I woke up with a crick in my neck. The way I always did. I sat up and rubbed the stiff muscles at the nape, and then used my sleeve to wipe down the windows of the car. They always got fogged up over night, when I’d been in there too long. Which I supposed was good for privacy, but not so great for the whole not-having-my-car-smell-like-morning-breath thing.

I pushed open the car door and stuck my feet out onto the pavement of the parking lot so that I could stretch my legs. I had discovered that sleeping in the backseat was more comfortable than staying in the front, even if I leaned the seat all the way back, but the fact that I still couldn’t stretch my long legs out was killer. I hopped out of the car and did a few squats, just to get the blood flowing.

It was Friday, but the school parking lot was empty. School had finished up a week ago, and ever since then it had been quiet there. Just a few teachers in and out, wrapping things up, but they used the staff parking lot which was on the other side of the gym. No one noticed the single red Sunfire that never seemed to leave the student lot.

I’d been there six weeks at that point. Sleeping in my car. For a while, I would try to find different spots around town to park every night, not wanting my car to be spotted or to have anyone question what I was doing. Now I was used to it, and I knew the places that no one would look, no one would poke around. The school was safe enough, and it was quiet up here on the hill. Sometimes kids came up here to smoke or drink, but ever since summer had arrived, they’d found other spots to party. That was fine by me.

I climbed up on the hood and let my legs dangle over the front of the car while I went through my mental list of everything I had to get done that day. Pick up Rori’s corsage from her parents’ shop. Stop by our friend Aaron’s where I was going to shower and hopefully iron my shirt. Wash the car. Find somewhere to stash all my stuff so that Rori wouldn’t figure out that I’d been living out of my car for the last month and a half.

Then I was going to pick her up and take her to the prom. And it was going to be fucking perfect.

I decided to walk into town first, to save the gas. I’d been keeping the car gassed, a few dollars here and there, whatever I could spare, but I tried to walk as much as I could since I didn’t have a reliable source of income. I bussed tables a few nights a week down at Al’s Dine & Shine, but most of that went towards food. I didn’t like mooching off my friends, and I especially didn’t want Rori to know anything about this, so I’d been trying to keep up with our normal routines. Pizza at lunch from the school cafeteria, pretzels from the mall on Friday nights, beer when we could get Aaron’s older brother to buy it for us.

It added up, but I didn’t mind the expense. I’d do anything for Rori, to see her smile and to hear her laugh and to feel her lips against mine. She was a fucking angel, and about the only good thing in my life, so I didn’t care if it meant I had to work myself till I was falling over the rest of the time. All I wanted to do was make sure my time with her was perfect.

That was why tonight was so important. I wanted it to be the most magical night she’d ever had. Something she’d remember and hold onto for the rest of her life.

It wasn’t a long walk to the flower shop, and when I got there, Rori’s dad was standing behind the counter, whistling as he loaded a fresh roll of receipt paper into the cash register.

“Morning Wes,” he said when he saw me. The smell of flowers was overwhelming in there, and my nose started to tickle immediately. It had been torture working in here all week — I’d spent the entire time feeling like my head was filled with cotton — but it would be worth it to see the smile on Rori’s face when I gave her the corsage.

“Hi, Mr. Holloway.”

He frowned. “How many times have I told you to call me Tom?”

I grinned. “About a hundred.”

He chuckled. “And you’re not going to listen, are you?”

“Not about that, sir. Not as long as I’m dating your daughter.”

That made him smile. “I like you, Wes. I don’t love the fact that my daughter has a boyfriend, but since I can’t keep her locked in her bedroom, I’m glad she’s with a nice young man like yourself.”

I tried to keep the smile off my face, but it was impossible. Rori was close to her parents, and knowing I had their approval meant a lot.

“You get a hair cut?” he said then, squinting.

“Yes, sir.” I touched my hair self-consciously. I normally wear it a bit scraggly but I wanted to look sharp for tonight, so I’d taken the scissors to it in the bathroom of Al’s. I tried to keep it as neat as possible, but I still thought it looked like a bit of a hack job. But Rori’s dad grinned.

“Looks sharp,” he said. “I’m sure Rori will love it.”

He winked and my cheeks burned bright red. Thankfully, Mr. Holloway didn’t seem to notice.

“Let me get you the corsage,” he said, closing the cash register and brushing his hands off on the green apron he always wore. “I assume that’s what you’re here for?”

“Yes, sir.”

He shot me another look at the use of the word sir, but then he disappeared into the cold storage area in the back of the shop. He returned a minute later with a small white box with the green and white Bloomers sticker on the side.

“Here you go.” He lifted the lid off the box and presented it to me. Inside was a cluster of white roses, shimmery pearls, and sprigs of something green. I didn’t know much about flowers, but I knew Rori was going to love it.

Mr. Holloway took it carefully out of the box to show me the elastic attached to the back.

“This goes right over her wrist,” he said. “Easy as pie. Janine matched everything to Rori’s dress and, I don’t know, the things she’s wearing in her hair, I think.”

“It’s beautiful.” And it really was. I could already picture it on Rori’s delicate little wrist, could imagine the way I’d catch her admiring it all night when she thought I wasn’t looking.

“Now, it’s best to keep it cool for as long as you can,” he said. “You don’t want it to freeze though, mind. Stick it in the fridge, maybe on the door if there’s room. Whatever you do, don’t leave it in the sun.”

“Got it.” Of course, I didn’t exactly have access to a fridge at the moment. It was just going to have to stay in my car. Maybe I should have waited until later in the day to pick it up.

I didn’t want to tell Mr. Holloway that though, so instead I nodded in agreement and thanked him.

“Any time, Wes,” he said kindly. “We’ll see you tonight at the house.”

“Looking forward to it.”

I walked back to the school carrying the corsage in its white box. I ended up stashing it under the passenger side seat, where at least it was shielded from the sun, but I worried about the temperature inside the car. Even though it wasn’t noon yet, the sun was hot, and I could tell it was going to be a scorcher. I didn’t have time to worry about it right then though. I had to move on to the next to-do item.

I started grabbing all the stuff that was in the back seat and shoved up on the dash and wedged between the seats and began moving it all into the trunk. I’ve tried to keep the car as neat as possible — there’s no trash or anything — but when all your earthly possessions are relegated to such a small space, it kinda tends to spread. I had notebooks and clothes stashed everywhere. A basketball sat in the footwell of the backseat. The glove compartment was stuffed with toiletries — toothbrush and toothpaste, a razor, a bar of soap in a plastic sandwich bag. I’d been showering at the school gym most of the time, but I was going to have to find a new solution now that school was out for the summer.

I moved as much of the stuff as I could to the trunk, where it was out of sight and out of mind. The only things I left out were the black dress pants and the white shirt I’d managed to take with me when I left Patty’s. She’d bought them for me so I’d have something to wear to church, which was, strangely, important to her, despite the fact that she was a godless bitch. But at least it meant I had something to wear tonight. I really hoped Aaron’s mom had an iron though.

When that was done, I started up the car. The engine turned over a couple of times but finally caught, and I breathed out a sigh of relief. The last thing I needed was the car conking out on me. Not tonight of all nights.

I headed from the school straight down to Al’s Dine & Shine. I had worked an extra few hours this week in order to be able to come in and wash the car for free today, which I hoped would help make the car at least presentable. I wanted Rori to be comfortable. I did not her want to feel like she was driving around in the morning-breath-mobile.

When the car was gleaming and I’d dumped so much floral deodorizer into the interior that it smelled just like Bloomers, I headed over to Aaron’s. I was running low on gas, but I’d been tucking away a few extra dollars here and there so I figured I’d be okay. This was going to be okay.

Aaron’s mom answered the door.

“Hello, Wes,” she said. “The boys are upstairs.”

She left me to find them on my own, which was fine. I’d been here a couple of times before. The house was huge, practically a mansion by my standards, though Aaron’s family mostly seemed pretty normal and not like they were uber rich or anything. They lived on one of those streets where all the houses looked the same and had green lawns that looked like Astroturf. I made a mental note to see if I could maybe pick up some lawn-mowing jobs around here over the summer.

I found Aaron and our other friend Pete up in Aaron’s room. They were laughing as I came around the corner and when I crossed into the bedroom I did a double-take. They were both in full tuxedos, with shoes so shiny I could see myself reflected in them from here. Aaron was standing in front of the mirror, fastening a black bow tie under the collar of his shirt.

“You guys going to the Oscars, or what?” I grinned.

“Dude, this is prom. You gotta do it up right.”

“But really, tuxedos? Don’t you think that’s overkill?”

Aaron stared at me. “Dude, come on. Everyone wears them for prom. It’s just what you do.”

I was holding my shirt and pants over one arm, and now I looked down at them, embarrassed. I knew some of the guys were renting suits for tonight, but I guess I didn’t realize it was like this. This fancy.

Aaron saw me looking down at the clothes I was carrying and raised his eyebrows. “Is that what you’re wearing?”

“Yeah.”

He shook his head. He muttered something under his breath that sounded like loser.

“Can I use your shower? Our hot water is busted.” A white lie, but necessary. No one knew about my home situation, and I intended to keep it that way.

“Go ahead. There’s towels in the closet there.”

I went down the hall to the bathroom and took my clothes with me. I laid them out on the vanity, hoping the steam would help take out some of the wrinkles. I suddenly felt stupid about asking Aaron’s mother if I could use her iron. Even though I was sure she’d say yes, even though I was sure she’d probably even insist on doing it for me herself. There was a mounting tension in my shoulders, my neck threatening to crick up again. I turned on the water as hot as I could stand it, and then I stood under the stream until it seared my skin bright red.

When I got out, I inspected the clothes and found them as wrinkled as they were before. Great. I pulled them on anyway, buttoning the shirt up over my still damp chest. The pants were a couple of inches too short, bought before my most recent growth spurt. Patty hadn’t wanted to buy me new ones so I’d been wearing these every Sunday. Going to church, the where’s-the-flood look didn’t bother me, but now I felt ridiculous. Aaron and Pete were in full tuxedos, and I had a wrinkled white button-down and pants that showed off my sport socks.

It fucking sucked.

I stared at myself in the mirror. It was fogged up, so I could only see the most basic outline of my head and shoulders. I reminded myself that Rori wasn’t going to care about any of this. She wasn’t that kind of girl. She was everything. I was madly in love with her. I hadn’t told her that yet, but I wanted to do it tonight, at prom. That I couldn’t imagine ever loving anyone but her.

That was what really mattered here, right? Me and Rori. Being together. Not how much money I had or what kind of clothes I was wearing or the fact that I was living in my car.

Except ... doesn’t Rori deserve better? I stared at my outline in the steamy mirror, considering that question.

If I told her I loved her, she was going to say it back. I knew she would, because I knew how it felt when we were together. She was as in love with me as I was with her.

But then what? Once we’d exchanged those three little words, we were going to have to have a conversation about what happened next, when we both went off to college. I’d been accepted on a full scholarship to Harvard, but Rori was planning to stay in state. Did I want her holding herself back, waiting for me? The guy who lived in his car? Who was relying on a scholarship just to get an education? Who might still be living out of his car four years from now?

Fuck. I wanted to punch the mirror, but given that this was Aaron’s house, that probably wasn’t a good idea.

“Dude, what are you doing in there?” Aaron’s voice came from outside the bathroom. “You better not be jerking off with my mom’s face cream.” I heard him and Pete laughing, and my face flamed red.

“Shut-up. I’m just trying to zip my pants up over my huge dick. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

They laughed again and I knew it was all in good fun, but I still couldn’t help the overwhelming desire to be anywhere but there.

I came out of the bathroom, and steam drifted out into the hallway with me. Aaron and Pete were finished getting ready, and I had to admit they cleaned up nice. Full tuxes, black bow-ties, and Aaron had slicked down his hair with some kind of gel. They even smelled good, like one of them swiped their Dad’s cologne. Better than the gym shoes they normally smelled like.

Aaron eyed my outfit but didn’t say anything. Which was actually worse than if he’d made a joke. We ribbed each other all the time about stuff, and if he wasn’t saying anything about the fact that I was wearing flood pants it was because he felt fucking sorry for me. Which only made me feel even more pathetic.

I don’t deserve a girl like Rori. The thought struck me right in the gut, almost doubling me over. The truth of it was like a knife wedged under my skin. I didn’t deserve her.

The three of us went downstairs, and right away, Aaron’s mom started cooing over him. I stepped back when she turned her affection on to me. I knew she meant well, but having her fuss over me just made me uncomfortable and strangely sad.

“I should get going,” I tell Aaron. “Thanks for letting me use your shower.”

“Oh, Wes, you must stay for some pictures. Brianna and Kelsey are going to be here any minute. I want to get all of you.”

“I really should go,” I protested. I really didn’t feel like hanging out with Aaron’s girlfriend, who, no offense, was the snobbiest bitch I’d ever met in my life.

“Please,” she said. “Stay. We’ve got some snacks, and leftover graduation cake.”

My stomach chose that moment to give off a loud grumble, and I realized I hadn’t eaten all day. Aaron and Pete were still horsing around, but I knew Aaron’s mom had caught the way I gazed at the kitchen.

“Let me fix you a sandwich,” she said quietly, pushing past me and heading straight for the fridge.

I felt like absolute shit, but what could I say when she was being so nice? Quite a few of my friend’s moms had been like that, including Rori’s mom. I didn’t know if they knew about Patty or if it was an innate sense of mother’s intuition, but they somehow seemed able to pick pathetic out of a line-up.

I tried to be cool but I wolfed down the sandwich she handed me. Next thing I knew, she had another one in front of me, and then she was shoving a piece of cake at me, a glass of milk, a bunch of grapes. I ate every stupid bite, hating myself a little bit more with each one. I was supposed to be a man, not a charity case.

I ended up staying for part of the photo session, posing in front of their elaborate mantle while Aaron’s mom took snap after snap of us. I eventually tore myself away, telling her I had to go pick up Rori, and flushing when she wrapped me in a tight Mom-hug.

“Call me if you need anything,” she whispered. “Or tell Aaron.”

I couldn’t look her in the eye after that, so I walked wordlessly out of Aaron’s kitchen and out to my car. As soon as I climbed in, I was hit with a wave of heat and a waft of that familiar stale odor. Even with all the cleaning I had done earlier, it still reeked in there. Even though I knew Rori wouldn’t say a word, I dreaded picking her up in this thing.

I rolled down the windows, to try to let some fresh air in, but the car was still a sauna. I was fucking baking.

Shit. The corsage.

I scrambled under the passenger side seat and hauled out the box Rori’s dad had given me.

“Please no,” I mumbled to myself. I eased the box open carefully. The roses, which had been so pristine earlier today, looked soft and wimpy now. They hadn’t quite started to rot, but they still looked like shit compared to this morning. I should have brought the damn thing into Aaron’s house, stuck it in his refrigerator while I got ready. I could already picture Rori’s dad seeing them and knowing I didn’t listen to his advice, him thinking that I was just some punk who did whatever the fuck I wanted to.

Worse, though, I pictured them on Rori’s wrist, wilted and wrong. I pictured the way she’d smile anyway, kiss my cheek or maybe even my lips if her parents weren’t looking. She wouldn’t say a thing. In fact, she probably wouldn’t even notice.

But I’d know.

I couldn’t bear the thought of this piece of shit that I ruined sitting on her wrist. Rori was perfection, and her corsage should be too. This whole night should be. That was what she deserved.

Instead, I was driving a piece of shit car that smelled like ass. I was wearing a suit that made me look like a fucking Dickens’ character. Not even a suit, for that matter, just a church outfit that belonged at the Salvation Army. And worst of all, I was going to be handing her a corsage that looked like I dug it out of the dumpster of her parents’ store.

I saw Aaron’s mother peering at me from out their front door. Fuck. This was not the time or place to be dwelling on how shitty this situation was. I gave her a quick wave, tossed the ruined corsage into the passenger seat, and then backed out of their driveway.

I knew I should go to Rori’s. I was supposed to be there soon anyway, and I knew she and her parents wouldn’t mind if I came by a bit early. Even if she was still getting ready, her sisters would be more than happy to entertain me with their usual stories and antics, I was sure. God, those girls were hilarious.

Except when I passed the road where I normally turned off to go to the Holloway house, I barreled right past it. I didn’t know why. It was like some force outside me forced me to keep my foot on the gas. To just keep going.

I passed another road, where I could have doubled back and still found her street, but I didn’t turn off there either. I kept driving, driving, driving until I was past the city limits, and then I drove some more. I drove until the sun went down and I was so far away from Highfield I didn’t recognize the trees or the fields or the street signs.

I told myself I was doing the right thing. That Rori deserved better. Yes, standing her up on this night of all nights was terrible. Despicable, really. But in the end it was for the best. We should make a clean break.

This felt like a scalpel. Nothing cleaner than that.

And at least this way she wouldn’t harbor any feelings for me. She’d hate my guts after tonight, and even though the thought killed me a little, I knew it was the right thing to do.

Someday, maybe I could come back for her. Someday, I’d earn enough that I’d never have to worry about what kind of car I drove or what kind of suit I bought or where I was going to find dinner. Someday I’d be the kind of man that she deserved. Someday, I’d come back for her.

And all I could do was pray that she didn’t hate me. Pray that whatever we had could stand the time and the distance between now and then. Pray that this hole in my heart doesn’t completely consume me. Pray that my future was one with Rori in it.

I couldn’t imagine not loving her. I just had to become the man she deserved first.