Lindsay

 

I weep with relief when Gavin calls me and tells me Kate will be okay. I feel so bad this happened. It may not have been our fault directly, but she wouldn’t even be in the hospital if we hadn’t got together. I ask Gavin, “Do you think it’s a good idea if I go and see her, now she’s conscious? I’m scared what she’ll say, but I want to see her.”

“I think the sooner you two talk to each other the better. But I’ll talk to her first.”

I’m really nervous about going to see my friend. I hope Gavin has managed to talk to her. She’s going to be livid with me. I’m pretty sure about that. But I don’t know what she’ll say exactly. She never caught me sleeping with her dad before.

I text Gavin to say I’m on my way and I take magazines, chocolate, fruit and flowers. And a card. A pile of things. Overcompensating, I guess, for everything.

But while I’m still in the hospital parking lot, Gavin texts me asking me to meet him in the reception area.

I see him as soon as I struggle through the big revolving doors with my gifts. The sight of him makes me think of our night together and what we lost. But everything has changed. He’s not smiling, for one thing. “I’m sorry, Lindsay, she says she’s not up to seeing visitors.”

“Not up to seeing visitors or just me?” I feel sick at the thought that my friend doesn’t want to see me at all.

“I don’t know.” He looks tired.

“Did you get any sleep?”

“Not much.”

“Me neither. Will you give her these anyway?” I hand him everything I brought for Kate. I feel ridiculous bringing this huge pile of things when she doesn’t even want to see me.

“Yes, I’ll give them to her. So much stuff.”

“Just not the right time.”

He puts the things down on a nearby chair, grabs my hand and squeezes my fingers, and I can’t help tears rolling down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” He wipes my tears with his thumbs. “I didn’t want any of this to happen. She’s not happy with me either. She’s hardly speaking to me. But she’s got no one else. She broke up with Paul. It wasn’t just a fight.”

“Oh god, no wonder she was upset. I thought she’d found the one.”

“Maybe so did she. Until last night.”

I’ve been with Kate through breakups before. I know how hard she takes it. The whole situation just sucks. I want to curl in a ball and forget the whole world.

“It won’t always be like this,” Gavin says.

“Won’t it?”

He’s not going to answer that. How can he? He hugs me.

“I’d better go,” he says.

I can’t help a sob escaping my lips as I turn back to the parking lot.

*

A week later, Mom bumps into Gavin on her way back from the store, and I hear that Kate is out of the hospital, recuperating at home.

“I’m surprised you didn’t go back to see her at the hospital,” Mom says, fishing as ever for what’s going on in my life, as she puts the cereal away in the kitchen cupboard. “Was she not allowed visitors? I’ll bake her some of the chocolate chip cookies she likes, and you can take them next door.”

I could probably make up some excuse not to take the cookies, or put her off baking them at all, but Mom will notice soon enough that Kate and I never see each other. I need to say something.

“Kate doesn’t want to see me.” I busy myself unloading the dishwasher. I don’t want Mom to see my face.

“What? You two not talking? That’s a first. What’s that about, then? Some guy?”

“Something like that.”

“It’s not worth falling out over a guy. Friends are everything. Who is this guy anyway? You haven’t been out with anyone in weeks. It must be serious if he’s causing a rift between you?”

I gulp. She’s probably thinking I’ve been running after Kate’s boyfriend or something. If I don’t tell her, she’ll never stop nagging until she knows everything. “It’s Gavin. Gavin next door.”

I don’t think Mom quite believes me at first. She stops putting away the groceries. “Gavin? Kate’s dad?”

“Yes.”

“But he’s nearly our age. He must be twenty years older than you.”

“I know, but I can’t help how I feel about him. It doesn’t seem to me like he’s that many years older.”

“Has he been coming on to you and now you’ve fallen out with Kate because of it? I’m going right around there to give him a piece of my mind.”

“No, Mom. Don’t blame him. It’s not his fault. It just happened. And we’re not together anymore anyway, so there’s no point in creating a scene.”

She humphs. “You say it just happened. I don’t believe that. Gavin Day can talk the birds out of the trees. But at least it’s not still going on. You’re better off dating someone your own age.”

How wrong she is, but what’s the point in arguing? It’s not going to change anything.