Chapter 20
As I went to enter Stacy’s room, I saw a tall, white-coated doctor by her bedside and remained in the hallway, so that I could give them privacy.
“Tara,” Stacy called to me. “Come on in.”
“Hi.” I approached judiciously.
The doctor turned to me and extended his hand. “Bray Hamilton.”
Taking his hand, instead of uttering an appropriate hello, the words, “You are beautiful,” sprang forth from my lips.
Stacy laughed, “I know, isn’t he? Dr. Hamilton, this inappropriate woman is my friend, Tara.”
“Nice to meet you.” He smiled and to his already overwhelming features, dimples were now added. Tall with an athletic build, Bray Hamilton was of mixed race. With high cheekbones, green eyes and skin the color of Cappuccino, he was one of the finest looking men I had ever laid eyes on.
Turning back to Stacy, “Okay, let me take a listen to your lungs. Breathe in deeply for me.” He began with his stethoscope on her chest. Moving it, “Again.” And now to her back, “Take another deep breath for me. And another.” Moving the stethoscope again, “Please say the letter E for me.” Stacy complied. “And again. Okay, you can lie back now. I’m now hearing some crackling in there, so I’m going to order another set of x-rays.”
“What does crackling indicate?” Stacy asked.
“Well, it could mean fluid,” he explained.
“Like pneumonia?” It was the first time I heard alarm in Stacy’s voice.
“That is a possibility.” He was frank, but calm.
“But I’m already on antibiotics.” Stacy searched his face.
“What we’ve got you on for the type of lung infection you have is not something we typically use to fight pneumonia. Let’s get them in here to take some pictures so that we know what we’re dealing with and come up with a course to address it. Let me go put in those orders now.”
“Fuck,” Stacy screamed as soon as he left the room.
“Let’s think positive until we know what’s what.” Hope. We still needed hope.
“I think it’s going to come back positive. My upper back is killing me.”
Shit.
“Have you heard from Wes?” she asked.
“No.” I shook my head.
Stacy sighed. “What a dumbass. This is when he needs you most.”
“I think that windjammer has sailed, Stace. I can’t imagine Julien letting up on trashing me to Wes.”
“Well, Julien’s a piece of shit and he doesn’t deserve to ruin my brother’s life and rob him of his happiness and he should not be allowed to do that to you either.”
Shrugging my shoulders, “I really don’t know what I can do. The damage is already done and Lord knows what he’s already said to Wes.”
“Wes loves you, Tara. He doesn’t want to be without you. He just got hit with a double whammy and doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going. He’s bracing for pain and loss and in some deluded way, he thinks what he’s doing will minimize that.”
“I don’t know how to get through to him. And I don’t want Julien to do or say anything else that could hurt Wes.”
“You love him, don’t you?”
I nodded. “How could I not? He’s going to be a very rough one to get over.”
“Well, you need to have some hope, Tara.”
Here was Stacy, in the throes of fighting for her life, trying to convince me to keep the faith. Amazing. “I don’t want to set myself up for something that’s not going to happen. And with Julien by Wes’ side every day, I don’t stand a chance.”
Taking a deep breath and nodding her head, Stacy said, “I’m going to tell you something that very few people know about. I know it, Julien knows it and my two best friends from high school know it. Wes does not know it. Use it if you want. Or don’t use it. I’m telling you this so that you have an ace up your sleeve to protect yourself, okay.”
“Okay.” I was dying to know what she had to tell me.
“When I was sixteen years old and Wes and Julien were nineteen, I slept with him a few times. I actually lost my virginity to him. He was so good looking that I didn’t even care what a total dick he was. I was young and stupid and I got pregnant. I was in 10th grade at the time and I didn’t know what to do. I told Julien about it and of course his first response was how did I know it was his.”
“What a douche. Why is Wes even friends with him? Wes is such a quality human being.”
“Wes’ downfall – he sees the best in people.”
Stacy read the look on my face as I silently asked the question, Why isn’t he seeing the best in me?
“Give him time, Tara. He’s on overload, but he’ll come around. Anyway, I asked Julien for money to help me pay for an abortion and to please come with me. He threw half the money at me like I was some cheap whore, not his best friend’s sister who he had watched grow up. He also promised to come with me and drive me, and on the day of the appointment, he no-showed and wouldn’t answer my phone calls. My friend Ali came with me and we had to take the bus there and back.”
“Just when I thought I couldn’t despise him more. And you never told Wes?”
Stacy shook her head. “I was sixteen and scared.”
“It’s hard to imagine you fearing anything.”
“I was afraid my brother would never look at me the same. And I was ashamed.” Stacy paused. “So, if he fucks with you, Tara, tell him you know all about April 22, 1994 and that you’ve got proof.”
“Proof?”
Stacy grabbed a pen and paper from the tray next to her bed and began to scribble a note.
Wes,
Tara is telling the truth. On 4/22/94, I had an abortion. The baby was Julien’s. He called me a whore and then stood me up and made me take a bus to get the abortion. Ali came with me. I’m sorry I never told you. I love you.
~ Your Brat
“Trust me, you will never, ever need this. This note will not see the light of day. But if Julien attacks you, you have that. And Wes will know I wrote that.”
I noticed that my hands were shaking as I held the note. I was beyond angry at this man and angry at Wes for not seeing through him. “Wes is a savvy guy, Stace. I don’t understand how Julien has continued to dupe him.”
“The man is a great actor and Wes has always had a soft-spot in his heart for him because Julien lost his parents very young. They were in a car accident when he was eight and Wes kind of adopted him into our family after that. For some reason, Wes has always felt a responsibility to him as if he were the third sibling. And you know when it’s family, sometimes you’re more forgiving.”
An x-ray tech entered wheeling in a mobile x-ray machine. “Stacy Bergman?” he asked.
“That’s me.”
“I’ve come to get a couple of pictures of your lungs.” And then turning to address me, “This will only take a few minutes.”
Grabbing my purse, I stepped out into the hall. Checking my phone, there was a wave of disappointment that there was nothing from Wes. Which after three days shouldn’t have come as a shock. But I was still hoping beyond hope.
The door to Stacy’s room opened and the tech wheeled his machine out. “You can go back in now.”
“Wow. That was quick,” I said to Stacy, sitting down by her bed again.
“So, you were pretty funny with my doctor.” Stacy smiled at me.
“He looks like a movie star.”
“The nurses were telling me his mother is some big socialite here in the city.” As soon as Stacy finished her sentence, he walked into the room, followed by a nurse carrying an IV bag. “Speak of the devil.”
“Hopefully good things,” he smiled.
“We think you should be a movie star.”
Dr. Hamilton laughed, “I’m a New York boy. I’d be a fish out of water on the west coast.”
The nurse hung the bag from the IV pole and began to attach it to Stacy’s IV.
“So, you do have fluid in both lungs and I’m adding a second antibiotic that we use for pneumonia, called Avelox.”
“So, do I have pneumonia?” Stacy asked for clarification.
“Yes. In both lungs.”
“Shit,” she hissed.
“We’re getting you started immediately on Avelox, which is a strong and targeted antibiotic. Do you need me to give you anything for pain?”
“Yes.”
Dr. Hamilton said something to the nurse and she left the room.
“We’re going to inject a painkiller into your IV that will help you rest comfortably. It’s going to make you drowsy. I’m doing rounds, but I’ll come back and check on you in a little while, okay.”
The nurse re-entered with the syringe. “This is going to make you sleepy and help you rest comfortably.” She emptied the syringe into the injection port in Stacy’s IV line.
“I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
Stacy reached out a hand and I stood up and took it. “Tara, take care of my brother.”
“I’m not sure that he’ll let me.” She was already asleep before I finished the sentence.
Placing her arm under the covers, I leaned over, kissing Stacy on the forehead, my heart heavy as I silently prayed that this rough and tough lady would kick pneumonia to the curb so that she could get on with her treatment.
Once out in the hallway, I pulled out my phone. 6:15 p.m. I assumed Wes would be leaving work soon and heading directly here. Whether he wanted to hear from me or not, he was going to. With Stacy passed out from the pain killer, I could fill him in on the details of what had transpired.
Leaving hospital now. Stacy has pneumonia in both lungs. They’ve started her on Avelox and gave her a shot of pain meds that has knocked her out. She just fell asleep.
I didn’t expect a response to my text. Not after our conversation a few days earlier. As I reached the parking garage, I could hear my cell buzzing in my purse. Once inside my car, I dug it out.
Thx. On my way.
I was glad I’d be long gone by the time he arrived. The fragments of my heart were stabbing me, wounds so deep that I felt like the obliterated poppet. As much as I wanted to throw my arms around him and give him strength, I knew that anything but staying away would result in shattering what was left of my already fragile heart and ego. And I couldn’t let that happen.
I needed to preserve. If not for me, then for my daughter.
Stacy was sleeping during my next visit. The first change I noticed was the oxygen cannula in her nose and I hoped that was just there to help her rest easier. Taking a seat next to the bed, I quietly pulled out my phone and opened my reading app. I knew she needed her rest and I didn’t have the heart to wake her.
After about forty-five minutes, I rifled through my purse for a piece of paper and wrote her a note telling her I’d been there, but didn’t want to disturb her sleep.
Leaning over to gently kiss her forehead I could feel the searing heat from her body on my lips.
Two nurses were sitting at the Nurse’s Station.
“I just came from Ms. Bergman’s room. Her fever is spiking.”
A small, dark-haired nurse rose from her chair. “I’ll go check on her.”
As with my last visit, I knew the right thing to do was pass information to Wes.
Just leaving Stacy. She’s resting comfortably but her fever is spiking. I alerted the nurses. Shouldn’t the Avelox have kicked in by now?
His response was identical to the prior time.
Thx. On my way.