Present

“Eden our therapy together is nonnegotiable. I told you I would help, but you have to trust me.”

I just had to keep my dick in my pants, and then it would all be okay.

She shrugs it off, as if my word isn’t written in stone. It always has been, and it always will be. She’ll learn.

If I could pass the test that was cruelly given to me tonight, I’m strong enough to conquer anything. Just when I think I’m on steady ground, she steps closer—too close—and whispers, “You’re going to need a bigger boat.”

We both know she’s just declared we’re in dangerous waters, but who is the shark?

I already knew I was in trouble, but the difference now is that it’s not only my obsession I have to control, it’s hers as well.

“There’s a guest bedroom upstairs. It has its own bathroom. Please go now.”

I watch her climb the stairs, her shoes in one hand, her purse in the other. I can still make out that sinful bra and panty set. She’s a temptress, without even trying.

“Night,” she says, without turning, knowing my eyes are on her every move. I slowly leave for my own room—angry, conflicted, and completely hard.

It’s going against everything I believe. My physical need is approaching urgency as an instant replay of earlier this evening jolts my memory. Her body is etched in my brain. Her performance, every move, look, and touch is clearly imbedded. The tension is explosive now that I’m alone with Eden, just yards away, causing a deep hunger to ignite within. I could be buried deep within her right now, and she would surrender to me willingly. I imagine all the dirty things I could be doing to her, with her. She would be begging me to fuck her. I feel an ache low in my body as every muscle cries out for her.

For the first time in my self-controlled life, the untamed parts of me conflict with my need and desire for her, and the lack of desire for anyone else. I won’t lie, nothing I’ve done makes sense so far.

I push the covers back, swinging my legs to the floor. I grab the bottoms I carelessly discarded earlier and walk toward her door. The pull is too strong to resist as I slowly push the cracked door open. Watching her sleep from across the room, she is glowing as the moon spills in through the window.

I can make out her long, dark curls splayed out on her pillow, and her bare shoulders exposing her creamy white skin. It’s screaming to be touched. Her lips are slightly parted, yet untouchable. I’m losing the battle within. I’m a cobra ready to strike, about to ruin the exact parts of her I desire. She’s full of life, passionate, and too young. My pulse picks up speed at the vision in front of me. She’s everything I shouldn’t want, and everything I crave. I thirsted for her, temptation growing stronger, making it harder to control, and I am usually all about control.

The lines are blurred, hazy and conflicted.  When did my professional need to help her fade into the background, and my desire to own her physically take center stage?

I lose track of time as my brain is trying to process how this has happened. I nearly lose it and walk in to touch her as the ferocious need calls me to her, but I’m glued to the floor, leaning on the door frame, forcing myself not to cross the threshold of desire.

With one foot after another, I manage to make it back to my room. I immediately feel lonely, pushing the feelings down for now, but there’s no mistaking it. Deep down I know it’s her, and only her. Breathing a sigh of relief, I admit what I’ve been fighting, inviting the weight of sleep to finally take me.

I wake to the smell of coffee, and a reminder of my fall from grace with my silent need for this woman. I chastise myself in the light of day and proclaim a fresh start. Acknowledging my feelings is one thing. Admitting to myself that my life has been altered will continue to silently haunt me, but self-imposed restraint is the way I was made. I have to believe that I have control.

Or so I tell myself.

After a hasty shower, I dress in a T-shirt and jeans and walk into the kitchen, Eden has her back to me.

“I hope you don’t mind. I found this in your laundry room.” My white T-shirt hangs on her body loosely, causing an unfamiliar feeling deep in my gut.

“Whatever makes you feel comfortable. How’d you sleep?”

I’m mesmerized when she reaches for a mug. Her stretch for the top shelf causes her shirt to rise, exposing her beautiful, bare ass. I never stood a chance. She turns and hands me the steaming hot mug, her smirk confirming my thoughts.

“Now tell me.” She smirks.  “I’m here because…”

Her eyes glance over the rim of her coffee mug as she awaits my answer.

“For several reasons. I’m still your therapist, for one. I want to help you through your grief. Something like this isn’t handled alone.”

Our gaze collides and her sad smile tugs at my heart. How can I explain that I know what is behind that smile? I’ve lived there for years.

“And I also promised to help you find your mother. After what I witnessed last night, I need your word that you’ll do things my way.”

“You want me to stay out of it, doctor?”

Her eyes are drilling into me. I knew that handing control over wouldn’t be easy for her. Despite her reluctance, it’s for the best. I have connections that will get the job done while I keep her safe. Keep her close.

“Yes, trust me, Eden. I’ll take care of you.”

I find myself in over my head. Her radiant, porcelain-like skin and violet eyes brighten my world. The guilt in me mixes with longing that unnerves me. I tense immediately when the truth is too close for comfort. I want more, and it’s only a matter of time now.

“I believe in you, Theo.”

My weak smile hides the shift I’m not prepared for—my name on her lips.

She tucks her hair behind her ear, knowing exactly what she’s doing. She’s changing the game. We’re on a level playing field now, or so she thinks.

My phone rings just as I’m about to address her newfound equality.

 

I reach for it on the entry way table where it’s been sitting up until now, charging. Once I pick it up, I see Alex’s name on the screen.

“Hey buddy,” I answer.

“Don’t you ever listen to your messages? I’ve left three.”

Surprised by his accusation, I glance down. There’s seven new messages on my phone. Well, hell.

“Sorry, you’re right. I’ve been busy.”

“Can you get to work then?” His tone is heavy. “You’re speaking tonight at the Survivors Benefit for Children.”

“Alex, I’m sorry. I haven’t even thought about it, to be honest.”

Son of a bitch. For the first time in a very long time, I’ve let my personal life obstruct my obligations. My commitment to my friends and my professional responsibilities has completely fallen to the wayside.

“You can’t be serious! That’s not like you, Theo. Does this have anything to do with a certain young woman who has you so distracted?” The smirk is evident in his tone.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

I’m surprised by my own admission.

“Isn’t it?” Disapproval lingers in his words. “In what world does this end well?” 

“I’m not saying it will.” Pressing the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and thumb, my eyes close. “Just let me handle it.”

His long sigh on the other end causes a dull ache in my head that I ignore.

“Fine. And your speech?”

“Consider it done. I need a favor, though. Will you have your friend Steel Archer call me, please. ASAP.”

“Steel? Why would you need the help of a Special Ops guy?”

“I’ll fill you in once I talk to him.”

Noticing Eden, I see her determined face looking back at me, but my mind is racing. I’m gambling with her future, her happiness. What will Steel find? I’m hoping for a miracle.

After saying goodbye to Alex, I walk over to the bar, to her.

“We’re going to a formal benefit tonight. Black tie.”

Our eyes meet, and for one brief moment, I take pride in my control.