Kai

On a whim, I auditioned for a job as a male erotic dancer, and—to my surprise—I got it. I’d hoped the dance and performance experience on my résumé would give me an advantage, even if it isn’t of the taking my clothes off variety.

For the past few years, I traveled the world on huge concert tours with a couple top 100 Billboard artists. As much as I loved it, I got tired of not having a home base, tired of not being in one spot long enough to settle down, and definitely tired of the long hours required while being on tour. 

While I’m glad to be back in my hometown, it doesn’t exactly feel like home. I haven't been in Las Vegas since just after I turned eighteen. That same week, I graduated from high school and my heart was ripped in two, which is quite possibly the reason I’ve been on the road for so long. 

Tonight is my first night working at The Essentials. My debut performance. 

After working with the guys and getting the routines down all week, I’m confident this gig will be a piece of cake. I’ll make some good money, stay in one spot for a while, and maybe find a chick who is okay with me taking my clothes off for random strangers. That sounds like a good plan. 

What I’m not expecting as I walk in the club tonight, is to have my world flipped upside down. And to see her.

She doesn’t see me as I walk in, but there was no way I can ignore her. 

I’m stopped in my tracks in the hallway from the back-parking lot that leads to the main area of the club. I feel like if I move that my legs would buckle under me, so I keep my feet planted in fear that if I move my observing her without her knowledge will become known. My heart is beating rapidly, and while I want to reach out to her – I know that I shouldn’t. Hell! I should be pissed off since the last time I saw her, it was her retreating back directly after she broke up with me.

In ten years, she hasn't changed much. I see from the artwork on her, that she got the tattoos that she talked so animatedly about wanting to have one day, but other than that, she's still my J. A long, black-brown braid hangs over her right shoulder, while her left showcases a bright red rose tattoo. Below the rose is a half sleeve of what looks from this distance like a garden. She’s dressed in a black and pink striped tank top and her makeup is light but makes her eyes pop and her skin glow.

She stands behind the bar looking down at something below the bartop and writing on a clipboard, while another woman walks around and tends to other areas of the bar. The two move in sync with one another and seem to be in their own worlds as everyone chatters around them. They both seem to not pay attention to what is occurring around them and stay focused on their areas.

Jacks, one of the owners, stands beside her as she writes something down, then turns to him with a laugh. She swats at his shoulder and points her pen at him as he backs away with his arms raised and a smile on his face.

I know that laugh. I loved that laugh and that smile once upon time. I originally fell in love with her smile before I even knew her when I saw her across the room in our junior year English class during the first week of school. And now, she's sharing that very same smile with someone else. Part of me is angry, but another part realizes I have no right to be. 

She didn't want me anymore. 

She threw away what we had. 

I shake my head to clear it and refocus before turning on my heel and heading to the stage to warm up before the night officially begins.

My first night goes well despite—or maybe even due to—a few rambunctious bachelorette parties in the audience. I performed in two numbers and one hot seat, which is pretty good for my first show.

I'm known currently as “the rookie,” and for now, that’s okay. I will put in my time and eventually someone else will come along and be the new guy. 

When I have a moment to spare in between shows, I watch the bar. From what I can see, Janae doesn’t watch the shows; she keeps herself busy. She doesn’t call out to any of the other dancers as they walk by. She focuses on her job.

Throughout the evening, I want to do something to catch her attention, to make her see me. However, I continue with my night and keep my attention focused on the routines I memorized from my first week of rehearsals.

After the show, I hit the dressing room. A few of the guys are still there, some changing, some chatting. I put on my sweats and a tank top. Once I’m dressed and my hair is combed back the way I like it, I turn to my left.

“Hey, man, know anything of Janae? I ask Adrian.

“Oh, Janae? She’s cool, man. She takes care of us, keeps the customers happy, and makes a wicked drink,” he replies.

“She takes care of you? How does she do that?” I question.

“She doesn’t have to, but I know she does. She keeps the clingers at bay, makes sure we’re always stocked on waters or whatever we need.” Adrian shrugs.

“Shouldn’t the bouncers keep the clingers at bay?”

“Oh they do, and they do a great job. But there are times when people would try to get the bartender to get them backstage or a hook-up. Janae is like our cock-blocker but in a good way.” He says as I smile.

“She ever watch the shows?” I inquire.

“Not that I’ve seen. She’s been a part of the crew since opening. She’s solid, likely desensitized to the glam of the club and what we do. But she’s awesome.”

“She have a boyfriend?”

“Why? Are you interested?” Adrian turns to me, crossing his arm, his eyes narrowing and his stance becoming protective.

“Nah, man. I just thought she looked familiar, like someone who is dating a friend of mine,” I lie holding my hands up in mock surrender.

“I haven’t seen her with anyone, she doesn’t really bring personal stuff here too much. She’s friends with Cam and Beck and they all hang out, but that’s all I know about her social life.” Adrian backs down and relaxes his body.

“Cam and Beck?” I ask.

“Oh shit, yeah. Beck is Mal’s old lady and Cam is Mal’s little sister and Jacks’s old lady. Beck is the one who handles all the office stuff,” Adrian explains.

I nod my head, remembering meeting her when I got hired.

It’s three in the morning and I’m exhausted, so I grab my bag, stand and sling the strap over my shoulder. I say my goodbyes to the guys in the room and head out the door toward the main part of the club. The lights are on, and a few of the dancers linger, talking to Jacks. Just beyond them, I see Janae with her back to me as she cleans the bar.

“Kai!” Jacks yells my name.

I turn around as Jacks approaches and holds out his hand.

“Nice work tonight, I can tell you’re going to be a great asset to the team,” he says shaking my hand firmly.

“Thanks. I’m hoping so. Tonight was great.” I return the firmness of his handshake.

“Want to have a celebratory drink before you take off?” he asks.

I look around him and don’t see Janae, so I agree.

Jacks walks around the bar and starts making something just as Janae emerges from the hallway carrying a box. As she walks behind the bar, she almost runs into Jacks.

“And what do you think you’re doing behind the bar? I just cleaned it up and you’re going to make it all dirty,” she whines to Jacks.

“Relax, I’ll clean up my mess. I’m making the rookie a new drink to celebrate his first night.” He smiles and hitches his chin in my direction as he shakes whatever drink he’s making.

Janae glances at me over the box. She nods in greeting and then continues towards the far end of the bar with the box. After two steps, she stops and slowly turns to me, her eyes wide and her mouth open. She looks like she’s trying to say something, but there is no sound coming out of her mouth.

I offer her a small wave and a smile. I’m not sure exactly what I feel at the moment. I’m confused, torn and also curious. What’s she been doing all this time?

“Hey, J,” I say cautiously.