I need a drink. The words scream in my head so loud I’m afraid everyone around me will hear it. Almost everyone knows I’m pregnant. Well, possibly everyone, except my parents

Is it awful that I don’t want her to know because I will feel like I have disappointed her?

Thinking it makes me feel almost like a child, but honestly, I just want her to enjoy her day. Okay, that sounds bitchy and bitter, but it’s really not.

Mandee and I discussed it this morning. The girl I thought would have the white horses and the ballgown doesn’t want any of it now. She just wants Gray.

I look up and smile at her as we are sitting, feet soaking in water and bath salts.

Seven of Mom’s employees are here to pamper us. Mom and I did fight about that. She wanted to do mine, Mandee’s, Juliana’s, Gail’s, Mags’, Carly’s, Bekah’s, Taelyn’s, Tara’s, and Kat’s pedicures and manicures the day before the wedding.

I look away from Mandee and at my mom, who is sitting next to me rather uncomfortably while someone pampers her.

“Not right,” she mutters, and I laugh.

She looks over at me, and I think of my grandmother who I miss dearly, who looks nearly identical to my mother. For the first time, I don’t look at her like she’s that mom, the one to push and damn near force you to try harder, do more, do better. She’s trying.

I reach over, take her hand, and smile. Her eyes mist over.

If I continue looking at her, I will cry, too, so I look back at Mandee.

She looks at my mother and our hands and smiles, so I take hers, too.

Her bottom lip plumps out, telling me she’s missing her mother.

I lean closer and whisper, “You can share mine.”

She leans over and rests her head on my shoulder.

“Plus, you’ll have Mags and Gail,” I whisper, resting my head on hers. “And me.”

“Always you.” She squeezes my hand.

I look back at my mom, who is scowling down as she watches her staff.

“Mom?”

She looks up at me. “Too hot? Too rough? You want me to do?”

“No.” I smile. “I want you to relax. Everything is perfect.”

She huffs. “Except the fire and this.” She points down. “I should be doing yours.”

“Well, it’s your day, too, and I want you to relax and enjoy this.”

She nods once and remains quiet. Then she says, “Your sisters are still sleeping.”

“Let them sleep.”

“Hmm,” she says.

“Hmm,” I reply.

I stand in the mirror, looking at myself. I have been waxed, exfoliated, lotioned, rubbed down, my feet and hands are done, and I am ready for bed.

Tomorrow, I will become a wife to a man I never even thought to dream of. A man as big as a tree, who makes me deliriously happy. A man who loves and respects me.

I smile as realization hits, thinking how the man I am marrying is not unlike my father.

I shake my head and feel tears welling. Closing my eyes, the first one falls.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and open my eyes.

“You okay, my girl?” Mags asks.

I nod.

She takes my hand. “Come sit with me?”

I follow her to the deck that is off mine and Gage’s room. She sits in one of the Adirondack chairs, and I sit in the other.

“Penny for your thoughts?” she asks, gray eyes sparkling.

I open up to Mags. “Just a few months ago, I wouldn’t dare open myself up and show my flaws, my judgments. I was so determined that made someone weak, but now … now I’m starting to embrace all that I am. Now I am open to the truths that come when you are not just wanting to show the world you’re badass and strong, but knowing you are more so than ever before. I never wanted to have someone in my life, a man who I would come to depend on like my mom does my father.” I pause for a moment and smile.

“But you understand it now,” Mags says, knowing that’s exactly it. “Love is a beautiful thing, my girl. And true love, well, that’s even more so.”

“My parents have that,” I say, acknowledging it for the first time out loud.

She grins. “They sure do.”

I sit back and sigh, holding my hand over my belly.

“You feeling okay?” she asks in concern.

“Tired.” I smile. “But yeah, I feel better than ever before.”

We sit silently for several minutes, watching the bonfire next to the lake. When I stand up and walk to the railing to get a better look at Gage, he turns around at the same time.

“That’s the kind of love stories are written about,” Mags says, leaning against the railing next to me and giving Gage a little wave. “He knew you were looking at him; could sense it.”

I smile and nod.

“Phoenix,” I hear my mother call from my room behind me and turn around. “It’s time to rest. You have a big day tomorrow. Your friends will be here early. Then all those guests, the ones we weren’t sure would make it because of the drive, your husband put them up in hotels in town.”

I take Mags’ hand, smiling as we walk toward my mother and tell her, “Dad would have done the same for you.”

“Of course he would,” she says without a doubt in her mind. “We’re partners in every way. You and Gage will be, too.”

“We are, Mom,” I say, taking her hand with my other.

She laughs. “Things change when kids are in the picture. That’s the true test. One I have no doubt he will pass.” Mom lets go of my hand to pull down the duvet cover of the bed, and I climb in.

“Good night, ladies. We’ll see you at breakfast,” Mags says, leaving the room.

When I am settled in bed, and my mom covers me up, kisses my cheek then steps back, I notice her looking at me differently.

“Mom?”

She leans in and places her hand on my belly. “Children change everything, Phoenix. But when love is true, it makes you even stronger when they come.” She steps back and nods. “When are you due?”

For a moment, the shock renders me silent. Then I feel bad for not telling her. Then I wonder if she’s angry, upset, disappointed …

“We were getting married before I found out,” I say, trying to erase all those questions I assume she has.

She doesn’t respond.

“He wants a lot of kids. He wanted to start—”

“I’m not doubting, Phoenix; I’m simply asking a question.”

I can tell she’s being sincere.

“July. I’m just a month.”

She climbs up on the bed and kisses my cheek, then lies next to me, not saying a word.

After a few moments, I whisper, “Mom?”

And she whispers back, “I always hoped to help you like your grandmother helped me.”

“You have to work. Davy and Mali are still young.”

“And you have Mags and Gail.”

“And you, Mom,” I say, rolling to my side to look at her, hoping she isn’t upset.

“And me.” She smiles. “But I work.”

“I know, and so will I.”

“I will be here whenever you need.”

“I will need you whenever you’re free,” I assure her.

She smiles. “Good. I want to be like my mother. I want to be close with my grandchildren.”

“Then you will be,” I say, taking her hand and lying back.

“Then I will be,” she says with a softness in her voice.

We lie there silently, still holding hands.

“Sleep, my beautiful, strong girl. Sleep knowing I am so proud of the woman you have become. Sleep, Phoenix, because tomorrow begins your journey to forever.”

I nod, fighting tears as the weight of her words presses down on my emotions like they never have before.