I shift in bed before I open my eyes. Phoenix’s hair is fanned out on the pillow, and I brush it to the side before pulling myself closer to her. I nuzzle my face into the crook of her neck and she moves ever so slightly, groaning. She fits perfectly against me, and I realize it’s shit like this – a sense of belonging, of normalcy – this feeling is what I’ve been chasing.

All my life I’ve been chasing things that few people ever obtain, and while it was fun, while it was nice for a minute, I’ve always been restless. This is what makes you happy in life, not money or fame. Simply having someone to wake up to. To hold.

I didn’t fuck her last night. I could have, I wanted to, but some things, I guess you want to hold out on. Some things hold more meaning when you hold out until you just can’t. And maybe it’s because sex has never held meaning before. It’s always been a means to an end, a primitive satisfaction, but with her, I want it to mean something. And that’s a first.

My phone buzzes on the nightstand. Phoenix grumbles, swatting at the table. I reach over her and grab it before pressing it to my ear. “Yeah?”

“Dude,” Rush says. “What the hell is up with you? You’ve been MIA.”

“Just taking a break, I guess.”

“A break, huh? No way, I think you are up to some shady shit.”

“Rush,” I sigh, “what the fuck do you want?”

“There’s a party in the Hills tonight.”

I glance at Phoenix. “I don’t wanna go to some fucking Hills party.”

“You suck. Who the fuck am I supposed to tag team girls with then? Your bro’s saying he’s got the shits.”

“Use Pax.”

“Fuck that.”

“I’ll call you later.” And I hang the phone up.

“Tag team girls?” Phoenix says, her voice husky with sleep. “Wow.”

My face heats. “It’s Rush, come on, what do you expect?”

“I really need to make Lauren go to the clinic…”

“Probably.” I laugh before pinching her side. “Want to do something fun today?”

“I’m not awake,” she groans.

I glance out the window. The sun’s bright. The sky is blue. So I do what any reasonable man-child would do: I jump on the bed and basically body slam over her.

“What are you doing?”

I grab her, tickling under her arms. She screams and punches at me. “Waking you up,” I say.

“Oh my god. I’m going to pee. Get off. Get off!”

I let go of her and she hops up, running to the bathroom. When she comes out she glares at me before stumbling back to bed. “I hate you right now.”

“That’s fine.” I grin. “Get dressed.”

“Why?”

“Not telling you.”

“Okay, then I’m not getting dressed.”

“Ah, fuck that. I went to a cemetery with you after you made me watch that sick movie.”

She rolls her eyes. “Come on,” I say. “Get dressed. We’re going to do normal people shit.”

People are everywhere. Kids. Screaming children are running around like little maniacs, and it smells like feet. Phoenix glances over her shoulder at me with this shit-eating grin on her face. “I’ve actually never been here,” she says.

“What? You’ve never been to the aquarium?”

“No,” she shakes her head.

“But, didn’t you grow up here?” I ask just as some kid with a chocolate covered mouth bumps into my leg and falls right on his ass. I go to help him up, but his mom snatches him away.

“Yes, but Pam couldn’t be bothered with stuff like this. I’m sure the noise would have made her hangover worse.” She rolls her eyes before facing toward the front again.

I grab her hand, threading my fingers through hers as we make our way into the dark tunnel. People’s voices echo off the glass as the conveyer belt takes us through into the bright blue tube. Tropical fish dart through the water. Sharks slowly swim above us. Phoenix tightens her grip on my hand. “You okay?” I ask.

“Yeah, just…a lot of people in a really tiny space.”

I get the way anxiety creeps through you, and I want her to feel safe so I let go of her hand and pull her close to my side, watching through the glass as a whale shark overshadows the tunnel.

“Holy shit,” she says. “That thing’s huge.”

“Yeah.”

A shrill cry pierces my ears. I cringe as the parent goes shoving his way through the crowd with an angry little toddler perched on his shoulders.

“What would happen if this thing cracked?” she whispers.

“The tunnel?”

“Yeah,” she exhales, “you know, like in Jaws 4 when the shark starts ramming into the glass and it cracks and all those people get stuck in there.”

I stare through the thick glass at all the sharks and shit, my chest getting a little tight. “Fuck, I don’t know. You know what?” I grab her hand again and lead her through the winding maze and out into the open atrium again. “You need to lay off the horror flicks.”

She laughs for a second, but suddenly stops, her eyes going wide. “Oh, my god.”

I follow her gaze across the room to a sign that says: Penguins.

She squeezes my hand hard. “They have penguins,” she whispers.

“Yeah.”

“Those are my favorite animals. Poor confused bastards, waddling around, unable to fly, and dressed up in a little suit.”

“Well, come on then.” I drag her toward the stairs and down the corridor with an arrow pointing toward the ‘confused bastards’.

The hallway opens into a room with a large glass wall. The smell is awful, like open ass and mulch, and it takes my breath away for a second. “Jesus. Fuck.” I cough, but she’s already across the room with her face plastered to the snotty, handprint covered window. This room isn’t near as crowded as the others. There’s only a few kids in here. And only one’s crying. I guess birds aren’t as terrifying as sharks or some shit. I stop behind her and place my hand on the small of her back.

“Oh, they are so cute,” she says.

I watch them stagger around. “They look fucking drunk.”

A woman next to me clears her throat and I turn around. She cuts her eyes down toward her kid who has his finger crammed up his nose just staring at me. I wait, but she doesn’t ask for a picture or an autograph, so I shrug before peeking over Phoenix’s shoulder, watching one of the birds waddle around on fake ice. “I guess they are cute little fucks, aren’t they?”

The woman clears her throat again. Again, I glance at her, then at her kid before turning back to the window. One of the birds runs up to another one and pecks it right on the face. I laugh. “Oh, shit that one’s a little bitch!”

“Excuse me,” the woman says so I turn around– again.

“Yeah?”

“Children,” she says, cutting her gaze back down to her kid whose ears she has earmuffed with her hands.

“Yes, children,” I say, because I have no fucking clue what she is trying to tell me.

“Your language.”

“Oh, shit–sorry.”

She rolls her eyes before yanking her kid to the side, mumbling as she escorts him out of the room.

“She’s lovely,” Phoenix says.

“Yep.”

A tiny door in the exhibit swings open and one of the workers pops out with a bucket of fish. All the birds come hopping over, flapping their stubby wings, screeching and pecking each other. Phoenix is still glued to the window with this huge, adorable grin on her face. God, if she could touch one, I bet she’d shit herself. So… I tap on the window, but the woman feeding the birds doesn’t even look up. I tap again.

“What are you doing?” Phoenix asks.

I smile before I bang my fist over the glass. That time the lady looks up with a scowl on her face. She narrows her eyes as she peers through the sticky film on the window and takes a few steps toward me. This is when I have to use this entire international rock star to my advantage. I smile and wave. Her brow wrinkles before she takes one more step toward me, then her jaw drops just enough for me to know she recognizes me. I motion for her to come out with my finger.

“What are you doing, Stone?” Phoenix asks again.

“Don’t worry about it, just keep staring at your little bastards,” I say, taking her shoulders in my hand and spinning her back toward the glass. The woman tosses a few more fish out to the penguins before hunching down and crawling back through the exhibit door. A few minutes later she comes into the viewing room, winded with red cheeks.

“Were you…um…” she swallows and points toward the glass. “You’re um… Stone Steele.”

I grin the widest, dorkiest fucking smile I can. “Yeah. You a fan of Pandemic’s?”

Her cheeks go cherry red. “Of course. I love you guys.”

“Aw, awesome, thanks. So glad to hear that,” I say. By now, I can feel Phoenix’s gaze burning a hole through the side of my face. I step toward the woman, my eyes dropping to her name tag. “So, Susan,” I smile wider, deeper, sexier, “is there any way that you could,” I shrug, “I don’t know, get us in there to see the penguins.”

“Ohhhhh…” she hisses in a breath, her gaze drifting from me to the glass and back. “I mean….”

“Stone!” Phoenix whisper-shouts. “Stone Steele!”

I wave her off, still smiling like a fucking idiot at Susan. “Backstage passes to our show next week sound like a fair trade?”

Susan’s eyes nearly bulge out of her head. “I mean…I just don’t want to get in trouble. It’s a liability and…”

“It’s fine,” Phoenix says, stepping between us.

“Ah, come on, I wouldn’t let you get into trouble.” I wink at Susan, and she closes her eyes, biting on her lip. I’m awful, I know I am, but I want Phoenix to hold a damn penguin. “Please, Susan. All you got to do is get me back there and I’ll take it from there. I’ll never even mention your name.”

She stares at me. I dig my phone from my pocket. “Here, put in your name and email and all that shit, I’ll have the label send you passes.” I cross my heart.

Slowly, she takes my phone. She stares at the screen for a second before typing in her contact information and handing my phone back to me.

“Okay,” she says quickly. “Okay.” She glances around before hurrying toward the hallway. “Come on.”

“Stone!” Phoenix says, grabbing my wrist. “You’re going to get her in trouble.”

“Nah, I got this. Trust me.”

“Fuck my life,” she groans, but I can see that smile she’s fighting.

We follow Susan through the hall and sneak through a door she unlocks. She rushes us along a corridor filled with buckets and ladders and stops in front of a little blue door. “They will bite,” she says as she unlocks the door. “And just…don’t let them out. Please, and please don’t tell on me.”

“I wouldn’t dare.” I grab her hand. “Thank you.” She smiles before she turns around and hurries down the hallway.

I glance back at Phoenix as I grab the door. “You gonna come in or what?”

Smiling, she nods. I push it open and the smell – fuck me the smell. I gag and choke. Phoenix coughs.

“Oh my god, they smell awful.”

I fight through the water building in my eyes and shuffle along and out into the exhibit, reaching behind me and yanking Phoenix out with me. She stands up and looks around at all the dirty little birds now waddling up to us and squawking. The pure joy that’s swimming in her eyes like a kid in a candy shop with a million-dollar bill is worth every bit of trouble I’ll likely get in for this shit, because I put that smile there. Damn right.

“Oh my god!” She squats down and slowly reaches out for one of them.

“I mean, she said they bite, I wouldn’t…”

But her hands already stroking over the back of its neck. It stretches and closes its eyes while flapping its wings. “This is incredible,” she whispers.

More penguins shuffle over to her, crowding around her like she’s their god or something. I figure what the hell and crouch down to touch one and the little shit hisses at me. “What the fuck?”

She laughs.

“What are you, the penguin whisperer? Their fearless leader?” I look at the bird that just hissed at me and it’s waddling its ass over to her. I shake my head and point. “I brought her in here to you, you ungrateful bastard.”

“Wow, swearing at god’s creatures.”

I can’t help but laugh at that. I’m still crouching next to her, staring at the nasty birds hopping and shuffling around. One in front of me lies down on its stomach and gets still. “Is that one dying or something?” I ask.

Phoenix glances over at it. “I hope not.”

Shrugging, I turn back and stare at it. I can barely make out people on the other side of the glass, pointing. Cameras are flashing like crazy. “This is going on a tabloid; you do realize that?” I ask, and just then, this explosion of yellow and brown goop shoots out of that fucking bird’s ass at warp speed, arching into the air and splattering all over my shirt. I fall onto my ass before scurrying to my feet and wiping at my mouth. “That shit splashed up in my mouth!” I shout, pacing and frantically trying to get the warm shit off my face.

Phoenix is hysterically laughing. Then she snorts. “Oh my god. That bird just projectile shit on you!”

It stands up and wiggles its tail before diving into the water. “You little shit!” I grumble, pointing at it when it pops back up to the surface. Phoenix steps up behind me and rubs over my shoulders.

“This is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me,” she says. It makes me happy and sad at the same time, because having someone bribe their way back to let her see some nasty birds only to get defecated on shouldn’t be the sweetest thing anyone’s done for her. “We should probably go get the shit,” she snort-laughs, “off you.”

“Yeah, and out of my mouth.”

When we turn around, a middle-aged security guard is blocking the exit. “What are you doing in here?” he asks.

“Getting shit on by the penguins,” I say, smiling.

He stifles a laugh and grabs his belt, hoisting his pants underneath his massive gut. “Well, you aren’t supposed to be back here.”

I nod. “I know, but I’m a fucking rock star.”

“Oh god, really?” Phoenix groans behind me.

“You can get fined for this,” the guard says.

I toss my hand up. “Fine me.” I shove past him and out into the hall, dragging Phoenix behind me. “I mean, I’ve got shit all over me, like that’s not enough.” I grab the bottom of my shirt and carefully peel it over my head, then use the inside to try and clean the remaining splatter off my cheeks.

“Sorry,” she says. “He suffers from narcissistic dick syndrome.”

The guard looks unamused, but lets us leave anyway.

When we step back into the aquarium, there’s a crowd of people lined up. Some snap pictures. One girl stops me for a picture and I stare at her. “I have penguin shit on me,” I say.

“It’s fine.” And she holds up her phone, taking a selfie where I’m pretty sure my mouth is hanging open. I shake my head and drop my shirt in a trashcan on the way out. We’re not even into the atrium before there’s yelling and the bang of a trashcan falling to the tile floor.

“They are not trying to get your shirt out of the trash?” Phoenix says.

I shrug. “Rush purposefully took a shit in his boxers one time and threw them out of the tour bus window into the parking lot. One girl knocked another one out for those shit-stained drawers.”

“Oh my god. What is wrong with people?”

“I don’t know, babe. I don’t know.”