Chapter Ten

 

Gabe

 

Fuck…fuck…shit!

Talk about putting my ass in a crack.

The moment of truth has come. I don’t lie, never have and I just promised Evan something I’m not sure I can do, or even where to start.

Blood pulsates through my body, so fast it’s like veins popping and exploding all over me. My heartbeat thumps in my eardrums like a freaking bass drum. Insta-migraine. Not really, but wonder if I could fake one?

Evan returns from downstairs, with two popsicles on a plate, then sets it down on his side of the bed. Hold on, when did he get a side of my bed anyway? Not that I mind, much, but this is rolling out way faster than anticipated. He removes his jeans, wearing only a pair of navy blue boxer briefs. Next, he pulls off his shirt. Oh, I’m getting healthier by the minute just watching him.

He walks to my side, and grabs the RX bottles. “Take your medicine first.” He shoves them in my mouth, giving me a sip of water. I gulp it down, wanting more, but he’s not having it. “Popsicles or more water?”

“Flavored water, popsicle it is.” I reach out for him and take him by the waist, turning him so I can see the tattoo and how it’s doing. “Healing up nicely, and you wear my work well.”

He turns to walk back to his side, and I slap him on his ass.

“You’ve done it now…I’m gonna have to report you to the staff for being a frisky patient now. Hands off the goodies, Mister.” He wiggles his ass at me and continues over to the bed, peeling a popsicle out of the plastic covering.

“Thank you.” He hands me a blue one, my favorite kind.

The coolness drips down my throat, soothing the soreness from hacking so hard, and my body temp drops at least ten degrees.

“Good?” He glosses over his lips with his tongue as I slide it in and out of my mouth, giving it a twist as I do. “Damn that’s fucking hott.”

“What is?”

“You know what. Anyway, back to the topic. Spill me a secret no one else knows about you.” He continues watching me inhale this popsicle.

“Just one, with no follow up questions about it?” I ask, as I need to know.

“Gabe just one, and if it’s going to bother you this much, then keep it to yourself. I was just sort of under the impression we might have a little thing going here. I mean, I completely trusted you with my body and mind in more ways than I can count, and you did not disappoint me a bit. I don’t do that shit with anyone. I would like the same respect is all. It’s not easy for me to trust and whatever it is, I’m not planning to go anywhere unless you tell me to kick rocks and be on my way. Got it?” Evan fluffs his pillow, putting his arm across it and makes a fist to hold his head up.

Evan has one leg under the comforter, and the other out in the open. The sadness that streaks through his eyes is making me take a risk, a huge one. I don’t talk about the night with my parents to anyone. My foot starts shaking under the covers, it does this when I’m uncertain about something.

I reach for his face and glide the back of my fingers against his cheek bone, then under his eye.

“Okay here goes. I grew up without parents and lived on the streets with nothing,” I spit it out, I told him.

“Oh God.” He sits up straight, crossing his legs Indian fashioned, and cups my face in his hands. “I’m so sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, but the nightmares of that night haunt me to this day. Of that whole part of my life. It’s like no matter what I do to block it out, it always comes back again, reminding me of the worst days of my young life. I don’t know how to shake it either.” I tilt my head into his left palm, loving the gentle way he holds and caresses me.

“I know I said I wouldn’t ask any more, but if you don’t mind, how old were you, what happened to you? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want, but this hurts my heart for you and I’d like to know more. Especially after hearing you talk in your sleep and watching the expressions on your face.”

“Wait…I talk in my sleep?” I had no idea.

“Well, you mumble and yell. Then your face gets sad, and then you cry. I hugged you the other night when it happened, but had no idea what was going on with you, you just looked like you needed to know someone was there for you and I was. I’m still here for you.” Evan leans over to me and presses his wet lips against mine, letting them linger for a few minutes. No forceful tongue, nothing. “I was trying to comfort you, but I didn’t know why, only sensed that you needed it.”

As he pulls back, I pull him back to me, giving him a quick peck. “Thank you for trying, but nothing works. It never has and believe me, I’ve tried everything I can think of. I had no clue I did all that when I slept though.”

“It’s okay, baby.” He smiles at me.

“I was seven years old when my parents died in a horrible accident. We were heading downtown to the circus, and it started drizzling outside, making the road slick. Some idiot came by and clipped our old Oldsmobile, and we went spinning across four lanes of traffic. One car after another hit us, it was like we were in a pinball machine, and we were the ball getting knocked around. Mom was screaming, Dad was trying to reassure both of us that it would all be okay, and then we hit the wall to an overhead ramp.” I pause, taking a deep breath.

“I can still remember the smell of gasoline, being jerked around from left to right, and the final hit, when the car caught on fire. My dad turned to look at me and yelled for me to get out of the car quick. To go stand on the side of the road away from the car. As the car filled with smoke, I fumbled with my seatbelt to get loose, screaming at the top of my lungs for them to hurry and get out. They were pinned in, only I didn’t know that, as I couldn’t see anymore. The sting in my eyes hurt so bad, but I kept sitting there. Mom kept saying ‘We love you, now go,’ but I couldn’t leave until Dad used his ‘You’re gonna be in trouble, boy,’ voice and yelled, so deep. ‘Out of the car right now, son,’ and I knew he was serious. He yelled ‘I love you,’ and I did exactly what he told me, ran to the side of the road away from the car.”

Tears start running down Evan’s cheeks, then I notice I’m crying too only because Evan reaches out with a tissue to wipe them from my face.

“Before I could reach the side, a loud explosion went off making me stumble and fall. I got back up and looked back for them, but the car was completely in flames. I’m sorry, hang on.”

I manage to somehow get up from the bed.

“What do you think you’re doing, Gabe?” Evan rockets out of bed and rushes to me.

“I need something to drink, my throat is dry, just like the night it happened.”

“Get back in bed, I’ll go get it for you. Now sit.”

He runs downstairs forgetting my glass, but comes up with a clean one full of ice and a can of Ginger-Ale, popping the top as he brings it to me. “I wasn’t sure if you liked this or not, but it’s good for you.”

I down it and almost immediately it soothes me. I set it on the nightstand and grab another tissue to blow my nose.

“After the car went up in flames completely, the fire department was there, only a little too late. Next an officer showed up. I couldn’t stop screaming for them, and finally the officer put me in his car and we went to the station.”

“Oh my God, babe, this explains so much, so very much. I don’t even know what to say except no child should ever have to go through that. Hell, no one should have to at any age.”

“I stayed tough for the most part, the best I could, I knew they’d want that. Once at the police precinct, a child protective service worker showed up and off I went to foster home number one. I ended up in a different one every year, they shuffle you around, trade you off like you’re a stray dog, a nuisance. That’s when I had to get real strong and tough. They house you with younger and older kids, and the older ones are nothing but mean. Guess I understand why to a point, they’ve got to be. Some of the stories they told me and some of the places I lived were horrendous. Both parents were cruel, sat on their fat asses getting drunk all day and collecting a check on all of us. By the time I was ten years old, I’d had enough, and ran away.”

“Oh my God, at ten years old, where did you go?” Evan slaps his hand over his mouth in shock.

“The woods, it was the only place I knew to go.” I shrug my shoulders.

“How did you eat? Survive that?” He scoots in closer to me, in fact if he gets any closer he’ll be in my lap.

“I ate rarely and scrounged around for whatever I could find. I’d go to a nearby store at night and raid their dumpster, so I wasn’t spotted by anyone. People see a kid in a dumpster and immediately call police or Child Protective Services, they have no clue how much damage they are about to stir up for that kid. Those places don’t help kids, they run it like a kid mill, and make money off them, period. Unless it’s a private family, the group homes are a joke, unless they are provided by certain non-profit foundations. At least families do offer you a sense of belonging and fitting in, where you stand a fighting chance. A foster home is like tossing a piece of raw meat into a lion’s den and the one with the biggest bite wins. They just ruined the kid for life and all because they thought they were helping and not knowing the facts. People waste a lot of food and drinks, which isn’t the healthiest thing on the planet, but at least it’s a temp fix to a growling belly. That’s more than you get in a foster home sometimes. I stayed healthy for the most part. Even washed off in the creek and shit, I always hated being dirty, I have a big thing about that. I looked like a lil’ hood rat, but that’s exactly what I was back then. As I got older, I ran into others like me. Kind of. Either parents kicked them out or they ran away, stuff like that. I’d show them how to avoid being caught and how to survive a life on the streets. Then we upgraded to abandoned houses, and finally one guy got up enough money for a one-bedroom house and brought about eight of us with him to live. I knew he was getting money somehow, but kept to myself about it. The only reason he took to me is because I was the one who showed him the ropes on how to get a decent meal, dumpster style.”

“Didn’t you have any family to take you in? How was the guy making money?” Evan asks.

“Nope, no one cared. Mother’s family was too judgmental and uppity to give a rat’s ass, only my grandparents cared, but CPS wouldn’t allow them to take me because of their age. Dad’s family, well, they all has separated and moved off to different areas so no one knew how to find them. Besides, my own mother had shit talked me so bad, they thought I was the black sheep of the family.”

“Even at age seven?”

“Yep, so I just stayed away. As for the guy I roomed with, he was making money selling drugs. He’d hooked up with a crowd, and they trusted him. He wasn’t a bad guy, he was just trying to find a way out of the lifestyle. We all were, but had no one to show us where or how to go about it. We didn’t know about shelters and stuff like that then. Hard to get a job anywhere when you stink because you can’t wash clothes properly and you dumpster dive for meals, much less go to school too. Apparently, he put in a good word for me with his connections he ran with, and when he got busted, one of them came and got me, and I was up and moving again. Did that till I was seventeen years old, one place to another, and that’s when a blessing in disguise came, wrapped up in a trouble package who wore a cop uniform. His name was Officer Harrison, I will never forget that man.”

“Baby, my heart is breaking for you, it truly is, I had no idea things could be like that for anyone, no clue. I didn’t have to go through that and didn’t know anybody that did. I am so truly sorry this happened to you. I think it’s time for you to rest. This has to of taken a lot from you.” Evan straightens my pillows and tries to lay me down.

“I actually feel better getting that out of my system, but maybe you are right. Sleep lets the body heal, not that I ever get much of it, but I can run on a couple hours for days.” I smile at him and put my head down, reaching out for him.

“And that right there is probably exactly why you are so sick.” He wiggles his body over to mine, and I wrap my arms around his back.

“Get some shut eye. I’ll try not to go baby mode on you in my sleep.”

“It’s okay if you do, I’m right here and not leaving you. I want to hear about this Officer Harrison man, sounds like a good guy.”

Gabe reaches over to turn off the light.

“Would you mind leaving that on?”

“You scared of the dark?” he asks.

“Sort of, just have a thing about it being completely dark, and closet doors being left open. I’m weird, I know.”

“No problem.”