CHAPTER SIX
THE NEXT SEVEN DAYS were excruciating. It wasn’t that nothing was happening in Lucy’s life or that she had nothing better to do than sit around and think about Elijah. A lot was happening and all at once, and even so, she still couldn’t stop thinking about him.
Michael’s meeting with the photographer went amazingly well. So well, in fact, that he canceled his plane ticket home so he could have more time in L.A. Or so that was what he said. Lucy, however, strongly suspected that the real reason Michael decided to stay was because he was so head over heels in love with Jeff that he couldn’t possibly bear to leave him just yet, even if for just a few days.
Seeing the two of them so deeply in love definitely wasn’t helping her with the “let’s not think about Elijah Redford” mission. If anything, watching them together made her miss Elijah even more and made her question everything about her decision to let him go.
She was feeling especially doubtful one night, when the three of them (and Toby too!) were watching a movie together at her apartment. She was genuinely happy for them, but at the same time, watching them fawn over each other like the star-crossed lovers they were, made her feel especially lonesome.
She loved her best friend dearly. But there were some things about her that Michael just didn’t understand. Like her ambition, for example. Michael was all about beauty, peace and serenity. If something made him feel miserable, he couldn’t handle it. It was the same thing with ugliness in the world. Period. It didn’t matter that sometimes the path to something better or more beautiful in life was through misery, he just couldn’t see anything beyond what was right in front of him. By contrast, Lucy would rather die before she left something unfinished. Lucy was the type to dig in deep and embrace the good with the bad, warts and all. Elijah understood that about her—it was the drive and determination that leads someone to forget about everything else.
Seeing the tenderness between Michael and Jeff, Lucy couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps she’d been too hasty closing the door on Elijah. While it was true that she felt like she needed to focus on her career right now, it was also true that some connections in life were rare and once in a lifetime at best. Perhaps she shouldn’t have been so quick to dismiss the one she had with Elijah.
The ringtone from her phone startled her out of her daze. She snatched up the phone from the coffee table and scowled at the number, which she recognized immediately. It was Clean magazine. She had stored it her contacts when she was feeling more hopeful and optimistic about the possibility of having a future there. Lucy braced herself and took a deep breath before answering the call, “Hello?”
“Ms. Smith? This is Amanda Booth.”
* * *
Lucy wasn’t quite sure what exactly had possessed her to accept the invitation to return to Clean’s headquarters. She wasn’t feeling quite as enthusiastic this time around, which was completely understandable, considering how burned she felt the last time she was called into Carey Wayland’s office.
She supposed it was mostly out of curiosity. They didn’t tell her what the meeting was about or what to expect exactly. On the phone Amanda vaguely alluded to the fact that there might be an apology involved, which definitely piqued Lucy’s curiosity. She prepared herself mentally, however, just in case she happened to once again walk into some kind of ambush or setup.
When she got there, there was no waiting around in the reception area. She was received immediately, quickly whisked into Carey Wayland’s office. Lucy didn’t quite know what to make of it, nor of Ms. Wayland, herself. While the woman’s attitude remained sharp and businesslike as always, there were softer edges to her personality that weren’t there during her last visit. Carey warmly greeted Lucy and invited her to sit in the same cerulean chair she sat in last time. Lucy accepted the invitation graciously, yet remained cautious of the woman across from her.
“It’s good to see you again, Ms. Smith,” Carey said. “Can I offer you anything? Coffee? Water?”
“No, thank you,” Lucy said. She wished she could say it was good to see Ms. Wayland too, but she just couldn’t bring herself to play along with such insincerities.
Carey peered at Lucy from behind her black-rimmed glasses. Her gray eyes were as penetrating and sharp as ever. After a brief period of awkward silence, Carey Wayland spoke. “Well, there’s really no point in beating around the bush. I asked you here so that I could apologize to you in person about my behavior the last time we met.”
Lucy stared at the woman sitting on the other side of the desk. Up until that moment, Lucy was pretty sure that Carey Wayland would have forgotten all about their encounter, or at least that was what Lucy had hoped. What the hell could’ve possessed this woman to remember her, let alone apologize, and why now?
Meanwhile, Carey leaned back in her chair and held her hands in front of her body with just the tips touching while she stared out the window behind her desk. “I made a snap judgment and I’m really sorry about that. But you have to understand that we get so many crazy submissions around here on a regular basis. People make false claims like you wouldn’t believe. I’m not saying this to excuse my bad behavior,” she added, almost as an afterthought. “I’m saying this to you because I want you to understand the kind of industry we work in.”
“Thank you,” Lucy said after a moment. Somewhere during Carey’s speech, Lucy had begun to relax a bit. “I appreciate the apology. If I may ask, what changed your opinion of me?”
“We received confirmation of your story directly from the source, who also incidentally gave you a glowing recommendation.”
Lucy jaw fell open. Elijah had actually called and backed her up. She had hoped he might come around to this at some point, but she never imagined he would expose himself personally. She figured he would have his assistant or someone else who officially spoke for him contact the magazine on his behalf. Lucy’s stomach did a little flip. Lucy stared at the woman in open disbelief until the sound of Carey’s voice jolted her out of her reverie.
“If you’re interested, we’d like to buy your story.”
“Really?”
Carey smiled. “Yes. It’s well written and one of the best profiles on Elijah Redford that I’ve seen. It’ll make an excellent feature in our next issue. What do you say, Ms, Smith?”
Lucy beamed. She realized she couldn’t keep up the stone-faced cold professional act she tried so hard maintain. She couldn’t help but let her excitement and happiness show. This was her dream and it was coming true right in front of her eyes. “Why yes, of course Ms. Wayland,” she gushed. “I would love to give you my story. Thank you so very much.”
“Excellent, Lucy. You can call me Carey. I’ll have the contract sent over to you later today. After you sign it and get it back to us, I’ll assign you an editor who will be in touch with you over the next couple of days to hammer out the rest of details. Any questions for me right now?”
“Uh…I…no, not really,” Lucy stammered. “I’m sorry, I’m just really happy right now and grateful for the chance,” she admitted candidly.
Carey Wayland laughed. “Well, I would be too. This really has the potential to be a career-defining opportunity.” She leaned forward in her chair and regarded Lucy thoughtfully. “One more thing, Lucy.”
Lucy immediately felt a wave of trepidation wash over her. “Yes?”
“What would you think about coming to work for us as a staff writer? We could offer you a position as a correspondent.”
Lucy blinked. She was convinced her head was about to explode. Are you freaking serious?!??Her brain desperately tried to keep up and process the information she had just been given. When she finally got over the initial shock, she blurted out, “That’s my dream job. I mean yes, of course I would love that!”
Carey smiled at her. “Then it’s settled. Write me up a report on the convention you attended in Ojai. There are a few other events I’d like you cover for us, but first I need to familiarize myself with your work style.”
“Of course. I’ll get on that right away.” Lucy said immediately.
“Good. Here’s my contact information.” Carey handed Lucy a business card over the desk. “E-mail it to me in the next couple of days.”
Lucy nodded and took the card reverently, like it was the Holy Grail or something—and in a way, to her, it really was.
She left Clean’s headquarters feeling light as a feather. She still couldn’t believe what had just gone down. The euphoria didn’t last long, however. Lucy had to buckle down and regain her focus. She had work to do.
* * *
This was absolute perfection. Lucy couldn’t have planned it any better. As soon as she got home, she dug out all of her notes from the Ojai convention to review. After she had a basic structure for the reportage done, she started writing like a madwoman, faster and more feverishly than she ever had before. It was a pity she didn’t have any pictures of him—some visuals would’ve been a nice added touch to include with her submission, even though she was well aware that the magazine had professional photographers for that part. She did her best to remedy to the lack of pictures to break up the text by inserting dynamic callouts and inspirational quotes from Elijah strategically placed throughout the article.
It was four hours later when Lucy finally looked up from her work. Michael was out with Jeff for the day, which left the apartment empty (save for Toby, who was curled up against her leg on the couch, napping). She sighed contentedly and arched her back. She lifted her arms above her head and reached for the ceiling. Stretching out her legs was hopeless as they were pinned underneath the laptop and Toby’s warm and resting body. She decided to let the sleeping pup lie.
She couldn’t wait to tell Michael about all that had happened. She sent him a cryptic text message earlier in the afternoon, when he checked in with her, asking about how the meeting at Clean went. She made him promise to come home for a dinner so she could share the whole story over takeout.
Lucy stared thoughtfully at her laptop’s screen. She was mostly done with her work for the day, but still had a few things to wrap up before she could call it quits. She opened up her email and began to compose a message to Elijah to thank him for clearing things up with Carey Wayland.
Without realizing it, she ended up sharing more than she intended as she started telling him all of the things she always wanted to say to him but never did. The words and emotion just came pouring out of her onto the screen.
Dear Elijah,
I had a meeting at Clean’s headquarters today. I must admit, I didn’t know what to expect and was prepared for the worst, considering what happened the last and only other time I was there. So, imagine my surprise when Ms. Wayland not only apologized to me, but offered to buy my profile of you and hire me as a correspondent staff writer at the magazine! She said the source called and confirmed the validity of the interview.
I don’t have the words to thank you. I always knew you’d come through for me in the end (okay…more like I hoped ;-)), but I didn’t think you’d do it in such a spectacular fashion. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I have to send her a report on the Ojai convention in the next couple of days. If that goes well, she’ll give me more assignments. I just can’t believe my dreams are coming true and that it’s all happening so fast. Don’t worry, though. I will not mention our very own private encounters during those two days at the resort. ;-)
Speaking of…I’m not just writing to thank you. It started out that way, but now as I’m typing this, I realize there’s something else I want to say to you. I guess I’m also writing to tell you that I miss you. I think I may have been wrong. I regret having pushed you away.
At the time, I thought I was doing what was right for both of us, but not anymore. I can’t stop thinking of you. I really do believe in the connection we had. It was apparent from the moment we first met and I know you felt it too.
I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I’m not sure what I expect. To be perfectly honest, I don’t even know what I want. I guess I thought maybe you could help me figure it out. Or maybe we could figure it out together.
Anyway, I hope you’re doing well.
Take care,
Lucy
She didn’t stop to think. She took a deep breath, and hit send.
* * *
Lucy turned in her report on the Ojai conference ahead of the deadline she had been given and Carey Wayland wasted no time in getting back to her. Clean’s editor in chief called her personally less than a day later and told her that the job was hers, if she wanted it. Needless to say, Lucy eagerly accepted the offer.
The next couple of days were spent in a haze as Lucy tried to wrap her head around the fact that everything was really, truly coming together in her life, at least as far as her career was concerned.
Michael and Jeff took her out to celebrate that weekend. Lucy specifically requested that they not go back to the same place where Michael and Jeff first met, which was also the same place where she ran into Elijah the last time. She didn’t want to be distracted by thoughts of him—at least any more than she already was.
She had sent the e-mail to him exactly two days ago and he had yet to respond. Almost as soon as she pressed send, she frantically refreshed her email to see if he replied. After the first day passed, she started getting that panicky feeling in the pit of her stomach that he wouldn’t reply at all.
“Stop sulking,” Michael scolded her while Jeff was at the bar getting their drinks. He elbowed her hard in the ribs. “We’re here to celebrate.”
Lucy flashed Michael a weak smile. Even though Michael was talking to Lucy, his eyes were fixed on Jeff. She laughed. “Man, you’re really crazy for him, aren’t you?”
“What? Who me?” Michael asked innocently. When he turned back to look at her, his face was flushed. He batted his eyes demurely. “Well, maybe I am. And who’s to blame?”
Lucy smiled at him fondly. That was one of her favorite things about Michael, the fact that he always wore his heart on his sleeve.
“I’m so happy for you,” she said. “Of all the people in the world, you deserve it.” She snuck a quick peek at her cell phone under the table.
“Still waiting, huh?” he asked. Nothing escaped Michael.
Lucy flinched and tucked her phone away. It was almost a habit by now. She hardly noticed how many times in an hour or day that she checked her email anymore. “I don’t think he’s ever going to reply.”
Michael huffed. “Once again, it’s confirmed. He’s an asshole.”
“I don’t think that’s what it is this time.” After a moment, Lucy said thoughtfully, “I mean, I get it. I think.”
“Really?” Michael arched a skeptical eyebrow. “Enlighten me, darling. Because I really can’t wrap my head around it at all.”
“The last time we were together, I rejected him. And now I just told him that I don’t know what I want. He probably doesn’t want to waste any more time with me. He has bigger more important things to worry about than me.”
“Lucy dear, don’t sell yourself short.”
“Well it’s either that, or he really doesn’t want a relationship and would rather keep ignoring the feelings between us. Maybe it’s a little of both.” She shrugged. “Whatever it is, they’re all good reasons.”
“You really think so?” Michael countered. “I don’t believe you.”
Lucy wasn’t so sure she believed herself either. She spent the rest of the night doing her best to keep Elijah out of her mind. While she didn’t quite succeed 100% of the time, she did manage to distract herself enough so that the heartache didn’t quite sting so much. The lightheartedness of course, vanished the minute she was back at home after Michael and Jeff had turned in.
It was after 1:00 AM and just she and Toby were up and about. This wasn’t the first time in the past couple of weeks that she found herself lying in bed restless and wide awake.
Toby moved around for a few moments before he finally settled in with his body curled up next to hers and his head on her stomach. Lucy smiled. Her little dog had the ability of making her feel warm inside pretty much instantly, no matter what was going on in her life.
When she first moved to the city, she was hesitant to adopt a dog. She was afraid that her situation was too unstable. But when she saw Toby’s face, she fell instantly in love and realized that if she had to do this—if she had to start a new life and find a new balance, what better way to do it than with a friend by her side?
She scratched Toby’s head behind the ears and slung an arm loosely around him. He breathed deeply and grunted contentedly before falling asleep. Lucy wasn’t so fortunate. She lay awake for quite some time. Lucy knew she should forget about Elijah, and that the sooner she did so, the better. But she couldn’t stop obsessing over him. As time wore on and it became more unlikely that she’d ever hear from him again, the aching and nagging sensation in the pit of her stomach got worse. She knew she would literally drive herself crazy if she kept waiting for an answer from him. Nothing good could come from obsessing over when and if he would respond. Why did she care so much? She landed her dream job. She had a career to focus on. This was definitely not the time for her to go off the deep end.
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop the thoughts from spinning inside her head. Her heart began to beat very fast in her chest. Was she having a panic attack? Monday was supposed to be her first official day at Clean.
She still couldn’t believe this was happening to her. She took a deep breath and rolled onto her side, Toby automatically adjusted himself to press as close to her as he could even in this new position. Her whole body was tense with nervous excitement. She tried to picture her first day there and then decided she better not. Expectations had a way of being crushed.
* * *
As it turned out, she could have had the highest expectations for this job and it still would have exceeded them all. At the end of her first week at Clean, she felt elated. Her motivation was through the roof. She’d heard horror stories about the rivalries and backstabbing pettiness one could find in the offices of such high-profile publications, but to her surprise everyone at Clean was super nice and helpful, and they were all each other’s number one fans.
Even Carey Wayland was friendly and supportive, now that they were no longer strangers, but colleagues of sorts. Lucy discovered that she actually really liked Carey and admired the older woman for her pioneering work in the industry. This truly was Lucy’s dream job.
In that first week, Lucy wrote more than she ever had in her entire life. The ideas just kept coming to her and the words kept flowing onto the page. Management had set her on blog duty to start so she could get her bearings around the office and learn the ropes of how things worked at Clean.
Lucy loved the morning creative meetings where they discussed ideas for the next few blog posts. It was the perfect environment for nurturing creativity. She was learning to be quick and assertive, and not to let her inner critic shut her down. Even if she was afraid an idea might sound stupid, she forced herself to bring it up anyway. More often than not, one of her co-workers would use that idea as a stepping stone for a more structured one. If the idea really was stupid, they would all share a good laugh over it. There were no hard feelings, no meanness or cattiness, just teamwork.
Lucy came home at the end of every day feeling pumped and at peace with herself and the whole universe. An added bonus was that they even let her bring Toby with her to the office three days a week!
And yet, Lucy was a little ashamed to admit that she still felt like there was something missing from her life. Although half-heartedly and without expecting much, she would still compulsively check her e-mail, looking for his name. It never came and each time she was hit by the same sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She would get over it eventually, she knew that. But for some reason, she just wasn’t ready to let it go. They say time heals all wounds, but it was just taking much longer than she expected to get to that place where she could just walk away from what happened and forget.
A few weeks had passed when Lucy was toweling herself dry after a post-run shower when the doorbell rang. She hastily slipped on a short robe and went to see who was there through the peephole in the door.
In spite of her best efforts, her heart skipped the proverbial beat. Because standing right there, outside her door, holding a massive arrangement of multi-colored flowers and with an expression of vague impatience on his face, was none other than Elijah Redford.