EWAN

How the fuck do I deal with this situation? Vee's trying her hardest not to, but she's crying. Her pale shock means she can't control everything happening inside her mind right now, or with her body.

I made her cry.

The thought sickens me.

Vee's torn apart, and it's my dumb fault for presuming the worst.

Xander's an asshole, especially when he's back from time away, immersed in stress. How was I to know Xander never found Vee and revealed the whole truth? Hell, I've been the one insisting we do, but I held this information back.

I don't answer her question, fully aware Vee would know I lied and that the truth would destroy her fragile grip on what's left of her reality.

Is this a mistake?

She shifts from staring us in the face, eyes welling with tears to staring at her hands. Vee mumbles to herself, and a cold fear grips my chest that the logical, sensible girl I spoke to, when we spent alone time the other night, has been pushed too far.

"Vee?"

She turns cold eyes to mine. "You lied."

"I haven't. I didn't reply."

Her lips thin. "Exactly."

What the fuck do I do here? Girls? Don't bother with them beyond hook-ups. Our lifestyle on the road, living one place for weeks at the most, doesn't lead to meaningful relationships, and we spend time with girls who understand the score.

But Vee.

Holy fucking fuck Vee.

Xander announced she existed, informed us what the deal would be between us and her. I shrugged his ridiculous ideas away. No way would a member of the opposite sex affect me in a way I can't control. Normally, I shut down, don't deal, keep away.

Then her. The girl Heath refused to talk too much about when he started working at Alphanet. All he told us is she's Verity and he was aware of the pull to her. Why didn't he elaborate?

The night I met the achingly beautiful Verity in the pub, I pulled on the gruff Ewan and practically held my breath against her effect. Her attraction to Heath was, and still is, plainly obvious. I'll continue to hide mine to her.

Our one touch remains etched in my mind; my fingers against her hair and skin, the evening we spent alone together. During those hours, our common interests added to the Horsemen connection. We share a passion for seeking the truth.

And now this.

Verity's cheek rests on her knees, drawn into her chest, head turned away from us. I hold my hands out to Joss in a “what do we do?” gesture. He shakes his head and the silent stand-off begins.

Who tells her? Who will be the one Verity hates for breaking the news?

I rehearse the words in case I'm the one who needs to speak them.

You are human, but not the one you thought you were.

Don't worry; you do exist. You've existed for years. Just not your whole life.

Fuck. No. I can't explain this.

"Joss?" I whisper.

"I don't fucking know what to say."

My story planning begins again, ready for more questions from Vee. There's no way to break this gently, or rationally.

Verity. Your life is a lie. The past you hold memories of doesn't exist. Why don't you ever see your parents? Where are your friends? I push down much I need to say. They don't exist. None of what you believe is true.

Paralysis in a situation isn't a useful state, or common for us. I care for Vee, heart aching for her. Joss doesn't look as if he's fairing much better. Is his ability strong enough to calm Vee and allow her to listen rationally to the greatest headfuck of her time?

"I don't think sitting on the hallway floor is the best place for this conversation," Joss says in gentle tones. He crouches beside Vee and attempts to take her hand.

Vee snatches her fingers away and wraps her arms around her head again, her chest rising and falling rapidly, her breath coming in short bursts.

"Is she having a panic attack?" I whisper to Joss.

"Are you surprised? You dumb fucker!"

"I was trying to help explain the situation. I thought Xander had told her." He screws his face up at me. "Sorry, okay?"

Joss touches Verity on the back. "Come on, don't sit there."

The anguish on her face when she looks up at him kills me. Rips into my heart until I feel like a demon's clawing it from behind my ribs.

I did this.

She attempts to shrug Joss's hand away, and I will him to succeed in using his powers on her.

"Vee...," he whispers.

"Get off me!" she screams at him. "Leave me alone!"

Joss's eyes widen for a second before he catches her flailing arms. I watch, broken heart in my mouth, as she lashes at him and he attempts to catch her arms. Her protests that we're lying, this isn't true rings in my ears until they're muffled by Joss holding her to him, sitting next to Vee and gripping her tight.

Seconds pass that feel like minutes as her breathing slows, face buried into Joss's chest as her fight against him wanes. He places a cheek on her hair and strokes her back as she lies in his arms.

I'm useless to Verity. Fucking useless, virus-spreading Pestilence. Joss can do this to help her; Heath already caught her attention and could probably help too. Xander? Well, I guess I'm further up the friendship scale than him.

Or I was.

I dig hands into my pockets. After today's events, I'm exhausted, the beers in my system tiring me more. I have an inkling how Vee feels, but on a tiny level. Demons breeching fae barriers and threatening lives, us risking accusations. Things have shifted for the Four too.

"Maybe you should go," says Joss. "I'll help Vee."

I clench my teeth. "Right. Should we tell Heath and Xander?"

Joss gives a vigorous shake of his head. "No. Heath will lose his shit and Xander's volatile right now. Leave this until the morning."

I watch Joss help Vee to her feet, her face calmer but no less stunned. "Come on, I think you need to lie down," he says to her.

"I uh… I'll bring her some water or something?" I wipe my face with both hands. "Something stronger?"

But my words aren't heard as Joss guides Vee into his bedroom.

I turn my back. Yeah, fucking useless me.

* * *

JOSS

Was this Ewan's need to tell Vee everything? Or a genuine mistake? Surely he couldn't be cruel enough to drop this on her, especially after today. If Vee finds her way through this and comes out the other side with acceptance, she's stronger than I thought.

Will the power inside that holds her to us manage to override her human reaction? Will the truth trump her disbelief and pain?

For now, all I'm aware of us the anguish emanating from her as Vee's warm figure lies in my arms. I've craved being this close to her since the first time I saw her, struggling not to, over and over, in situations I felt her need for calm. My reason why I avoided this? Because holding her arouses a need to not let her go, to kiss her the way I saw her with Heath even though every ounce of me knows this is wrong.

I sit on the edge of the bed, not letting go. Her wet cheeks are soft against my neck, and my arms surround her slim body. The lemon scent from her shampoo reminds me of cheesecake, and I laugh at the weird connection in my mind.

Vee, good enough to eat.

I grip her tighter and dismiss the thoughts distracting me from my efforts to impart calm in this frightened girl.

My back aches from holding her in the weird position, and I lie besides her, drawing her close. Vee doesn't respond; her face’s still buried into my shirt, now damp with her tears.

Why did those who created the Five Horsemen do this to her? The news Verity existed, confused us. Why wasn't she with us? They'd hidden Truth in the world and wiped her memories, replacing them with false ones. How's that for bloody ironic. Why? I have no fucking idea, but one day I'm going to find out and give them Hell.

I suspect this was to keep her secret from those who'd only heard of the Four Horsemen and focused their energies on working against our combined powers. Xander's convinced she holds something more important, besides amplifying those powers. A link to the portals?

Xander's correct—we signed up for this, but I don't remember when or why either. I'm just Joss. Famine. No history or memories. Nothing. All I remember is instinctively knowing the task at hand, protect the world. Occasionally flashes I think are memories cross my mind: darkness, fear, carnage. I dismiss them every time. Perhaps I don't want to remember where I came from.

At least I didn't go through what Verity is right now.

"Vee?" I ask, tentative, tensing against her freaking out again.

For the first time, her arms encircle my neck as she pushes herself closer. I tense again, this time at her lips on my neck as she speaks.

"You're doing it again, aren't you?" she says.

I shift at the effect her soft mouth on my skin has. Really, Joss, totally inappropriate.

"Calming you? Yes. This time I had to be closer to you."

"I don't want to believe this," she whispers. "I feel like I'm going to throw up."

"What, now?" I ready myself to move, and her breath tickles my skin as she laughs softly.

"No. Now I just want to close my eyes and forget. Maybe when I wake up one of you will tell me it's not true."

"Nobody can lie to you, Vee," I bury my face in her hair and inhale.

"I know." Vee's breathing speeds again, and I hold her closer, focusing every ounce of energy I have on soothing the new pain washing from her to me.

"Do you want me to leave you to sleep?" I ask.

Her arms tighten. "No. I think I need the special Joss treatment. Unless you have a shed-load of Valium."

I laugh, but my chest hurts, exhaustion passing through me too.

"I'll stay," I say. "I want you to rest."

Vee doesn't move as I pull the blankets from the bed over us.

I doubt I'll sleep anytime soon.