Chapter 12

I’m Sorry About Your Mom. Here, Have A Bike.

 

 

PLASMA cell leukemia. Apparently it’s a rare type of cancer involving white blood cells called plasma cells. It’s extraordinarily aggressive and results from Kahler’s disease, in which the infected white blood cells accumulate in the bone marrow where they interfere with the production of normal blood cells.

Or, at least that’s what Wikipedia told me on my phone as Sandy drove us home.

“That’s what he’s probably doing today,” I said as we neared my house. “He told me that he had to go visit someone and that he’d call me later.”

Sandy just nodded.

Lori Taylor came out publicly with her fight against cancer last year, but only after it somehow leaked to the press. She had smiled in an interview with the local media, laughing off the rumors of her failing health, her husband by her side. She looked healthy, if a bit thin. She did admit that while traditional avenues like chemotherapy hadn’t given the results they’d hoped for, she was optimistic about her chances and would continue to fight as best she could. She looked so much like her son when she laughed that I had to look away from the screen on my phone to be able to hold myself together.

I remember one question catching my attention. The reporter said, “There was a bit of a public fallout with your son, who is openly gay. How is he doing with all of this?”

They were good, the both of them, his mother and father. Nothing was given away that they didn’t want anyone to see. “Vincent has always been strong-headed,” his father said. “But he knows that this is a time for family and that any other issues we may have are not as important as this.”

“He’s a good son,” Lori added, patting her husband’s hand.

The latest reports I could find were from five weeks ago, when inquiries were made into her health. The mayor’s office released a statement asking for respect and privacy during the difficult time, and once any further information was known, it would be released.

“Let him come to you with this,” Sandy told me before he left. I stood at the door to his car, looking down at him. “He obviously didn’t bring it up for a reason, so it wouldn’t be good to say anything. You might put him on the defensive.” Vince and I were going to meet up with Sandy at the bar after we finished at Nana’s house so that I could help him with the show. Vince had also said he wanted me to meet some of his friends and asked to meet mine. I didn’t have it in my pathetic heart to tell him he’d met Sandy and Wheels, and that was pretty much it.

“Yeah,” I muttered. “We haven’t really had the time yet for the whole ‘my dad’s a fascist prick and my mom is dying’ heart-to-heart yet. I was hoping that we could do that next week.”

Sandy reached out his car window to grab my hand. “You need to be careful with this,” he told me quietly. “I’m not saying this to be an ass, but you already sound like you’re making it about you. You can’t do that, Paul. Not with this. This is obviously a contentious situation as it is, and it’s got to be hurting him quite a bit. You can’t get pissed at him for this. You can’t. Do you understand me?”

And as much as I sort of hated him right then, I knew he was right. I didn’t feel a bit of indignation that Vince hadn’t told me who his jerk of a dad was. It wasn’t like he’d lied to me, and it wasn’t as if he’d held anything from me… not exactly. I had to remind myself again that we’d only known each other a week (well, a week that we’d seen each other, five days since we’d first spoken). It felt like much longer.

“I know,” I sighed. “It just sucks. I’m still sort of pissed, but only because I feel like I should be mad, not that I actually am. Anything that I’m feeling has got to be a billion times worse for him.” I didn’t know how much longer I would last without talking to Vince about it, not knowing what I did now. All I wanted to do right then was chew him out a little bit, then hug him until all the problems of his world went away and left him alone. It was an odd feeling, this protective one. I didn’t know what to do with it, and it was twisting me up.

“Is he coming here?” Sandy asked.

I shook my head. “He’s supposed to meet us at Nana’s house.”

“Just take it easy on him, okay?”

“You sure you don’t want to go? I could use a little help with this. I feel like I’m going to open my mouth and say the wrong thing. Which, to be honest, isn’t really a new thing for me. This just seems like it’s worse, though.”

“I gotta get ready for the show tonight, baby doll. You’ll be fine. The best thing for you to do is to be a supportive partner and let him come to you with this.”

I snorted. “Partner. Jesus Christ. This has been the weirdest week of my life.”

Sandy grinned at me. “You told him about your parents yet?”

“No! And I’ve already warned them to keep their mouths shut! I don’t need him finding out that Mom and Dad got married a week after they met. That’ll put ideas into his head that I don’t want to be in there. For fuck’s sake, he’s already told me he’s halfway in love with me. I am not going to end up like my parents.”

“You mean having a loving marriage thirty-five years later? Yes, Paul. That sounds freaking awful. I don’t know how you’d survive. The social ramifications alone would destroy you.”

“You know what I meant,” I said with a scowl.

“Apparently I don’t. Maybe you should try and beat their time instead. You’ve still got a few hours left.”

I gaped at him. “You… crazy… the fuck you talking about… I don’t even….”

He squeezed my hand tightly. “Breathe, Paul. Just take a breath.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I need. Getting married would solve all our problems.”

“And what, might I ask, do you and Vince have problems over?”

I opened my mouth to speak… and nothing came out. Not a single damn thing. I couldn’t think of a fucking thing. “Oh shit,” I whispered.

“Sounds like a little bit of love to me,” Sandy said, laughing.

“Or it could just be the first week of a relationship,” I snapped at him, trying to calm my thundering heartbeat. “It’s called the honeymoon phase. There shouldn’t be any problems at this point. That’d be a problem itself if there was.”

Sandy’s eyes flashed and Helena came forward. “I know you think sometimes that you don’t deserve to be happy. I’ve done my best to try and make you see otherwise, to show you that you’re fine just the way you are. But I can only do so much. Vince can only do so much. You have to do the rest yourself. And I swear on everything that I have that if you fuck this up because of some misplaced sense of pride, I will never let you forget it. You do not get to let Vince walk away from you. You do not get to push him away. You get me?”

“I get you,” I said, even though I was more worried then about what I’d do to fuck it up.

“Give me a kiss, sugar,” Helena purred. I did. “I’ll see you tonight, okay? You tell that fabulous boyfriend of yours that he may come up to the dressing room with you when you arrive.”

I was shocked. Helena never let anyone else up into the room aside from Charlie and me. Even the bar owner, Mike, had to steer clear or face Helena’s wrath. The fact that Vince had already shot past so many people’s defenses was knocking me off-center.

“You sure?” I asked, starting to sweat a bit.

“Positive,” she said with a grin. She threw her car into reverse. “Kisses,” she said. And then she was gone.

 

 

ON THE drive over to Nana’s house, I debated whether to tell my parents about Vince’s mom and dad, but in the end, I decided not to. I didn’t want anything to be said until I could talk to Vince on my own, and I didn’t want him to be uncomfortable, especially given how uncomfortable this situation was already going to be. I had tried to warn him that Nana could be pretty… blunt, but I didn’t think he was taking my warnings seriously, especially after meeting my parents and practically worshipping the ground they walked on. I felt a bit guilty after thinking that, given what I knew now about his own parents. I knew Mom and Dad liked him quite a bit, even after just one short meeting, but I didn’t want that to turn to pity if Vince didn’t need it.

Of course, best-laid plans and all that.

“You ride a bike over here, son?” Dad asked as he opened the door at Nana’s house.

I pushed past him, wheeling the bike inside. “No. It’s….” Shit, I haven’t told them I hit Vince with my car. “It’s a… present. For Vince.”

Dad grinned as he shut the door. “Wow. Maybe I should find myself a boyfriend too. Apparently the gay boys give each other nice things.”

“I heard that,” my mother said from the kitchen. “You go find yourself a nice man, Larry. Let me know how that works out for you.”

“Your mom thinks that if I was gay, I’d be a bottom,” he whispered to me.

“The fact that you’re sharing this with me does not bode well for how tonight is going to go,” I told him. “I’ve been here for two minutes, Dad. You think we could wait until at least dessert before we have to have this conversation and show Vince just how dysfunctional we really are? I’d like to lead him in with a false sense of security before ripping it all away to reveal the dark underbelly of the Auster family.”

“Of course,” he said cheerfully. “Oh, and your mother wanted to know if you are going to be allowed to eat at the table with the rest of us, or if your master is going to make you sit at his feet and stare at the floor and feed you by hand.” He glanced over his shoulder then leaned in closer to me and lowered his voice. “We haven’t told Nana about that side of you, so I just wanted to ask if you could keep the pony sounds to a minimum. We’re not stifling you, and we want you to be who you are, always, but I don’t want Nana to get worried when you start neighing when Vince hands you a sugar cube or piece of apple.”

“I can’t believe you guys think I do that. Dad, I’m not a fucking pony! Vince is not my master! He’s my boyfriend.”

“Language,” my father said.

“Sorry,” I grumbled. And I was. If there was one thing my father asked for, it was that we watched our mouths. He was of the opinion that cursing added nothing to a conversation. I didn’t fucking agree with that in the slightest, but it was fucking important to him, so I fucking did it. Fucking shit balls. “I’ll be sitting at the table like everyone else.”

“Is that Paul?” I heard Nana shout from the living room.

“Yes, Nana. It’s me.”

“Johnny Depp! You hear that? Paul is here!”

“Ass-wrangler!” Johnny Depp squawked. “Don’t touch me!”

“This is so not going to go well,” I muttered. I wheeled the bike down the hall and hid it in one of the bedrooms before going back out to the living room.

My nana, Gigi, sat in her old lounge chair, her feet propped up on a bright green ottoman that clashed horribly with her bright purple recliner. Ever since I was a kid, she’d always had a thing for vivid colors, not caring if they went well with each other or not. She used to tell me that she was a little bit color-blind, and the bright colors helped her see them clearly. It wasn’t until years later that I learned that one cannot be “a little bit color-blind” and that she was essentially full of shit. Some might think that she was batshit crazy, and given that her cat used to eat out of her mouth, she just might have been, but she was also my nana: a hard-core woman fiercely protective of her family. Unfortunately, she included Johnny Depp as part of her family and told me once that it was just good-natured ribbing and that the bird wasn’t really homophobic. I didn’t believe that one in the slightest. The bird hated homosexuals.

“Paulie!” she grinned at me toothlessly. Her white, curly hair shot off from her head in odd directions. She was a short, squat woman with a kind, wrinkled face and eyes that showed a sharp intelligence that had yet to fade.

“Fairy!” Johnny Depp told me. He sat in a large cage in the corner, his gorgeous plumage hiding his evil, beating heart. He glared at me as I entered the room, clicking his claws against the wooden beam as he moved closer. “Don’t put your finger in my bum!”

Nana cackled.

I hadn’t heard that one before. “Are you teaching him new things?” I said as I kissed her cheek. “I told you that it can’t be healthy for an animal to be so hateful.”

“I didn’t teach him a thing,” she said, grabbing and squeezing my hand. “He seems to think of these things on his own.”

“You’re so full of shit,” I told her.

“Larry!” she called out.

“What?”

“Your son is using foul language around me!”

“Language,” my father scolded from the kitchen.

“Paul touched penises with a neighbor’s dog,” Johnny Depp said.

“Oh Jesus,” I groaned. “Nana, can we put him in another room, at least until we leave? Or better yet, can I flush him down the toilet?”

“Killing animals is a sign that you could be a serial killer,” she told me. “I saw that on the news. You kill animals, you grow up to kill hookers.”

“I don’t want to kill anyone,” I told her. “Especially not hookers. I just don’t want that bird to be around tonight. Or alive.”

“Paul’s a homo!” Johnny Depp told the room. “Homo, homo, homo.”

“What happened to your face?” she asked me, concerned about my black eye. She pulled me down until I sat next to her on the arm of the recliner.

“I was mobbed because I’m so famous. They wanted my hot body as I was trying to escape. Men were trying to rip off my clothes and I got an elbow to the eye.”

She nodded sympathetically. “You tripped and fell again?”

I sighed. “Into the wall with my face. Wheels got under my feet, and I didn’t want him to die, so I stepped on his wheel instead and face-punched the wall.”

“See? I knew you wouldn’t want to kill hookers. Not if you got beat up to avoid killing Wheels. How many grandmothers can say that about their grandchildren?”

“I think you’re seriously overestimating the number of serial killers out in the world.”

“Is the young man coming over to meet me a serial killer?” She reached out with a gnarled hand and patted my knee. “I overheard Larry and Matty talking. Why did they say you’re a pony?”

Goddammit. “I think you misheard them, Nana. They were probably talking about how I planted peonies at my house.” Lying to your grandmother is okay if it has to do with sadomasochistic sex. Trust me on that.

“You full of shit, Paul?” she asked me.

“Dad!” I shouted. “Nana’s cursing in here.”

“Language!” he called back.

“Paul’s a cock-monger,” Johnny Depp muttered.

“He’s not a serial killer,” I assured her. “At least I don’t think he is. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, so I am pretty sure he wouldn’t go after a hooker. I don’t think he knows any hookers, so that’s a good thing, just to be safe.”

“His name?”

“Vince Melody Taylor,” I said with a grin.

“Melody?” She giggled. “Oh. Is he a floater like you?”

“Nancy-boy?” Johnny Depp asked.

I rolled my eyes. “No, Nana. He’s not a floater. He’s a manly man. Apparently Melody is a family name.” And the thought of his family again sent a pang across my chest. I tried to keep it from my face, but Nana’s too quick and too perceptive; she always has been.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Do I need to knock him down to size for you?”

I gave a fake laugh. It almost sounded real. “Nah. Nothing to do with him. He’s actually….” I stopped myself.

“Actually what?”

If not to her, then who? “Amazing,” I told her quietly. “I don’t know what the hell he’s thinking being with me. He’s not the smartest guy in the world, but he makes up for it, Nana. He does. He’s got this heart that just… I don’t know. He sees the world differently than anyone else I know. He chooses to see the good in people. He’s persistent, he’s sure of himself. He knows what he wants and he goes for it.” I looked down at my hands. “He’s everything I’m not. And that confuses me.”

She smiled sweetly at me and reached up to cup my face. “Paul, I’m going to tell you this once and only once, okay?”

I nodded at my beautiful grandmother.

She slapped me upside my head. For being such an old little thing, she had freakish strength. I thought she might have made a deal with the devil to be the strongest old lady to have ever existed. “If you spout any of that bullshit to me ever again, I will tan your hide, you hear me? You need to get over yourself and stop being a whiny little bitch. If he sees something in you that the rest of us have seen for years, then God almighty, you better be giving it as good as you get.”

“Ow,” I mumbled.

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a baby. There’s too many other people in the world who want nothing more than to kick you when you’re down. Don’t you dare do that job for them.”

“You were talking to Sandy too, weren’t you?” I accused her.

“Of course I was,” she said. “He’s family. And if he didn’t tell me what was going on, I wouldn’t be hearing about it at all since you keep all this to yourself.”

I chewed on my thumbnail. “But what if he’s Freddie Prinze Junioring me?”

“I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about,” she snapped. “Maybe instead of making up words, you should focus on pleasing your man. Your old nana knows a thing or two about that, you can be sure.”

“There are times in my life I wish I didn’t understand English,” I told her. “Hearing you say that is one of those times.”

“Is he handsome?” she asked with a smirk.

I blushed, unable to stop myself. “Quite hideous, to be honest.”

“Uh-huh. That’s why you look like a tomato right now. I can’t wait to meet this young man if he’s got you all up in knots after only a few days. After all, you know what happened with your parents after a wee—”

“No chance in hell,” I said. “And I’d appreciate if that was never mentioned to him. Ever.”

“Wow. You were sure quick to protest that one.”

“Nana, you don’t understand. He’s already convinced that he’s halfway in lo—”

The doorbell rang, cutting me off.

“Oh sweat balls,” I moaned. “This will be the second I’ll remember later on as the moment before the shit hit the fan.”

“Language,” my father shouted from the kitchen.

“Go get the door,” Nana said.

“Butthole bitch,” Johnny Depp said.

“You stay out of this,” I warned the bird. He eyed me warily through the bars on his cage. “For some reason, Vince wants to see you, but I swear to God if you keep up the whole time we’re here, I will put you in the washing machine.”

“Dick-lips,” he responded.

“Bastard,” I hissed at him, moving past the cage.

I took a deep breath once I reached the door and sent up a little prayer to God for tonight to not be the social abortion of the season. I opened the door.

God, he was so fucking handsome.

I could see the slight nervousness on his face as I opened the door, as if he was unsure who’d be on the other side and was fretting about it. But as soon as he saw it was me, that look faded and a brilliant smile bloomed on his face, dimples out in full force. He was so fucking happy to see me that it almost knocked me flat. I didn’t think I’d ever had anyone look at me like that. It was disconcerting. It was terrifying. It was fucking awesome.

“Hi,” he said, almost shyly, stepping into the door and kissing me sweetly.

“Hey,” I said roughly. “Thanks for coming over.”

He shrugged. “Your mom invited me. I couldn’t say no to that.”

And what about your mom, Vince? What’s going on with her?

“You may end up regretting that sooner than you think,” I muttered to him. Only then did I notice his arms were full. “What’s all this?”

He blushed. He fucking blushed. It was so unfair. I blushed and I looked like I had third-degree burns spreading over my body. He blushed and it made him hotter. “Just thought I should bring something for your folks and your nana.” He shuffled his feet. “Also got you a birthday present, even though your birthday has already passed. I felt bad that I missed it.”

“You… come in here all… so awesome and I can’t even… so unfair….”

He looked up and grinned. “You’re sputtering,” he murmured. “That usually means I’ve done something good. It’s nothing big. Just flowers for your mom and Nana, and some scotch for your dad because he looks like he’d like it.”

I shook my head. “You’re so fucking weird.”

“Yeah. But you think I’m awesome.”

“Did you have a good day?” I asked, trying to keep my voice level as I closed the door behind him.

I thought he stiffened slightly, but it was gone before I could be sure it was there. “It was fine,” he said.

“Oh. That’s good.” Only then did I notice slightly dark circles around his eyes. “You okay? You look tired.” I felt bad. “Look, we don’t have to do this now if you’re not feeling it. Trust me, my family can be exhausting like you wouldn’t believe. Maybe we should—”

“It’s fine, Paul,” he said with an exasperated smile. “I just haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Is it your back? Still sore?”

“Yeah. A little bit.”

“Are you sure you—”

“Paul!” Nana shouted from the living room.

I groaned. “Here we go,” I whispered. “Yeah?” I shouted back.

“Quit trying to get fresh with your young man in the hallway and bring his ass in here so I can meet him!”

“Language!” my father yelled from the kitchen. “Hi, Vince!”

“Hi, Larry!” Vince called back.

“Hi, Vince!”

“Hello, Matty!”

“Paul’s a fudge packer!”

Vince’s eyes bulged.

“Johnny Depp,” I sighed. “I told you. This is going to be bad. He hates everyone and all he does is say horrid things. I would feel bad, but you wanted to see this. I only ask that if you feel like screaming and running in the opposite direction you give me plenty of notice so that I can start looking for a new country to live in so that I may die in embarrassment around people who don’t speak the same language I do.”

“This will probably be the most magical day ever,” he assured me.

“You say that now. I’ll ask that you remember that in two hours when you’re trying to find the best way to file a restraining order against us, or if you’re looking up support groups after being verbally raped by a parrot.”

“Hi, my name is Vince,” he intoned. “Paul’s homophobic parrot touched me in my no-no place.”

“You’re a natural,” I sighed. “Let’s get this over with.”

He followed me down the hall and into the living room, where Nana was waiting expectantly in her chair. She’d put on her glasses, smoothed down her hair, and sat with her hands in her lap. If one saw her like this, they’d think her a sweet, demure little old lady. Too bad the façade was all a lie. I knew the steel-trap mind and tiger’s claws that were buried underneath. If Gigi didn’t like him, she’d tear him to shreds piece by piece. I’d seen her do it before and there was little one can do to stop it.

So imagine my surprise when she saw him for the first time and her face lit up in a wide smile. Imagine my surprise when she pushed herself up from her recliner with a very unladylike grunt and practically shoved me out of the way. It was good to know where her loyalties lay, even without having ever seen him before today.

“You must be Vince!” she beamed at him. “I’m Paul’s grandmother. You may call me Gigi or Nana, whatever you wish. It’s quite lovely to meet you.”

He smiled down at the little woman. “I got these for you,” he said, handing her a beautiful bouquet of summer flowers.

Nana giggled. She fucking giggled as she took the flowers from him. She never giggled about anything. If she found something to be funny, she had this low, raucous laugh that sounded whiskey smooth. But this? This was a high-pitched giggle of a little girl who was suddenly and without warning pleased beyond comparison. “So pretty,” she said, inhaling her flowers deeply. “And the flowers are too.” She winked at him.

Oh. Oh, so gross.

“Nana,” I groaned.

“Oh, hush, you,” she told me. “It’s not every day that I get a piece of eye candy of his caliber walking into my house. The cable repair man came the other day, but I’m pretty sure he either had gout or the plague because he was not attractive. Let an old lady enjoy the sights.”

“That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about,” I reminded her. “Not some piece of meat.”

“Paul is pretty much in love with me,” Vince told her. “He gets kind of defensive around me.”

“You must be out of your damn mind,” I growled at him, trying to keep from bursting into flames. “Because that would be the only excuse that’d make any sense for saying something like that.”

“Ignore him,” Nana said. “He thinks too much for his own good. Let me give you a tour of my house, and I will show you all the most embarrassing photographs of Paul that I have. There’s one of him dressed up as a slutty Snow White for Halloween when he was sixteen that I think you’ll just positively adore. Paul?”

“Yes, oh destroyer of any future potential relationship I may have?”

“Be a dear and take these lovely flowers Vince gave me and put them in water. It looks as if he’s gotten some for your mother as well, so take those to her. Is that scotch, dear boy? Oh, Larry will just love it. And what’s in this bag?”

“That’s for Paul,” Vince said. “I think I’ll just hold on to it while you show me Paul as a Disney princess whore. He’d probably try to open it without permission.”

“Oh, you’re absolutely right. He would always try to open the corners of his Christmas presents when he was a kid. He thought he was being all sneaky about it, but the little screams he would give when he’d see them were a dead giveaway. It was like having a tiny shrieking Christmas monkey. Speaking of Christmas, you simply must be here this year. I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Christmas is seven months away,” I reminded her, trying to keep my cool.

She glared at me. “I know what month it is, Paul. I’m not so old that I’ve slid from my mental faculties and need to wear diapers.”

“And that image will never leave my head,” I said.

She shoved the flowers and the scotch into my hands before hooking her arm through Vince’s and leading him around the living room. Their first stop was in front of Johnny Depp and I smirked, waiting for the incarnate of evil to start spewing vitriol left and right at my grandmother’s insistence. I didn’t think she actually taught Johnny Depp to say those things, but she certainly didn’t stop him either. Gigi wasn’t homophobic in the slightest. Just her bird.

But, of course, that’s not how things went. At all. I didn’t know what the fuck Vince had done, if he was some kind of cyborg sent from the future that had the power to make everyone literally roll over and expose their bellies to him like he was the greatest thing to have ever existed. Yes, I thought he was pretty dang rad, but Jesus Christ, Johnny Depp? Johnny Depp, the most hateful bird alive?

Johnny Depp adored him.

My grandmother pulled Vince up to the cage, and I could see the parrot eyeing him. I waited for the bird to call him a turd-burglar or some such nonsense when all of a sudden, Johnny Depp whistled like he was some New York City construction worker and a hot piece of ass had just walked by. It was a low sound, a lecherous sound, and I almost walked over to choke the life out of the damn parrot for hitting on my boyfriend, because that’s exactly what he was doing.

He shuffled over on his bar to get as close to Vince as he could. “He’s very pretty,” Vince said, and Johnny Depp gave a little chattering sound like he was pleased with the compliment, like he understood what Vince had said. He mewled at Vince and stuck his beak through the bars, clicking his tongue. Vince reached up and stroked between his eyes and the bird fucking sighed in pleasure. “Pretty,” Johnny Depp said. “So pretty.” He clicked his tongue again.

“You’re like some weird, gay Dr. Dolittle,” I accused him.

“You just have to be nice to animals, Paul,” he said. “They know when you don’t like them.”

“Yeah, because they’re so smart like that,” I said with a sneer.

Johnny Depp reared up and looked over at me. “Paul’s a lady-boy,” he said. He turned back to Vince. “Pretty. Pretty, pretty.”

“You two should get a room,” I said snidely.

“I see what you mean about getting defensive,” Nana said. “Paul, it’s a bird. Really, you’d think you wouldn’t get jealous over a bird.”

“Paul pretty much loves me, I guess,” Vince said with a wink.

I scowled at the both of them and went to the kitchen.

And walked in on my parents making out. “Aughhhh!” I cried. “My eyes! It’s like I stared at an eclipse even though all the warnings told me not to!”

“Oh please,” my mother said. “You act like parents can’t be intimate, Paul. You weren’t immaculately conceived, you know. Your father put his pe—”

“Let’s pretend the conversation ended right there, okay?” I interrupted. “Here, Vince got you flowers and got Dad scotch, which, with how this has been going after only five minutes, I’m pretty sure we should break into now so that I am numb for when the rest happens.”

My mother gushed over the flowers and Dad grinned over his bottle. “What are you worried about, Paul?” Mom asked as she pulled a vase from underneath the sink. “Everyone will be on their best behavior. It’s not like we’re savages, you know. Believe it or not, we do know how to keep our pants on.”

“And I appreciate that more than I could ever say,” I told her. “I wouldn’t know how to explain that to him if you didn’t.”

“Sassy boy,” she said fondly.

We were interrupted by a loud shout of laughter coming from the hallway. Vince sounded like he was dying.

“Slutty Snow White?” Dad asked, opening the bottle to his scotch and sniffing.

“Slutty Snow White,” I admitted. “Remind me again why I decided to wear that?”

“Because you and Sandy wanted to see if you could find seven men to be your dwarves,” Mom said. “I reminded you that it’s never a good idea to go looking for seven different guys when I was pretty sure you couldn’t handle more than two.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “You grew up so fast.”

“Wow, did I have a delusional childhood.”

“No more than most kids,” she said.

“I’m pretty sure most sixteen-years-olds don’t dress in drag and look for a seven-man gang bang,” I pointed out.

“Language!” My father warned.

I heard the bedroom door open down the hall and Vince’s laugh suddenly cut off. “Oh shit,” I breathed.

“What?”

“The bike.”

Dad cocked his head. “You didn’t want him to find it?”

“I don’t know,” I muttered. “I just—”

Vince walked swiftly into the kitchen. “Matty, Larry,” he said in greeting. “Can I borrow Paul for a minute?”

My parents looked highly amused. I couldn’t look at Vince, the tightness in his voice making me think I’d done something wrong. “Go ahead,” Mom said. “We’ll be ready to eat in ten minutes or so, so take your time.”

“Thank you,” he said, grabbing my hand and jerking me out of the kitchen. They chuckled behind me as Vince dragged me down the hallway to the front door. His grip was biting into my wrist, but I didn’t dare shake him loose. He looked tense in front of me. He opened the front door, which I then snagged to close behind us after we went through.

He paused for a moment on the front stoop, snapping his head left then right. He must have decided right because he jerked me in that direction, going around the side of Nana’s little house, away from the street and anyone’s view of us. As soon as we’d cleared the corner, he roughly pushed me up against the side of the house, bringing his hands up to frame my face. He was breathing heavily when he said, “That bike in there.”

“What about it?” I panted, squirming in his grip. I was harder than I’d ever been in my entire fucking life. I was also a little bit worried, given the way he was looking at me, his eyes narrowed but alight with something I hadn’t yet seen in him. It was like fire. It was like he was burning up from the inside and it was all for me.

“Is it for me?” He brushed his fingers through my hair, digging into my scalp.

“Yeah. You needed a new one, ’cause I broke your other one, and Jenny at the bike store said that it was the one you—”

He cut me off in a very effective way. As soon as the last word came out, he bent in and kissed me deeply, pressing me up against the side of the house with his body, his fingers curling in around me. There was no shyness here, no gentle insistence, no sweet hesitation. The moment his mouth was on mine, he pushed his tongue through my lips, clashing our teeth together. The groan I gave came from nowhere, and he bit my bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth as he ground against me. Our groins rubbed together, and I could feel how hard his cock was, pressed up against mine. He gasped at the touch but pressed harder, the heady sensation almost too much for the both of us to handle. I had a very dim sense that I was being rutted against on the side of my nana’s house with her and my parents only feet away, but it didn’t seem important to me in the slightest.

What was important was how he moved his lips from mine to trail along my jaw. His thumbs went to my chin and lifted my head until he nuzzled into my neck, his tongue trailing along my skin, his teeth scraping hotly, his breath moist against me. “All this,” I groaned, “because of a fucking bike?”

He growled against me. “No one’s ever done something like that for me before,” he said, sounding snappish. He used his foot to kick apart my legs, then pressed his knee up against my crotch. My dick thought this a fine idea as I ground against him. Beyond fine. Amazing, even.

“I’ll keep that in mind for the future,” I said as he found my ear with his mouth. It was about that time I realized all I wanted to do was take this man home, throw him on my bed, and ride him until I exploded. These were not normal Paul thoughts. This was not normal Paul. Normal Paul had fled. This was horny, slutty Paul who wanted to fuck and fuck some more. My hands scrabbled for his jeans as he sucked on my ear lobe. I gripped his dick through his pants and marveled at the fact that even if it was horny, slutty Paul doing this, it was still me.

“I’m going to do so many, many things to you tonight,” he whispered harshly in my ear. “You’re not going to be able to walk right for a fucking week, you get me? You don’t get to say no. Not now. Not ever again.”

“Jesus Christ,” I muttered as I realized I was all but humping his leg like a dog in heat. “We gotta stop. We gotta—Oh balls,” I said as I found that ass, that perfectly perfect glorious ass. I grabbed as much of it as I could. His breath was getting more ragged in my ear, a little whine escaping from his throat as he continued assaulting my neck. “Vince. Vince! We gotta stop.” I squeezed once more before dropping my hands.

“Why?” he moaned, causing me to very seriously consider coming right then and there.

“Because we still have to have dinner with my fucking parents. I don’t want to do that sitting in my own spunk. And besides, having sex at my grandma’s house is not one of the things I wanted to do before I die.”

He pressed his knee to my dick again, that cruel, vicious bastard. “Not even if it’s with me?” he whispered, causing goose bumps to break out on my neck.

“Not even,” I managed to say, even if it was a total and complete fucking lie. I gathered up all my resolve and pushed him off, leaning against the wall to catch my breath. He eyed me like I was some kind of prey as he wiped the back of his hand over his mouth. I tried to keep my eyes at an appropriate level, but I figured since I was pretty much damned already, it couldn’t hurt, so I glanced down at his dick and saw the very clear outline through his pants. I swallowed thickly, trying to keep from looking like I was drooling.

“You keep looking at me like that,” he said hoarsely, “and I’m not going to give a fuck where we’re at. I’ll do you right here.”

I couldn’t help it. I grinned at him. “That doesn’t sound like much of a threat.”

His eyes searched mine. “You didn’t have to do that, Paul,” he said finally. His voice was soft. “It means so much to me, and thank you, but you didn’t have to do it.”

I knew he was talking about the bike. I shrugged. “Even if I didn’t have to, I wanted to. Okay? You’re… you….” I shook my head and looked down at my feet.

“Paul,” he said sharply. “Look at me.” He didn’t move. He didn’t force me with his hands to do so.

I took a deep breath. And looked up at him.

“What were you going to say?”

Fuck. “You… you mean a lot to me, okay? I don’t know when that happened or why or how or what the fuck I’m doing, but I just want to make you happy. All the time, I want you happy. That’s all I want. I don’t know what you’re doing to me, but I don’t want it to stop and I just want… fuck. I just want you, okay?”

The smile he gave me was beautiful. He moved forward, and while the kiss he gave me then wasn’t as ferocious as the ones before, I felt it all the more because of the sweetness it held.

“This doesn’t mean I’m going on bike rides with you,” I warned him when he pulled away.

Vince just laughed.

 

 

THE rest of dinner went okay. Nana smirked at the two of us when we went back inside, asking me with a sparkle in her eye what had happened to my lips? I told her that I couldn’t possibly know what she was talking about, that Vince had just needed to show me the tread on his tires to see if I thought he needed to get new ones so he wouldn’t pop a tire on the freeway, flip his car, and die in a fiery explosion. My grandmother assured me she didn’t understand the euphemisms of today’s youth, but if I was going to be treading tires, I’d better make sure I was careful and wrapped up my tire gauge. We both gaped at her as she cackled.

The thing that stood out the most was how comfortable the rest of dinner went, aside from Johnny Depp screeching, “Pretty, pretty,” from the living room, trying to call Vince back in so that he could show off his plumage. I told Vince this, and he said that I did the same thing to him. I scowled at him as my parents laughed at me.

But… the weirdness never came. The nervousness that I’d felt previously didn’t return. My family was attempting to be on their best behavior, though a few things slipped through that I would have rather Vince never learned about me for as long as we lived (“When he was six, he told us he wanted to grow up to be a Charlie’s Angel” and “Larry, tell Vince about the time you caught Paul practicing kissing with his stuffed bear. You’ll like this, Vince. Paul was seventeen at the time….”). But aside from those few excruciating moments, the thing that stuck out the most was the bright-eyed look on his face when my parents asked him questions, when they included him in on conversations that were about our family. I was dreading the moment when any of them would bring up his family, but for some reason, it didn’t happen, which confused the fuck out of me. Normally, Mom, Dad, and Nana are so fucking nosy that it was awkward, but none of them took the obvious ins I would have expected.

Toward the end is when it sort of went downhill.

“So how did you two meet?” Vince asked my mom and dad.

Of course, I was sipping a glass of wine right at that moment and proceeded to choke on that and my tongue. Mom and Dad smiled fondly at each other while I did a great imitation of someone dying from lack of oxygen. Vince, however, knew of my propensity to choke in his general vicinity and got up immediately to try and put me in another Heimlich maneuver. I shook my head at him as I gasped in air, hoping my face wasn’t as purple as I expected it was.

“You okay?” he asked me worriedly.

I nodded. “Just fine.”

“I saved Paul’s life the other day,” he told my family, and I almost started choking again. “It gets me a bit worried when he starts hacking like that.”

Six eyebrows went up. “You did what?” my mother asked.

“He was choking to death in a restaurant,” Vince explained.

“I was not!” I said.

“On like a burrito or something.”

“It was spinach.”

“Anyway, he would have died had I not done the hemorrhoid maneuver.”

“Heimlich. It’s Heimlich.”

He waved his hand at me. “It’s all the same thing.”

“You almost died?” Dad said, sounding astonished.

I rolled my eyes. “No. Vince is being overdramatic. I was fine.” I knew what my parents were thinking about, and I didn’t want them to say a damn word.

“He wasn’t breathing,” Vince told them. “So I maneuvered him and he spat the burrito onto Sandy’s face. And then he could breathe again. Then I asked him out on a date and he said no.”

“I had just almost died,” I said. “You just shocked me, is all.”

“I thought he was being overdramatic,” Nana said.

“He almost died,” Vince said again. “So his life became mine, because once you save someone’s life, they belong to you.”

Dad nodded. “It’s an old Chinese proverb.”

“In Asia,” Vince agreed. “Then Paul hit me with his car.”

“What?” they all said.

“I didn’t hit him with my car,” I said. “He ran into my door on his bike.”

“And flipped over the door and landed on my back,” he said. “Then he saved my life by pretending to give me mouth-to-mouth, but really he was just making out with me.”

“He wasn’t breathing and you were trying to give him tongue?” my mom asked me. “Paul, I taught you better than that.” She shook her head as if disappointed in me.

“I was not! I thought he was dead!”

“Were you wearing a helmet?” Dad asked him sternly.

“Yes, sir. I always ride with one.”

“Good. So Paul hit you with a car and made out with you afterwards? What happened then?”

“Oh, for fuck sakes,” I muttered.

“Language,” Dad said.

“Well, my back hurt pretty bad,” Vince explained. “Paul must have been so worried about me because he called an ambulance after he got done making out with me and I had to go to the hospital.”

“You poor dear,” Nana said, patting his hand and shooting me a glare.

“I didn’t do it on purpose!” I snapped at her.

“Paul’s a butt pirate!” Johnny Depp screamed.

“It’s okay, Johnny Depp,” Vince called out.

“Pretty. Pretty!”

“So I had to go the hospital, where they told me I had a concussion and bruises, and even the doctor thought Paul should go out with me.”

“Well, if the doctor said so,” Nana said. “I know I always do what my doctor says. They do go to medical school for, like, sixteen years.”

“So then Paul took me back to his house and kept me there and took care of me.”

“I should hope so,” Mom said. “He did hit you with his car.”

“It’s like I’m not even here,” I said into my hands.

“So he saved my life and I saved his, and I sort of figured we belonged to each other,” Vince said, smiling fondly at me as if I hadn’t said a single thing.

“You weren’t dying,” I told him.

“You thought I was. Otherwise, your tongue probably wouldn’t have been in my mouth.”

“You put your tongue in my mouth.”

He shrugged. “Does it matter who did what where? What matters is that I got you.”

“Aww,” Nana said.

“It was meant to be,” Mom said, eyes brimming.

“That’s pretty swell,” Dad said gruffly. “So Paul didn’t tell you how me and his mom met? That’s surprising, given the similarities.”

“Who wants pie?” I asked loudly. “Seems like a perfect time for pie! I couldn’t imagine an even better time to have everyone except for Vince go into the kitchen, where we will not be raising our voices in any way, shape, or form. Just a normal family discussion about pie.”

“Pie can wait,” Mom said absently.

“Similarities?” Vince asked.

“I have an announcement to make,” I said desperately. “I have decided to become a Wiccan and you should now all call me Heaven Moonstorm.”

No one even blinked. I put my face in my hands and waited for it to be over.

“A little over thirty-five years ago,” Dad said as he reached out and grabbed Mom’s hand, “I was seated at a restaurant in what used to be downtown Tucson. I was there with some buddies from school. I was a freshman at the U of A then.”

“A very handsome one,” Mom said, smiling at him, as she always did when he reached this part.

From there, I’m sure you can figure out the rest. It’s actually deceptively simple yet decisively beautiful. It’s also so completely unrealistic and illogical that it doesn’t seem like real life, like something that would really work.

Dad’s eating with friends and inhales something wrong and starts to choke. Mom just happens to be passing by at the time and stops him from choking by performing this new trick she’d heard about on the news, the Heimlich maneuver. Dad lives, all is well. They smile at each other, instantly enamored. But then Mom has to go, she can’t be late, and he doesn’t get her name. She’s a student, he knows, just the same as he, but he doesn’t know where to start looking. No one seems to know her name.

The next day, he’s walking through a parking lot when she backs her old Volkswagen out of a parking space and up and over his foot, breaking three of his toes. She’s hysterical, apologizing profusely, but he doesn’t really hear it because even before he learns her name, he knows that he’s in love with her completely and fully in a way he never thought possible. He’s not a stupid man, nor is he a foolish one. He doesn’t have the propensity to daydream about things that could never happen. He’s rational. He’s solid. He’s sound.

But all of that goes out the window when he says, “What’s your name?”

“Matilda,” she says through her tears. “But everyone calls me Matty.”

“Well, Matty,” he says with a grimace. “I’d appreciate a ride to the hospital, if you don’t mind. And I also think I might just be in love with you.”

She’s shocked right out of her tears and laughs such a bright sound that my father’s heart is shredded.

A week later, they were married.

“Didn’t your parents freak out?” Vince asked when my dad finished.

He shrugged. “A bit. They thought we were high.”

“I figured they’d smoked some grass,” Nana agreed. “When Matty came to not only introduce a guy I’d never heard of before but also to tell me they were getting married, I figured they were stoned off their asses.”

“Language,” my father said with a frown.

“Were you?” Vince asked.

“Not in the slightest,” Mom said.

“That wasn’t until the honeymoon,” Dad said, eyebrows waggling.

“You brought this on yourself,” I muttered to Vince.

He ignored me. He seemed focused, solely focused, on the two of them with such intensity I didn’t think I wanted to know what was going on in his head. Though, from his expression, I had a pretty good idea. I didn’t know how I felt about that. “And you both knew?” he asked. “You just knew?”

They nodded. “It hasn’t always been easy,” Mom said. “But nothing worth having ever really is.”

And then Vince looked at me.

And, of course, I looked away.

 

 

WHEN someone says to you that they didn’t mean to eavesdrop, chances are they probably did.

That being said, I totally didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Seriously.

Vince was helping Mom in the kitchen while Dad and I sat with Nan in the backyard, shooting the shit. I protested initially, but Mom shooed us out of the kitchen, latching on to Vince and pulling him along with her. I looked to Dad for help, but he already had wrapped his arm around my neck and we trailed after Nana.

I tried not to think about what my mother was saying to Vince, but I feared the worst. That, any minute now, he’d come outside and tell me that it was so over, that my family was fucking nuts and he didn’t know what he saw in me in the first place, and actually, he hadn’t seen anything, he was actually just Freddy Prinze Junioring me.

I hate my imagination sometimes.

So, after ten minutes, I made the excuse I had to use the restroom. Both Nana and Dad rolled their eyes, but no one tried to stop me. I really did have to piss, but I figured I could also intervene in case Mom was going a little overboard.

But I shouldn’t have worried. When I entered the house, I heard them laughing and talking about nothing of consequence while they did the dishes and put the food away, and I didn’t want to disturb them if necessary, so I bypassed the kitchen and used the restroom at the other end of the house. It wasn’t until I came back that I stopped, only because my mother said my name.

“Paul doesn’t know, does he?” she asked him.

Ah hell.

“Know what?” He sounded confused.

“Who you are.”

There was silence then, and it lasted long enough to become uncomfortable. I was about to walk into the kitchen when Vince spoke. “I don’t know what you’re… shit. You recognized me?”

“Your name sounded familiar,” Mom said. “And you look like your dad. Larry met him once, a few years ago. When we met you yesterday, it wasn’t that hard to put it together.”

“Ah. No. Paul doesn’t know.”

“Okay.” After a moment: “I’m sorry about your mother.”

He sighed. “Yeah. Me too.”

“Is that why you moved back? So you could be near… when? You know what, forgive me for being so rude. It’s none of my business.”

“It’s okay. I just… it feels… weird… to talk about it.”

“Why?”

“Because I haven’t been good with my parents for a while.” He sounded angry, the first time I’d ever heard him like that. It tore at me, like little claws against my skin. “If you know who I am, then you know that my parents didn’t want anything to do with me back then. The election year is not the best time to come out when your father is a Republican running for office. Apparently it causes a disruption to the campaign.”

“Well, that’s some bullshit if you ask me,” Mom said fiercely.

Vince snorted. “Language.”

“So you moved back because she’s sick?”

“Yeah. She’s… she’s in hospice care over at UMC. She was moved there a couple of weeks ago. It’s supposed to be all hush-hush, given that no one wants to read about something so depressing on the news.” The last part came out bitter.

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“Today.”

Oh fucking hell, Vince.

“How did that go?”

“I told her and my dad about Paul.”

My heart skipped a few beats in my chest.

“Did you?” Mom sounded pleased. “And what did they say?”

“That it’s not possible to fall for someone so quickly. That life doesn’t quite work that way.”

“Do you believe that?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I just….”

“What?” Mom asked kindly.

He was hesitant. “When you saw Larry for the first time… did you know?”

“Know that I’d be spending the rest of my life with him?”

“Yeah.”

“No. No, I didn’t. It was unrealistic. It wasn’t possible. I forgot about him almost as soon as I’d left the restaurant.”

“Oh.” It was such a disappointed sound that my breath caught in my throat.

My mom continued: “But I knew the second time. When I ran over his foot.”

“You did?” There was hope there, now.

“I did. To be honest, I was so freaked out that I didn’t recognize him as the guy from the restaurant. All I could think about was how much Nana was going to kick my ass when she found out.”

“But then?”

“But then I got so close to his face that I saw him.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “I saw him for what he truly was. A beautiful, kind, loving man, and it took my breath away. So, while I may have not known then that it would be a lifetime, I at least knew I wanted it to be. Right then, I knew.”

“Paul’s….”

“Paul’s not easy, Vince. He never has been. He’s never had the confidence you have. He’s never had the bravado. He’s always been quiet. And shy. And a bit of a loner. But he is brave. He is oh so brave. Even though we tried to stop it as much as we could, he still got picked on for how he looked. How he acted. How he dressed. Other than Sandy, no one really knew what to make of him. He was too gay for the straight boys, too quiet for the girls. Sandy came along, this fierce little diva of a boy, and took him under his wing. I don’t… I don’t know what would have happened to him without Sandy. As much as a mother wants to be there for her son, as much as she wants to take away all the little hurts until everything is better again, there’s no way I could have done it completely. Nor could his father. It took someone like Sandy to bring him out of his shell. He’s gotten better. So much better than he used to be.”

“He’s the bravest person I know,” Vince said without a trace of irony. “And he’s kind. Do you know how kind your son is?”

Mom laughed. “I might know a thing or two about that. But he’s humble about it, Vince. He doesn’t want people making a big deal out of those little acts that he does. He wants them to be known, but not necessarily acknowledged.”

“Why doesn’t he know what he’s worth? Can’t he see he’s worth more than all the rest of us combined?”

My eyes burned and I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t. My feet felt stuck to the floor. He couldn’t have been talking about me. He couldn’t have been meaning me. He’d gotten me confused with someone else. He wasn’t thinking right. He couldn’t have meant me.

“I don’t think he knows,” my mother said slowly, “because other than us, I don’t think there’s been anyone to tell him.”

“I will. I promise. I promise I will. Every day.”

“Vince?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you care for my son?”

There was no hesitation. “With my whole heart.”

“Why haven’t you told him about your parents?”

He sighed again. “I didn’t want to freak him out. I didn’t want to have to lay all my crap on him all at once. There’s something… there’s something peaceful about being near him. It calms me down. It clears my head. With him, I don’t have to worry about all the other bullshit that’s going on. I don’t have to wonder why I’m not smart enough, or why I’m not good enough. Paul doesn’t care about that stuff. I’m not smart, Matty. I know that. I say dumb stuff sometimes, and most of the time, I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t even understand what Paul says half the time, but it doesn’t matter to me because it doesn’t matter to him. I think he likes me just the way I am, and I’ve never had that before. Not really. I don’t have to be anyone else but myself with Paul, and I think that’s okay with him.”

No one had ever said such things about me before, not even Sandy. I didn’t know how to take his words, because the sum of those parts made a picture of the complete faith he had in me. Or, at least that he almost had in me. He hadn’t told me about his parents.

And as if my Mom knew that I was there and knew what I was thinking, she said, “You’re going to need to tell him very soon.”

“I know,” he said quietly. “But I don’t know how to.”

“How long does she have?”

“A week. Maybe a little less.”

“Oh, sweetheart. Is she in pain?”

He sniffed. “A bit. The meds help mostly. But she’s aware. Her eyes are brighter than I’ve seen them in a long time. She’s conscious and talking, which is more than I could have asked for. That may go away soon, but at least I’m able to hear her voice while I can, even if I don’t agree with what she’s saying all the time.”

There was movement then, and I knew my mother had gone to him. It should have been me. It should have been me telling him that everything was going to be all right, whispering words of solace and peace in his ear. It should have been me, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t know how.

“You’ll have to tell him, Vince,” my mom finally murmured. “You have to make sure he knows before he finds out some other way.”

“I just don’t want to drop all of this on him. I don’t want him to see this shit if he doesn’t have to. I want him to be my escape from all of it. I don’t want to have to worry when I’m with him.”

“And what happens when you can’t escape it anymore?”

“I don’t know.”

“Just… think about it, okay? And if you need to talk, you let me know. Don’t let Paul tell you that you can’t call me. He needs to get used to you and me talking, don’t you think?”

Vince laughed quietly. “How can any of this be real?” he said with bemused wonder.

Mom was quiet for a moment before answering. “Because sometimes it’s about letting go of what your mind tells you and following what your heart shows you instead. That’s how you know it will always be real.”