NINE
“Reed has probably told you that Sean was killed by the Bloodborn,” Polly started.
I nodded, and she continued.
“Well, I don’t know if he’s told you what he thinks is the real reason Sean was killed, but based on what you’ve told me about how you and Reed are doing… it seems like the two of you maybe haven’t had very many in-depth conversations.”
When I pretty much confirmed this by saying nothing, Polly spoke again.
“He probably doesn’t want me saying all this, but it seems like you deserve to know. See, Reed thinks that what really killed Sean was the fact that Sean was so in love. At the time of his death, we’d been married less than a year, and we were just… wildly, wildly in love. I knew that maybe it had been distracting Sean from doing his job as a shifter a bit, but… really, he was just as strong and as capable as he’d ever been. He was maybe just happier doing his job.
“Reed kept saying that Sean seemed so distracted, though. And then when Sean was killed, Reed blamed it on the fact that he was so distracted, and I think this is what Reed still blames for Sean’s death… although I wouldn’t really know. Reed and I have barely even spoken since a major blowout a few months after Sean was buried. He basically said that being in love was what had killed Sean, and I basically screamingly said that that was bullshit. Sean died because a group of murderous assholes called the Bloodborn tried to kill him, and they very unfortunately just happened to succeed. No more, no less.”
After a pause to glance over at a group of kids hanging streamers, Polly continued. “Long story short, Reed sent me a letter of apology for saying what he did, but we haven’t talked much since then. I guess I’ve been in my own world of grief over losing my husband, and he’s been in his own world of grief over losing his best friend. Marie has been kind of an intermediary for us sometimes. She still loves Reed like a son, despite what he said.”
Looking over at the kids again, Polly suddenly took a deep breath and turned her gaze back to me. “I’ve probably said way too much, and I didn’t mean to. When my emotions run high, I just babble. Maybe if you don’t mind, just keep what I said between the two of us for now. I’m sure if Reed wants to tell you what he thinks about people being in love, he will.”
I said that he pretty much had. “He’s said that he wants things to be ‘all business’ between us, and now I think I understand exactly why. I think he thinks that if he allows himself to fall in love, it will prevent him from being the leader that I know he prides himself on being. I think that he thinks that it might even lead to his death. I finally get it now.”
And although I supposed I understood it, it seemed absurd to me.
After I told Polly that I’d keep our conversation just between the two of us, she abruptly changed subjects, asking me if I thought we should serve the kids chocolate milk or hot chocolate at the story hour.
We soon got everyone organized into groups with different decorating tasks, and later, after chocolate milk and cookies had been served, Polly and I took turns reading spring-themed books to the kids, who seemed to have an endless appetite for stories about baby lambs and fawns.
Late in the afternoon, after the kids had played a game that Polly called “musical bunny chairs,” their moms began coming to pick them up, along with a few dads. Most of the parents put wads of cash into a tip jar that Polly had on the coffee counter, and I even saw one mom of twins drop in four twenty-dollar bills, clearly grateful for the break in childcare that Polly had provided.
Once I'd helped Polly clean up, I did some grocery shopping at Somerset’s small, lone grocery store, then drove home, soon receiving a text from Reed.
Dinner at eight again? I promise not to laugh inappropriately again, which I now fully realize was very rude and probably confusing.
Leaning over the island, I just looked at the phone screen for a few seconds, thinking, before hitting reply. Okay. See you at eight.
I wanted to see Reed in order to confirm my thinking about his thinking in regards to Sean’s death, but more than anything, somewhat to my surprise, I just wanted to see him. I even felt like I missed him in a funny sort of way, funny because he’d made me feel irritated and angry almost from the moment we’d met, and I currently had no idea where we stood with each other, so it seemed funny that I should have any feelings of actually missing him. Up to this point in my life, I’d only missed people I’d felt genuine affection for, which definitely wasn’t Reed.
Of course, after the night we’d spent together, I knew I had feelings of unabashed lust for him, that was for sure. Images of his face and body had appeared in a few of my dreams the previous night, dreams that had definitely been on the steamy side of things. I’d dreamed of being in his arms, naked, while he kissed me with such passion and intensity that I moaned loudly with pleasure. When I’d awoken from this specific dream around four in the morning, I’d been so aroused that I was vaguely embarrassed, and even more so when I heard sounds of someone stirring in the bedroom next to mine, which was Reed’s. First, heavy footsteps thudded across the floor, and then I heard water running briefly. I then more heavy footsteps, followed by the sound of Reed clearing his throat. It had then sounded like he’d left the house, maybe to go out on an early morning patrol around Somerset with his men.
Staring up at the ceiling in the dark, I’d wondered if maybe he hadn’t meant to wake up quite so early, but had instead awoken because the moaning I’d done in my dream had actually been out loud. I didn’t think it had been, though; I just didn’t get the sense that I’d moaned out loud, not to mention I’d never been told that I made any kind of noises in my sleep, even while dreaming. But just the thought that I could have possibly moaned out loud, waking Reed up, left me horrified. Although at least this feeling had had the effect of tamping down my desire for him, allowing me to fall back asleep.
However, back in the present, my desire for him returned while I dressed for our dinner. Just thinking about him while I selected a dress made me develop a frustrating ache low in my stomach, an ache that was near-impossible to ignore. I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to fare at dinner, when he was actually right in front of me, in the flesh. No matter what I felt about him, and no matter that I didn’t really know how he felt about me, I wanted to sleep with him again, of that I was certain.
Initially, I didn’t fare well at all at dinner, which Marie had made once again. While Reed and I ate quietly, making only periodic polite conversation about the food, like we’d done the evening before, I found it difficult to stop taking covert little peeks at him, peeks at his face and body both. I found it difficult to stop picturing what his long, hard body looked like not covered by clothes, and I almost regretted that I knew.
Judging by a few looks Reed was giving me as well, I guessed that maybe I wasn’t the only one having a few racy thoughts. He even seemed to be chewing with more force than the main course of incredibly tender herb-seasoned salmon required, as if the action wasn’t so much about breaking down the food as it was a foil for him to be able to grind his teeth, like a person might do if they were trying to resist something, or resist having certain thoughts.
Maybe Reed was a bit on edge because I had chosen a slightly more revealing dress that I’d worn the night before. This dress, which was a vivid red, was scoop-necked like my green dress had been, but it was maybe a little lower of a scoop. It was low enough of a scoop that my full cleavage was definitely visible. This area seemed to be drawing a majority of Reed’s glances. This almost seemed to satisfy me for some reason, and I recalled how much Reed had seemed to enjoy my breasts when we shared a bed together.
Once we’d both finished eating, he refilled my wine glass before getting up, going over to a small bar on one side of the dining room, and pouring himself a large glass of whiskey.
He then sat back down and finally started saying something of substance. “I really am sorry about my laughter the other night, and I won’t do it again. For what it’s worth, I really do think your offer to help with the Bloodborn was a very admirable one. Which doesn’t mean I’m going to let you do it, but… it was admirable that you wanted to help.”
A grandfather clock in an alcove out in the hallway chimed the quarter-hour, and Reed used the interruption to knock back at least a finger of his whiskey at a gulp.
Not grimacing in the least, he set the glass back on the table before continuing with his icy blue eyes reflecting golden light from the candles in front of us. “And as far as exactly why I won’t let you help, I know I’ve already said it’s too dangerous for you personally, and that’s true… but it’s also because with any luck, you’ll be pregnant soon, and we can’t take the chance of the baby being hurt.”
I realized I was disappointed by what he’d just said for two reasons. For one, a tiny part of me had been hoping he was going to say that he didn’t want me putting myself in harm’s way because he cared about me. The second reason I was disappointed was because he hadn’t even referred to our possible future baby as “our baby” but instead just as “the baby.”
However, now knowing what was making Reed hesitant to get close to me, I simply said that I understood, adding that there was no need to explain himself further. “There is one thing I want you to explain to me, though.”
Reed asked what it was, and I took a deep breath before speaking again.
“I want you to explain to me why you’re so terrified to fall in love.”