“YOURS?” MY STOMACH CHURNED AS my eyes shot to Jasper. He slowly raised his head and I knew. I knew in that second he was aware of my ability to heal Inks. He’d known all along. I felt as if I was rolling down the mountain out of control, my limbs flailing to latch onto something.
Jasper’s Ink was dead. His tatted arms had no scars, no cuts. I’d have seen them when we were together. But Inks could die from other reasons.
“Max.” Jasper rose and started toward me.
I held up my hand to stop him and he did, although he scowled and clenched his jaw and I knew he didn’t want to. “Tell me I’m wrong.” I ignored, who I suspected was his brother, watching us. “Tell me what I’m thinking isn’t true.”
He remained unmoving, mouth pulled tight, eyes drained of playfulness and the speck of darkness spreading across the glistening surface. His silence made me angrier because I wanted an excuse. I wanted him to tell me it wasn’t true. God, I wanted him to lie if he had to. And that made me angrier that I’d be so pathetic to want him to lie to me. But after last night . . . I didn’t want to lose what we shared and I was. All of it was crumbling and falling down the mountain with me.
“What? You’re afraid of telling me? Man the fuck up, Jasper.”
His brother quietly got up and walked out the front door. Jasper stayed where he was, watching me as I pieced it together. With his silence came the truth. He didn’t need to say anything; it fit perfectly.
Why he was chosen to protect me when he was an assassin not a babysitter.
Why he cared that I stayed alive.
Why he had asked about my Ink.
He knew.
He knew what I was capable of and wanted to use me to heal his Ink.
Just like Drake.
I swallowed, raising my chin, unblinking as I met his unyielding stare. I wouldn’t be the one to falter and I wouldn’t be used. I’d been used for six years by Drake and then locked myself away from living.
“Max.” His accent was more pronounced as his voice sliced through me.
I wanted to run. To do what I was good at and conceal my emotions behind a shield of ice, but he’d torn through that and given me a taste of living, of feeling and despite the hurt that came with it, I wanted my life back and yeah, I wanted the truth—needed it. “Don’t you dare lie to me.”
His eyes never left mine as he strode across the room, the usual cocky swagger gone, but still self-assured. This time I didn’t stop him, and from his fierce expression I didn’t think he’d listen anyway.
He stopped inches away and my breath locked in my chest as I felt him. I felt him, damn it. He was in me. It was too late to stop any hurt as the web of betrayal spread through me.
Was that why he had sex with me? Why he’d kissed me? Why he’d held me in his arms when I broke?
“No. I see it in your eyes, Max. Don’t even go there.” He grabbed my forearms, fingers curling into me and I wanted to fall into his arms and . . . cry. I wanted to cry and that made me hate him more. “Stop.” He shook me once, fingers bruising. “I slept with you because I wanted you. Fuck, I still do. It has nothing to do with . . .” He swore beneath his breath then let me go and ran his hand through his hair as his expression tightened as if in pain. “The payment.”
It was like he punched me in the stomach and I was winded as he said the words. His payment wasn’t money; it was my ability.
I reached out and placed my hand on the wall for support. I bit the insides of my cheeks as the tears welled. I was being used in some deal. I didn’t even know anyone else knew about my ability and they used it to convince Jasper to protect me from Drake. How many more lies? What else was he keeping from me?
“Damn it, Max. It’s what I do. I’ve never pretended otherwise. I just . . . I didn’t know that . . .”
His voice trailed off and I closed my eyes, unable to look at the man I thought was . . . different. My expectations had been too high and I’d thought . . . I’d seen something else in him. Felt the melting of his outer core to reveal someone hurting. Hiding. But it wasn’t an outer core. It was his whole core.
I wanted him gone. “Then let’s do it.”
“What?”
“Why wait until your two weeks are up. That’s when I’ll have to give you—the payment—for saving my life for two weeks, right? That’s the deal?” I took my hand away from the wall. “Why wait. Let’s get it done and then you can go on your merry fucking way.” I glared, meeting his startled eyes. “What? You suddenly growing a conscience? We both know that’s impossible.”
He stood frozen, muscles flexed, hands at his side curled into fists. But it wasn’t anger; it was shock and I wanted to silently cheer, but nothing could make me happy at the moment. I knew he was bad news. I knew what he was like. I fucking knew he was tainted, yet I had seen more in him. At least I thought I had.
“What? You want more? Did the deal include sex with me afterward? Well, you got it before. You don’t get to touch me again. You don’t get to protect me. And you sure as hell don’t get to use me again.” I shoved my palms into his chest and he staggered back a step, but he didn’t make a move to touch me. “I’ll heal your Ink and then you walk away. That’s my fucking deal.”
I heard the front door open, but kept my focus on Jasper. I saw the cavalcade of emotions whirlpooling in his eyes as my words hit him. The rage mixed with disbelief and . . . pain. I didn’t think Jasper could feel that emotion any longer, but I was glad. I wanted Jasper to hurt.
My past had messed me up, too, but I didn’t hurt those around me. I didn’t use people.
His tone was harsh as he said, “I’m not walking away.”
I shoved him again, this time with both hands, but he’d been ready for it and didn’t move. “Then I will.” I pushed by him, but he grabbed my arm, pulling me around. I put out my hands to stop from crashing into him and they rested over his heart. It wasn’t the usual steady beat. It was frantic.
“You’re jumping to conclusions. And you’re not leaving.” His eyes flashed black and his jaw clenched. He always had this power in him, this overwhelming control over the room and I hated that I wanted to bend to him. “Things changed. It’s not like that now. Fuck, it was never like that.”
I didn’t want to hear excuses. I wanted to get this over with. “Where’s your Ink?” He refused to answer and I raised my voice. “Where the fuck is your Ink?”
“It’s on his left shoulder,” his brother said from the doorway. “On his back.”
“Fuck you, Holden.” Jasper swung around taking me with him as he glared at his brother. “Stay out of this.”
His brother leaned against the front door and crossed his arms over his broad chest. From my quick glance, he was making certain of two things, that I didn’t leave and neither did Jasper.
I wasn’t stupid and had no intention to leave until I had a plan. “Take off your shirt,” I said. At any other time, I knew Jasper’s usual response would’ve been a cocky smirk, but all I got was a scowl with lowered brows and the crease between them.
“We are not doing this.” Jasper shot a glare at his brother then put his hands on my waist and slid them down to grasp my hips. “Max, I told you, shit changed. It was a job. Now, it’s not. Shit, it wasn’t from the beginning. I took it to protect you.”
I lowered my head. “Yeah.” They were words with no meaning. I didn’t trust anything he said.
“Sunshine.” A sharp pain hit my chest at his soft drawl. “Fuck. I took the deal and . . .” He grabbed either side of my face and forced my head up so I’d look at him. “Max, I didn’t know I’d fuckin’ care. I haven’t cared about anything for a goddamn century.” I averted my eyes and he tightened his grip, fingers curling into my hair. “Jesus. Don’t pull away from me.” His tone quivered and softened as he said, “Please, Max.”
I wanted to believe him, and maybe there was a sliver of truth in his words because I’d felt it. But it didn’t change the fact Jasper had been using me for my ability.
“Tell her the rest.” Holden’s voice abruptly cut through the air. “Tell her or I will.”
Jasper’s hands fell away and my heart skipped a beat with my breath catching in my throat. “What?”
Jasper stepped away, the color draining from his face. Oh, God, it was bad. Worse. I clutched at the denim of my jeans on either side of me as I waited for the wrecking ball to do its final destruction.
Jasper looked at the floor for a second and then he took a deep breath and met my eyes again. “If Drake got too close, I was supposed to kill you.”
My breath hitched as I shook my head. No. It couldn’t be true. Xamien . . . Xamien wouldn’t let that happen. But suddenly I was uncertain of anything and I was drifting away into the abyss of deceit. I was drowning in the depths as I was yanked under by the force of the waves, pulled into the darkness where I was safe.
“Baby, it’s not—”
Anger flashed and I went for him. He must have seen it coming, but he didn’t do anything to stop me as I slapped him across the face, his head jerked to the side from the force. The sound echoed in the silence of the room and then I was punching his chest as emotions I’d kept locked away for years suddenly released.
It was like gravity pulling me down further and further as I hit him repeatedly. I’d slept with a guy who’d been hired to kill me. I’d lain in his arms. I developed feelings for him. And all this time, he’d known that he’d kill me if he had to.
“You’re a cold son-of-a-bitch,” I yelled as I completely lost it. “Do you get off sleeping with women you’re hired to kill? I bet you do. I bet you—”
An arm looped around my waist and dragged me backward away from Jasper. “Go, damn it,” Holden ordered. I struggled against the hard body holding me, my mind spinning and every emotion I’d locked away suddenly set free as I cracked wide open.
Bleeding.
Draining.
Drowning.
The words kept repeating in my head. Jasper was hired to kill me if things went bad. Xamien never said anything. They all knew about my ability and they wanted me dead rather than end up in Drake’s hands.
Deceit.
Lies.
Betrayal.
“Xamien didn’t know. He still doesn’t,” Jasper said, and then turned and walked out the front door.
I pushed Holden away from me, staggering back until I crashed into the wall. Sobs racked my body as the anger turned to pain and I collapsed onto the floor. I thought I was strong. I thought I was stronger, but I felt like I did living with Drake. An object. Used and beaten. Maybe this time it wasn’t physical wounds, but this was worse. Jasper had reeled me in, made me feel safe and strong, and alive before he cast me out into an ocean of starving sharks.
I lay on the floor for a long time. The crying stopped and the cold numbness slowly seeped back in. I didn’t open my eyes as arms lifted me up and carried me to the bedroom, and then lay me in the bed. I knew it was Jasper. I’d always know when he was near. I had right from the beginning. And I knew he never left the bedroom, but stayed sitting on the window ledge. It was then I finally slept.
“Baby, wake up.”
So cold. Why was it so cold? I couldn’t stop shaking. I tried to pry my eyes open but they wouldn’t open. Drake hovered over me sneering with his hand outstretched.
“No. No, don’t touch me.” I didn’t want this.
Don’t make me.
His arms came around me and I screamed, pushing at him, struggling to get away. I had to fight. I needed to fight him. I hadn’t fought him last time. But I was stronger now. I wouldn’t let him win.
“Max. Wake the fuck up!”
I jolted at the sound of his voice and my eyes flew open. “Jasper?” He had his arms around me and we were on the floor, me between his legs as he cradled me to him. “Jasper.” I tried to escape his arms as everything came flooding back, one nightmare replaced with another.
“Shh, relax. You’re not going anywhere.” His tone hardened as he whispered in my ear, “And neither am I.” He held me tightly to him and his warmth seeped into my trembling body. I didn’t want to feel comfort from him, but I did and that made it worse. I was being comforted by the man hired to kill me.
“I’d never kill you.” Jasper’s words intimately caressed my mind and it was as though he was inside me. “Fuck, I could never hurt you, baby.”
But he had.
I closed my eyes as he locked me to him, refusing to let me go. My fingers clutched at his shirt, and his heart beat solid and steady beneath my hand.
“I got you.” His gentle words pulled me into him, despite trying to fight it. A finger stroked back my damp hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. “I can’t take back what I did, Max. It was a job and I didn’t know . . .” He sighed and tugged me a little closer. “I didn’t know I’d care this much.”
I searched his words for the truth, but I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust him. “It doesn’t matter now.” Because it was too late. Anything that had begun to build had been ripped apart and stomped on.
“No,” Jasper said abruptly. I jerked at the fierceness in his tone. “It’s not too late.”
He’d read my thoughts. Oh, God, he’d found a way through the cracks. I pulled against him, shoving at his chest. “Don’t you dare. You don’t have the right to read my thoughts. You don’t have the—”
He kissed me.
At first I was shocked as his aggressive mouth met mine, one hand holding the back of my head to prevent my escape. My lips were soft against his, the twinge between my legs pulsating, my stomach whirling with flutters of winged angels.
Then sanity stabbed me in the chest and I tried to yank back, but his grip was relentless and he titled my head and forced me to accept him. To let him back in.
His lips vibrated beneath mine as he spoke. “Please.” It was a haggard pleading that tore another piece off me because whatever had been happening between us was lost to the murky lies.
I went limp against him, mouth unmoving as he kissed me. He stopped and rested his forehead against mine as he breathed heavily. My lips tingled and felt swollen. I ran my tongue over them, immediately tasting him and regretting it.
“She followed me one night to the river where I’d go swimming sometimes. We weren’t allowed to leave our Talde at night because of the threat of vampires and we . . . well, we weren’t strong enough yet.” His voice was quiet and unsteady. “Holden used to get so pissed at me when I went out at night. He was always the practical one and I hated rules.”
His hand slid down my back and settled on my hip. “I didn’t think there was any harm in her coming with me. There’d been no sign of vampires in months. I was pretty . . . confident in my Sounding ability and I thought . . . I thought I was strong enough at sixteen. I wasn’t.” He stumbled over the last words and cleared his throat, his hand tensing on me for a second before he started talking again. “I didn’t even make it to the river before I heard her muffled scream from behind me. My world collapsed hearing that sound. It shredded me, but it was nothing compared to what happened over the next few days.” He glanced at me and tears filled his eyes, but they didn’t fall, just pooled in his bottom lids. “They wanted to know where Lillian, a really powerful Healer, was. I wouldn’t tell them. I’d never give in. But then her screams . . . my sister’s cries . . .” He dropped his head forward and his voice lowered. “Three days. I told them where Lillian’s Talde was after three days. They promised to let Beth go, but I knew they wouldn’t. Fuck, I knew they wouldn’t and I told them anyway because I hoped maybe . . . fuck, maybe they would just kill me and let her go.”
I should’ve got up and walked way, but I didn’t. I sat in his lap as he told me the devastating story of what happened to his ten-year-old sister. The torture he endured, the suffering as he hung from the tree for days, listening to her cries and begging. Then his sister being tossed like garbage into a shallow grave right in front of him. The laughter as they kicked dirt over her lifeless body. “My parents . . . their grief . . . it ruined them. I had to leave. I couldn’t watch what I’d done to them anymore. I never saw them again and I spent the next years hunting the vampires who killed Beth. And every day I did, I cared less and less about . . . everything. It was easier that way. To never care about anything . . . anyone again.” His hand found mine and he linked our fingers. “I’ve lived that way every single day since—until you.”
I had no words and I didn’t think I could speak them as his story settled into me. I knew what Beth had suffered. Maybe my story was different, but I knew the fear she must have felt before she died. We’d been the same age, taken from those we loved, our home.
But his story didn’t change anything.
I crawled out of his lap and he let me. I stood on shaky legs and looked down at him sitting on the floor looking completely . . . vulnerable with sadness misted in his eyes and his mouth drawn downward. But it didn’t matter anymore.
“You’re Xamien’s friend. He trusts you.” I tilted my chin up as I thought of the day I met Jasper. “I wasn’t a stranger, Jasper. You met me six months ago and yet still you took a deal to use me for my ability. A job with the possibility that you’d have to kill me.”
Jasper’s face blanched and I heard his sharp inhale. “Max, fuck. I wouldn’t have done it—”
I snorted and I raised my brows. “That’s not good enough. I’m sorry for what happened to your sister. But sharing why you’re the bastard you are . . . doesn’t change the fact.” I spun on my heel and walked out of the bedroom.