Ryder didn’t know how long he stayed there, pressing her down onto the desk with his not-inconsiderable muscles, breathing into the back of her hair as he tried desperately to return to himself. This was the one moment where he wasn’t in control, where he wasn’t dominating every last detail of their encounter.
For now, his body was king, not his mind, not his meticulously thought-out plans. He could only lean against Adriana, pray that she was strong enough to bear his weight, and breathe as slowly and methodically as he could until he could regain control. For the moment, however, he didn’t mind being a useless hunk of meat with Adriana, letting their bodies glue themselves together with their shared sweat. It felt… almost nice, feeling the sweet ache of his bones while his mind was consumed by the gentle chaotic static of his post-orgasm haze.
Minutes passed, and eventually, Adriana stirred underneath him. Maybe she had actually dozed off and was only now coming to, but still, she barely moved, only adjusting her head to turn and look Ryder in the eyes. It was overwhelming, watching her watch him, feeling totally vulnerable and bare under her penetrating gaze.
Ryder almost shivered, just from the nervousness he felt at being watched, but he held himself back, meeting Adriana’s gaze as confidently as he could. This was the moment of truth: when she told him what she felt about what had just happened. She was going to make him or break him, and she probably had no idea how much power she really had.
Adriana cleared her throat, her eyes darting between each of his for several seconds before she finally opened her mouth to speak. It took all of Ryder’s strength not to close his eyes, his heartbeat thudding in his ears as his anxiety spiked, waiting for her judgment.
“Thank you,” she whispered, lifting one hand from under Ryder’s stomach to brush against the side of his face, sending small sparks of tingling pleasure down Ryder’s spine in the process.
“What?” Ryder didn’t comprehend her meaning at first. His brain was still waking up, still forcing itself back to life. He couldn’t understand what she could possibly be thanking him for. If anything, it should have been the other way around.
“Thank you,” Adriana repeated, petting the side of Ryder’s face some more with her lovely, long fingers. “I’ve never felt that way before. I didn’t even know I could feel that way. Thank you so much.”
Adriana’s words finally cracked into Ryder’s skull, dancing around on top of his brain until all of his nerve endings finally sprang up back to life, jumping for joy as soon as her meaning sunk in. Ryder had to fight to keep himself from trembling, just from the force of the happy feeling that popped up in the base of his stomach like a bomb going off, sending aftershocks throughout his entire body.
He finally nodded slowly, more to himself than to Adriana, and forced out two words, the only answer he could muster up at the moment: “You’re welcome.”
Adriana smiled, her face practically cracking open as her wonderfully white teeth appeared, lighting up her eyes like the sky on the Fourth of July. She looked beautiful, more beautiful than Ryder had ever seen her before, even though she was red-faced and covered with slick sweat. He never wanted this moment to end. He never wanted to forget any single detail of the gorgeous thing that was lying against him, her legs tangled up with his.
“I never really… liked sex,” Adriana said after a long pause where they just stared at each other. She broke the silence easily, comfortably, like she’d known him forever. It was amazing—seeing how much looser and lighter and freer she seemed after their fucking than before. “I thought it was kind of gross and nasty.”
“Isn’t it?” Ryder asked, smirking a little even as Adriana rolled her eyes and playfully smacked the side of his body.
“You know what I mean.” Adriana’s stubborn smile never slipped away. “I just didn’t see the appeal. I thought it was unnecessarily dirty and messy and…” She trailed off, shrugging a little like she couldn’t come up with the words to describe exactly how she used to feel.
“Uncontrollable?” Ryder suggested. “Chaotic?”
“I guess so.” Adriana nodded a little. “Yeah, I guess that’s how I felt. It was just a mess—something else that I’d have to take care of, you know? Something else to worry about. My life was always easier when sex wasn’t involved. I just did it to make the men in my life happy, you know, to make sure that they were satisfied. I barely even masturbate, for God’s sake!” she said with a laugh.
“But tonight…?” Ryder said, his voice going up at the end of the second word like he was asking a question. He supposed that he was, in fact, asking if she enjoyed herself, even though he knew that he already had the answer to that question, just from the way his muscles recalled the trembling vibrations that Adriana’s body transferred to his in the midst of her orgasm.
“Tonight was different,” Adriana said, her voice firm and confident. She smiled, her eyes rolling up in the back of her head as she squirmed next to Ryder, stretching her muscles out until they popped. “Tonight was so different.” She fell into a fit of giggles that made Ryder feel like his heart was getting warmer in his chest, like a fire slowly growing larger with each passing second.
Ryder let his hand travel over to the other side of Adriana’s body, tracing lines up and down her back with his fingertips and fingernails, making her shut her eyes and breathe more shallowly as he rubbed her overworked body. “You did well,” he said softly, pressing down harder on her spine until she moaned under her breath, still consumed with pleasure. “You did really well.”
“Thank you,” Adriana whispered back, sighing and rolling her shoulders back to let Ryder rub them, carrying away whatever remnants of tension remained in her muscles and bones. “Thank you so much. I was really worried, you know, before I came here. I thought I’d fuck it all up.”
“You didn’t. You did everything right,” Ryder said. He wondered if Adriana was aware that she was letting him perform aftercare right now, taking care of her body as well as reassuring her emotionally. If she noticed, she didn’t seem to mind, practically grinning even with her eyes closed as his hand traveled down to her ass to pet over the places he’d smacked before—during foreplay as well as during sex.
They laid like that for several more minutes—Adriana letting Ryder take care of her, rubbing all the tight spots he found with his fingertips until he finally gave in to temptation and pulled away from her. Adriana didn’t protest the way he expected her to. Instead, she just smiled lazily up at him and reached down clumsily with one hand to find his and lightly squeezed his fingers.
Ryder looked down to see their hands, their fingers sliding together naturally like they’d known each other for their whole lives. He felt something flutter in his chest, something light yet powerful, and for a second, he just let himself enjoy it before nausea crashed over him, all at once, making him yank his hand away from hers and get up from the desk entirely.
He bent over to the floor, searching through his pants pocket for his phone to check the time. 11:03. It was later than he thought.
“You should be getting back soon,” Ryder murmured, as gently as he could. He didn’t want to kick her out, but it was important that he maintain boundaries. She couldn’t sleep over, as much as he’d like having her naked body pressed against his for hours on end. He couldn’t afford her to get the wrong idea about them. That was a surefire way to fuck things up, to blur the boundaries that he’d worked so hard to build and maintain.
But if Adriana was offended, he couldn’t detect it in her face as she nodded and straightened up on the desk, groaning a little as she placed her feet back down on the ground for the first time in over an hour. “Jesus Christ, you really gave me a workout there,” she said with a lazy grin, gradually getting to her feet and stretching down to her toes before she began walking toward the door.
“Wait,” Ryder said before she could reach her destination, putting a hand on her shoulder to keep her in place, even though she immediately obeyed his command. God, that was hot. It was fucking enticing, having her do exactly what he said, exactly when he said it. She was such a Sub.
“Yes?” Adriana looked up at him with wide, curious eyes. She looked so beautiful, all fucked-out with her cheeks still pink and her hair a messy disaster on top of her head and shoulders. It was so tempting to reach out and grab her, pull her into a kiss that she’d never forget.
But no. He couldn’t do that. Boundaries. The boundaries came first. They were the real Dom around here.
“I just want to say that I really enjoyed this,” Ryder said, brushing some of the random strands of hair away from Adriana’s face. “I want to do it again. As soon as possible.”
Adriana smiled, biting down on her bottom lip bashfully as she nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
“Good.” Ryder reached behind her to pat her on the ass. “Now get on home. You need to get your rest so we can get back to work tomorrow.”
“Right,” Adriana said with a short nod, smiling at him before she turned to walk out the door, disappearing on the other side of the playroom wall. She was probably getting back into her clothes before heading out.
Ryder sighed deeply and let his body sag against the desk before he pulled his pants up, off the ground, and got back into his clothes so he wouldn’t have to face his naked body. He couldn’t stand looking at himself when he was alone. He always needed to have someone else—to have a beautiful submissive woman look at him and affirm that he was okay, that he wasn’t ugly or evil or bad. That his body wasn’t an instrument of darkness.
Adriana had done a great job of it tonight—accepting all of him without judgment. But there was some part of Ryder that felt shaken-up, maybe even a little bit afraid. It took him a few minutes before he could put his finger on it, and then it hit him. She’d been a little too good at it. It was the best session he’d ever had in his life, and it was the first time she’d ever acted as a Sub. What would she be like when they had more practice together? How could he ever give her up if she was this addictive, this early?
“Get it together, man,” Ryder mumbled under his breath, rubbing his face to try to get his mind back on track. He couldn’t afford to freak out about this; to already be worried about losing her even after fucking her just once. One day, of course, this would end. It had to. It always did for Ryder. He was going to have to be prepared for that, whenever it happened. He couldn’t let himself get attached too soon.
But still, he had no way of stopping himself from aching for her, longing for her touch as though he hadn’t seen her in weeks, even though it had been mere minutes since she’d left. Already, his body felt like it needed hers to survive, needed her touch to live.
“I’m fucked,” he muttered out loud, grabbing the whip from the floor to put it back in its resting place. “I’m totally fucked.”