Guilt is a mean, nasty bitch.
Especially when it’s guilt over lying to the man sitting next to you.
I try to rationalize what I overheard. I attempt to fool myself into thinking I really didn’t hear what they said. I convince myself that I misinterpreted their meaning. And yet, when I add everything up—the various times I’ve seen Santiago, Easton’s nemesis, with Cal, Easton’s father—two plus two is definitely equaling four.
Then it hits me—Cal’s warning the night Derek came over—when he thanked me for supporting Easton in his physical rehabilitation and whatever else life throws his way.
Was he telling me the shit was going to hit the fan? Was he warning me?
I glance over to Easton and he squeezes my knee. If my assumption is true, if Santiago is Easton’s half-brother, it will rock his world, and I can’t let that happen with so much riding on him going into this gig with Fox Sports.
“Don’t be nervous,” he says as he puts the car in park.
But I am nervous, just for things completely different than he thinks.
“I’m not. I just worry I won’t be able to hide my reaction when I see him. What if he looks frail or is not the man I know? I’m afraid he’ll see through me and know how bad he looks.”
Easton turns my way and looks me straight in the eyes. “First of all, he already knows how bad he is, Scout. Just be you with him. And second, you’re bringing him great news, so that will overshadow everything else that’s worrying you.”
He leans in and presses a tender kiss to my lips that chases the demons of betrayal away. For now, it warms me all the way through getting to the front door, introducing Easton to Sally, and then preparing myself to see my dad.
“You’re holding back on me, Sally. I hear voices, and they’re not you talking to yourself.”
“Such a stubborn cuss,” she murmurs but the warmth in her eyes tells me she loves that he still has the energy to be one.
“It’s me,” I say, preparing myself to see him before I stride in the room, “and I come bearing gifts.”
“Gifts, eh?” he asks as he shifts in his chair to face me. He’s much thinner now, gaunt, and his pallor is almost a grayish yellow in color. His eyes have sunken more, but the smile he tries to fight when he sees me is one hundred percent the old Doc Dalton. “Do they pertain to the whiskey and chocolate kind of gifts since Sally here has me eating all kinds of organic shit that tastes like cardboard instead of the crap I really want? Let the dying man eat the good stuff, already,” he says loud enough for Sally to hear.
Tears well in my eyes as I lean down to hug him. It’s so good to see him. To look into eyes so similar to my own and hear his voice in person. To deal with his ornery comments.
“No chocolate. No whiskey,” I say as I press a kiss to his forehead and sit down beside him, keeping his hand in mine.
“I thought I was your favorite,” he teases.
“You are my favorite. Always will be.” My voice breaks.
“Don’t you go crying on me, Scouty-girl,” he warns.
I squeeze his hand. “If I cry it’s because I’m happy to see you so zip it, old man, and let me be happy, will ya?”
His smile is back as he reaches up and wipes a tear off my cheek. I feel like I’m six years old and crying again because I miss my mom. He always sat beside me on my bed, wiped away my tears, and then told me some silly story until I was giggling and the sadness was overshadowed for a while.
“It’s good to see you, Daddy,” I whisper.
“It’s good to see you, Scouty.” I rest my head on his shoulder for a second and just breathe in the moment—the scent of his shampoo, the peace he brings me—thankful Easton let me have a few minutes with my dad before I introduce him.
It’s so weird to sit here with my dad and feel like he’s so whole and healthy, but know that beneath the surface, his heart is like a ticking time bomb ready to detonate at any moment.
He clears his throat and disrupts the silence. “Enough of that mushy shit. I want to know what my presents are,” he says and then stops when he homes in on something over my shoulder. “Scout?”
I turn to see Easton standing there, his frame filling the doorway. He rubs his hands on his jeans and looks at me as if he’s asking if it’s okay to interrupt.
“Dad, this is Easton Wylder. Easton, this is my father, Doc.”
“The player,” my dad murmurs quietly as he pulls his hand from mine and sits a little straighter as Easton crosses the distance and extends his hand to him.
“Such a pleasure to meet you, sir. I’ve heard so much about you from Scout and around the league . . . it’s nice to finally get to shake your hand.”
My dad eyes Easton’s hand and then squints as he studies him. And for a brief second my nerves rattle around, wondering if this was a big mistake. Bringing home a man to meet my father for the first time under these conditions.
But I had to. I wanted my dad to meet the man I love.
My dad slowly extends his hand and shakes Easton’s but doesn’t relent on the scrutiny. “Hello, Easton. Nice to meet you too. I think. Please tell me running off and marrying my daughter is not the gift you come bearing. If that’s the case, I think we should head to the garage where I can show you my safe full of guns.” He plasters the cheesiest grin on his face while Easton’s eyes widen and feet shift. “Big ones.”
“Will you relax and be nice? He’s not the gift.” I swat at his leg. “I know you’re joking, Dad. He doesn’t. Sit down, Easton, and ignore my father.”
“There is a safe full of guns though,” my dad says with a wink.
Easton laughs nervously and takes a seat as I turn back to my dad. “I met with Boseman today.”
“Poor bastard probably has every lawyer on his hefty payroll scouring that office to cover his ass after everything Tillman did. That’s the problem with baseball these days. Too much corporate bullshit involved when it should be about a man and his love for the game.” He briefly closes his eyes and smiles like he’s remembering something. “No offense, Wylder, but contracts are out of control. No man deserves twenty-one million to play one season. The purity of the game is gone. The simplicity of a father and son”—I knock my knee against his, and he clears his throat—“or daughter, going to a game. The players are becoming soft with pitch counts ruling their playing time. It’s horseshit. Don’t get me started.”
“You’ve already started.” I laugh. “As you can tell, my dad is a throwback. He thinks business has ruined the sport.”
“It has,” Easton agrees and by the startle of my dad’s head, surprises him. “The problem is it will never be able to go back to what it was—the game I remember watching as a kid—and that’s a shame.”
My dad stares at him for a moment and nods as if he’s judging whether Easton is trying to impress him or if he really means what he’s saying. I know he believes him when he lets the comment go and turns to me. “So? Boseman? What was it about?”
“He wanted to tell me he’s yanking the probationary contract from us. He said probationary contracts are bullshit and a GM should know whether he wants someone on his team or he doesn’t.” I can’t hide my smile any longer. “We got the contract, Dad. Boseman said he’ll have it drawn up immediately.”
My dad just stares at me for a moment, jaw clenched and eyes hard, before grabbing me and pulling me into him. He holds on as his body jars with the tears he’s fighting.
I’m not sure what I expected to happen when I told him the good news, but it definitely wasn’t this—affection.
After a few moments he leans back and meets my eyes. “Thank you,” he whispers. Two words. They’re only two words but the gratitude and love packed behind them erase the unending stress and anxiety I’ve endured to make this happen.
“Easton, why don’t you let me show you around outside?” Sally asks from the doorway, saving Easton from feeling like he’s eavesdropping and giving him an out.
“I’ll be with Sally,” he says giving me a soft smile before leaving.
My dad and I watch him leave the room, hear the screen door slam shut, and proceed to watch Sally point out things to Easton through the big bay window. Even though there are so many things to say, we sit in silence for a few minutes.
“I’m proud of you, Scout.” He pauses and keeps looking at the long grass field where Easton is standing. “But you don’t have to sign the contract if you don’t want to.”
“What?” The word is a shocked whoosh of air as I look to him but he continues staring straight ahead. Confusion and bewilderment riot inside me. “What are you talking about? It’s what you wanted? The cap on your career. Dad, talk to me. Please tell me this wasn’t all for nothing.”
“Not all for nothing, no. Sometimes accomplishing something is the success itself,” he says, reaching out to grab my hand.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means I needed you to love something more than you love me. I needed you to do something that seemed impossible from the start and succeed at it so you would know you could do it on your own. So I’d know you’d be okay when I’m gone.” I shake my head as I try to grasp what he’s telling me. “I’m so sorry for pushing you away, Scouty, but your whole life you looked to me to help you when things got tough. And there’s nothing wrong with that.” His voice breaks right along with my heart. “But I needed you to know that you didn’t need me to fix anything. You’re strong and capable and had the tools to fix it yourself. I needed you to realize you didn’t need me at all.”
“But I do need you, Dad.” My voice hiccups as I fight back the threatening sobs.
He looks at me for the first time and I watch a tear slide down his cheek. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to push you away? I may be a hard-ass, but pushing my little girl away was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I wanted to be selfish. To pull you near and keep you in this bubble of ours and never let you go . . . but I couldn’t. I pushed—no shoved—you toward the contract because if you could handle those hard-ass, sexist, stubborn men, then I knew you’d thrive at whatever it is you wanted to do. I could give a rat’s ass about the contract, Scout. I couldn’t care less if you continue the business or not. I just needed to know before I go that you’re going to be okay. That you’d believe in yourself enough to know you’re going to be okay too.”
I put my arms around my dad, and he holds me as I cry.
“I’m so sorry I have to leave you.”
I can’t stop the huge, heaving sobs.
“I’m so very proud of you. Never doubt that.”
I refuse to let go as he strokes his hand over my hair again and again and tells me things I need to hear but wish he didn’t have to say.
“You’re my heart, Scouty. I love you more than anything in this world, and I don’t want you to ever forget that.”
After some time, when the tears are all cried out and the emptiness has been filled with his unquestionable love, I lean my head on his shoulder like I used to do when I was little and watch the world outside. The grass moving with the breeze. The clouds sliding across the sky. The big tree Ford and I used to climb—where my dad has already chosen as his final resting place.
“I say we go sit on the porch and enjoy this nice weather. What do you say?”
My breath is still hitching—the fallout from my sobs—and I’m sure my eyes are swollen, but it sounds like the best idea in the world.
Like we used to do when I was little.
“I’d love to.”
“Can you help me make it out there?” he asks.
“Of course.” I wrap my arm around his waist and stand up with him. He’s so light. This hulking man of my childhood has been reduced to skin and bones. “You okay?”
“I’d be a helluva lot better if you slip some of that whiskey in the cupboard above the fridge into my cup. Sally would never know.”
I laugh. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“That’s my girl.”
The sky is purple and orange as the sun sets, and my dad and Easton talk all things imaginable—my childhood, his shoulder, baseball—even about the safe of guns in the garage. Sally and I have chatted for the first time in forever about topics that don’t have anything to do with my dad’s illness and it feels so damn good. Dare I say, almost normal.
“Are you sure you need to head out?” Sally asks.
“Unfortunately. I have an early flight to Los Angeles in the morning,” I say glancing at my father again and the dark circles of exhaustion under his eyes.
“Game one of the World Series,” my dad murmurs, and I love that there is still that nostalgic look in his eyes when it comes to the game. I’m grateful his sickness hasn’t taken that away from him.
“Yep.” I nod. “The only thing that would make it better is if Easton was playing in it.” I look at him and smile, knowing he feels the same way.
“Remember what I said, Easton,” my dad says with a nod. “Your body knows its limitations. Listen to what it tells you and you’ll make the right decision.”
“Yes, sir,” Easton says and I wonder what exactly they were talking about while Sally and I had gone inside to refill our drinks. Was my dad giving Easton advice on his shoulder? “It was a pleasure meeting both of you.” He steps forward and gives Sally a big hug and then shakes my dad’s hand. My dad leans forward and says something in Easton’s ear I can’t hear. Easton meets his eyes in an exchange of unspoken words. He holds it a bit longer than normal and smiles with a nod as if he’s thanking him for things only they understand.
“Maybe we can do it again sometime soon. Get together. Once the series is over, and you’re both around more.”
“I’d love that,” I say, my heart hoping I get to have a lot more of these moments with them now that everything is out in the open.
“Can you guys give me a minute with Scout?” my dad asks.
“Let me walk you to the car, Easton. You may have lost your way, considering it’s right in front of you,” Sally jokes as I turn to my dad.
“I just wanted to remind you that you can take or leave the contract. That contract was my dream and my goal, and I want you to have your own.” He squeezes my hand.
“What if mine are the same as yours? What if I want to carry on your legacy?”
“I’d like that,” he says with a soft smile as his eyes close momentarily. When he opens them up, there’s a clarity there I don’t expect. “Thank you for my gifts.”
“Gifts? I only had one.”
“Nah, you gave me two of the greatest gifts I could have ever asked for: knowing you’ll be okay . . . and seeing you in love.”
I hug him as tight as I can to let him know those words were the greatest gift he could have ever given me in return. Knowing that he knows I’ll be all right.
“I love you, Daddy.”
“Clear mind. Full heart, Scouty-girl. Never forget that.”
“Never.”