CHAPTER ELEVEN
Sawyer
I heard her wake up and get out of bed a while ago. I thought about stopping her and forcing her to tell me what the fuck is wrong, but I let her go. Ever since that phone call she got earlier something has changed. She’s back to looking shattered and I don’t fucking like it.
I’ve had enough. Whatever the hell is going on, she’s going to tell me so I can fix it. Getting out of bed I throw on a pair of jeans and go in search of her, thinking I’ll find her in the kitchen, but the house remains dark. I notice the front door cracked open and the porch light on. With determined strides I swing it open, and what I see through the screen door stops me cold. My wife—my Cupcake—sitting on the top step, her body folded in half as she sobs in her knees. The sight of her looking so broken rips my fucking guts out.
I push open the door and sit behind her on the stairs, my legs caging her in and arms wrapping around her delicate body. Leaning down, I press a kiss to her bare shoulder, feeling her body shake with misery.
“Talk to me, baby. Tell me what the hell is going on so I can fix it. It’s killing me to see you like this.”
She mumbles something through her sobs but I can’t make out what she said.
“What?”
“You’re gonna hate me.”
“There’s nothing in the world that could make me hate you, Grace.” It’s the damn truth. Angry—yes, destroy me—yes, but I could never hate her. However, I’m feeling pretty fucking nervous now about whatever is bothering her.
She finally lifts her head and turns to me, staring up at me with the most heartbreaking expression I’ve ever seen from her. It brings me back to a time when I first met her and reminds me of the sad, lonely girl she once was. Something I vowed she would never feel again, yet here we sit.
“Tell me you love me and that you will never stop,” she whispers.
I grab her face, my jaw locking down in frustration that I even have to say this to her. “I love you, Grace. Nothing will ever fucking change that.” She begins crying harder and every tear that spills destroys another part of my soul. I kiss her wet lips before dropping my forehead on hers. “Tell me what the hell is going on. You’re scaring me.”
Her eyes open, locking with mine. “I got tested to see if I’m a match.”
Every part of my body freezes as I stare back at her. She doesn’t elaborate on what tests but she doesn’t need to. Betrayal ignites through my veins hot and fast “When?”
“On Wednesday afternoon,” she whispers.
“Jesus, Grace!” I jump to my feet and start pacing furiously. “How the fuck could you keep this from me?”
“I’m sorry, so sorry for not telling you, but you were so angry. You wouldn’t even talk about it and I knew you would try to stop me from going.”
“Exactly! So what does that tell you?”
“It told me I was on my own. That I didn’t have you by my side!”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”
“No, it’s not,” she screams back, rising to her feet. “I hated keeping this from you but you left me no choice.” She pauses, trying to compose herself. “Please understand. I had to do it or I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”
I stare back at her, feeling enraged. At her…at myself. I hate that she kept this from me but hate even more that I made her do it. Made her feel like she couldn’t come to me.
“I met her.”
My eyes snap to hers at the whispered confession.
“I didn’t intend to. I just went to see if I could even be an option for her, and if I were, then we would talk about it. But then Barbara, her mother, asked if I wanted to meet her, so I did. She’s so beautiful, Sawyer,” she chokes out, her breath hitching. “She’s everything I could hope to have in a sister. She’s kind, witty, and smart, but most of all she’s selfless. Out of everyone who has been begging me to do this, she’s the only one who told me not to.” A series of sobs erupt from her once more, cracking my fucking heart in half. “A seventeen-year-old girl is dying and right now I’m her only hope for survival.”
“And what about me? What about our family? Huh, Grace?” I grind out through the pain in my chest. “What about our kids? We aren’t talking about giving this girl a fucking sweater; this is a goddamn organ! An organ that my wife needs! Have you thought once about that?”
“Of course I have. That’s all I’ve thought about, damn it. As I looked down at Lucy in that hospital bed, and watched Barbara break in fear of losing her daughter, all I was able to think about were my babies. What if this were Hope? Or Parker? If there was only one person that could potentially save their life, what would you do?”
The thought hits me like a powerful blow to the chest, squeezing my heart so painfully I want to rip it out of my goddamn chest.
“I’ll tell you what I would do,” she whispers. “I’d do everything humanly possible to save their life. I would beg, plead, scream, cry…I would die for them, just like I know you would.” Her breath hitches as she struggles to speak. “I may not have known them long, but Lucy and Piper are my sisters. My father may be a bastard but they aren’t, and I’ll never be able to live with myself if she dies and I did nothing to help her.” She drops to the ground in agony, her broken cries filling the air and completely destroying me.
Feeling nothing but the pain slicing through me, I go to her and scoop her up in my arms. “Shhh. I have you.”
She wraps her arms tightly around me and buries her face in my neck as I walk us inside, back to bed. I pull her in as close as two people can get, enfolding my body around hers, hoping to stop her from breaking any further.
“I need you, Sawyer,” she cries. “I need you by my side for this. I can’t do it without you.”
“You have me. You always have me.” As I choke out the promise, holding her in the quiet dark, my throat burns like a motherfucker. I feel something leak from the corner of my eye as I think about the possibility of losing the woman I live and breathe for.
The only one who has ever mattered to me.