a shower. Want to join me? Or are you going to the gym?”
“I can go in the morning,” I said, scrambling to my feet.
America tugged on a string as she walked, and her bikini top fell to the ground. She paused a few steps later to shimmy the bottoms down her thighs, and then she let them fall the rest of the way.
I followed behind her, picking up pieces of clothing as I went. She reached beyond the curtain to turn the knob and frowned at me while I tossed her clothes into the hamper.
“Really? You’re cleaning up after me?”
I shrugged. “It’s just a habit, Mare. It’s compulsive. I can’t help myself.”
“How did you live with Travis?” she asked.
Thinking about Travis immediately made the beginnings of a hard-on disappear. “It was a lot of work.”
“Is living with me a lot of work?”
“You’re not that bad. It’s preferable. Trust me.”
She pulled back the curtain and then pinched my towel, pulling until the tucked portion was free. The fluffy cotton was on the ground, and then so was America.
With one hand, I gripped the edge of the Formica surrounding the sink, and with the other, I gently buried my fingers in her still wet hair. Her mouth was remarkable. She used one hand to grip my girth, and with just enough suction and a hint of teeth, she teased and sucked me until I began to worry that I was going to lift the Formica right off the cabinet.
Soon, I was coming, but she didn’t relent, her mouth working me until I was finished. I lifted her to stand and then ripped at the curtain, pushing her backward and then turning her around. With one hand between her legs and the other clutching the slick skin of her hip, I kissed her shoulder while I sank myself deep inside her. The sound she made was enough to make me come a second time, but I waited for her.
I worked my fingers in a circle on her soft skin, smiling when she began writhing against my hand, whispering for more. While I rocked against her, agonizingly slow, she continued whimpering and moaning.
The water cascaded over her back, pushing her hair to one side or another, and I ran my palm over her bronze skin, savoring every inch, hoping she would remember how good we were together when the time came to make a decision.
The pitch of her cries became higher, that adorable yelping she made when she climaxed. Unable to stop, I rammed myself into her, over and over, until I came again, slowing as she did, panting even though we’d been at it for no more than twenty minutes.
America turned around to look at me, wearing nothing but a flirtatious grin. She stood, pulling away from me—which was the worst feeling in the world—and then she wrapped her arms around my neck as the water poured over our heads.
“I love you,” she whispered.
I raked my hands through each side of her hair, sliding my tongue into her mouth. I hoped it was enough.