Chapter Fifteen: That Which is Unbearable

 

“What are you doing?” Constantine asked coldly.

I rose to face him. “We can’t live like this.” He was flush with health now, but I could still see the underlay of gray that had been crushing him.

“What, in a garden of bounty?” He waved his hand angrily around us.

“This is only temporary,” I said softly. The vibrant greens were already starting to brown, the magic working free of the decomposing elements and lifting to re-energize us.

“You were already working on how to recycle it. It will be easy with you now inside to figure it out.” He grabbed some of the magic and twisted it into a vicious looking flower.

My view grew watery. “It has nothing to do with the recycling. It’s only a matter of time before the engineers break through. And as soon as the dome is breached from the outside, the magic will cease to exist in this manner.”

“They aren’t breaking through your creation.”

I winced.

“Ren,” Constantine said, voice dangerously dark. “Did you give those scientists a way in?”

I winced harder. “For when the dome would eventually be activated… Of course, I put something in to allow it.”

He cursed, then cursed again. “Get rid of it. Right now.”

“I can’t. I set it up to be free of my control.” Like I had with the compound.

Constantine looked like he was contemplating murder again.

“We will not be here when they break through, I have a protection for that, just like with the compound,” I said quietly. “I would never have allowed you in here otherwise. But we can’t stay here. And hiding doesn’t stop the Department from kidnapping and killing people, or from them herding us to them like sheep.”

“So instead of running to the First Layer, where you have some modicum of advantage in saving your ferals, you are going to run to the Second Layer, into the belly of the Department’s facilities, and save them there?”

“Saving them at their Awakening was a Band-Aid.” Saying it hurt, but made it no less true. “I need to stop the root of the attacks themselves.”

Constantine started laughing, and I felt Axer shift into a more alert position. “We just spent the better part of two days running away from anyone with enough firepower to capture an Origin Mage. Anyone who can put together a team is coming after us—special forces, mercenaries, bounty hunters, pirates, brigands. You are vomiting paint like it’s exhaled air. This dome is going to collapse at any time, and you want to enter one of the most secure facilities in the Second Layer—a layer that is trying to lock down on your magic before taking you in for testing?”

I swallowed. “Yes.”

Constantine was suddenly looming over me, his palm pressed to my chest with magic. “Do you remember this?”

A deep bone-numbing emptiness invaded me; cold feelings of darkness, rage, and certainty that weren’t mine spreading through my chest making it hard to breathe.

Axer ripped his hand away from me, fingers digging into Constantine’s wrist, and though he immediately tried to shake him off, Constantine never looked away from me.

“Do you remember that?” he demanded.

“I remember,” I said stiffly. I couldn’t look at Axer as I recalled Stavros’s feelings of pleasure and triumph when he used me to kill him. “You know I haven’t forgotten.”

“Then why in the hell would you—”

“Christian was killed in this sadistic game that Stavros is running. That Raphael and Kaine are playing. Rosaria killed her own brother during her Awakening. Because the Second Layer is run by an evil man who made certain that when she Awakened, she did so violently. And each newly Awakened mage, as well as every citizen in every layer, is in danger as long as he has power.”

Constantine shook free and leaned in toward me again, his handsome face contorted. “Stavros is going to take you and he will change you into something else. And there is nothing I will be able to do to save you.”

I looked up at him. “He won’t stop at me, Con. Something worse is coming. Maybe more mass Awakenings. Maybe the collapse of the First Layer. Maybe by me, even.” I looked at my hands. “I have power. I have might. I have the will to drive out the enemies of those I love. And I will not be stopped in that. They aren't wrong—those who claim I'm dangerous. I am. I have emotions just like anyone else and I make mistakes. But my mistakes can be world ending. It's my fault the ferals were taken.”

“And you think that going after him will fix anything? He wants you to go to him. He’s baiting you. He is flushing you out.”

“Flushing me out, boxing me in. It doesn't matter. This affects more than me, and I'm behind. I've been behind, playing catch up, since my brother sparked lightning between his palms. I'm not waiting for Stavros's next maneuver. I'm not waiting to pick up the pieces.”

I couldn't. The pieces were too painful. Moving forward, moving ahead, was the only way to stop the shattering.

“You will be caught. You have almost been caught each damn time.”

The dried leaves around us caught fire. Guard Rock jumped upward. The cat vaulted and caught him midair in its teeth. They landed beyond the ring of flames. Smoke curled from Constantine's fingertips, furious sparks firing his brown eyes.

I smothered the flames licking the edges of the garden with a swipe of my palm. “So have you. How many times did you travel between Excelsine and the compound? How many trips did you almost not complete because you were nearly caught?”

“No one cares about me. You get caught by Stavros and you won't be you anymore,” he bit out, then laughed bitterly, stepping back. “But you are going to do this regardless of what I say. I can feel the strength of the thoughts running through your mind. I'm going to lose you, too. Out one day, never to return.”

“That's not—”

“I let you in.” He reentered my space, as if he could do nothing else. “I let you get close, so I could get closer to Verisetti. Stupid.”

“And here I thought my power was half the draw,” I said evenly.

“Your stupid sense of loyalty. Your stupid trust. Your brilliance. You are my weakness. And I thought I had gotten rid of those.” He laughed bitterly, but not before his gaze slid to his roommate who was standing stiller than still. Looking at Axer only seemed to make Constantine angrier, though. He turned back to me, more furious. “And all these shivits are going to follow you gladly. They are going to let you die. Be taken to the basement, be implanted with something not-Ren. Become nothing of the person you are. Gone. Left. Leaving.”

He stepped away. “Everyone leaves,” he said, tone abruptly detached from his emotions.

And I could feel an old reaction from him—his emotions trying to curl around and sever the heavy, girded ties between us. Leaving first before someone could leave him.

But he stepped physically closer again, as if he couldn't bear to do it.

I took a step into him and grabbed his cheeks with both hands, forcing his head down. “I'm not going anywhere.” I gave him a shake, then let my fingers mirror the same motions that he had done to me days before, repeating the same sentiment back. “That's what you said to me. I'm not going anywhere either.”

He looked down at me, motionless. “You will have no choice. Just like you do with the ferals, with your brother, with your friends—you take on the struggles of those you hold dear and leave nothing for yourself.”

“I have to stop whatever Stavros is doing,” I said quietly, without releasing him. “The world depends—”

“I. Don't. Care. About. The world.” He ripped away from me.

“But I must. It—”

“If you say it's your duty, I swear this dimension will no longer remain standing,” he said savagely. “And you.” He spun, transferring his anger to Axer, who was watching and listening. “You are encouraging her. You are willing to let her die in some quest to save humanity. Just like you are always willing to do.”

“She can’t be hidden, Constantine, no matter what either of us do.”

I wiped the side of my mouth, removing the paint I couldn’t swallow down.

Constantine's magic worked for a moment in the way that said he was planning to do something harmful with it.

The only tell was the slightest stiffening of Axer’s jaw muscles. “Yes, I already know how you feel.”

“You know how I...” Constantine struggled with it for a moment, before pulling his arm back and propelling a ball of sickly gray at him. Axer caught it, drained it, and formed the nucleus into a bright blue ball of coiled energy. He let it drop and it burst into a liquid on the ground. The liquid surged forward until it reached Constantine, then ran straight up his body and made him pulse with life.

This only seemed to enrage him more.

Axer seemed aware of the consequences of his action, as his body arrayed in the lines that prefaced battle. “Someone needs to remove Stavros. You know it must be done. She will never be safe until he’s gone. You can feel the way the world is turning. Your father knows it, too. Something terrible has been brewing.”

“Not her,” Constantine hissed. “You. You go after him with your bloody mother.”

Axer's jaw ticked. “You know that isn't enough.”

“I won't let it happen.”

“You can’t stop it.”

“Stop what? Her becoming a fugitive? The face of death? Too late. That carpet has flown. This is about far worse things. They'll kill all that is her. They'll never let her live—not as anything other than a vacant puppet locked away in a cage.”

“Then we break the cage. Like we were unable to do before.”

A tree uprooted behind Axer and flew faster than I could process. I threw up a hand to stop it, but my magic only succeeded in stripping layers of bark, one after another—the inner particles breaking free each time with force beyond my anticipation—the center of the magic not stopping until a thin dagger of core wood hovered a foot from the back of Axer’s head, held there by his own magic without movement from his hands.

“You won't have your protections anymore, if you kill me now,” Axer said tightly, staring at Constantine instead of turning to address the imminent death hovering inches from the back of his neck.

Constantine pulled, and the particles wavered in the air, coming closer to Axer’s neck. Axer’s fingers came up—the only thing showing his strain.

“Fuck you, Alexi.” Constantine was shaking and pale, magic vibrating from him oddly. Once more, the tangled ball of connections running through him pulsed.

“You can barely stand,” Axer murmured. “How do you think this will work? You can’t keep this up.”

“I will be able to soon.”

“By doing what? Sacrificing yourself? To do what? Hide her away? To deny her free will and yourself a life?”

Constantine gave an ugly laugh and the wooden dagger moved an inch closer. “Deny her free will? This from you? Who denied us both?”

“Yes. A mistake at thirteen that I won’t repeat at twenty.” The words were heavy with meaning.

The wooden dagger dropped, and Constantine took an uneven step backward, eyeing Axer like he was a venomous snake who had just said he would cut out his own fangs. Whatever was between them, it seemed to include the ability to detect truth from lie.

Constantine took another step backward, keeping us both in view like he was preparing for an inevitable strike.

Axer stepped sharply around him. “You trusted me once more. You said so, in our room.”

“Because I have to trust you. You are what she wants.”

“Not all that she wants,” he said, again scenting blood. “And I don’t think you are being truthful.”

Constantine turned abruptly on his heel. “I will go along with this stupid plan, because I can’t bear doing otherwise. Stavros, Kaine, or Verisetti will get her over my dead body.” He started forming the magic to connect to Excelsine again. “But I know how this will end.”

For once, his inner and outer feelings were mirrored, lining up directly as truth.

~*~

We reconnected to Olivia and the others, all of whom looked like they’d had their own tense discussion.

“You disconnected,” Olivia said to Constantine, gaze piercing.

“Minor blip in the magic,” he said languidly, shrugging and giving every visual indication that nothing else had happened. “Everything is shored up now.”

Olivia looked at me and I shook my head. Her eyes narrowed further. “You are fully committed to this plan?”

“Yes.”

I needed to get evidence on Stavros. I needed the boys to be able to return to their lives free of my taint. I needed my friends who were supporting me to be able to do the same.

She nodded. “We discussed options while you were having your minor ‘blip.’ We are all fully committed.” She looked at me sharply as I started to respond. “We are doing this, Ren.”

“Okay,” I whispered. I looked at Will. “Will, you said you know where Rosaria is. Why can’t I locate her, even though I can feel her?”

I let my magic slip out again, but it felt like a skate slipping too fast over ice I wished to look through.

Will looked furtively between Olivia, Constantine, and me. “She’s in the highest security ward in Crelussa Sanitarium,” he said, sounding apologetic. “That’s why you can’t locate her.”

Patrick shuddered.

“She’d have been given a nullifying cell, too,” Delia said darkly.

I lifted a reference article to Crelussa Sanitarium from my bracelet. It was a high security facility that processed Awakening mages from across the Second Layer. Run by the Department, it catered to a broad spectrum of mages. It wasn't the only place to Awaken, but it was by far the largest.

Will raised a brow and sent a schematic zooming around. I sent him a grateful look—he’d already had this at hand, knowing what I’d choose—then looked at the design.

“So, we’re doing this?” Dagfinn asked tentatively.

“They'll expect us,” Axer said, looking over my shoulder. “And if we destroy anything while freeing her, it will look to the world like a terror plot.”

“I know,” I murmured.

My tone must have indicated a signal, because Dagfinn started excitedly punching codes into the air, fingers flying like a conductor directing an invisible score, and Patrick, Loudon, and Asafa high-fived.

“The highest security programs, in a known facility. Finally, a challenge,” Dagfinn said with relish.

On the other side of the connection, the others leaned in and immediately began offering suggestions and knowledge of the building and wards.

“You can’t use your magic there,” Axer murmured to me. “The risks…”

“I understand.”

Fury suddenly drowned Constantine’s other emotions, and even his carefully crafted facade couldn’t withhold the expression.

Olivia watched it all without comment, expression on the verge of cracking into something that wasn't as dignified.

Her lips pinched together. “This is a terrible time to do this.”

“There will be no good time,” I said quietly. “Sometimes...sometimes I think you just have to do what you can with the time at hand.”

“We could let the Dares do it. I know they have plans beyond this,” she said darkly, glaring at Axer. “He wouldn't be there with you otherwise. And the combat mages have gone suspiciously silent since his disappearance—saying they can’t help because the amount of scrutiny they are under would only harm any plans we have. They are all plotting something.”

I could feel Axer's amusement, dark and molten beside me, even with all the emotions stirred by his argument with Constantine still beneath.

“You know I won't, Liv.”

She watched me, grim-faced, then glanced at the thread connecting her to the school. “Marsgrove won't let me leave. He has every legal right and ability until break to make me stay.”

“I know,” I said, not even trying to contain the relief. “And I'm glad. I want you to be as safe as you want me. All of you. But...I can't stay safe.”

I couldn't come home. Not yet. But I could find a way.

Pain rolled through her expression. Because she understood the same thing I did—all ways led directly through Stavros.

She took a deep breath. “Fine, then. An assault on a creepy sanitarium run by hundreds of Department mages, it is!” she said with a grimness that didn't befit the exclamation. “William, send everything we have. Ren is on the run, forces arrayed against her, checkpoints set up on all ports—”

Dagfinn rubbed his hands together. Asafa cracked his knuckles.

“—and her magic the most recognizable in the world now, with one of her companion's just a hair behind. Sounds great!”

I cringed at her tone.

Olivia pinned Constantine with her most intense gaze, and her expression morphed into something almost like worry when he said nothing. She looked at me and I slowly shook my head again at the question there.

Her gaze switched harshly to Axer. “Don't let us down, Dare.”

“I'm not one of your minions, Price.”

“Excellent. I've been told I can't kill those.”