Ashby no longer knew what time zone he was in, other than he had apparently been awake for half of his life.

He groaned and tried to stretch his long legs in the confines of the premium economy seat and cursed his past self. Why did he always do this? There was nothing noble about opting out of first class. Yes, he was convinced it was a ridiculous amount of money to waste on a flight he was probably going to sleep through. But then whenever he was actually on that flight, he remembered he was more giraffe than human and ended up too miserable to sleep.

Still, at least this was the last leg of his journey. The real hardship had been traveling from London to Chicago. His layover at O’Hare had been mercifully short and now he just had to get through a couple more hours until they landed at Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

The name didn’t exactly inspire confidence. But Ashby pulled at his slender fingers and reminded himself that this wasn’t some luxury getaway. The whole point was to disappear from the world for a while, and he could hardly do that at a popular resort during the ski season, even if it was the tail end.

If he’d wanted hot guys and parties he would have taken himself off to Aspen or the Alps. He would probably have flown first class while he was at it. But the whole point of booking last minute was to slip away somewhere quiet. Somewhere no one would think to come looking for him.

The Grand Resort in western Wyoming was a peaceful little place tucked away near the bottom of Yellowstone Park. It wasn’t really renowned for anything other than being quiet, which was exactly what Ashby was craving. It had a spa for a bit of pampering and beginners’ slopes if he felt like doing something crazy. Other than that, he was going to take a break from everything aside from a few good books.

All he needed was a log fire to read by and a bar that served hot chocolate during the day and drinkable wine in the evenings. No Michelin star restaurants or luxury apartments. Ashby wasn’t going to be sharing a bed, so as long as he had somewhere to sleep at night, he would do just fine.

He sighed and reached down to his carryon to fish out his phone from where he’d stored it. It was on airplane mode, naturally, so the battery had lasted all this time. But Ashby had promised he would do this before they landed and he only had an hour or so to go.

Bracing himself, he unlocked the screen.

Well, the first thing that had to go was the wallpaper photo of him and Gordon hugging on the beach. That had been a long time ago.

Before Gordon had cheated.

Ashby swallowed the lump in his throat and refused to cry again. It was for the best. He’d known for a long time that he and Gordon weren’t happy, that they weren’t right for each other. He just couldn’t believe it was finally over.

He deleted the photo entirely, squeezing his eyes shut as he pressed the little ‘Yes’ square. No point in keeping it in an album. Looking at pictures of when he thought he was happy would only make him feel sad. When the truth was, as that collection of pixels vanished, he remembered how free he was now.

He let out a little laugh, grateful that his neighbor was too engrossed in a film to notice. He’d known for almost a year that he wasn’t really in love with Gordon. They had been together for two years in total, Ashby’s longest relationship to date. But the cheating had given him the courage to finally end it. And here he was, crossing the Atlantic Ocean to mark the start of his new life.

Fuck, he was terrified.

“Um, excuse me,” he said to the flight attendant as she passed.

She turned and beamed at him. “Why, don’t you have the most adorable accent?” she said with a tinkling laugh. “Are you from England?”

Ashby blushed. “Well, I’m from all over really, but my father is English and I live in Chelsea, South West London now.”

“Isn’t that just wonderful?” said the young lady. “Keep talking. I love it.”

Working on a small, local airline, she probably didn’t get nearly as many Brits flying as Americans. She had shiny red hair tied in a neat knot and a smattering of freckles which made her look younger than she probably was. Ashby immediately felt comforted by her winning smile.

“I’ll be happy to say anything you like in return for a gin and tonic,” he said, clasping his hands together. “How about aluminium? Oregano? Or, oh! Caribbean.”

She giggled over his strange pronunciations. “Oh, for that, hon, you can have a double.”

Ashby smiled and tried not to let his melancholy creep back in. “A double sounds marvelous right about now.”

Her returning smile suggested she picked up that he wasn’t quite feeling his best. She winked and lightly tapped his shoulder. “I’ll be right back with your drink. You just sit tight.”

Ashby was being silly. This was for the best. It was what he wanted. He had been the one to put his foot down and end the relationship once and for all. He had forgiven Gordon for many things. But finding those messages on his phone from Dan or Sam or whatever the hell his name had been was the final push Ashby had needed. He was worth more than being messed around on. No matter what his doubts, Ashby had to believe that much.

So he made sure to keep taking deep breaths in and out and he cleared his inbox. He didn’t want to see Gordon’s name anywhere. In fact, Ashby would block him altogether to stop him from continuing his harassment. Gordon didn’t love him. He was just pissed off that Ashby was defying him and walking away.

Every little thing he got rid of made Ashby feel that tiny bit better. He wasn’t used to being alone. Actually, the prospect of being responsible and making decisions for everything by himself sounded god awful. But it was better than being undermined and second-guessed at every turn.

The flight attendant returned with his gin and gave him such a warm smile. It fortified Ashby enough to start the daunting task of deleting his photos. There were so many that gave him pangs. But every time he paused and asked himself if it would be okay to keep just this one, he remained strong. Yes, there were many nice photos of the two of them. But that period in his life was over now.

By the time the wheels touched down in Wyoming, Ashby’s phone was sparse but healthy looking. As far as he could tell, all trace of Gordon was gone. The fact that there was so little left of Ashby’s life on the device showed how much he had allowed his ex-boyfriend to dominate everything before.

That had to change as of now. No more men, at least for the time being. Ashby needed to work out who he really was. What his passions were. What made him happy. It might take him a month, a year or even longer. But he was determined that he was going to start treating himself as whole outside of a couple.

There was nothing quite like that first breath of fresh air after stepping off a plane, whether the flight had been one hour or twenty. He smiled as he inhaled deeply, then turned to his lovely redheaded attendant. “Thank you,” he said, giving her a quick hug. She giggled again.

“Aw, shucks, hon,” she said, swatting his arm. “You have a great vacation now.”

He waved her goodbye then trundled onwards with the other weary passengers. It was midafternoon local time, but back home it was already creeping up to bedtime. He yawned and vowed to get a coffee as soon as possible. He’d much rather have a soothing cup of tea, but that would absolutely send him to sleep in the taxicab when he needed to stay alert and reset his body clock.

Once he’d reclaimed his suitcase and poured several sugars in his mocha he stepped out of the small airport into the snowy evening and immediately gasped in horror. It was bitterly cold, and he suddenly wished he’d changed into his thermals in the bathroom beforehand. The wind burned his face and he hastily dropped his suitcase to the ground and carefully placed his coffee beside it to rummage through its contents for extra scarves, a pair of gloves and a hat.

Slightly better protected, he zipped the suitcase back up with trembling hands and clutched his coffee to his chest like it might keep his heart beating if the cold tried to freeze it solid. “Bugger me,” he said emphatically, stamping his feet and startling a middle-aged American couple as they walked past.

Evening was settling, so no wonder it was getting colder. If he stayed still much longer he was going to turn into an icicle. So he rallied himself and dragged his enormous suitcase over to the taxi line and tried not to shiver apart as he waited for his turn to slide into a car.

“Oh, thank god,” he said as he was enveloped by the cab’s blissfully warm interior air. The driver secured Ashby’s suitcase in the back of the car then scurried around to get behind the wheel. “It’s a bit chilly out there, isn’t it?” Ashby commented with a laugh.

The driver looked at him in the rearview mirror like Ashby had lost his marbles. “It’s snowing,” he said, like Ashby might not have noticed.

Ashby chuckled quietly to himself as they pulled away from the curb. “It certainly is.”

At home, he would have been alarmed by such weather. London may have survived the Blitz, but an inch of snow could cause utter bloody chaos. And where Ashby had spent most of his childhood growing up in Singapore, they didn’t even have seasons. It was always just warm. So he couldn’t help but press his nose to the window and look outside in wonder at the swathes of snow.

“You on vacation?” the cabbie grunted in a more-or-less friendly manner. He looked at Ashby in the rearview mirror again. There was a small dreamcatcher swinging from it with beautiful topaz blue stones woven into the design.

Ashby beamed at him. It tickled him that there were so many different words Americans used. He’d have to try and pick up as much of the lingo as possible and blend in. It wasn’t his first trip to the States by far, but he’d forgotten a lot of the little intricacies of daily life here.

“I’m on holiday – vacation – yes,” he said. “I’ve never been to Wyoming before.”

The truth was he’d never been skiing before. He’d been to the Alps plenty of times growing up, but he had just indulged in the social side of things. He was always too afraid to fling himself down the side of a mountain. But he felt silly admitting that to a stranger.

Maybe this would be the holiday that changed his mind, though? He was here to find himself, after all. He needed to be brave and try new things.

“You’re staying at the Grand?” the cabbie asked.

His voice had a bit of an accent to it that Ashby couldn’t trace. But he spoke English very well, so Ashby admired him as much as he did anyone who attempted a second language. Unlike his mother, who spoke seven languages fluently and could immediately pick up phrases in any other she pleased, Ashby was hopeless. He could barely say hello in anything other than English.

“Um, yes,” he replied. “I think that’s what it’s called. It should be the only resort in that region.”

It was the only anything in that region. There were a few tiny towns if you drove out for half an hour or so, but other than that, the site was self-sufficient. Exactly why Ashby had chosen it. He needed to go somewhere free from distractions.

The cabbie didn’t say any more after that. He just turned up the radio a little and Ashby continued to gaze out the window at the falling twilight as he sipped his coffee. He’d never been on holiday alone before. He’d always gone with family, friends, or, in the past two years, Gordon. Gordon liked booking everything and taking charge of the passports, wrangling Ashby like a sheep that needed herding. He often joked that Ashby could never go anywhere without him.

Ha! Well, Ashby would show him. He’d managed to get across a whole ocean on his own, find his own hotel, book everything online. He hadn’t gotten lost or slipped up once.

That was, until they pulled up outside the supposedly Grand Resort.

Ashby looked out through the window at the dimly lit lodge. Several of the light bulbs over the main entrance were out and what little illumination there was allowed Ashby to see the peeling paint and cracked sign above the door.

His mouth slowly dropped open. No wonder this place was famed for its quietness.

No bastard had visited it since 1998.