When we get back to the apartment, we’re both quieter than usual. At first I think that maybe it’s because Arie is embarrassed about what we just did, or because we could have been so easily caught by anyone walking by, but when I go to take a shower, she follows me in, and makes it very clear embarrassment wasn’t the problem. After the shower, I head to the kitchen in my bathroom, leaving Arie in the bedroom, and I start poking around for something to eat. Despite the massive meal at Martinelli’s, I’m suddenly hungry again. I can’t imagine why, I think as I stick my head in the fridge, looking for some fruit. Suddenly, Arie’s voice from behind me startles me so badly, I hit my head on one of the fridge shelves.

“Pierce, we need to talk and we need to talk right now and it can’t wait another minute.” There’s something desperate in her voice, something that makes me immediately pay attention.

I spin around, rubbing the spot on my head that I’ve just clunked. “What the hell, Arie? That couldn’t have waited two seconds until I didn’t have my head in the refrigerator? You scared the shit out of me.”

“I literally just said it couldn’t wait. Can you please sit down?”

The look on her face is making me nervous. She looks panicked, like she’s about to throw up, and suddenly… I’m not so hungry anymore. “I’d rather stand,” I answer as she sits down herself on one of the barstools.

“Okay. That’s fine. But I need you to promise that you’ll listen to me all the way through, until I’m done, before you say anything or do anything or make any decisions.”

I think my heart is going to leap out of my chest. “For the love of God, Arie. Just tell me. You’re making whatever it is worse with all this build-up.”

She takes a slow, deep breath, and sets her hands on the counter, as if she’s trying to prove she has nothing to hide.

“All right. You know that I was really sick, and the doctors told me I was going to die. Multiple doctors told me this. That there was no hope. My life was over. That was why I thought there was no harm in taking the money from the loan sharks…”

“Yes, we’ve been over this. I’m going to find those bastards this week and…” She holds up a hand and cuts me off.

“This isn’t about the money, Pierce. This is about something else. This is about… our daughter.”

It feels as if all the air has been sucked out of the room. Everything starts to spin, and I begin to feel dizzy, sick, unhinged. Like the world isn’t spinning on the right axis anymore and I’m about to float away.

“What do you mean ‘our daughter?’ Because we’re together, right? You want to be Chloe’s mother?” I’m grasping at straws. Hoping for any other answer than the obvious one.

“I think you know exactly what I mean, Pierce. Chloe is my little girl. Yours and mine. When they told me there was no way they were going to be able to save me, I didn’t know what to do. I was desperate. I couldn’t leave her with Marie and Sal; they are even more broke than me, and they don’t have the resources to take care of a child. I didn’t want her to end up in foster care, so the obvious answer was to make sure she was raised by the one parent she had left. That was you. I didn’t want her to be burdened with memories of her deadbeat, sick mother, so I found Roger Bailey, and he agreed to help me. To help Chloe, start her new life.”

I collapse back against the counter, afraid my legs are going to give out. “Fuck, Arie. Why didn’t you tell me? When you got here that day, pretending to want to be her nanny, why didn’t you just tell me then?”

Tears start to form in Arie’s eyes, and she brushes them away with the back of her hand. “Because of the Cannizzos! I knew they were still after me, still are after me. I didn’t want to take the chance of you and Chloe getting hurt, so I thought if I stay close, but distant, I could keep you safe until I figured things out. But nothing worked out the way I planned, and I fell in love with you again. I didn’t expect it happen, or for us to be here like this, again. But it did happen. And I knew I had to tell you before we moved to New Zealand. I couldn’t hide the truth from you anymore.”

Oh my god, New Zealand. We’re moving to New Zealand. Arie is Chloe’s mother. We have a child together and we’re moving to New Zealand. I can’t breathe. I’ve never had a panic attack in my life, but I imagine this is what it feels like. I’m full of rage at Arie for lying, and sadness that she felt so hopeless, and desperation because I have no idea what to do. Even though I wish it didn’t, the rage wins out.

“Well. I guess you’re lucky Chloe still isn’t talking. She might have called you ‘mommy’ and given away your whole game.”

Arie’s face collapses. “Pierce, please. Please try to understand. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Don’t you see? I signed away all of my rights to my child. She is entirely yours now. If you decide you never want to see me again, and took her and went to New Zealand without me, I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. But I needed you to know the truth. I couldn’t keep lying you to you. Because I love you.”

I back away slowly, trying to temper my breathing like I learned in the SEALs. I walk past Arie, ignored the look of hurt on her face, go into my bedroom, grab a pair of sweats and a t-shirt off the floor, put them on, and then head right back out for the front door. I need to think. I need fresh air, air that isn’t heavy with so many lies. I’m almost to the elevator door when Arie runs up behind me and grabs my arm.

“Wait, Pierce! Please! Don’t just walk out. We need to talk about this.”

Her face crumples into a mass of tears, but I can’t focus on anything but the betrayal.

“I’m sorry, Arie. I can’t think right now. I’m not sure I have a right to be mad, but I am. I know you were sick. I know it seemed like your only option, but Jesus — ” I stop, mid-sentence. There’s nothing else I can add. My chest clenches tight. “I need to get out of here.”

How did I not know?

I can hear her sobbing as the elevator door shuts behind me, hiding my own tears as they trickle down my cheeks.