Lacy

 

The mix of trees and buildings flash by the window on my drive to Magnolia Woods, but they don’t register. My thoughts are consumed with Clayton and that kiss. My fingertips glide over the swollen, tender skin of my lips, and the heat between my thighs increases as I replay the scene over and over. I had felt his reaction when he pressed his body against mine. His hard shaft prodded my belly while his soft lips assaulted my mouth. He tasted of coffee, and his scent of fresh air and leather still lingers on my clothing.

Once I pull up the drive and park, my head drops back against the seat, and I let out an audible sigh while I imagine what I could be doing right now. I would have easily given up a day’s pay to spend more time with Clayton’s lips, hands, and whatever else on me, but I made the responsible decision.

I take my time walking to the building. When I step through the employee door, the locker room is eerily quiet. I think nothing of it and begin changing out of my clothes. My watch indicates I have at least ten minutes before my shift starts, which is enough time to throw on my scrubs and get to Dr. Ackerman’s office to schedule an appointment. While my sister is older, I haven’t been one to always take her advice. I’m sure she’ll say I’ve been a thorn in her side many times over, but in this case, she’ll be glad to know I think she’s right. Speaking with someone on a professional level about what I’m feeling might be just what I need.

As I close in on Dr. Ackerman’s door, raised voices bellow from within. I shouldn’t listen. I should leave and come back later, but the heated conversation draws me in, and I lean closer to the door. Dr. Ackerman’s voice is the one I recognize first, but I only make out part of what he’s saying. Something about being more careful. The other voice raises an octave, and I recognize the deep timber of Mack’s tone.

“What the fuck, Ackerman? You know I’m careful. The last time wasn’t my fucking fault. You’re the one who said she needed the extra dose and would be fine.” His voice now extremely close; no longer muffled, as though he’s just on the other side of the door. “Elizabeth James was practically a lost cause when she got here. I told you I didn’t think your experimental treatments would work, so that’s on you.”

“Keep your voice down. If anyone finds out, we’ll both be in a shitload of trouble.” Dr. Ackerman’s tone is firm and laced with frustration.

When I hear mention of my mother’s name, my mouth drops open and I take in a breath. Tears well in my eyes as his words sink in. Sure, she had her bad days, but there were good days too. I had no idea they had considered her a lost cause. There was something else he said, something about an experimental treatment.  Nothing was ever mentioned to me about an experimental treatment. I’m pulled from my thoughts when the door swings open. I jump back to avoid being hit.

Mack is the first to exit, then Dr. Ackerman. As they shake hands, a look passes between them.

“We can discuss it more later. Thank you for stopping by,” Dr. Ackerman says, his tone casual, as though they were just having a normal conversation.

I stand there frozen. The fear of them realizing I’d heard any of their conversation has my heart racing and the pounding in my ears is making it difficult to focus.

When Mack turns to leave, his eyes go wide as his gaze meets mine, but he quickly recovers and nods in my direction. “Lacy.” Then the heavy thud of his steps carries him down the hall. 

When Dr. Ackerman’s turns toward me, his face lacks any emotion. He tucks his hands in his pockets and leans against the frame of the door. “Lacy, is there something I can help you with?”

I blink a few times to regain my composure. The reason I’m here is no longer important. The desperate need to find out what happened to my mother is at the forefront of my thoughts. “Actually, there is something I hope you can help with. I only have a few minutes before my shift, so I’ll make it quick.”

He looks at me for a moment, then up and down the hall before gesturing through his door. “Sure, we can discuss it in my office.”

His office is very plain and consists of only the necessities for someone in his profession. The stark room houses an oak desk with a couple chairs, a small oak bookshelf, and a loveseat that has seen better days. “Take a seat.” He nods toward one of the chairs in front of his desk, then sits behind it. His fingers form a steeple as he leans back in his chair. “So…what can I do for you?”

The conversation I overheard has me on edge. I’m unable to mask my unease and I shift in my seat. “Well…um…I’ve been feeling really down lately, and I’ve been struggling with getting through a day without thinking about my mother’s last days. I thought I might be able to schedule some time with you to talk through some things.”

He leans forward, placing an elbow on the desk and resting his chin between his thumb and forefinger. “The policy here at Magnolia Woods is very strict in that doctors practicing at this facility are not permitted to provide medical advice to employees at the same facility. I would like to help, but I’m not keen on putting myself in a position that could jeopardize my license, should the board members find out.”

My face contorts in confusion. If what he said is true, how did my sister get a session with him? “Dr. Ackerman, please. Is there anything you can do? I don’t want to have another breakdown like I did this morning. They are happening more frequently now.” I pause, wondering if I should even mention my sister. Curious what his reaction will be, I take in a deep breath, then add, “My sister mentioned she was able to get a few sessions with you and it really helped her.” With pleading eyes, I do my best to convince him to help me. 

  There’s a slight raise in his brows, but if I caught him in lie, he doesn’t show it. “Okay, I’ll do it, but not here. It’ll need to be after hours at my office in the city. I’ll have my secretary schedule something for the next day or so. But, Lacy, you can’t mention this to anyone—not even your sister. If anyone else finds out, I could lose my job and possibly my license.”

“Thank you so much, Dr. Ackerman. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. I won’t mention it to anyone.” I’m swiftly on my feet, and almost jab him in the face as I extend my hand to shake his in gratitude.

His smile is weak as he takes my hand, shakes once, then releases it. “So that we’re using the utmost discretion, might you have a middle name or another name I can schedule the appointment under?”

“Oh. Um…sure. You can use my middle name, Renee, and my mother’s maiden name, Sinclair.”

“Okay, Renee Sinclair. My secretary will be calling you sometime in the next couple days to let you know a time.”

I step toward the door and turn. “Thanks again, Dr. Ackerman. I appreciate it.” He nods, and I step into the hallway, turning my head left to right to make sure I’m not spotted. If he gets caught working with me before I get any information, I’ll never get the closure I need.

As I approach Mrs. Fitzgerald’s room, I slow my pace and peek inside the open door. She looks angelic, as she lies sleeping, the familiar beep of monitors the only sound echoing through her room. When I notice the sun is shining on her face, I step in the room and drop the shade, then as I’m about to the door, I hear the hurried squeak of rubber shoes on the linoleum floor coming toward me. I don’t step out of the way quickly enough and a clipboard jabs me in the chest followed by a body colliding with mine.   

“I am so sorry! Are you okay?” My sister’s voice is filled with concern, until she sees it’s me, then she drops it to a loud whisper and pushes me through the doorway back out into the hall, closing the door behind us.  “Lacy, what the hell are you doing?”

Still rubbing my chest, I direct my narrowed eyes at her. “I was just passing by when I saw the sun shining directly in Mrs. Fitzgerald’s face. I was just closing the blinds. You really should watch where you’re going. You could hurt someone.” I give her a wink as we make our way down the hall, our strides in line with one another. “I was just on my way back from Dr. Ackerman’s office. He said he couldn’t help, but gave me the name of a colleague. I should have an appointment in the next few days.”

“Why couldn’t he help you?” she asks, her eyes narrowed in confusion. “He didn’t have any issues sitting down with me for a few thirty-minute sessions.”

I lift my shoulders in my attempt at not making a big deal about it. “Something about policy and coworkers or whatever. Could be some new policy Magnolia Woods put in place, who knows? Anyway, at least I’ll be spilling my guts with someone.” 

“True. Well I’m glad you’re taking the step to speak with someone. I’m sure it will do you some good.” She checks her watch, then stops mid-step. “Hey, I need to speak with the dietitian and change something on Mrs. Fitzgerald’s menu. I’ll catch up with you later.” She heads toward the kitchen door, turning back for the last few steps. “You haven’t told me anything yet about your call with Clayton. I want to hear all the details. How about wine at your house tonight?” 

Just the mention of his name curves my lips into a sheepish grin. “Sounds great. Text me a time. And you won’t be getting all the details.” 

She nods, then disappears in the kitchen. The last thing I hear is, “Yes I will.”

“You probably will,” I mutter under my breath as I make my way across the hall and through the door of my boss’s office to clock in five minutes late.