Chapter 18
He stared at me, then one, long second later he strode toward me and took my face in his hands, kissing the tears as they trickled down my cheeks.
And there we were, two fools in love.
“I waited and waited and waited,” he stammered. “You never said it…you never told me…and now you have. I love you I love you I love you. Oh, Caro, so much.”
A sob escaped his throat and I felt ashamed of having held back for so long, not realizing how much he’d needed to hear me say the words.
I wrapped my arms around his waist as he took long, shuddering breaths. My own tears soon dried, overwhelmed as I was by my own happiness and my need to protect and comfort this beautiful man-child who had known so little love in his life.
Skin to skin, my head to his shoulder, we stood, drinking each other in. Finally his breathing slowed and he kissed the base of my neck. A smile lifted my lips and I opened my eyes.
“Sebastian, the water!”
The bath was nearly full and in danger of overflowing—like me.
“Oh, crap!”
He leaned down to turn off the stream of water and pulled out the plug to let some escape. He continued to stare into the water and I sensed he was using the time to compose himself.
When he looked up again, his focus was slightly to the left of my shoulder. He couldn’t meet my eyes and the expression on his face was sheepish.
“Sorry for spazzing out on you.”
I laid my hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at me.
“No, Sebastian! Don’t ever be embarrassed about how you feel—not with me. Not ever. I love that you’re so open with me; I love that you show me how you feel every moment of the day and night; it drives me crazy when you do it in front of other people but I love it, too, because it’s part of who you are. I’ve never known anything like it and I don’t want it to stop. Because I feel the same.”
He gasped slightly then beamed at me.
“Okay,” he said softly.
I smiled back and all the tension drained from the room leaving us calm and replete.
“Shall we have a bath now?”
He nodded, then his forehead creased as he glanced at my right foot that was still swathed in thick gauze.
“Can you? You don’t want to get that wet,” he said, and his expression darkened to something quite intimidating.
“I’ll hang it over the side,” I said, trying to stop him from brooding on my injury, “but I’ll need to lean on something: I had you in mind.”
He smiled. “You think I’ll make a good pillow?”
“Well, you’re a bit hard…”
He grinned at me salaciously, then looked down at his dick.
“Not at the moment, but I could be…”
“Can’t you get your mind off sex for two minutes?!”
“Nope, don’t think so.”
I sighed, pretending to be annoyed, but it was hopeless—a huge smile cracked my face.
He grinned back and even as I looked at him, his dick twitched. It really did have a life of its own.
“Oh no! I’m not ready for round two yet! I want a nice, relaxing bath. I’ve used muscles that I didn’t even know I had.”
“Okay,” he said, still smiling, “but it’ll have to be a quick one.”
“‘Quick’ and ‘relaxing’ aren’t words that really go to together,” I pointed out.
“Oh, I don’t know—I can think of an occasion when they’d go together.”
His eyes seemed to darken and I couldn’t help it as my gaze dropped to below his waist; it was apparent that he wasn’t just having a rush of blood to his head.
“Can I take a rain check?” I said, my voice a little shaky.
“Nope, don’t think so,” he repeated, pacing toward me.
“I want to take a bath.”
“We will. Later.”
I backed into the vanity unit and had nowhere else to go.
He caught me by my hips, pressing himself against me and nuzzled my neck.
“I really want to take a bath,” I gasped, gripping onto his wrists.
“Mmm,” he replied, as my body arched at his touch. “You’re definitely not dirty enough yet.”
I watched, speechless, if not completely soundless, as he slowly sank to his knees. His mouth followed the general downward direction and I swallowed hard.
His tongue traced around my left nipple then he bared his teeth and pulled against the heated flesh, tugging not very gently while his hands continued to knead my hips, his fingers digging into my ass. Then he turned his attention to my right breast, sucking and kissing and grazing it with his teeth.
My blood was thrumming through my veins and my knees began to tremble. Then his right hand slid down from hip to my calf, and started a slow ascent back up to my inner thigh. My breathing sounded loud and seemed to echo around the bathroom. The volume was almost embarrassing but it seemed to turn Sebastian on even more because he began to bite harder, making me shudder and call out. Then he began to rub me, gently at first and then harder, circling around and in and out.
He glanced up, giving me one quick look, a slight smile on his face, then his head disappeared between my thighs and I felt his tongue and fingers working me, playing with me, stroking me inside and out.
I thought my legs would buckle but then he hooked my right knee over his shoulder and pushed his tongue deeper inside me. I could barely stand on two legs, let alone one; I hung onto the vanity unit behind me for dear life.
I came loudly and had a brief glimpse of his grinning face before my eyes squeezed shut. He placed my right leg back on the floor and spun me around so I was facing the mirror. I was still quaking from my orgasm when he bent me over and pushed in from behind. He circled his hips, pulled out slowly and plunged in again. My face in the mirror was unrecognizable, my mouth hanging open, my eyes wide, my breasts seemed larger, the nipples flaring outwards, engorged, standing rigid. He pulled out again and sank in achingly slow, rolling his hips, massaging every part of me, all the way in and in. Just as the thought flashed across my mind, He’s learned to ‘do’ slow, he started moving hard and fast, increasing the pace as his breathing began to turn to gasps.
He reached around to the front of my legs and pressed hard, sending me plunging into the deep end where I couldn’t even remember my own name. I think I actually passed out for half a second because when awareness trickled back, his arm was around my waist holding me up as my hands flapped limply by my sides. His hips pumped hard and he bit the back of my neck as he came.
We sank to the floor and I lay curled up on my side, grateful for the bathmat beneath my hip. Sebastian’s chest was against my back and his knees flexed behind mine, his arm still around my waist.
Neither of us could speak for several minutes.
I felt lightheaded and flushed all over, superheated from the inside out.
“What is it with you and bathrooms?” I gasped.
I heard his quiet chuckle. “I think it’s the mirrors—I fucking love watching your face when you come—I can see you from all angles. And I can see myself fucking you.” I felt his shoulders shrug. “It turns me on.”
I wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. I realized we still had a lot to learn about each other—and I was so ready for that voyage of discovery.
I pressed my hand to my chest, feeling my heart rate beginning to return to normal.
I struggled to sit up—Sebastian was still lying on the floor, curled around me. I reached down to stroke his hair and a wicked sea-green eye blinked up at me.
“Can I have that bath now, please?” I said in my most persuasive voice.
I would have got up and crawled into the bath myself—except I didn’t think I could stand.
Sebastian bit my ass-cheek making me yelp then he pulled himself to his feet.
“You’ll have to help me up,” I mumbled petulantly.
He grinned then bent to scoop me into his arms.
“Bed or bath?” he said, raising one eyebrow.
It was a tough choice but I was half afraid that if I said ‘bed’ it would mean more sex and I really needed a rest.
“Bath,” I said, at last.
He grinned and carefully lowered me into the hot water, making sure that my right leg hung over the side, keeping the dressing on my foot dry.
It felt wonderful. Not that I needed to relax—my body was so limp I was nine-tenths unconscious already. Two orgasms in two minutes might have had something to do with it.
“Are you going to join me?”
“In a minute—I want to wash you first.”
Slowly and methodically he soaped me all over using the small bar provided by the hotel, cupping his hands to rinse me off. No one had washed me like that since…well, I guessed the last time must have been when I was a young child because I couldn’t actually remember it ever happening.
His face was serious as if he was concentrating hard, revealing a small frown as his eyebrows pulled together. He moved my hair off my shoulders and massaged soap into my neck.
“Your eyelashes are really long,” he said quietly.
I squinted up at him and waved my fingers indicating that he should come and join me, I was almost too tired to talk.
He smiled and helped me scoot forward so he could climb in behind me. The water lapped perilously close to the edge as he sank down.
I leaned back against him and he kissed the top of my head, letting his left arm rest on the ledge alongside the bath while the right wrapped around my shoulder and across my chest.
“This is nice,” he said softly. “I could get used to this.”
“We might not be able to afford an apartment with a bathtub and a shower in New York,” I pointed out.
“I’ll get an extra job to pay for it,” he said casually. “It’ll be worth it.”
His optimism made me smile; it made me a little sad, too. I didn’t think life was going to be as easy as he seemed to expect. We might be moving across the country but we’d be taking a whole heap of our problems with us. No, time enough to think about that tomorrow.
“What shall we name our first child?” he said, in a dreamy, offbeat voice.
“Excuse me, what?!”
I was so shocked I jumped, causing a small tidal wave to cascade over the side of the bath. Sebastian didn’t move; he just kissed my hair again.
“If it’s a boy, we could call him Chester—Ches would get a kick out of that. Or maybe Chesney if it’s a girl.”
I struggled to sit up but he wouldn’t let me go.
“What are you talking about?” I said, my voice rising about four octaves. “We can’t have children!”
“Why not?” he said challengingly. “You said you wanted to have kids, so let’s do it. We’ll find a way.”
My head was about to explode with the impossibility of what he was saying. We had nowhere to live, no jobs, no money, he’d only just got his high school diploma and was thinking about going back to study at college and he was still only 17! And then, that sneaky little voice in the back of my head said, Why not? What are you waiting for? He’s got all the time in the world but you haven’t. You want to wait till you’re middle-aged to be pregnant?
His body had tensed up and I could tell he was waiting for my reaction. I tried to make light of the situation.
“Fine. But let’s talk about it when you’ve got your degree. I’m not going to rob you of a chance to go to school. We can wait three years—we’re not in that much of a hurry. Besides, we want to see Italy first, don’t we?”
I felt his body relax again and he kissed my shoulder.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to miss that. Okay, when I’m 21. That would be cool. Hey, do you like the name ‘Orlando’? I went to school with a kid who was named that—he said it was after some character in a play.”
I smiled.
“What’s so funny?”
“You are. The name ‘Orlando’ is the Italian form of Roland. It’s also used in Shakespeare’s ‘As You Like It’—but I always think of the book by Virginia Woolf.”
“What’s that about?”
“A time-traveling man who becomes a woman.”
Sebastian was speechless for exactly three seconds—then he started laughing.
“You’re kidding me! Seriously?”
Small waves started washing over the side of the tub as laughter rippled up through him.
“Sebastian! You’re causing a flood!”
But he couldn’t stop laughing. I twisted around to look at him, adding to the water spilling over the edge.
Tears were squeezing themselves from the corner of his eyes and there didn’t seem to be much chance that he’d gain control of himself anytime soon. I shook my head, a smile pinned to my face. Hopeless!
I climbed out of the tub awkwardly. Sebastian made a half-hearted grab for me but was too weak from laughter and I slipped out of his grasp.
I picked up one of the towels he’d laid aside and started drying myself while he lay helpless in the now tepid water.
“Are you quite finished?” I said, raising one eyebrow, as his laughter turned to wheezing.
He grinned up at me then slid completely under the water and sat up quickly, rivers of bathwater pouring off his face.
He leapt out of the tub and tried to grab me again.
“Oh no! You’re all wet, mister, and I only just got dry!”
I threw a towel at him which he caught before it hit his chest.
He made a few quick passes then tossed it on the floor where it started to soak up the spilled water.
The look on his face had me backing up into the bedroom.
“Sebastian! It’s nearly 2 AM. We have to be up in less than six hours.”
“Plenty of time,” he said, his voice a growl.
Unbelievable!
When I finally woke up Sebastian’s heavy arm was pinning me to the bed and daylight was pouring into the room. I screwed up my eyes to see the time by my wristwatch. It was already 10 AM: check-out time.
“Damn it!”
I pushed his arm off and sat up in alarm.
“Caro! What’s wrong?”
He was awake immediately.
I threw myself back on the bed helplessly, angry with myself and frustrated at the lateness of the hour. No, I was angry with him. If he hadn’t kept me up half the night—if he hadn’t been up half the night—I wouldn’t have slept in: not today.
“Caro!”
“I wanted to get home early,” I grumbled.
He pulled me over to face him.
“Why? What’s the big rush?”
“I just wanted to catch…David…before he went to work. Assuming he went home last night. Now I’ll have to put off telling him again…unless I go to the hospital. I guess I could do that.”
Sebastian scowled.
“Why don’t you just leave him a note? You don’t owe that asshole anything.”
I disagreed but I didn’t want to get into a fight over it either.
“I guess I’ll find him later,” I said almost to myself.
“Can we talk about something else?” said Sebastian, mirroring my own thoughts.
I forced a smile.
“Sure. What do you want to talk about?”
“Well,” he said, suggestively flexing his hips, “I woke up feeling horny and I’ve got this beautiful woman in my bed…”
“Sebastian!” I whined.
But he was already burying his face in my chest and nuzzling my breasts.
“I have to pee!” I moaned.
“Later.”
I guess that answered my question about whether he woke up every morning with a hard-on. There were definitely dangers to having an inquisitive mind.
Ten minutes later I had my head thrown back while Sebastian reared into me.
“Fuck!” he hissed, collapsing back onto the bed. “That was so intense! Jeez, Caro! You just about wrung me out there! What was that?”
“I told you I wanted to pee!”
He looked at me, utterly bemused.
“Yeah, and?”
“Well,” I said blushing a little, “it makes the, um, orgasm more intense if you have to, you know…don’t look at me like that—I read it in Cosmo.”
“Wow! Really? Have you got any more trade secrets?”
I slapped him on his chest and stomped off to the bathroom, listening to his laughter roll out behind me.
Damn him!
I insisted that we get dressed, fearing the hotel staff would come at any moment to throw us out, so I put an absolute ban on shower sex on the basis that: a) I’d probably slip and knock myself out or break something, especially as I had a plastic bag covering the gauze on my right foot, and b) I just couldn’t take any more.
Sebastian had a full on pout, which made me laugh, and a full on erection, which didn’t. But we found a suitable compromise that satisfied us both, although my knees were red and sore afterwards.
I turned over the room key to the clerk as we checked out, embarrassed to think of the state of the place and grateful that I wouldn’t have to face whoever had to straighten it up.
I’d tried to tug the sheets into better order and mop up the worst of the spilled bathwater, but it still looked like a wild animal had been rampaging through the room, which, when I thought about it, rather summed up the way Sebastian had behaved all night.
I smiled, remembering the way our bodies moved together; the way his eyes told me he was mine and I was his; the love that my starved heart had craved for so long. The way love had turned to lust, and lust turned to need—raw and ready; sometimes soft, sometimes hard, sometimes gentle, sometimes rough. Our bodies coming together, melding as one; two pieces fitting together, over and over.
I remembered.
It was a beautiful day as we strolled out of the hotel; the early morning gloom was long gone and the heat of July was beginning to build. As usual, Sebastian was hungry and even though he’d eaten the cold carbonara and the remains of my couscous sometime between my fourth and fifth orgasms, he was ready for more food.
We grabbed coffee and rolls to-go and wandered along to my car feeling relaxed, if a little tired. Maybe that last bit was just me because Sebastian seemed to be fizzing with energy, talking happily about all the things he’d got planned for us in New York (going to baseball games seemed to figure rather more than I was expecting), but also walks through Central Park and, of course, checking out all the east coast beaches.
Here on the west coast, the surf was pumping and Sebastian gazed longingly at the barreling surf as we drove along the ocean road.
“Why don’t you call Ches and see if he wants to catch some waves?” I suggested.
Sebastian’s face brightened.
“Really? You don’t mind?”
“No, go ahead. I’ll meet up with you later. What time do you have to be at work?”
“I’m on four till ten again.”
“Okay, well, I could pick you up after? We can go to my new place—you can meet my roommates.”
“Sure, that would be great. You really don’t mind?”
“Course not! Go have some fun.”
And I had some business to take care of, too.
Sebastian picked up his cell.
“Battery’s almost dead but I should have enough juice for one call.” He scrolled down to find Ches’s number and dialed. “Hey, man, what’s up? No, I’m with Caro. We’ve just driven past Silver Strand and it’s pumping. You wanna go take the boards out? No, she’s cool.” He grinned over at me. “We’ll hook up later. Yeah, okay.” Then he frowned. “What? No, we didn’t yet. Yeah, okay, okay. See you in twenty.
He ended the call. “Ches says City Beat printed your article. I dunno, he sounded a bit weird.”
I’d forgotten about the article. It was rather irresponsible of me—after all, it was supposed to be my future source of income.
“I’ll pick us up a copy on the way back. Where are you meeting Ches?”
I dropped him off on Seacoast Drive. Ches was leaning against his van waiting for us. I smiled and waved but stayed in the car. Things were still a little tense between me and Sebastian’s best friend—I didn’t want to push anything.
“I’ll see you later, baby,” said Sebastian kissing me hard.
I kissed him back and felt the now familiar electricity surge through me. I pushed Sebastian away and tried to calm my pulse rate.
“Fuck!” he breathed, closing his eyes. “I just can’t get enough of you, Caro.”
I smiled and shook my head to clear it.
“Go, before Ches drives off in disgust. I’ll text you later.”
He kissed me quickly and leapt out of the car, a huge grin on his face.
“And charge up your cell phone!” I called after him.
He waved quickly and jogged over to Ches.
I stopped by a convenience store and picked up half a dozen copies of City Beat. As soon as I turned to my article I could see why Ches had acted a little weird. As well as six pictures of different events from the Base’s fun day, there was a half-page photograph of me—with Bill’s grinning face, his arms wrapped around my waist, and kissing my cheek. Shit!
That must have been one of the pictures Ches took when he was messing around with my camera. No wonder he was acting weird: he damn well should! Worse still, the way the photo was captioned made it look like Bill was my husband: ‘The author, wife of Lieutenant Commander David Wilson’. Double shit!
Carl had known damn well that David hadn’t been at the fun day. Was it a mistake, or was this his way at getting back at me for refusing to go for a drink with him?
Jeez, I was getting paranoid. I was sure it was just an honest mistake; probably the sub-editor wrote the caption—nothing to do with Carl at all.
But an ominous feeling chilled me. I was about to leave David and, looking at this photograph, people would assume I was having an affair with Bill. But…just maybe I could work this to my advantage—it would certainly deflect attention from Sebastian. Probably too well.
I drove home chewing on the inside of my mouth, deep in thought. I’d do one more check of the house to make sure there was nothing else I wanted and then I’d go find David at the hospital. That was the plan. It seemed callous to just leave a note although a large part of me would have preferred it. Come to think of it, maybe David would prefer that, too.
But when I got home, I was out of choices—David’s car was parked in the driveway.
I sat in my car and took several deep breaths to calm myself. It didn’t help in the slightest—my heart was still slamming against my ribs.
Pull yourself together, Venzi. You can do this.
My legs were shaking as I got out of the car. I dropped my key twice before I managed to open the front door.
David was sitting at the kitchen table as I walked in, his face tight with anger…and a copy of City Beat laid out in front of him.
I felt like running.
“Hello, David.”
My voice was so soft I could barely hear it myself.
“Would you care to explain this…this nonsense, Caroline?”
His tone was clipped, his anger under control—for now.
I sat down at the table opposite him and tried to stay calm.
“I assume you’re referring to the article, David, there’s nothing in there that needs explaining.”
His face was a dangerous shade of purple.
“And this…man who seems to be draped all over you! Are you trying to make a fool of me?”
I took a deep breath.
“David, he’s just a friend of the Peters. He was fooling around—the newspaper editor got the wrong idea, that’s all. Look, this isn’t important…”
“It most certainly is, I have a reputation at the hospital and…”
I interrupted him quietly but I was proud that my voice didn’t tremble.
“No, David, it’s not important. But we do need to talk. At least, I do have something to say to you.”
“I can’t think of anything more important than finding out why my wife is flaunting herself in this disgusting way…and where she slept last night!”
“I might well ask you the same question, David, but I dare say we would both answer ‘in a hotel’.”
“Don’t you fucking start that!”
I paled at the undisguised anger in his voice but I’d gone too far to turn back now.
“I want a divorce.”
He stared at me in shock, his face draining of color as the words sank in.
“What? Are you crazy?”
You mean, crazy not to want a controlling bully like you?
“No, David. I’m not—just unhappy. I’ve been unhappy for a long time and…I know I haven’t made you happy either. I think it’s best if we both just go our own way.”
“Because of this…this ape!” he snarled, jabbing his finger at the newspaper.
I sighed. The picture of me with Bill was an unnecessary distraction.
“No. I was telling the truth about him. He’s just someone who happened to be there that day. I’ve only ever met him twice in my entire life. David, this is about us. Well, there is no ‘us’; there hasn’t been for a long time—if there ever was. Look, I’m sorry this seems to have come out of the blue, but surely it can’t have escaped your attention that our marriage has been over for a while now…”
He glared at me and gripped the table until his knuckles were completely bloodless.
“Are you screwing this man?”
I looked him in the eye—I was so grateful he’d asked that question. I wouldn’t have to lie to him. Yet.
“No, David, I’m not.”
He took a deep breath and it seemed as if he believed me.
“This is about that silly accident the other night, isn’t it? For fuck’s sake, Caroline, it was just an accident!”
He sat back, his arms folded across his chest, a supercilious expression on his face. I could tell what he was thinking—the storm was blowing over. If anything, this was the eye of the storm.
“I know it was an accident. But the fact remains: I’m leaving you and I want a divorce.”
“Don’t be ridiculous! You can’t leave me!” He stared at me then added, “You haven’t got anywhere to go—your mother certainly won’t take you back.”
God, he was arrogant.
I was beginning to get angry: angry was good.
“I’ve already moved my things out: I guess you haven’t noticed yet. I’ve rented a room downtown until…until we get everything sorted legally. Then I’m going back East.”
He stared at me, utterly speechless.
“I won’t make it difficult,” I continued, “I don’t want anything from you.”
He looked liked I’d punched him; he was deflating in front of me, all bombast gone.
“You’re leaving me?”
“Yes, David. It’s for the best.”
His head sank to his chest and I felt an unfamiliar pang of pity for him.
And then there was a loud and insistent banging on the door. I tried to ignore the knocking, but it was relentless.
Who the hell was this? What absolutely appalling timing.
With the habit born of a decade of domestic drudgery, I was the one who walked to the front door and pulled it open.
“There you are, you little bitch!”
Estelle pushed past me into the main room and Donald followed close behind. I could smell alcohol on his breath as he leered at me. The door hung open as I fell back weakly against the wall.
There could be only one reason for them coming here; only one reason for Estelle to speak to me like that…
They knew.
“What’s going on?” shouted David, his temper fraying with this new incursion.
He stood up and glared at Donald and Estelle.
“Estelle, this isn’t the time or place. Donald, what’s going on?”
“Your little whore of a wife has been fucking my son!” spat Estelle. “My underage son!”
David recoiled and stared at her as if she’d grown two heads.
“Don’t be ridiculous! Have you been drinking again, Estelle, because from the look of you…”
“Ask her!” she taunted him. “See if she denies it!”
David’s disbelief turned to shock: one look at my face was evidence enough.
“Caroline, is this…is this true?”
My knees gave way and I sank onto the couch.
David stared at me, his mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.
“You’re such a limp dick fucking pencil pusher, Wilson,” snorted Donald. “If you’d been servicing your wife properly she wouldn’t have come sniffing around my son.”
David was helpless to reply, adrift in a scenario he didn’t understand.
“Caroline?”
David’s voice pleaded with me to deny what Donald was saying—but I couldn’t.
“Caroline?” he stuttered again.
“Come on, Wilson,” sneered Donald. “Be a man for once in your life—if you can remember how.”
“I just wanted to see you deny it,” Estelle hissed at me. “I knew I was right about you, pretending you’re so prim and proper. People like you make me sick. Who are you to judge me when you go around getting your kicks with children? Sneaking around behind your husband’s back—or did he know?”
“It’s got nothing to do with David,” I said, tiredly. “He and I are getting a divorce.”
“Oh, so that’s the plan, is it?” sneered Estelle. “Trying to blame my son! My seventeen-year-old son! Do you think I’d let you implicate him in your divorce? Do you think for one moment we’d let even a hint of a scandal like that sully our reputation? Or maybe you think you can blackmail your way out of this? Over my dead body, you stuck up little slut. I suppose you’ll say that he attacked you now? Is that it? Blame someone else? Pretending you’re so much better than everyone when you’ve really been putting it out for all the boys; no doubt you’ve fucked half the Base by now. Well, no, missy! You’re not ruining our name.”
“Shut up, Stell,” said Donald coolly. “I’m running this show, not you.”
Estelle fell silent, her eyes narrowing at me, her expression vicious.
Where did so much hatred come from? I felt myself drowning in their ugly accusations. I didn’t have the strength to think about that: all I could do was try to protect myself. I had to go—now.
“I’m leaving anyway,” I said, quietly, leaning forward in a weak effort to get up off the couch even though I was afraid I was going to be sick. “I won’t bother you. You’ll never see me again.”
David’s head jerked up. I saw hurt and pain in his expression along with something else. Was it fear?
I needed to get away—I’d done enough damage already.
I could go straight to New York; Sebastian could catch up with me later. It was only three months—only three months.
I was vaguely aware of the sound of car doors slamming outside and angry voices.
“Oh, that’s much too easy!” snapped Estelle.
She marched over and slapped my face hard. My head rocked back and tears sprang to my eyes. She raised her hand again. I didn’t try to stop her.
“Mom! Leave her alone!”
Suddenly Sebastian was standing in the room, placing his body between me and his mother who still had her hand raised to hit me. I didn’t understand where he’d come from. I felt sick and confused and so dizzy I was afraid I might faint.
At first I thought Estelle was going to hit Sebastian instead, but she backed away when she saw the appalled faces of Ches, his parents and Donna standing at the entrance of the room watching the ghastly drama unfold in front of them.
Sebastian sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms.
“It’s okay, baby. I’m here now.”
I leaned against him, a half-sob escaping from my chest. It felt good to be held: it felt safe, protected.
“How…how did you know…?”
“My mom,” he sneered, “she called Shirley to tell her good news.”
“And how did she…?”
His head dropped.
“Brenda told her. She saw us…last night at the restaurant. She followed us.”
The blonde at the window.
“Yes, apparently you were very cozy going into a hotel last night,” Estelle added, triumphantly. “And he was missing for two nights without a word. And you,” she said, pointing to Shirley, “you hypocritical bitch—you lied to my face to cover it up! I wouldn’t be surprised if you knew about it all along.”
Shirley gasped and Mitch looked angry.
“Not to mention the box of condoms I found in his room,” continued Estelle, enjoying her moment in the limelight. “And a woman’s bra—yours, I presume. In my son’s bedroom! Slut!”
Sebastian stared at her, his face curiously blank.
Silence crept across the room like ice. I started to shiver and seemed unable to stop.
David’s face was frozen in a mask of shock.
“This boy?” he whispered. “You’re leaving me for this boy?”
Sebastian shot him a look of pure hatred, while Donna held her hand over her mouth as if trying to push back words that sprang to her lips. Mitch shook his head and Shirley took a step forward seeming to reach out toward us. Ches looked as if he wished he could be anywhere but here—I understood that emotion very well. I was watching my life implode in slow motion.
“It’s okay, Caro,” Sebastian crooned, kissing my hair over and over. “It’s okay now. I love you, baby.”
It was Donald who broke the spell.
“It isn’t fucking okay,” he said in a low voice, full of loathing. “It really isn’t fucking okay. She’s been screwing half the Base and now she’s got her claws into you. You’re so fucking naïve you can’t even see it. Christ! Why did I have to have a son with shit for brains?”
Sebastian was on his feet in seconds.
“Don’t you dare talk about her like that! You’re so fucking wrong! You think everyone is like you, but they’re not! You think it’s a secret that you’ve been fucking that nurse all those nights you’ve been working late, Dad? You’re just a fucking joke and you don’t even see it!”
Donald hit him so hard that Sebastian flailed across the room and crashed to the floor. He struggled to his feet, blood pouring from his nose and launched himself at his father.
Ches and Mitch ran forward trying to pull him off. Sebastian had got in several good body blows before they peeled him away. He was incoherent with rage, shouting and swearing at his father.
Donald rubbed his ribs, and seemed to grow calmer as Sebastian’s fury increased.
“Sebastian!” I breathed. “Don’t, please.”
He turned and stared at me and his face softened. His body went limp but Mitch and Ches hung onto him.
“Tesoro, please!”
I reached out for him and he stretched his hand toward me. Cautiously, Mitch let him go and nodded at Ches for him to do the same.
Sebastian swept me into his arms and pulled me to his chest.
“Don’t listen to that fucking asshole, Caro,” he mumbled, his bloodied nose making his voice thick. “He’s nothing. Nothing.”
“Is that right?” said Donald, nastily. “I’ve supplied your life with everything you’ve got: the clothes on your back, the roof over your fucking head! I’m the poor sucker who has a half-wit for a son, but that’s the point, isn’t it? You’re still my son—and that whore of yours has been fucking an underage boy. All I have to do is call the police and that bitch will be in jail so fast, she won’t have time to say a prayer.”
There was a horrified silence and I closed my eyes, fear and disgust burning through me.
“Hey, come on, man,” said Mitch, quietly. “There’s no need for that.”
“No, indeed,” said Donna, sounding appalled. “There’s no need to involve the police. I’m sure we can sort this out without resorting to anything so…so serious.”
But Donald was too far gone in his anger and hatred to listen. Or maybe he was finally saying what he’d come to say, to find another way to bully and belittle his son, to control him.
“And you know what?” he said, viciously, “She will get jail time—I’ll see to that. Corrupting a minor at her age: that’s not a misdemeanor, it’s a felony. She’s been plying him with alcohol, too, did you know that? And when she finally gets out of jail, after being finger-fucked by every hairy-assed lesbian in the slammer, she’ll have a reputation as a pedophile. Try getting a job with that tag around you, bitch! I’m going to make you fucking pay.”
The whole world came crashing down. All my worst nightmares coming true in one foul-mouthed rant from an evil man who had bullied and beaten up on his son for years.
Sebastian’s face was chalky white under his tan.
“You can’t do that!” he whispered.
“Just watch him!” sneered Estelle, her eyes glittering. “Your little whore of a girlfriend will get what she deserves.”
I hung my head, unable to shake off the weight of her despising words.
“Just because you hate me,” said Sebastian, his voice tight with emotion, “there’s no need to take it out on her.”
He wiped the blood from his face with his jacket sleeve
“Oh, listen to you!” spat Estelle. “Do you think you’re some sort of white knight who can charge in and save the day? You’re so pathetic! You ruined my life from the day you were born, mewling and puking, always hanging around my neck, a pathetic child! You don’t know anything!”
Shirley gasped and Mitch grabbed her arm; Donna was pale with shock and anger, the horror of Estelle’s admission washing over them both.
“I’m not a child!” yelled Sebastian. “I’ve been looking after myself since I was eight years old because you were too drunk to look after your own kid. How many times did I have to help you up the stairs because you were too shitfaced to walk, Mommy? How many times did strangers drop you at the door because you couldn’t even manage to call a cab? And as for my father, you’re just a fucking joke. Everyone here knows that you’re just a pathetic hole-chaser with an alcoholic slut for a wife. Caro is the best thing that ever happened to me. We’re going away together and you’ll never see us again.”
Sebastian stared at his parents triumphantly. Estelle looked winded and turned to Donald.
“No, you’re not,” said Sebastian’s father, with chilly finality. “You’re not going anywhere with that whore.”
“You’ve said that enough times now, buddy,” Mitch interrupted with a warning tone. “No need to say it again. And you reel it in, too, Seb.”
“Butt out, Sergeant!” snarled Donald. “This has fuck-all to do with you. It’s hanging around with your loser family that started all this in the first place. He’s my son and what I say goes. So listen good, boy: if you go anywhere near that bitch, I’ll call the police and she’ll be finished.”
Sebastian tried to throw himself at Donald but Mitch and Ches held his wrists and Shirley wrapped her arms around his waist trying to calm him down.
Donna gasped. “Donald, no! Think of the scandal!”
Donald smiled and turned to me.
“If you contact my son in any way: email, text, phone, letter, flying fucking carrier pigeon, we’ll prosecute. It’s a felony—you’ll go to prison. At the very least, you’ll be on the sex offender’s register for the rest of your fucking life—you’ll never work again. And the same goes for that fucking asshole of a son of mine if he tries to contact you.” He turned his eyes back to Sebastian. “Ever.”
Sebastian was yelling obscenities, trying to get to his father; Mitch, Shirley and Ches were desperately holding him back.
“And as for you, son,” Donald continued, “you can kiss goodbye to any idea about going to college; I’m not wasting another penny on you. But I’ll tell you what you will do—as soon as you turn 18 you’ll be enlisting. Do it, or your bitch will be facing jail time.”
I was still sitting on the couch, white-faced and shocked, body trembling, barely able to take it in.
Donna spoke in a shaky voice.
“Donald, really! There’s no need for this. Surely if Caroline promises to leave quietly, we need say no more about it. Sebastian will be 18 in a few months and…”
“You’re such a fucking hypocrite, Donna. You’d really do anything for the reputation of this shithole of a Base, wouldn’t you?”
Donna’s mouth opened and closed several times but she seemed unable to speak again.
“And another thing, you fucking whore,” said Donald, glaring at me again. “The statute of limitations is three years: three years. You come anywhere near my son in that time and you know what will happen to you. Same goes if he contacts you. I’ll know! If you’re so much as in the same State I’ll make sure you get what’s coming to you.”
Three years. Oh, God.
I turned to Sebastian, love and loss filling me as my eyes started to blur with tears.
“Don’t listen to him, Caro!” gasped Sebastian, desperately. “He won’t do it, he won’t! He doesn’t care enough about me to bother. Don’t listen to him!”
“You’re right, you little shit,” smirked Donald, rubbing his ribs again. “I don’t give a damn about you, but believe me, it would give me a great deal of pleasure to send your little bitch to jail, if only to wipe that smug look off your fucking face.”
Shirley gasped and Donna looked disgusted.
David was lost and shattered, his gaze drifting around the room as if he couldn’t recognize anyone.
But it was Sebastian’s face that I couldn’t take my eyes off. All the fight had gone out of him and he sagged in Mitch’s arms.
I did this. I did this to him. All my rehearsed excuses flew away: I despised myself. And it was time to let him go.
“No, Caro!” breathed Sebastian as he read the decision on my face. “Don’t let him win.”
Like a sleepwalker rising to Judgment Day, I stood.
Mitch dropped his hands, releasing him, and Sebastian was in my arms for one last time. He held onto me so tightly I could hardly breathe, burying his face in my hair.
“I have to go now, tesoro,” I said softly, stroking his neck.
His grip tightened around me. “No!” he gasped as if he was in great pain.
“Yes. Sebastian, listen to me. I want you to have a good life, tesoro, a big life. I want you to be happy, to fall in love…”
“No, God, no, Caro! Don’t say that!”
“Yes! Do it for me.”
“I’ll always love you, Caro. Don’t give up on us. Please don’t give up. I’ll wait for you. It’s only three years. I love you!”
But it wasn’t just three years, was it? I knew that now.
“I love you, too,” I whispered so softly I didn’t know if he’d heard me. “Ti amo tanto, Sebastian, sempre e per sempre.”
I tried to peel his hands away from my body but he wouldn’t let go.
“No!” he cried over and over again. “No!”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” snarled Donald in disgust.
Somehow Mitch and Ches managed to pull Sebastian off; he tried to fight them but his spirit was broken.
I turned to Shirley and Donna, their faces filled with pity.
“Look after him,” I said softly. “Ches, I…just be his friend.”
Ches nodded, unable to speak.
“Oh my dear, dear child,” said Donna, tears in her eyes.
I looked at my husband, whose silence was more eloquent than a thousand words.
“Goodbye, David,” I whispered. “I’m sorry…”
He stared at me blankly, then dropped his head into his hands.
I turned to go, my eyes sweeping over Estelle’s malice, David’s bewilderment, Donald’s triumph, the sadness in the expressions of Donna and Shirley, and the anger darkening the faces of Ches and Mitch.
Then my eyes rested on the man I loved; the man I vowed I would never see again because he’d been hurt enough—by me.
“Caro, no!” he cried again, tears falling down his face, mingling with the blood.
“I love you, Sebastian. So much, tesoro.”
And then I walked away, leaving behind all the goodness and beauty that I’d ever known in my life.
Despite what happened that day, despite what happened later, I can’t bring myself to regret the events of that summer, because Sebastian taught me how to love.
END OF PART ONE
Sebastian and Caroline’s story continues in ‘The Education of Caroline”.