"Marizza just got back from her honeymoon, Venice. I don't care if it's her turn to host the Labor Day barbecue." Kurt pulled his phone away from his ear so that his sister's shrieks didn't blow his eardrum.

"Look, if it's that big of a deal, I'll do it. Marizza can take my turn for Christmas." The unhappy squawking hit a pitch that made the line crackle, cut off by a loud beep.

Thanking every saint in the book, Kurt checked his caller ID. "I have another call coming in. Yes, I have to take it. Yes, it's important. I'll call you when I'm done. I promise."

Kurt sighed in relief and switched to the incoming call. "Thank you," he breathed reverently.

There was a loaded pause. "You're welcome," Teddy said bemusedly. "I think."

"I've been arguing with my sister for the last half hour," Kurt said, putting the phone on speaker and setting it down. Teddy wouldn't care. Hell, Kurt wouldn't be surprised if the architect was doing the same thing. "What can I do for you?"

"Which sister?" a second voice asked.

"Don't ask," Teddy said, and Kurt laughed. "I was just checking that you're still doing the bachelor auction. Luke is swamped with circuit cases, and Harry is out of the country."

Kurt leaned back in his chair, scrubbing a hand over his face. He'd forgotten about the damned auction. "Is that your better half I hear in the background? Carlos, my love, when are you going to leave this nerd and let me be your sugar daddy?"

Carlos laughed. "What makes you think I need a sugar daddy, Kurt? Besides, the twins would eat you alive."

"That's a lie. I love children," Kurt said.

"Not these children," Teddy muttered. There was a thump, and he sniffed. "Swatting me isn't going to make me change my mind. All three-year-olds are monsters."

"Ignore him," Carlos said, unconcerned by Teddy's moods as always. "He's just annoyed that the kids commandeered his latest design piece as their new playhouse."

"We needed that for the presentation."

"We made another one," Carlos retorted.

Smiling at their antics, Kurt let their bickering wash over him. He wasn't sure why the thought of the auction made him pause. It wasn't like he had a reason to refuse. His mind went to Evan, and he brushed the thought aside. Evan wasn't likely to protest, not after the agreement they'd made to keep things casual.

"So, the auction," Teddy said, his voice so neutral that it made Kurt's hair stand on end.

"I'm in," he said, eyes narrowing. "Why?"

"I told you," the architect said easily, "Luke asked me to check."

"Why isn't Marcus doing it? He's usually the one who keeps in touch." If it was anyone else, he would have been worried about sounding judgmental, but Teddy was the type to take a question at face value.

"Gio just found out he's pregnant, so Marcus is..."

"Running around like a chicken without a head. Gotcha.” Kurt made a quick note to call later in the week to congratulate them. "Send me a note when they have the baby shower set, okay?"

"I'll remind you." There was a moment of loud typing. "How have you been?" Teddy asked a moment later.

"I'm fine," Kurt said, squinting at his phone. "What's with the small talk? You hate small talk."

"And yet, I'm expected to do it with every client, so I thought I would practice." Teddy huffed. "How is your mother?"

"Good, actually. With the wedding over, she's down to only two or three pills a day, and Catherine convinced her to see a different doctor. They're talking about switching her off the Valium entirely." Kurt propped his heels up on the desk and hit refresh on his report.

"Any new babies in the family?" Teddy asked.

"Not unless you know something I don't," he said. With Teddy, that was always a very real possibility, so he found it odd when the other alpha just hummed thoughtfully. "Teddy?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you call?"

"To check on the auction," Teddy said. There was no hint of anything but rock-solid sincerity in his voice. "Cody sends his love, by the way. He and Nikolai are due back into the country next week."

"And that's the only reason." Kurt couldn't help the suspicion in his voice. Teddy was known for his spooky hunches and his meddling, and Kurt's skin was crawling with nerves all of a sudden.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you, too. It's been a while."

Kurt winced, guilt flooding him and overriding his skepticism. "Sorry."

"It's okay. You're the only one left who's not married, and that can be hard." The nice thing about Teddy was that he meant every word, even if he didn't understand the feeling.

Laughing, Kurt sat up and checked his latest report. "Did Carlos tell you that?"

"Gio," Teddy said without embarrassment. "You've missed three dinners, you know."

"I blame the wedding," Kurt said immediately. It was even mostly true. He wasn’t about to admit that he’d been too busy with work and Evan. That was a good way to get an unexpected visit from a lot of concerned or curious friends.

Teddy hummed. "At least you won't have a choice about coming to the next one. It's at Luke’s, the weekend before the auction."

"I'll be there," Kurt promised.

"Good. I'll let you go, then. Oh." There was a click, and Teddy was suddenly louder and clearer. "Before I forget, I wouldn't let it go too much longer."

Bewildered, Kurt picked up his phone, too. "Let what go much longer? The dinners? I already told you, I'll be there."

"No, no. Introducing us. You don't want him meeting everyone all at once at the auction. Even I know that would be bad."

Kurt gaped at his phone, but Teddy was already saying goodbye. The line clicked off before Kurt could do more than open his mouth.

He was still sitting there when his phone rang again a moment later.

"Venice, I told you I'd call you back when I was done," he said, trying to shake off the portentous feeling that Teddy always left behind.

"Sorry?" Evan said.

Kurt sat up straight, popping out of his chair and grabbing his keys. "Don't be. I thought it was my sister again. You're a much nicer call to get."

He strode across the marble foyer, headed for the garage. "Are you free for lunch?"

“I ... yeah," Evan said. He sounded subdued.

"Everything okay?"

"I don't know," Evan said, sucking in a shaky breath. "Pyotr took me off the schedule for the week."

"Ah," Kurt said as he got into the car. "You two fighting again?"

Evan's reply was almost drowned out by the roar of the engine starting. "No. I mean, I'm annoyed at him, but we're not fighting."

Tires squealed as he pulled out of his driveway. "Sure. I'll be there in a few, okay? I was thinking we'd go to for sandwiches. I know a great Cuban place."

"Great," Evan said weakly, but before Kurt could offer a different option, the line went dead.

Dread made his foot heavy, and he broke the speed limit all the way to the bar.

The place looked fine when he pulled up, the glass tubes of the neon glinting in the early afternoon light. Pyotr's truck was parked off to one side, so Kurt wasn't surprised to find the door unlocked. He was surprised to find Lucia perched at the bar, her hair in a bun and a calculator in one hand.

"I think we need more juice if you're doing Mai Tais every week," she said, glancing over at him as the sunlight lit up the room. "He's upstairs," she said with a weak smile.

"What's wrong?" He slowed down just long enough to press a kiss to her temple.

"I don't know, but he didn't look good. Maybe he's sick?" She chewed on the edge of one thumbnail, a habit he thought she'd broken years ago.

Kurt squeezed her shoulders. "I'm sure he's fine. I'm going to go check on him. Do me a favor and call in a takeout order at the deli for me?"

She smiled. "Soup and fresh bread?" It was what their mother always ordered for them when they were sick.

Pyotr appeared in the doorway, to the storeroom, propping his shoulder on the frame. "No celery," he said. "He hates it."

"He's okay?" Kurt asked, hating the way his voice broke.

"He's fine," Pyotr said, but there was a moment of hesitation that made Kurt's heart clench. "He's upstairs."

Kurt sucked in a deep breath and braced himself. "Right." He forced a teasing smile as he looked at Lucia. "I'll be back down in a few, and we can discuss what my baby sister is doing here unsupervised."

He fully deserved the swat that knocked his head forward. "Go away, jerk," she muttered, her ears burning red as she glared at the ledger in front of her. Pyotr snorted, but his cheeks were just as vibrant.

Feeling a little lighter, he turned and bounded up the stairs. The door at the top wasn't locked, and he knocked even as he opened it.

Evan looked up, then quickly away. He was kneeling in front of the couch, brushing up some dust on the floor. "Hi," he said. "You, uh ... you came."

"I said I was." Alarm bells were going off in Kurt's head, and he had to force himself to relax. He'd handle it, whatever it was. The thought of Evan wasting away, dying by degrees like his father had, made him want to throw up. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine?" Evan said, then grimaced. "I'm fine. Really."

He set the dustpan aside and sat down on the couch. "I'm just ... ugh. I don't even know where to start." His hands twisted together in his lap, and he wouldn't meet Kurt's eyes.

"If I get a choice, I prefer to get the bad news out of the way quickly," Kurt said.

Evan cleared his throat. "I'm pregnant," he blurted. "I mean, that's not bad news, exactly, but it's the news. It's what I called you about, and I don't know if it's good news or not, but ... there it is. I'm pregnant."

Kurt stared at him, his head empty of everything but that word. Pregnant. Evan was pregnant.

His eyes dropped reflexively to the crinkled front of Evan's t-shirt. It didn't look any different than it had the night before. It should look different, shouldn't it? His hands itched to touch.

He'd always wanted children, had bought the giant house in a fit of optimism. Once, he'd thought about filling it with just as big and crazy of a family as the one he'd grown up in. It had never been quite the right time, though.

Now he was going to be a dad.

His brain kicked in with a bang, facts and figures swirling through his head. He'd need to start a college fund right away, get Marcus on plans for the baby's future. The accountant would be offended if he asked anyone else.

He had to tell everyone. His mother was going to scream. She always did when babies were involved. Even his sisters were going to cry.

"Maybe you should sit down — oof." Evan clung to him as Kurt scooped the tiny omega up into his arms and spun him in a circle. He was so small. How would a baby even fit?

He pressed their lips together; Kurt couldn't call it a proper kiss, because he was smiling so broadly his cheeks hurt. He felt like he was going to float away, he was so full of happiness. "You're having my baby," he said.

Evan stared at him, wariness fading into amused exasperation. "And here I was, worried."

"About what? I'll handle everything," Kurt said, digging his phone out of his pocket. "There's a great fund that I use for all my friend's kids. Practically a guaranteed return on investment. Makes great college funds."

He pulled up his trading program, and in a few taps had the seed of the fund set up. "Oh, twins run in your family, don't they? Better make two, just in case." He grinned broadly as he set up the second account.

Two babies would mean twice the investments. He’d have to put together a projection to make sure they could carry the risk. Maybe a few low-yield commodities, just to be safe.

He ran the calculations in his head, but the percentages were too low for his liking. He wanted his children set for life, just in case.

Running a hand through his hair, Evan squinted at him. "You are the weirdest person I've ever met," he said.

"Wait till you meet my friends," Kurt said. As if on cue, a text alert scrolled across the top of his screen. Two long-term accounts? Which sister is pregnant?-- Marcus

"That's reassuring.” Evan squirmed a little, and Kurt realized they were still pressed together, his hand resting on the curve of Evan's side. This close, he could feel the subtle thickness that hadn't been there the last time. His baby.

Setting Evan on his feet, Kurt pressed his hand to the area below the omega's belly button. The soft fabric of the sweats did nothing to hide the heat of his body, and Kurt couldn't bring himself to take his hand away.

"So, just to be clear, because I'm kind of freaking out," Evan said. "You're happy about this."

"Yes," Kurt said, hair rising on the back of his neck. "Are you?" he asked, belatedly realizing what a huge development this was for the omega. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if Evan didn’t want that level of commitment.

Evan was quiet for a moment, his head tipped down. After a moment, his hand came up to rest over Kurt's. "I think I am, yes. We said no attachments, though, and this is kind of a big one."

Now that he was listening for it, he could hear the strain in Evan's voice. "We'll take it slow," he said, grinning with relief. Another thought occurred to him, and he made a note to see about getting a nursery set up in his house.

If he knocked a door into the closet wall in the master, he could use the guest room next door. He wondered if that wall was load-bearing, which led to the thought that Teddy would know.

Teddy would know. Kurt's spine went stiff. Teddy knew, that sneaky, spooky loon. The awkward phone conversation from earlier was suddenly making a lot of sense. God, he loved his friends.

"I need to call someone," he said. "I mean … If you don't mind me telling people?" His phone in hand, he waited for Evan to nod.

"By all means," Evan said, gesturing airily. "Pyotr already knows, so I've pretty much told everyone I need to."

"Pyotr knows?" Kurt said, less offended than he would have expected to be by that news. The man was basically Evan's family, he reasoned.

"He told me," Evan said dryly.

Kurt laughed. "I'll be back. Ten minutes, I promise."

"Take your time." Evan pointed at the floor. "I've got to sweep up Princess's latest kills."

Kurt barely registered the comment, the first call already ringing. He did give the apartment a quick once-over as he shut the door behind him. There was still no sign of a cat.

"So is it Marizza?" Marcus asked, as the call connected.

"Hello to you, too," Kurt said. "I hear congratulations are in order."

"Well, more for Gio than me, but I did help," Marcus said cheerfully.

"I'd hope so," Kurt said, leaning against the stairwell wall. "I have big news," he said, sucking in a deep breath, a sudden rush of anxiety like an elephant on his chest. The world pressed in on him, and he blew the air out shakily.

There was a pause. "Do I need to sit down?"

"Probably," Kurt admitted, immediately following with, "My pretend boyfriend is pregnant."

There was a much longer pause. "I'm not sure where to start with that."

Kurt laughed a little too loudly. "Let's face it, Marcus, that's not even in the top ten weirdest statements from our group."

Marcus chuckled. "True." As former president of the frat they'd all been in, the accountant was used to the kind of trouble the group could get into.

"This might beat that time with the bus and the Chancellor's office, though." He huffed loudly. “So, you're going to be a dad."

Trust Marcus to get to the heart of the matter. "Yeah," Kurt said, squeezing the phone till his knuckles ached to keep his hands from shaking.

He was thrilled. This was the best news he’d ever had. It was terrifying.

"I take it the pretend boyfriend is the guy that Luke mentioned, the one you took to the wedding?" In the background, a soothing hum of typing had started up.

"His name is Evan, and he's against commitments."

Marcus hummed. "That works out well for you, then. Unless," he added archly, "you've changed your mind about marriage."

"Catherine's back in couples counseling, but she's missed the last two appointments to do showings. Venice's husband spent one weekend last month at home, and she's repainted the house twice without him noticing."

Kurt picked at a flake of green stuck to his shirt, and it crumbled to dust. He felt bad for airing his family’s dirty laundry, but Marcus was used to it. "Our family is made for business. We're not relationship material."

"No matter what anyone says, relationships don't just happen," Marcus said. "They take as much work as your stocks do. Sometimes more."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I've been trying, but if Evan isn't interested, then what am I supposed to do? He thinks relationships make people miserable."

"So do you."

"No, I don't," Kurt snapped. It wasn’t that he didn’t wish it were otherwise, but he didn’t want to put anyone through the inevitable deterioration. Especially not someone he cared about. "All of you have great relationships. I just think that my family is bad at them."

"I don't want to argue with you. This should be a happy thing, so congratulations. I'll get the financial paperwork drawn up. Do you want the same setup as for all your sisters' kids?" Marcus asked, his voice gentle.

"Yeah," Kurt said, releasing his tension on a groan. "Yeah, that'd be great. I've got to call the others. I mean, not Teddy, but everyone else." Suddenly exhausted, he rubbed his temples.

"Teddy knows?"

"Why are you surprised?" Kurt asked, tipping his head back against the wall. "Teddy always knows."

"True. I can handle it if you want. Or you can do it later." Kurt could almost see the wry set to Marcus' lips. "You have a few months."

"I'll get around to it," he said. "Thanks, though."

"Any time. Gio will be thrilled for you. Let us know if you need anything."

Kurt smiled, small but genuine. "I will," he said. "Go home to your husband."

Marcus snorted. "He's downstairs handling interviews. I'm going to have to drag him away for lunch in a minute."

"You do that, then." Ending the call, Kurt stared at the wall.

"Everything is good?" Pyotr asked, sticking his head into the stairwell.

"Hasn't anyone ever told you that eavesdropping is bad?" Kurt grumbled.

"No." He shrugged his massive shoulders. "How is Evan?"

"Cleaning up after the cat." Kurt rubbed the tense muscles across the back of his neck. Everything had seemed so simple a few minutes ago, but now his skin prickled with directionless anxiety. "What's the deal with that, anyway?"

"Imaginary cat," Pyotr said. "I have never, in ten years, seen this cat. I think it is not real, but I humor him."

"Great," Kurt said, letting his head thump against the wall. "Great."