The Aftermath by R.J. Prescott (14)

As I sat in the cheap plastic chair, I imagined that this was how families of patients in the hospital felt. My girl was next door crying over shit I didn’t think I could stand to hear and tearing open old wounds I had no way of healing. She’d had a nightmare last night, and it was fucking brutal. I felt like I was standing in the corner of the room as Frank raped her. Fucking unable to do anything other than to listen to her endure it. If there was anything more emasculating than experiencing that, I didn’t want to know what it was.

The counselor was one set up by the Crown Prosecution Service. Apparently they weren’t just there to help Em deal with what had happened, but to support her through the trial. Given the brutality of what Frank had done, they’d offered her the option of giving evidence by video. I wished desperately that she’d chosen that option, but I should have known better. As terrified as she was, my girl was too strong for that. She’d read somewhere that juries were more supportive of a victim when evidence was given in person. Something about seeing and hearing their emotional responses humanized them.

Everything that was going down now terrified me and pissed me off in equal measure. Here in this plastic chair I might as well have been back in the changing room at the fight, unable to process any of this shit. The only thing inside stronger than hate and rage was my love for Em and the overwhelming and fundamental need to protect her. So instead of beating the crap out of someone, I sat here in this shitty plastic chair watching the clock tick by painfully slowly. Waiting for my wife. I ran through everything Father Pat had told me about how to control my temper. The things he taught me didn’t change who I was or what I felt but they helped me pretend to be a better man, so by the time the door in front of me opened, I was ready to deal with whatever condition I found Em in on the other side. Her face was a mess, and it looked like she’d spent the whole hour crying. She blew her nose loudly into her tissue as she walked out followed by her counselor. The second I saw her, she was in my arms, her face buried in my chest.

“You must be Cormac. I’m Nora,” she said to me smiling warmly. She was an older lady, maybe me ma’s age, only unlike me ma, she wore very little makeup and had a kindly look about her.

“Nice to meet you,” I told her without offering her my hand. They were wrapped firmly around my girl and weren’t going anywhere.

“Will you be bringing her back on Wednesday?”

“As long as she wants to come, I’ll be here,” I told her.

“Well, I’ll see you both then. Have a safe journey home.”

“Thank you, for everything,” Em told her, twisting in my arms.

“You’re welcome,” she said with a smile.

“See you soon.” I tucked Em into my side and held her tightly all the way down the stairs.

“How was it?” I asked.

“Brutal, like I expected,” she admitted. “But good too. Cathartic, I think. I thought it would hurt to talk about it, and it did, but it also felt like I was taking some of the power away from him by telling someone what he was really like.”

I swallowed hard and squeezed her arm in support as she blew her nose again. I was right about it being hard to hear. Em was dealing a lot better than I was. We walked outside, and I automatically scanned the road for a taxi. There was no way I was letting her get on a bus like this. When Em elbowed me, I realized I didn’t need to bother. Across the road from us, Liam and Kieran leaned against Liam’s truck chatting. We hurried across the road to meet them.

“What are you doing here?” Em asked, throwing herself in Kieran’s arms, then Liam’s for a hug. I knew exactly why they were here. Giving Kieran a fist bump and back slap, I spoke quietly to him while Em spoke to Liam.

“Thanks, Kier.”

“No problem, Con. There’s no way we were letting you make your own way home after this. I’m on strict instructions to update Danny once we get you home as well. So how’s she doing?”

“You know how she is. On the outside, she’s amazing but sleep tonight’s gonna be fucking brutal.”

“Anything we can do?” he asked.

“I wish there was, but I’ve got no fucking clue what I’m doing. I guess I’ve just gotta be here for her while she processes everything.”

“No man. I meant is there anything I can do for you? You need to go a few rounds in the morning, let off some steam?”

“I could use a hug,” I told him straight-faced. Anyone else and they’d have told to fuck off, and even though I really was taking the piss, Kier hugged me.

Listening to my girl sobbing in her sleep in the dead of night, was fucking heartbreaking. Last week I came home to find her crying over a chick flick about some guy who couldn’t find a way to tell his girl that he loved her until he’d nearly lost her. I didn’t get it. If you love someone, you don’t sit there fucking moaning about it. You get your arse up and make her see you’re the only man for her. Or kidnap her until she sees sense. If you don’t love something enough to fight for it, you don’t really love it at all. Still Em had cried like it was the end of the world. A big hug, cup of tea, and a bar of chocolate, and she was all good. But this was not good. It was so fucking far from good I didn’t know where to begin.

“No, no, no,” she moaned quietly into her pillow. Her body was curled up in the fetal position in the middle of the bed, her frowning face tortured in sleep.

“Mum, help me!” she cried into the dark. Lying on my back, my arms out at my sides, I tried to let her cries pass over me, not through me. My fists were clenched so tight I thought the knuckles would burst through the skin any minute. I hoped for it. The pain would give me something else to focus on.

“Mum, please help me, please, please.” That was it. I seriously couldn’t take this anymore. I tried to wake her up when she first had them but she’d start hyperventilating and it took me ages to calm her down. Her therapist told us that as long as the dreams weren’t chronic or violent, I should let her sleep. That is was her brain’s way of working though shit. Until recently, she hadn’t had one since we first met. It was like Frank got locked up, and bam, no more dreams. Some days now, she’d wake up and not remember she’d been dreaming. I learned not to bring it up after she’d kissed me good morning once and I’d asked how she slept after her nightmare. The look of pure joy drained out of her and what was left was fear.

Now with the training, I wasn’t there when she woke. So I went back to the notes. Every morning, whether she’d been dreaming or not, I’d leave a note for her. I would always be the dragon she woke up to whether in person or on paper. I’d even leave a doodle on some of them to make her smile, and I can’t draw for shit. Love makes us do stupid things.

“Please, Frank. Don’t do this.” To my shame, I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair, and with one last, painful look at Em I walked to the bathroom, shut the door, and sank to the floor, resting my head in my hands. Banging my head against the door, I crossed my hands over my knees, and I looked up at the water-stained ceiling. How do you fight an enemy you can’t see? Frank’s arse was in jail, and even if I could beat the ever-loving shit out of him, it wouldn’t help Em.

A soft groan sounded from behind the door, and a new wave of shame washed over me. I wanted to hurt someone, but there was no one to hurt. No one that would make me feel any better anyway. I wanted to rage at someone, but there was nothing I could shout that could take back what was done. In the end I realized that there was only one way left to fight. And that was by my girl’s side.

Growing a pair of balls, I dragged my sorry arse off the floor and back to bed. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her into my side. She burrowed in subconsciously, looking for my body heat. For more than a year, she’d been my sunshine in a dark place. Now it was my turn to be hers. So when I left for training the next morning, I made sure she knew I was still with her. Even with my scrawl, it was still pretty legible with no lines through it or spelling mistakes, which was a big fucking achievement for me. In fact, I was pretty pleased until I decided to doodle a teddy bear on the front, which ended up looking more like a Chucky doll. Still, I’d bet she’d keep it with all the others.

“What the fuck?” I said as Kieran, Tommy, and I walked in through the door of our flat to the sight of Nikki holding a giant purple dildo.

“Hey guys” she greeted us with a smile. “How’s the training going?” The three of us stood there with our mouths open like goldfish. All of us were distracted by the hypnotic, therapeutic buzz of the dildo as it vibrated in her hands.

“Tell me I’ve died and gone to porn heaven,” Tommy mumbled as he stood incredulously beside me.

“You have any thoughts about my wife that even feature a dildo, you’re gonna wish you were dead,” I responded.

“Okay. No dildo,” he said, still looking pretty happy with himself.

“Just to be clear. No sexual fantasies about my wife whatsoever. In fact, the only time you need to be thinking about my wife is when you’re where her husband is. And more importantly where his fist is in relation to your face.

“You suck all the fun out of life,” Tommy said.

Our tiny flat was full of women passing around lingerie and sex toys. I coughed to clear my throat as I locked eyes on my wife.

“So what’s going on, Sunshine?” I asked, trying to sound casual. She was holding a black lace bra up against herself and talking to Nikki’s housemate.

“Sorry, love. I didn’t know you’d be home this early. Nikki’s friend Helen is helping us host an Ann Summers’ party.”

“I thought it would take her mind off tomorrow,” Nikki told me.

“Good call,” I said with a smile.

“I’m gonna head over to Kieran’s and grab some dinner. Give you ladies some peace and quiet.”

“Sorry. I feel like I’m pushing you out. I forgot to mention that the girls were coming by,” Em said as she squeezed past the women, who were mainly sprawled over the bed comparing toys.

“It’s fine, baby. Go and have a good time, and I’ll see you later.”

“I won’t spend too much money, I promise!” I looked down again at that black lace underwear and imagined Em wearing it.

“Spend as much as you like,” I told her. My voice full of conviction.

“Mine’s bigger and a prettier color. Do you want to see?” Em and I both turned around just in time to catch Tommy’s generous offer to the ladies. Most of them giggled and looked at Tom lovingly. How the fuck did he do that? He said something crude or danced like a woman, and girls thought he was cute. But if Kier or I ever did it, we’d just come off as being dicks.

“They think he’s gay,” Kier said, reading my mind, “that’s why they think he’s cute.”

“No they don’t,” Tommy called back. “I’m not saying men don’t want me,” he told Nikki matter-of-factly, “but there’s not enough of me to share with the ladies as it is.”

“You know it really is purple,” I told the girls, as I nodded my head toward Tommy’s junk.

“STDs,” Kieran whispered conspiratorially to a captive audience.

“Jealousy is an ugly thing, my friend,” Tommy said to Kieran, as he tried to rise above all Kieran’s insults.

“I’m not jealous of your STDs,” Kieran said.

“You’re such a dick,” Tommy told him.

“Do you want to hold my dick?” Nikki offered to Tommy as Em laughed. I spotted a bottle of white wine on the table and figured they’d all had a few drinks to unwind.

“It’s a mood cock,” Nikki told him. “It vibrates and changes color depending on your mood.”

“Okay,” he agreed without hesitation.

“Go, Tommy!” Em encouraged him.

“It’s all right,” he said. “I’m man enough to hold a fucking dildo.”

Nikki handed it to him and he held it out like it was plutonium. Within seconds it turned blue. Sunshine was holding her side from laughing so hard. After last night, I’d be happy to stay here all night listening to Tommy talk up a storm just to see her smile.

“Seriously, ladies! How can you possibly think this could replace the real thing?” Tom asked curiously.

“Do you think you could get yours to vibrate and change color?” Nikki asked him through her laughter. Tommy looked her up and down suggestively.

“For you Nik, I could make it stand at attention and dance to the national anthem.” The women erupted as they considered what Tommy’s dancing cock looked like.

Hauling my girl in for a hug. I called over to Kieran. “I think that’s our cue to leave,” I told him. He didn’t hear me. Smiles all gone, he’d locked eyes on the girl who’d just walked out of the bathroom.

“Hey, Marie,” he said softly. “It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you too,” she replied.

I looked from one to the other and felt like I was missing something. She was the girl who’d designed Em’s wedding dress, and since the wedding she, Em, Nikki, and a few of their university and waitressing friends had spent a lot more time together. Sunshine had been denied friendship for most of her life by that evil fuck Frank so I loved that she was building her own circle of friends, especially with me out training so much.

Then I spotted someone I never expected to see in our flat. “What’s Katrina doing here?” I asked Em. I spoke quietly but Katrina obviously overheard me as she turned to see me looking at her.

“We’re friends now, remember,” Em told me.

“No, we’re not,” Katrina replied. “We just don’t hate each other anymore. Apparently your wife has a bit of a guilt complex about how things went down between us and making me shop for sex toys and drink wine with her is going to make us BFFs,” she told me sarcastically.

“Making you?” I asked her.

“Have you ever said no to your wife when she’s made up her mind about something? She’s being nice to me now, and it’s even more fucking annoying than when she hated me,” Katrina said grumpily. Em turned to me with a grin, and I knew Katrina had a point. My girl had a real bee in her bonnet about her relationship with this chick. She wanted to make things right between them, and she was more stubborn than I was when she got it in her head to do something.

“Well, have fun,” I told them all and bent to kiss Sunshine on the lips.

“Especially you,” I whispered.

Turning to leave, I bumped Kieran to get his attention but what I found made me pause. His eyes followed Marie, who’d gone back into the fray, and I realized that I’d seen the look on his face in the mirror over a year ago. Kieran Doherty, joker, pussy magnet, corner man, and friend, had found his girl.