Thirteen
James didn’t say a lot after that. He looked weary as he picked up my legs once more and rubbed the tender flesh of my ass, noting that I winced as he did so. He warmed the area up with his hands for a good few minutes before I felt compelled to speak. I needed to get this over with.
“Do you still want me to count?” I whispered. If he did, I was in trouble - I had no idea what number we’d ended on, and the thought of going back to the start was unbearable.
“No. This finishes when you cry. You can either look at it as a personal challenge to have the sorest backside in the UK, or you can give me what I want and then try to get some sleep. It’s up to you, Lois. It’s four am now, but I can and will go as long as it takes to get you to that place.”
“I don’t want to go there,” I whispered. It wasn’t the pain I was frightened of, it was the tears. Once they started, it was almost impossible to stop them.
“I know you don’t, Lois, which is why I’m being upfront with you. You need to go there. Daily. It’s going to hurt you, psychologically, but that’s nothing compared to what’s going down once you begin this op. All I can do is prepare you for it, and I’m telling you that you need to get comfortable with tears. I’m here for you. I won’t let you fall. You can do this.”
“Remember, you asked for this,” I whispered.
“No, you asked for this, Lois, and it will probably rank as one of the craziest things you’ve ever done.” His hand began slamming into my rear with frightening intensity, and I couldn’t catch my breath. The man was serious about his threat, and if I ever wanted to sit down again, I needed to give him what he wanted and quickly.
My mind fluttered back to Kiel, against its better judgement. I’d already compartmentalised him to a back locker of my brain, and he’d been filed under ‘Deceased. Do not open.’ There was no other option that would give me what James wanted, though, so I had to open the box of worms and take the inevitable suffering that would accompany it. Even so, my fingers hesitated as they grasped the lid of my memories. Whilst the box wanted to be opened, the lid burned my hands. As I fought to prise it upwards, an incandescent light began to spill out everywhere, and then I was everywhere and nowhere… all at once.
The tears were almost instant. In my head, Kiel was very much alive and well. He was wrapped around my body, his legs entangled between mine, our naked skin deliciously warm under the thick double duvet that encased us lovingly in its grasp. I felt his arms wrapped around me, one gently kneading a breast as the other reached between my legs. The divine feeling of contentment was fleeting. I tried to cling on to it as long as I could, but once the box had been awakened, it could not be stopped. There was one moment of transient pleasure, and then all the awful crap that had been violently squashed into that box exploded.
There was the cop knocking at my door who’d barely been able to get a word out edgeways without stammering. The horror on his face as he delivered his message would always stay with me. I’d almost felt sorry for the poor bastard, but at that moment in time, I had bigger things to worry about. My rug had just been yanked out from underneath me, and nothing would ever be the same again. The horrors didn’t stop there, though.
It had been a fatal motorcycle accident. The death had been instant, so the officer told me, which in turn meant it had been messy. I’d always told Kiel that his bike would be the death of him. It had been a Ducati Streetfighter, and it was his pride and joy. He drove the thing around like it had rocket boosters, but the last person he’d ever listen to would have been me. He knew best. Most of the time he did, but not on that cursed day.
When I got to the coroner’s office, I asked if I could see the body, but he advised me against it. Basically, they’d had to scrape Kiel up off the ground and he was virtually unrecognisable. The decision was mine at the end of the day, and he didn’t make it for me, but I decided that viewing a mangled lump of flesh covered in blood wasn’t going to help with closure. Besides, I’d seen enough death in my lifetime. I had no desire to stare it in the face yet again, knowing full well it would haunt my dreams.
On the day of his funeral, I was a wreck. Getting out of bed that morning required an almost inhumane effort, and my best friend ended up dragging me almost bodily to the church. I was so numb that performing even the simplest of tasks became virtually impossible. The glue that had held me together for so long had finally come unstuck, and there was no way I could piece myself back together again. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to. An all-consuming, ravaging guilt ate away at me, and atonement for my sins wasn’t going to be possible. He was dead, stone cold dead. Nothing was going to change that and I need to get onboard with the program. It was easier said than done. Every night I went to sleep, my arm reached for him - every morning I awoke, my body flailed around looking for its missing part. Everything in the house reminded me of him, and it got to a stage where I thought it might be almost impossible to exist without him. We had been united as a whole, and now there was just a spare part. Me.
“Lois.” The voice sounded so far away I could barely hear it through my choked, hiccupping sobs. Breathing was almost impossible, and the flood of tears prevented me from seeing a damn thing. Besides, I was lost within my own little bubble of misery, and I was quite happy there, because Kiel was back beside me, and I hadn’t thought of him for so long now.
“Lois, come back to me.” The voice was stronger now. Cajoling, almost threatening, but I ignored it. What did I care for a voice? There was only one voice I needed to hear, and he could only speak to me in this place. ‘I love you, more than you’ll ever realise, Kat. You will never lose me. I intend to get so far inside that body and mind of yours that you’ll need life support if we’re ever apart.’ If only he’d known how close to the truth those beautiful words had been.
“Lois! Look at me, Lois. Breathe.” The volume of those words was impossible to ignore and my eyes snapped open, though the image of James towering above me was blurry at best. Realizing I hadn’t sucked in a breath in quite some time, I took a huge, sucking gulp of air and tried to calm myself down.
“That’s it, Lois. Nice and easy. Focus on the here and now. We got where we needed to go. The session’s over and we’re done for the night. I’m going to stay with you for a bit. I don’t really want to leave you after all that you’ve been through.” James’s arms were now tight around my body, and I realized that he’d unfastened the cuffs at some point. My arms were now free, and although they were a little sore, they’d work well enough come morning. I’d deal with James then. Right now I was so damn tired, I thought I was melting into the bed sheets.
“I’ll be okay,” I mumbled sleepily, but I was already drifting off. The exhaustion of the last few hours had finally caught up with me, and my body was shutting down. I hadn’t the will or energy to fight him. Tomorrow would be another day.
“Yes, you will. I’ll be right next to you, Lois. Sleep well, my little lioness.” I felt his hands in my hair, taking soothing strokes down its length, and I let my body relax. It felt nice to spoon with a warm, breathing body behind me, even if it wasn’t the one I wanted. When sleep came for me in a few minutes time, I would neither care nor be worried about the fact. Analyzing all the implications of our rather sordid, temporary relationship could come later - much, much later, hopefully.
The nightmares that had been absent these last five years returned with a vengeance. Everyone that had ever held a knife to my throat or a gun to my back seemed to reappear in my brain, over and over again. It was bizarre, really. Now that I didn’t fear death, and was almost actively trying to meet it head-on, they’d reappeared for kicks. I found myself running down dark alleyways, thrown into deep, dark holes, and covered with mud, before scrambling over rusty barbed wire fences that cut my skin to ribbons. They were just a few of my dark hours, but thankfully I awoke, gasping for breath, before I got to my favorite one.
Trying to move my arms and tug the cover up over my body, it was with shock that I realized I was stuck solid in position, with a pair of arms wrapped around me.
“Lois? You okay?” My arms were then released gently, and I was flipped over so I came face to face with my dark tormentor. He looked concerned, which was never a good sign.
“Sorry. Nightmare. I’ll settle down now,” I whispered, trying to turn back to my previous position, but he wouldn’t let me.
“Do you have them regularly, Lois?” I didn’t mistake his question for concern. He was worried I was going to flip out on this op, and would use any excuse possible to get rid of me. He’d need to try harder.
“This is the first one I’ve had in five years. I thought I was past them. Perhaps it’s just the emotional trauma of the day making itself known.” I sighed softly, and he allowed me to turn around this time.
“We’ll keep an eye on them. There are meds I can give you, but when you enter Carte Blanche, you go in empty handed, so it’s better if you don’t rely on drugs to sleep. If you need them to get a couple night’s decent sleep, though, I’ll get some down here.”
“I’ll be fine. You needn’t worry about me,” I whispered.
I couldn’t help but wonder why the nightmares had returned. Maybe it was because James had got one over on me today. I wasn’t used to losing. Perhaps that had triggered them. He was probably the best thing that could have happened to me right now. Together we could hone my edge to a fine, sharp point, which wouldn’t do me any harm when faced with a bunch of street thugs shortly. I’d probably need all the help I could get, and I was more than willing to take it.
His arms tightened around my body, as if trying to reassure me that nothing was going to happen to me, but the sentiment was wasted. It was going to happen, and my life was a ticking time bomb until that day arrived.
When I awoke the next morning, the sun was streaming through the window. It was so bright the time must have been approaching midday. I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept in so late. What the hell was wrong with me? Bringing my hand up to shield my eyes, I was not amused to find myself back in handcuffs. My fist moved an inch and stopped abruptly with a loud clang. How the hell had he managed that while I was asleep?
“You bastard,” I yelled as loudly as I could. My words were met with silence. Great. If he’d gone shopping and left me like this, I could be here for an hour or more. Banging the handcuffs against the bed frame in annoyance, I flailed my legs about on the bed like a two-year old. Get a grip, Lois.
“Nice look.” James sauntered into the room, freshly showered, wearing nothing more than a pair of jeans and a towel around his neck. It did not improve my mood.
“What the hell do you think you’re playing at?” I yelled.
He picked up the towel, rubbed at his damp hair, and took a leisurely look up and down the length and breadth of my body. It was just as well he’d used the cuffs, otherwise I’d be trying to decapitate him right now.
“Exactly what I’m supposed to be playing. Today is the day I show you who’s boss, because believe me when I say Dumortier will. You need to learn to obey immediately and without question, no matter what the command. There is no room for questions at Carte Blanche. You need to focus, Lois. By the way, you omitted the word ‘Sir,’ and that will need to be addressed later.”
“Yes, Sir,” I said through gritted teeth. He was right. What on earth was I doing? I could not think straight around this man, and it was frightening. He had my body on edge and my hormones clamoring for attention.
“You’ll need to work on that, too. You have to say it like you mean it, Lois. You say the word ‘Sir’ like it’s about as attractive as venereal disease. It’s a term of respect. If you can’t whisper it like a lover, at least try and make it sound respectful.”
“Why are you making this so difficult?” I got out through gritted teeth.
He looked at me, narrowed his eyes, and shot back, “And what do you think it’s going to be like with Dumortier? A walk in the park? You’ll have some fun, sever his jugular, and be home in time for tea and cakes?” He gave me a sardonic look.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then it should be. I’m going to make this as difficult as possible for you, and if you cave along the way, so much the better. I wouldn’t put anyone inside that building with more than a twenty percent chance of coming out alive. That twenty percent would be some of the best operatives I’ve worked with, and you don’t feature anywhere on that list, Lois. So listen to what I have to tell you and pay attention. Whilst we’re at it, you need to shut up. You have two ears and one mouth, and you’re going to need to remember that. Listen and learn, Lois.”
“Yes, Sir.” Having been duly chastised, with a keg of paraffin liberally doused over my ego before it was set on fire, I tried to remember my objective. He was the boss. I needed to remember that.
“I’m going shopping. I’ll be back in an hour.”
“Can you untie me first?”
“Absolutely not. And I’m doing a thorough strip search before you go, so I don’t walk back in here to find a gun at the back of my head. The only way you’re escaping that setup is if you have something on your person that can pick locks, and I’m about to make sure that you don’t.”
“Is there a gun in here?” I asked innocently.
“No, but even if there was, you wouldn’t be able to kill me with it. I’m fucking immortal. Haven’t you heard?”
“You’re hilarious. Go do your shopping. I like my bacon crisp and my eggs over easy, by the way.” I winked at him, and in hindsight, that was probably the wrong thing to do.
The man was between my legs in a heartbeat, and before I knew what was happening, he’d sucked my entire clit into his mouth. My mouth opened, but all that came out was a whimper. What rare and unusual punishment was I to face this time?
“Stop that,” I managed to whisper, but either he didn’t hear me or he didn’t care. His fingers began to dip inside me, and I was mortified to find I was already wet. The man had only been in the room ten seconds. My body had no shame. Immediately tensing up, he began to soothe me with his fingers and hands. They were running up my legs, over my stomach, kneading the flesh of my breasts, and I couldn’t think. If you’d asked me what day of the week it was, I would have been lost.
“Relax,” he whispered, stopping for a moment to look at me. His lips were glistening and his eyes were dark. It seemed I wasn’t the only one aroused. Closing my eyes to block out the image he presented, I squeaked, “Found anything down there yet?”
The question was met with a deep, throaty chuckle, damn the man to hell and back. “No, but I intend to do a very, very thorough investigation.”
Oh God.
“There are so many delicious hiding places on a human body, and I am going to explore them all.” His wet fingers began a trail up to my ass, and I knew exactly what was coming next.”
“You’d better have some decent life insurance in place when you decide to untie me.” My words were rough and uneven. They didn’t sound quite as I’d intended them to, unfortunately.
“That’s why I’m going to feed you breakfast, Lois. I might even leave you like this all day. Having you tied up and at my mercy has its advantages, I think.”
As a finger shot inside my ass, I groaned loudly, unable to help my hips from rising up off the bed.
“You have no idea,” he replied, with a great big smile across his face. Oh, if I had hands to slap him with. Forget that, I just wanted to break his neck.
“You said you weren’t going to fuck me,” I pointed out. “So what do you call this?”
He sank his teeth into my clit for a painful second, and I screamed out loud. There was no preventing the sound, and my whole body throbbed painfully while I waited for his answer.
“This is foreplay, Lois. My cock isn’t ever going to go here,” three fingers thrust into my pussy, “or here.” His thumb pressed into my ass in order to drive his point home. The feeling was halfway between heaven and hell, with a little more emphasis on heaven. “I’ll need to take your mouth, because you won’t want to be a novice at deep-throating, but that’s all you’re getting from me. It’s all I’m prepared to give you, quite frankly. Now pay attention to my fingers, lips, and tongue, because you’ll need to demonstrate what you’ve learned upon me later. Then you can get your own back. Let that drive you, my little lioness. I have a feeling the word ‘revenge’ is not new to you.”
James didn’t utter another word. It would have been pointless, in any case. I began screaming my way through my first orgasm, and he made me suffer through another five agonizing climaxes before he’d finished with me. I’m not sure I stopped screaming throughout the entire experience, other than to beg him to stop. My legs were now shaking so badly, the bed rattled, and the rest of my body felt like liquid. It was almost as if I’d dissolved into the bed, and my head was swimming as if to confirm it.
When James sat up and wiped his mouth along his forearm, he looked so damn sexy that I almost wanted to the return the favor. If I’d had an ounce of energy left in my body and wasn’t handcuffed to bed frame, I might have, but my options were currently limited.
“I don’t think you’ve managed to conceal anything on your person,” he said, nodding his head smugly.
My oral sex thoughts of reciprocation disappeared instantly. “If I had managed to hide a lock pick inside my ass, I might find it a little tricky to get to in my current state,” I murmured silkily.
“Oh, I wouldn’t put anything past you, Lois. You’re a very talented, not to mention responsive, young lady.” He began pulling a black T-shirt over his head, and I wanted to weep as the abs disappeared from view.
“But still one of the worst operatives you’ve ever come across. It’s probably because I’m a girl, right?” My sarcasm gene was in full force.
“Probably, but there’s not much we can do about that.” He winked at me, and then slapped my thigh, before turning around and walking straight through the door.
If I could have thrown something at his retreating back, I would have. Alas, I had to settle for glowering at him as he left me to my own devices to sweat it out for another hour or so. When the time came to kill him, I promised myself it would be a very long and extremely painful ordeal.
“Hi honey, I’m home.” Those were the words that announced my hour of purgatory was up. I was not amused.
“I’m just going to put some croissants in the oven, and I’ll be right up. I’m enjoying the thought of feeding you, by the way. I like getting my fingers messy.” James’s overly cheerful voice was nearly my undoing.
Kicking the bed again in a fit of pique, I growled to myself. Staring at the plain ceiling shade above me, and focusing on the incandescent bulb within, I had a nasty feeling that my spell in purgatory was only just beginning. It wasn’t that I was stupid. I was well aware that I was actively trying to annoy the man at every possibility, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. James didn’t even have to be in the same room as me for my hands to want to curl into fists. Yes, I found him attractive. Yes, I knew that the feeling wasn’t reciprocated in any real way. Yes, I was extremely annoyed that I’d been daydreaming about him non-stop these last few weeks. Perhaps this was a crush? Love was basically a disease, anyway. Research had proven that people falling in love had a marked drop in serotonin levels, similar to those with OCD’s. So I probably needed therapy, and let me tell you, there was no way I was going for any more of that.
Find a different approach to the problem, Lois, I told myself. Perhaps if I took his advice and did everything he said, I could be out of this house much quicker than anticipated. It was certainly worth a try.
“Ah, there you are. I was wondering where I left you.” James strode into the room, looking superbly sexy in the well-worn jeans that hugged his delectable ass and the tight black tee that fondled each and every one of his muscles with considerable affection. It took me some time to notice he was carrying a plastic tray that was filled with a steaming mug of coffee, a glass of orange juice, and several pastries. I think it was the smell that finally alerted me to their presence, and once I’d got a taste for breakfast, my stomach began noisily telling me that I was ravenous, and had been for the past two hours or so.
“You are not funny, Sir.”
He looked at me oddly. “So it’s Sir now, is it? What’s gotten into you?” He looked at me quizzically.
I gave him a rueful smile. “Fighting you every step of the way is counterproductive to our goal. You were right. I signed up for this. The least I can do is try to follow your instructions.”
“It would be easier if you did, though I assure you you’re not going to like them very much.” The expression he bore confirmed as much.
Setting the tray down on the bedside table, James picked up a croissant and began to break a small corner off. “Open wide.”
Though it pained me to do so, I did as he instructed and let him place a piece of the buttery, flaky pastry inside my mouth, resisting the temptation to bite him as I did so.
“Eat.” I didn’t need to be told twice. The little morsel was nearly swallowed whole, and it was followed by, “Please can I have some more, Sir?”
“You learn pretty fast for a beginner,” he chuckled. When the next mouthful came my way, I let my tongue entangle with his fingers, sucking them gently before he pulled them swiftly from my lips.
“Ah, is that the game we’re playing now, Lois? Are you going to try and see if you can arouse me?” He brushed another tantalizing morsel of croissant across my lips, but when I reached out for it, he snatched it back out of my reach.
“No fair,” I complained. “If you get to tease me, I think I should be able to tease you.” The pastry came near my lips again, close enough that I could smell it, but nowhere near close enough for me to reach it. Then, with a wicked grin, James placed it inside his mouth, and to add insult to injury, he licked his fingers slowly.
“Too bad,” I pouted. “But I guess you’re doing my waistline a favor.” My stomach noisily disagreed.
James shook his head, and before I knew what was happening, another, rather large piece of pastry was heading my way. I almost opened my mouth in panic.
“About that. You’re far too thin.”
It took me a minute to finish my massive mouthful, but then I managed, “Says who?” I don’t know why I gave a damn what James thought of my personal body shape, but somehow the comment annoyed me.
“If you want to get into to Alain’s little gang, then you’re going to need to fill out a little. You need to disguise the six pack, for starters.”
“Oh.” I held onto the single syllable for a little longer than necessary. I guess I hadn’t considered that.
“The man has distinctive tastes. He likes long-haired brunettes, around a size eight or ten, and he doesn’t like them with too much up top. Alain’s a wily bastard, though. If he spots that six pack, he’ll immediately think you’re a threat. There aren’t too many subs that train that hard, and he won’t take the risk that you might be an operative.”
“That’s easily solved. It’s also great news that I won’t have to have a boob job,” I said sarcastically.
“If he liked them with a fully stocked rack, believe me, you’d go under the knife. Sharkey has a vested interest in this, and the firm will stop at nothing to get what they want.”
“Which is?” It sounded like James knew a hell of lot more than me, and all of a sudden I wanted some answers.
“I’ll leave that for you to figure out in your own sweet time… if you can,” he added. I shouldn’t think you’ll last more than a week in there. That’s why I don’t want anyone in Alain’s house. There’s a big risk you’ll come out irreparably damaged at best, or at worst, dead, Lois, and I’m not trying to scare you. If you thought the little stunt I pulled at Elite Encounters was bad, you haven’t seen anything yet. Alain’s a kinky fucker with a monstrous side, and he’ll put you through the works. I might have agreed to train you, but I intend to do everything I can in the next few weeks to make sure you run back to Mommy. Are we clear?”
I pretended to consider that before looking him square in the eye. “If you’re fattening me up, is there any chance you can get donuts tomorrow?” I asked innocently.