Chapter 21

Macey

The light knock on my door startles me. It’s late and no one knows where we live. I keep the television on and peek down the hall to see if Morgan is coming out of her room before padding my way over to the door. Thank God for carpet—even if it’s run-down and threadbare, it still muffles the sound of my feet.

Covering my mouth to hide the audible gasp, I look through the peephole again to make sure I’m not seeing things. Finn stands there with his head down, focusing on something that I can’t see. I slump against the door and will him away. I don’t want to talk to him and I certainly don’t want to see him.

It’s been two days since Finn came to town and rattled my foundation. Running into him at the mall was happenstance. I didn’t expect him to recognize any of his features in Morgan, but as soon as he saw her, he saw the same things I see on a daily basis: her eyes, hair and crazy smile are the best of the both of us.

When I saw the confusion in his eyes, I did what I’ve done best my whole life—I avoided him. I refused to look at him, keeping my gaze on Morgan. I knew the minute he asked the burning question I’d crumple into a heap if I were looking at him.

It was only after I answered him that I knew my mistake, and he wasn’t going to let me forget it. Hours after we ran into him, for the first time since he gave it to me, the phone started to chime with alerts. I had been letting Morgan play with it, but knew he’d use it to reach out to me that night. I have yet to answer him, wondering how he knows where we live.

“Macey, open up.”

I freeze, wishing my walls weren’t paper thin. He knocks again, causing me to jump.

“Look, I know you’re in there. The television is on and I smell your perfume through the door.”

Bastard.

Working the dead bolt and chain, I open the door, wishing immediately that I hadn’t. Finn is everything and more, standing there with his sexed-up hair, devilishly handsome looks and bedroom fuck-me eyes, and he’s taking me all in. I don’t miss the very hard swallow he performs when he reaches my eyes.

“Can I come in?”

I shake my head, not wanting him in my personal space. This apartment is the one thing I have that is mine, granted he paid for it, but it’s still mine. I don’t want him here, interrupting our lives, blowing in and out like a windstorm. Morgan and I don’t need or want this kind of life. We’re happy being the two of us.

“Macey, we need to talk.”

“We have nothing to say to each other. I know I owe you another day. I can meet you tomorrow.”

He shakes his head. “This isn’t about that and you know it.”

Maybe if I close my eyes and wish real hard, I’ll be transported back to the Hoover Dam where Finn is standing behind me, with his body pressed to mine and asking me what I wished for. I’d tell him then, if it would mean he’s not standing here now.

“Please, you owe me this, Macey. I’ve been patient and tried to give you time, but you’re ignoring me. You haven’t been at work and you’re leaving me with very few choices here. I’m not leaving until we talk. We can do this outside so your neighbors can hear, or inside where it’s only us.”

“We can’t have sex.”

He chuckles and runs his hand through his hair before smiling at me. “Macey, sex seems to be something we do very well together, yet I agree with you. Tonight, we are going to sit on your couch and talk.”

I step away from the door and let him in. My apartment embarrasses me, considering what he grew up in and where he lives now. This place is old, run-down and not in the best neighborhoods, but better than where we used to live.

Finn looks around before he settles on the wall of photos that I put up of Morgan. I don’t have a lot of baby pictures, but the ones I do have are hanging as our wall décor.

“I want to hear the words out of your mouth, Macey.”

I bite my lower lip and wring my hands. Earlier in life, I’d thought about how many ways I’d tell him that he had a daughter or that I was pregnant, but now that he’s standing here and knows that he does, I can’t seem to make my mouth open and my tongue move.

Instead, I sit down on the couch and turn the volume up a bit higher so Morgan doesn’t hear us. When he sits down on the couch, he’s at the other end, putting enough space between us that I feel like I’m a leper.

“Please don’t take her from me.”

“Is that why you think I’m here?”

I shrug, not knowing much of anything lately.

“I’m going to lose my patience very quickly, Macey. Tell me what I want to know.”

I look down at my hands and my worn-out pajamas as tears well in my eyes. “Morgan is your daughter,” I tell him, my voice breaking by the time I get to the end. The sob that takes over is gut wrenching, yet so welcome. I’ve been holding on to this secret for years, unable to tell anyone for fear he or his father would take her away from me.

If I expect him to hold me, tell me that everything is going to be okay, I’m sorely mistaken. The distance between us is even wider and when I hear him growl and bang on something, I know he’s not even near me.

“Why? Why did you keep her from me?”

“It’s not what you think, Finn.”

“No? Tell me what I think then, Macey, because I’m having a very hard time here trying to wrap this in a nice little bow before I go back to Vegas. You led me to believe that Morgan was your boyfriend or worse, your pimp, when you knew the entire time that she’s my kid. You came into my club dressed like a damn whore and lost so much fucking money…money that I have no doubt was meant to feed her and then you…”

“I what? Huh, Finn? I what?” Now I’m standing and facing him. I don’t care what I look like or how he feels. He called me a whore despite the fact that when I referred to myself as one, he told me I wasn’t.

“You let me buy you for a week.”

“You’re right, I did, and do you know why? Because of her.” I point behind me in the direction of her bedroom. “Because she needs a damn life that is worth living and not like the one I had. So yeah, I let you pay me instead of telling you because I couldn’t say the words. I couldn’t look you in the eyes after you saw me like that, defeated and being thrown out of your casino, and tell you that the night you made my dreams come true, the night I thought I had finally found my Prince Charming, you knocked me up. I couldn’t look you in the eyes and not remember the stupid girl I was back then for believing that the pull-out method would fucking work. You were…” I step away from him and wipe angrily at my face, smearing my makeup everywhere.

“I was what, Macey? Go ahead and finish.”

“It’s not worth it,” I say, shaking my head.

“It’s not, or I’m not?”

His question is a double-edged sword and something I’m not willing to answer.

“You hid her from me.”

“I tried to tell your mother. I went to your house.” I swallow hard, remembering the day that I finally knocked on the door. For weeks I had taken the bus over there, standing out in front, waiting. I never had the courage to knock until the day I felt Morgan kick. I had no one to share the feelings with and foolishly thought his mother would care.

“My mom was sick,” he says. “Dying of cancer. It had spread everywhere like wildfire.”

“I remember. I gave her the sonogram and asked her to call you; she mentioned me wanting their money. She stood there staring at me before closing the door. When I didn’t hear from you, or her, I figured I was on my own.”

“I didn’t know, Macey,” he whispers into my hair as his arms wrap around me.

“What would you have done if you had known?”

He steps back and shakes his head. “I don’t know. I was a rotten fuck back then, not that I’m much better now, but you and I, we’re different.”

“Are we?”

“Yes, we are.”

Moving back to the couch, I sit and pull my legs up to my chest. When he sits, he’s next to me with his hand snaked between my legs. There’s nothing sexual about this, but caring. I want to mold into his side and dream of an alternate reality where we could’ve been a family.

“I’m going to take care of her.”

Her lingers in my mind. He’s going to take care of Morgan, not me. Not that I deserve anything from him, but damn if I don’t want it all, even the life he’s not willing to give me.

“You don’t have to. She’s okay here.” I say here because I don’t want him to think she’s moving to Vegas, even though it would be good for us.

“No child of mine is going to live like this.”

I push him away, offended by his words. “This,” I say, spreading my arms out wide, “is our home. I work hard to put food on the table and make sure she’s taken care of. I know waiting tables is beneath you, Finn, but I’m going back to school. I’m going to make something of myself. I’m going to be someone that she can be proud of.”

“And I’ll help you.”

Shaking my head, I tell him, “No. We don’t want your money.”

“This is my money,” he roars as he stands up. “All of this? I paid for it. Don’t you wonder how I know where you live? Imagine my horror when I found out my daughter grew up in a fucking crack house, or that her mother has worked as a goddamn stripper for ten years to put food on the table. Don’t fucking mess with me on this shit, Macey. I have the money and you know damn well I’m going to use it to take care of her.”

I can’t stomach the sight of him and hightail it to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. This is easier than asking him to leave because I know he won’t. Deep down I know he won’t leave without Morgan. He’s going to take her away from me and there isn’t anything I can do about it.

With my face buried into my pillow I cry as loud as I can, letting it all out. When the bed dips, I know it’s Finn and before I can protest I’m in his arms and he’s nuzzling my hair.

“Why so many tears, Macey?”

“I’m scared.”

“Of what? That she’s going to love me? Is that so bad?”

I shake my head. “That you’re going to take her away from me.”

Finn doesn’t say anything but continues to hold me, allowing me to cry out all that I have left within me. I lose track of time and when I look at Finn, he meets my gaze.

“I’m not going to take her away from you.”

“Promise?”

“With everything that I have. I’m going to need you to be this amazing mother to her because I will probably fail miserably at being a father. I don’t know shit about being a dad, but I already know that you love her more than anything and honestly, I’m jealous. I want to know her, Macey. And I want her to know I’m her dad.”

“Tomorrow,” I tell him. “Tomorrow I’ll tell her.”

“We’ll do it together in the morning.” He pulls me closer and slides his hand up under my shirt.

“Finn, we can’t…” I push him away and try to move to the other side of my bed, but he holds me to him.

“We can sleep and before she wakes I’ll go to the couch.”

“Have you ever shared a bed with a woman who kept her clothes on?” I ask him, causing him to laugh.

“No, but there’s a first time for everything. Besides, who said anything about keeping your clothes on?”

“Finn…” I warn him.

“What?” he asks as my shirt comes up over my head. I’m weak for him and I hate it. His lips start at my neck and move their way down until he’s biting me through my bra. “I’ve missed this with you, Macey. I’ll be quiet if you are.” He winks as he goes back to making me feel…feel like he cares and wants to be with me.