The antibiotics were working. Although it had been less than a few hours since Clarke burst into the tent, clutching the medicine under her arm, Thalia’s fever had already gone down, and she was more alert than she’d been in days.
Clarke lowered herself to perch on the edge of Thalia’s cot as her friend’s eyes fluttered open. “Welcome back,” Clarke said with a grin. “How are you feeling?”
Thalia’s eyes darted around the empty tent, then looked up to meet Clarke’s. “This isn’t heaven, is it?”
“Good. Because I always assumed there’d be boys there. Boys who didn’t use water rationing as an excuse not to bathe.” Thalia managed a smile. “Did anyone build the first shower on Earth while I was passed out?”
“Nope. You didn’t miss much.”
“Somehow, I find that hard to believe.” Thalia raised her shoulders in an attempt to sit up, but settled back down with a groan. Clarke gently placed a rolled-up blanket behind her. “Thanks,” she muttered and surveyed Clarke for a moment before she spoke again. “Okay, what’s wrong?”
Clarke gave her a bemused smile. “Nothing! I’m just so happy you’re feeling better.”
“Please. You can’t hide anything from me. You know I always manage to get your secrets out of you,” Thalia deadpanned. “You can start by telling me where you found the medicine.”
“Octavia had it,” Clarke explained and quickly filled Thalia in on what had happened. “She and Bellamy are leaving tomorrow,” she finished. “That’s part of the deal Wells made with everyone. I know it sounds crazy, but it really felt like they were close to attacking her.” She shook her head. “If Wells hadn’t stepped in, I’m not sure what would’ve happened.”
Thalia was staring at Clarke with a curious expression on her face.
“What?” Clarke asked.
“Nothing, just—this is the first time I’ve ever heard you say his name without looking like you want to punch a hole through a wall.”
“True,” Clarke admitted with a smile. She supposed her feelings had changed—or at least, were starting to.
“So?”
Clarke began to fiddle with the pill bottles. She hadn’t wanted to tell Thalia about what happened in the woods in case it made Thalia feel guilty—after all, she’d gone out looking for plants to help her and had ended up almost getting killed. “There’s something else I haven’t told you. It didn’t seem important before, when you were so sick, but…” She took a breath and gave Thalia a brief account of Wells rescuing her from the ruin.
“He followed you all the way there?”
Clarke nodded. “The weird thing is, while I was hanging on that ledge, convinced I was going to die, he was the one person I was thinking about. And when he showed up, I wasn’t even angry that he’d followed me. I was just relieved that he’d cared enough to go after me, despite the terrible things I’ve said to him.”
“He loves you. Nothing you do or say can ever change that.”
“I know.” Clarke closed her eyes, though she was afraid of the images that she knew would emerge from the shadows. “Even when we were in Confinement and I told you I wanted to see his organs explode in space, I think there was a part of me that still loved him. And that made the pain even worse.”
Thalia was looking at her with a mixture of pity and understanding. “It’s time to stop punishing yourself, Clarke.”
“You mean punishing him.”
“No. I mean it’s time to stop punishing yourself for loving him. It’s not a betrayal of your parents.”
Clarke stiffened. “You didn’t know them. You have no idea what they’d think.”
“I know they wanted whtheont sizat was best for you. They were willing to do something they knew was wrong in order to keep you safe.” She paused. “Just like Wells.”
Clarke sighed and tucked her legs up underneath her, sitting on Thalia’s bed just like she used to back in their cell. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t know if I can fight this anymore. Hating him is exhausting.”
“You should talk to him.”
Clarke nodded. “I will.”
“No, I mean right now.” Thalia’s eyes were bright with excitement. “Go talk to him.”
“What? It’s late.”
“I’m sure he’s lying wide-awake, thinking about you.…”
Clarke unfolded her legs, then rose to her feet. “Fine,” she said, “if that’s what it takes to get you to be quiet and rest.”
She walked across the tent, playfully rolling her eyes at her friend as she pulled the flap aside. She stepped into the clearing and paused, wondering if she was making a mistake.
But it was too late to turn around. Her heart was beating so fast, it seemed to have a momentum of its own, pounding a frantic message to Wells through the darkness. I’m coming.