Didi
I’m still shaking when I walk out of the bathroom. I take a few deep breaths, smooth down my hair and press my fingers to my lips, which, like every other part of me, throb with heat. I’m in danger of weaving into a wall, my legs are so weak, and my heart is beating so erratically that I can feel it leaping around in my chest like a ping-pong ball.
When Zac kissed me, my brain wouldn’t shut up, posing questions about technique and worrying about whether he thought I was a good kisser. With Walker there was no thought whatsoever—my brain switched off completely. It was the most intense kiss, the best kiss, of my life. In fact, my brain still feels woozy and discombobulated. Electric shocks still resonate through my body in little jolts triggered by the memory of his hands exploring my body.
I open the door to the hallway, certain that if anyone sees me right now they’ll know without a shadow of a doubt what I’ve been up to. Guilt sends a new shock of heat to my face, which must already be flushed red. What did I just do?
“Oh, hello.”
I come to an abrupt halt. Angela is standing right in front of me.
“Hi,” I say in an extra bright voice. Why is she hovering right outside Walker’s door?
Angela tips her head quizzically at me and then over my shoulder at the door to Walker’s room through which I’ve just walked. I swallow.
A question furrows her brow. The frown clears as understanding seeps its way in. She narrows her eyes at me. “Aren’t you his doctor?”
“Um . . .” I say.
“Didi’s interning here for the summer.”
I turn around. José has walked up behind me, holding a tray of meds.
“But she was just in the bathroom with Walker,” Angela starts explaining to him.
My eyes go wide. Oh God. Now I’m in trouble.
“Didi was helping Lieutenant Walker shave,” José says. “He won’t let any of us do it. Girl’s got mad shaving skills.”
Angela’s mouth drops open. She shuts it. I force myself to smile at her while darting a glance in José’s direction. How did he know I was doing that?
He winks at me. My mouth falls open.
“Right,” says Angela. “Well, I’m going to pay a visit to Jesús.”
José smiles at her and she bustles off, but not before shooting a curious glance over her shoulder at me.
I stand there, biting my lip, too nervous to look at José. He leans in close.
“Don’t worry,” he whispers. “I won’t say a word. You guys want to hook up, that’s fine with me.”
I turn to him. “Really? You don’t think it crosses some kind of professional line?”
He shrugs. “Look, you’re not his doc.” He grins now. “And whatever you’re doing, it sure as hell is working. He isn’t throwing yogurt at anyone anymore and the dude’s finally smiling. I even caught him singing in the shower the other day.”
“Really?” I ask.
“Yeah. Sounded like Justin Bieber.”
“How long have you known?” I ask, shaking my head at him. I thought we were so good at hiding it.
José rolls his eyes at me. “Didi,” he laughs, “pretty much the entire hospital barring your dad knows that you and Lieutenant Walker have been making googly eyes at each other. There’s even a little sweepstake running in the canteen on how long it will take you guys to finally get it together.”
My mouth falls open. “Are you serious?”
He nods, grinning, but suddenly his expression becomes serious. “Yeah. I think Sanchez might be the winner. Just don’t, you know, break his fucking heart, okay? That really wouldn’t be what he needs right now. What any of us needs.”
I nod, suddenly feeling more sober. José is right. Up until this moment I hadn’t fully absorbed the ramifications of being in a relationship with Walker—if that’s what this even is—but the mention of his heart being broken makes me realize that whatever’s happening between us isn’t just physical. Hearts are involved. My heart, at least, and from what José is saying, Walker’s too.
The last thing I want to do is break any more of him.