CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
THE SMELL OF bleach hung heavy in the stagnant air, burning my nose and causing my eyes to water. I sat on the edge of the cot with my bare feet planted on the cold cement ground. My hands were folded in my lap, and I stared straight ahead, looking at the bottom of the basement stairs.
I slowly blinked; my eyelids threatened to shut. My stomach twisted with hunger. I was so thirsty that my lips were dry and sticking together. It had to be well past midnight, and I had been sitting on the edge of the cot ever since I returned from Paradise.
A sharp click came from the stairs. I didn’t allow myself to feel anything. Another lock opened. Still nothing. The third lock shot back. I was empty inside. I imagined the oval knob slowly spinning as someone opened the door. The hinges creaked, and the wooden plank of the top step protested under someone’s weight. Then the door clicked shut. My brain wouldn’t allow me to process any emotions. It had switched into survival mode, and I couldn’t handle anything else. Cold and numb, I kept my eyes on the base of the stairs.
“Addie?” Jackson called. A tiny wave of warmth flowed over me. “Addie are you awake?” He hurried down the stairs, his sock-covered feet not making a sound. Concern muddled his face when he saw my blank stare. “How are you holding up?”
He crossed the basement and sat next to me. I soaked in his heat and instantly felt alive. Tears pooled in my eyes. A shiver ran down my spine. Jackson turned toward me and gently placed his hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes, pushing the tears out. They rolled down my cheeks. Jackson used his thumb to wipe them away.
I took in a shaky breath and put my hands on his thighs. “Jackson,” I started but my voice choked up. I had no idea how to say what I needed to tell him.
“It’s okay, Addie,” he replied and lightly put his lips on mine.
“Nate had an auction,” I whispered, keeping my face close to Jackson’s. I moved my hands up his thighs and around his waist.
“I know,” he said back. “Zane and the new guy are passed out drunk. They were celebrating how much money they made today.” He shook his head. “Nate has one every few years. He sells the girls who get too old to bring in clients.”
I bit my quivering lip and pulled Jackson closer to me. I didn’t want to tell him. The thought of hurting Jackson was unbearable. He didn’t deserve this—any of this. I would do anything to make him happy, and it killed me knowing what this would do.
“I …” A sob began to form in the back of my throat.
Jackson wrapped his arms around me. My heart swelled, and the same flutter ran through me. I loved Jackson so much. I didn’t want him to let me go. I rested my head against his chest and focused on his steady heartbeat. He kissed the top of my head and ran his hands over my hair.
“Jackson,” I tried again and sniffled. I straightened up, blinking back tears. There was no way to say it and make it better. I took a breath and spit it out. “Nate sold me today.”
Jackson shook his head. “No. No. Not you. H-he wouldn’t. Not you. No,” he stammered. “It’s too risky. You were kidnapped. People are looking for you. Why would he? No, he wouldn’t. Not you.” He sucked in a breath, close to panicking.
“Yes,” I said firmly. “Me.” Jackson looked over my head and composed himself. “The man who bought me is from somewhere in Europe.” My voice cracked at the end, and the sob I had been holding back bubbled out of my mouth. “Nate said it was perfect, and he should have thought of it sooner. No one will know who I am over there. That’s why I haven’t been working. He was just waiting until he could get rid of me.”
“Addie …” he began. I could feel his pulse pounding, and his arms trembled as he clutched me. “If you leave the country, you will never be found.” His words cut through me, the truth searing at my soul.
“I know,” I whispered. “And I’ll never see you again.”
“Do you know when?” His voice was strained.
I moved my head up and down. “Three months. I’m his son’s fucking graduation present. And,” I paused, my gut twisting with disgust. I closed my eyes. “I’m staying under lock and key until then. Jackson,” I cried. “I can’t escape with you.” I pushed myself up onto my knees and looked into his chocolate eyes. “You have to do it. Escape without me. Send help.”
Jackson pulled me forward, I moved onto his lap, putting my legs around him. “Adeline, no,” he said gently. “They could still hurt you. Once they realize I’m gone …” He trailed off and let out an exasperated sigh. “They can take you somewhere else or … or ship you out of the country. I promised you that I would do everything I can to keep you safe, and I intend on keeping that promise.” His hands flattened against my back and he drew me in. “You have to be the one to escape.”
“How can I?” I asked, feeling so defeated. I put a hand on Jackson’s cheek, resting my forehead against his so that our noses brushed against each other.
Jackson kissed me. His lips were soft against mine, and his touch was so intimate, so gentle. The love I felt for him shed a ray of light on the dark cloud of fear I was in and made it all so much harder. I didn’t want to go to Europe and be a personal sex slave, and I didn’t want to leave Jackson.
“You run. You were right all along, Addie. If you just run, someone will find you. Run. Just run, and don’t look back.” His hand raked through my hair. “I’ll distract them, create a diversion long enough for you to get a head start.” He kissed me once more. “We should do it now while it’s dark. Stay off the road. It’ll be too easy for them to follow you.”
“Distract them?” I echoed, feeling like I was covered in cold mist. “How are you going to distract them from the alarm going off when the ankle bracelet leaves the house? There’s no way unless ... no!” I said too loudly. “Jackson, no! I know what you’re thinking.”
“Adeline,” he said calmly. His mind was made. “It’s the only way you’re going to get out of here. I love you. I always knew I would die here. I can’t think of a better reason than to die so you can live.”
“I don’t want you to die here,” I breathed. “There has to be another way!”’
“I know how much girls go for at auctions,” he spoke. “And I’m guessing Nate put a pretty high price on you. You’re not going to be left alone. Someone will be here, making sure you don’t escape, making sure I don’t try to help you escape. Adeline, please. Please let me do this for you.”
My heart pounded, and my chest rapidly rose and fell as I gulped in air. The fact that Jackson was willing to die for me only made me love him more. My emotions surged, and suddenly all I wanted was to feel. I wanted to feel Jackson’s skin against mine. I wanted to feel his tongue in my mouth. I wanted to feel our bodies pressed together, naked and sweaty. I wanted to feel free.
In a flurry of passion, I pressed my lips to his. Immediately receptive to the kiss, Jackson slid his hands back to my waist. I tipped my head, running my fingers through his hair. I moved my mouth from his lips to his neck. Jackson let out a breath when I sucked at the skin on his neck.
I curled my fingers around the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up. Jackson raised his arms over his head, and I removed his shirt. Carefully, I traced the ragged circle of scar tissue on his left bicep where the bullet had hit him. He cupped his fingers around my chin and gently tipped my head toward him.
And then we were kissing again. I leaned back onto the cot. Jackson moved on top of me, situating himself between my legs. I could feel his erection through his jeans, pressing against me and making my body ache for him, a feeling I hadn’t felt in so long. A feeling I wasn’t even sure I’d ever have again. But there it was, surging through my body. I wanted him as close as he could possibly be … physically and emotionally. I wanted to be together, to share something that could only be expressed in one way.
I moved my hands down, fingers settling on the button of his jeans, pulling it loose.
“Are you sure?” he whispered, his voice trembling.
“Yes,” I whispered back and pulled down the zipper. I pushed his pants down as far as I could reach. He sat up and kicked them off. Then he gently moved back onto me. I shook with nerves, feeling like it was my first time all over again. My heart pounded, but the love I felt for Jackson kept the fear away.
His rough hands slipped under the sweatshirt I was wearing. Slowly, he pulled it over my head. His dark eyes drank in the sight of my breasts, barely covered in purple lace. He nervously bit his lip and lowered himself back onto me.
His tongue entered my mouth after he removed my pants. I kept my eyes open, needing to see him, needing to know that it was Jackson who was on top of me with only the thin layers of our undergarments keeping us apart. It wasn’t hard to forget. He was gentle, careful. I could feel how much he loved me with each touch, each kiss.
Jackson kissed my neck again, slowly moving his hand down my stomach. I took a deep breath and let it out as he slipped his fingers inside my panties, reminding myself that I wanted this, that I wanted him. And only him.
But when he touched me, I panicked.
“Addie,” he said, moving off me so fast he fell off the cot. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it over me, feeling embarrassed and stupid. “Are you okay? Do you want me to leave?”
“No,” I said, heart still racing. “Please, no. I’m sorry.” I curled my legs up, shaking my head. “Just … just give me a minute.” I closed my eyes and focused on breathing, trying to steady myself. Jackson stayed at the foot of the cot, patiently waiting.
When I stopped shaking uncontrollably, I reached for him. “I want to try again.”
Jackson stood but didn’t move closer. “You don’t have to, Addie,” he said gently.
“I want to.”
He climbed back onto the cot and laid down next to me, spooning his body around mine. “We will take it slow, as slow as you need,” he whispered and put his hand on my hip.
I tensed, waiting for a flashback. When it didn’t come, I closed my eyes and relaxed against Jackson. “I think I’m more scared of the possibility of having a flashback than I am about having sex,” I admitted.
“I know what you mean,” he said. “So don’t feel bad if you want to stop, okay?”
I nodded. Knowing that Jackson had been assaulted too made me feel more comfortable. He knew everything, knew exactly what I had gone through. There were no secrets. Everything was out on the table, and he loved me anyway.
I put my hand on top of his and guided it between my legs. Keeping my hand over his helped. It made me feel in control. With my hand still over his, he gently touched me.
Jackson continued to work his fingers. He bent his head down and kissed the back of my neck. I relaxed a little more. I pushed his hand against me a little harder.
“I love you,” he whispered. I closed my eyes and felt my muscles loosen. I put my hand on Jackson’s face, feeling his day-old stubble and a few scars.
“I love you too,” I whispered back and moved his hand inside my underwear. I opened my eyes as I positioned his finger, trying to will my body not to tense. I had gotten myself to the point of being able to just lay there and take it when I was working, but I didn’t want to feel like that with Jackson.
“Are you sure this is okay?” he asked again. I nodded, and the way he was so patient and gentle eased my anxiety. He put his finger inside of me and waited.
I pulled his face to mine and kissed him while he began to move his fingers, reading me the whole time. I didn’t feel anything at first, but then his touch felt good, sending little pulses of pleasure down my thighs. I let go of another ball of stress and slipped my tongue in his mouth.
After several minutes, I longed for more. I put my hands on Jackson’s waist and guided him onto me. He settled between my legs, every inch of him pressing against me. I wasn’t scared. It was Jackson.
I tugged his boxers down and arched my back so he could take off my panties. He positioned himself to enter me and waited, wanting to make sure it was okay with me. I kissed him again and opened my eyes, needing to look at him when it happened. I gripped his arms and let out a steady breath. I nodded ever so slightly to Jackson. He put his lips against mine and entered me, only pushing himself in half way.
I took another breath and cupped my hands around his face. I felt my muscles relax. I reached down, putting my hands on the back of his thighs, and pulled him closer, pushing him all the way into me.
We took it slow. Jackson gently moved back and forth. He let out a soft moan of pleasure. I kept my hands on him, feeling him, guiding him on how fast or slow to go. Being in control was empowering. I was having sex on my own terms.
And I was starting to enjoy it.
“Adeline,” he panted, eyes fluttering open. “Are you—”
“Yes,” I answered before he could finish the question. “I … I am.” Pleasure tingled between my legs. I forced myself to relax, thinking only of Jackson and how much I loved him. A jolt of desire shot through me, winding tight in my stomach.
My eyes closed and I threw my head back, breath quickening. I wrapped my arms around Jackson, pressing my lips to his neck. I got hit with another flashback, though this one was different. The image of my room flashed before my eyes, and suddenly I imaged the both of us there, in my own bed.
The tight coil in my stomach sprung free as I had an orgasm. I threw my head back, unable to help the soft moan of pleasure that escaped from my lips. Jackson, who had been waiting for me to come first, climaxed seconds after I did. He lowered himself on me, kissing my neck. He picked his head up and looked into my eyes.
I smiled, heart still pounding. “I wasn’t sure if I would ever enjoy sex again,” I panted.
“Did you enjoy that?” he asked shyly.
“Yes. I did.” It had been healing. I had taken something back, a part of me that I was afraid was lost forever in the dark. “Did you?”
“Yes,” he said definitely. “I’d never …” he started then buried his head in my shoulder. He slid out of me and rolled to his side, pulling me close. My legs trembled slightly. “That was my …” he started then diverted his eyes, shaking his head.
“What is it, Jackson?” I asked gently and kissed him.
“I’d never done it before without being forced,” he blurted.
“Oh,” I said, and ran my fingers up and down his arm, feeling a little sick.
“I’m glad it was with you,” he said and tightened his arms around me. We stayed wrapped in each other’s embrace until our hearts stopped racing.
“We should get dressed,” Jackson said quietly. “In case …”
“I know,” I groaned. I didn’t want to get dressed. I didn’t want to think about what could happen. I wanted to stay there, crammed on the tiny cot, on top of Jackson. I wanted to feel nothing but him but that wasn’t going to happen.