Chapter13
Violet sat in Kalia’s kitchen, drinking juice. She hadn’t wanted water so her friend poured her that. Kalia sat across from her.
“I have some ice cream, too. That usually makes me feel better,” Kalia said.
“I’m not sure anything will make me feel better. I just don’t think I can do this, K.”
“What? Motherhood?”
“Yes. I don’t think I can raise a child. I have no role model,” Violet said.
Kalia nodded. “I think every woman goes through that terror at some point in their pregnancy.”
“How would you know?”
“I have sisters, remember? All of them have been pregnant.”
“How did you manage not to be?” Violet said.
“Staying away from men who don’t wear condoms.”
Violet snorted. “I did that and had one that broke.”
“I’m betting you and that Italian Stallion were pretty hot and heavy that night. You might have broken a lead shield.”
Violet tried not to smile, but that night had been full of passion. As had all of their lovemaking sessions. Amedeo had more stamina than any man she’d been in bed with. Her mouth dried at the thought of making love with him.
She shook herself. That wasn’t the problem. “Probably. I wouldn’t be in this position if we had used a lead shield.”
“You’d be homeless, too and without a job.”
Why did Kalia have to be the voice of reason? She wanted her friend to sympathize, not tell her what a fool she is. “I’m going to be shaping someone’s life. Mine is a mess. How can I tell someone how to be a human?”
“Oh, Violet. Things aren’t as bad as you think they are. Really. It may not be how you planned it, if you planned it, but it’s not bad.”
“What do you mean if I planned it?”
Kalia frowned. “Don’t take your crabbiness out on me. I’ll send you back to Amedeo. What I meant was that you’ve gone through a lot of your life by the seat of your pants. It’s not a bad way to live, but now you don’t have to. You can have a regular job and regular hours. Plan a life with this child. Give that child structure that you might also need.”
Violet thought about that. She had been pretty content with her schedule and her life. Amedeo liked things that way and she’d followed along. She had melted into his life and she couldn’t complain about it.
“Still. Maybe it would be better to let Amedeo have this child. I could visit.”
“Could you really do that? Be a part time mother?”
“Might be better for this child.”
“Do you see what you’re doing?” Kalia said.
“What?”
“You’re putting this child’s needs first. You’re already being a mother.”
Violet rubbed a hand down her face. “Or am I abandoning it? Just like my father did?”
Kalia sighed. “If you give the child to Amedeo, that’s not abandoning it. He has a lot of resources. He isn’t crazy like your mother was. The kid would have a good life.”
“So you think I should give the baby up?”
Kalia groaned. “I’m not saying that. You have to make this decision. You should make this decision with Amedeo. He’s part of this. You can’t forget that. He’s stepped up so you have to let him be part of this decision. It isn’t fair any other way.”
Violet knew that Kalia was right, but she wasn’t used to consulting someone else on her life decision. Not since high school and she’d decided that she was going to college if she had to strip to do it. She didn’t, but only because a guidance counselor had guided her through the maze of financial aid options.
Since then she’d never asked for help. Not until she’d approached Amedeo for abortion money. How her life had changed since then. She really didn’t know what to do.
“I think you need to talk to Amedeo. Tell him how you are feeling.”
“He’s probably mad at me for ditching his driver.”
“Send him a text to tell him that you’re okay. That you’ll see him tomorrow.”
Kalia was right. She needed to tell Amedeo that she was okay. He didn’t need to know where she was because he would end up on Kalia’s doorstep. Of that she had no doubt. She pulled out her phone, turning it on. Amedeo had called four times. He’d only left one message.
She sent him a text. “I’m okay. I’ll be home tomorrow. Please give me this space.”
She turned off her phone just in case he called. She knew he would. Tomorrow she’d probably find three more messages from him. Amedeo was a man of action. Making him wait was probably cruel, but she needed this time. He was just going to have to live with it.
“Now, that’s better. He doesn’t have to call the hospitals. He knows you’re safe.”
“He’s still going to call me.”
“You turned off your phone. No worries. He doesn’t have my number or even know that you’re here. He and I have never met so you’re safe for the moment,” Kalia said.
Violet nodded. “What am I going to do about this child?”
“You’re not going to make any decisions tonight. We’re going to watch a movie and not think about anything. I can pop some popcorn.”
“That would be great. I’m starving. All I do is eat these days,” Violet said.
She’d never been one to worry about her weight, but she didn’t like feeling out of control. That’s what her appetite made her feel like. Maybe it was all anxiety, too. All wrapped up in this poor child that she was going to be the mother of.
She didn’t feel as if anyone in history was less equipped than she was to be a mother. She’d take to being a rhinoceros more easily than she might take to motherhood.
Time would tell.
***
Amedeo didn’t sleep much that night. He was used to having Violet next to him. The bed seemed so big and cold.
Now he paced his house waiting for Violet. She’d called his driver and was on her way home. Home. Yes. This was her home. Even if it was a temporary one, he thought of her as part of home.
He just wanted to see her. Make sure she was okay. Where did she sleep last night? Hopefully not on the street. Or in a park. He wished she’d just come back last night to sleep in another bed. Then he would have been at peace.
Is this what it means to worry about someone else? He would worry about his child, wouldn’t he? Just like this.
He sighed, rubbing a spot on his chest. His heart hurt. He gave himself a pep talk. He could do this parenting thing. Having taken on other challenges in his life, he knew he could take on this one.
Besides, he had no choice.
The front door opened. Amedeo hurried into the hallway. There stood Violet. She wore the same clothes from yesterday, but she looked like she’d showered. So she hadn’t slept on the street. Where had she gone?
Guess it didn’t matter now.
He stopped a few feet from her. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
Hers sounded a little tired and part of him liked that she hadn’t slept well either. If she’d just come home, he would have made her a snack and put her to bed. Even if she didn’t want to sleep in his bed, she would have been under his roof. Probably where she belonged.
At least until the baby came. They’d deal with things after then when they had to.
She put her purse down on the floor. He wanted to shake her and yell and he wanted to hug her at the same time. He didn’t know which would win out. She didn’t approach him, just stood there looking lost. As if she’d lost her best friend.
So he chose to hug her. He took her into his arms and squeezed. She responded, hugging him back.
“I missed you,” he said. “I’m glad you’re home safe.”
“Thanks,” she said into his chest. “I’m sorry if I worried you.”
He wasn’t one to play coy. “You did worry me. I didn’t sleep. I called Madge and told her that I wasn’t going to be in today.”
Violet let go. “You didn’t have to call out of work for me.”
“I think we need to talk. Really talk. And to spend some time together.”
She sighed. “We do need to talk.”
He brushed a hair off her face. “You need breakfast?”
“I’m starved.”
He took her hand, then headed for the kitchen. “I’ll make you eggs and bacon.”
“That sounds great.”
He poured her juice, too. He spoke while he cooked. “Can you tell me what’s going on inside of your head?”
She frowned. “I’m just having doubts about being a mother.”
“What exactly?”
He put a plate of food in front of her. “Can I eat first?”
“Go ahead.”
He held a coffee mug in one hand, leaned on the counter, crossing his legs at this ankles. He could wait all day if he had to. He knew he needed patience for this conversation. She shoveled the food in her mouth as if she hadn’t eaten in days.
“You need more?” he said.
“No, this will be enough for now.”
“Let’s go sit in the living room.”
She followed him to the couch. He gave her some space. She curled her legs underneath her.
“What are you having doubts about?” he said.
“I don’t know if I can be a mother to this child.”
“I’m not sure you have any choice. I’m not letting him or her go up for adoption. I’ll take him if you can’t.”
“I’m wondering if that’s the best idea. I have no role model. I have no family. You have your mother and your brothers.”
He cocked his head. “You think because I have a family I’m better equipped to be a father?”
“Yes.”
He took her hand in his, stroking the knuckles with his thumb. “My mother wasn’t close to her mother and she never saw her when we moved to America. She was able to raise three boys without her family. I think you are just as tough.”
She looked at him a small smile on her lips. “You think so?”
“I do, Violet. You came from poverty and pregnancy and yes, you’re pregnant now, but you are an adult who is dealing with the situation. You aren’t a teenager on welfare. You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished. Carl thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread and he isn’t easily impressed.”
“He does?”
“Yes. It was his idea to offer you a job. You’d have benefits and maternity leave.”
She looked own at their hands. Hers were small and dark in his olive-skinned ones. They were so different, but they could come together to raise this child. He had more faith in her than she did. He wished she could spend one day seeing herself through his eyes.
And she was sexy. Even with a little belly pouch from the baby. He could take her right now, but he wanted to finish this conversation. He wanted to be sure that they were in the same place, of the same mind about this child. They had to be. They were going to be parents. Together.
Forever.
Somehow he didn’t mind that. He’d been chafing more at things Tory did than anything Violet did. He didn’t ponder that for too long, thinking about his conversation with Salvatore. No, he wasn’t going there.
He wasn’t in love. He just cared for Violet.
“You really have faith in me?”
“I do, Violet. You’re smart, tough, not to mention sexy.”
“Still sexy?” She patted her stomach. “Even like this.”
“It only makes you more beautiful.”
***
Violet wanted to tear off the man’s clothing. What Amedeo said to her might have been the nicest and most romantic thing anyone had ever said to her. He stared at her as if he wasn’t sure what to do.
“That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me,” she said finally.
A smile lit his face. “I’m here, Violet. I’m not going anywhere. We are going to have a child together and I don’t plan on letting it go. I’m here to be a parent.”
She liked those words even if it was hard to believe him. No man had ever been dependable in her eyes. No man had ever kept his word. “I want to believe you, Amedeo. It’s just hard.”
“I understand. No one has ever stayed in your life. I can’t promise you romance or love or anything like that, but I can promise that I will help you raise this child. I think part of your fear is that you will be doing this on your own. I may not be there every day, but you can call me anytime. I don’t want you to feel alone.”
She rested her head on the back of the couch, studying him. Was he for real? He hadn’t ever lied to her. Never. He’d kept every promise he’d made. She just couldn’t get past her history with men. Including her father.
“Isn’t it a father that defines women’s relationships with men?” she said.
“Yes.”
“And I didn’t have a relationship with my father so maybe I’m figuring this all out on my own.”
Amedeo nodded. He kissed her hand. “I’m here. I can help. Always. I’m a man of my word.”
“I want to have faith in you. You are the one man who hasn’t let me down. It’ll take time.”
“I’m a patient man.”
“No, you aren’t. You want everything now,” she said.
“He laughed. “Okay. I do. You’re right, but I will be patient now.”
She laughed, shifting closer to him. “You’re a pretty amazing man, Amedeo.”
He shook his head. “I’m actually not. I’m just a real man. A real man takes on his responsibilities. He doesn’t hide from them. You just haven’t encountered any real men in your life.”
Sadly, he was right. With each boyfriend, she’d been more and more betrayed. At least she’d been smart enough to be on birth control. Until Amedeo. She’d been between men so she’d stopped taking the pill.
But if she hadn’t, and that condom hadn’t broken, she wouldn’t have met Amedeo. If she had a daughter, she’d be able to tell her what a good man was like. Her daughter would have an example of one and wouldn’t be lost when she became an adult and had relationships.
Her daughter would also have a fine example in the man she as sitting with. That was just as important. Damn him, being dependable was sexy. She scooted even closer to him.
“You really think I’m still sexy?”
He looked her over then put a hand on her stomach. “Yes. Pregnancy agrees with you.”
She leaned in and planted a sweet kiss on his lips. Amedeo had other ideas. He put his hand on the back of her head, deepening this kiss. Her body started to come alive. These pregnancy hormones had their uses.
Amedeo kissed don’t her neck. “You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Good.”
He scooped her up then carried her up to his bedroom. He let her slide down his body to stand on her feet. What a great body to slide against. Hard and manly. He smelled good as usual. Just a hint of cologne. She rubbed her hands down his chest, then up his shirt. He had just enough chest hair to be manly. Not so much that he seemed like an animal.
He unbuttoned her blouse then slid it off her shoulders. The look in his eyes when he stared at her breasts was priceless. Like a kid in a candy store. Like he’d just opened the best present on Christmas morning.
His hands cupped her breasts. They were just beginning to grow so they must feel different every time he had his hands on them. He undid her bra, dropping it to the floor.
Today felt different to her. Better. With each touch, it was as if he were being gentler. Which was nice. He kissed her neck as his hands roved over her breasts. She undid his pants, feeling inside his boxers for his very erect penis.
He gasped. “I’m on the edge here, Violet.”
“I know. I like you that way.”
He chuckled into her ear. He stepped away to take off his shirt and her body felt the loss to her soul. Then he nudged her back onto the bed. He took care of her pants and panties and then he licked up one leg and down the other. He skipped over the best part.
But he came back to it, sucking and licking, one finger inside of her. She clenched her fists, the orgasm just out of reach. Then he put a second finger inside of her. She catapulted off the bed with the climax.
“Oh. God.”
Before she was done, he was inside of her. Filling her. She dug her nails into his shoulders because she was going to cum again. So soon. Her body knew what to do. She was out of control and didn’t want to be in control.
Amedeo sped up his rhythm and she was over the edge. He followed her with a grunt and his teeth gritted. She let her arms fall to her sides, not able to hold them up any longer. He nipped her neck then rolled off her.
He kept one hand on her stomach as he breathed heavily.
“You’re going to kill me Violet.”
“I think it is you that are going to kill me,” she said.
He laughed. “But I still wish you would marry me.”