“Does watching me suffer really make you that happy?” Drew asked, completely snapping me out of my reverie.

I shook my head and sniffled as tears came to my eyes.

“Dammit. And now I made you cry? Talia, you’re killing me. Only one of us can melt down at a time, okay? And I’m calling my turn.” He pointed to the door. “You saw that guy out there. I’m really struggling right now.”

I nodded, almost too emotional to speak. “I know. I’m…you’re…you asked for help.” I sniffled again and Drew sighed as he searched his jacket for the handkerchief.

“If you’re going to do this often, you might consider keeping some of the Kleenex travel packs in your purse.” He jerked his chin toward my clutch.

“Tissues don’t really go with this bag,” I joked. “Besides. I have a feeling if we spend much more time together, this whole crying thing won’t happen so much.” I shrugged.

“If you say so. Right now, I’m unconvinced.” Drew ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes while he inhaled deeply.

“Listen, this is huge. Do you have any idea what an enormous step you’ve taken?” I raised my hands over my head. “Huge. This is huge.”

“I tell you I need drugs and this is a big step? To me, it feels like a step alright: a step backwards.” He leaned on my shoulder. “I should be stronger than that. I should be able to do this.” Then he growled. “Who am I kidding? I’m the weakest one in the group.”

“Are you?” I frowned. “I don’t see it. I really don’t. To me, being able to admit you need support is a big deal.” I blew out a breath. “My sister could never do that. She refused to admit she had a problem. My parents never sent her to rehab. They constantly covered for her and smoothed over her problems. She was doomed.” I stared at the carpet while I tried to forget the past which continued to haunt me. Soon, Drew’s arms were around me and I was burying my head in his neck, soaking in his wholly masculine scent, a combination of deodorant and cologne.

“So, you’re proud of me?” he asked quietly.

I sat up and smiled at him. “I’m ridiculously proud of you.”

Drew swallowed hard. “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone say that before, not even my parents.” He frowned as he stared into my eyes. “There were plenty of demands for perfection, but never did I get a pat on the back. Somewhere along the way, I stopped trying, and I wanted to stop feeling. Their disappointment hung over me like a dark cloud, until I lived in perpetual darkness.”

“That makes perfect sense. It’s a waste of energy trying to please people who can’t be impressed. What makes you happy, Drew?”

“Wow. That’s a tough question.” He hesitated a split second before responding. “I don’t know.” Then he stared at the floor.

“Did you just try to lie to me? I can see it in your eyes. You know. You’re afraid to tell me. Don’t be.” I smiled in a way I hoped would inspire his trust.

“I’m going to sound so shallow,” he complained.

I groaned. “Everyone already knows you’re shallow. Own it. Make something of it.”

At first I was afraid I’d gone too far with the teasing, but instead, Drew finally chuckled. “You’re right.” He sat up and stretched. “I think I want to start a magazine, both web and traditional versions.”

My eyes widened. “That’s incredibly ambitious. I love the idea. What would it be about?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know exactly, maybe a variety of things. You know how there’s Southern Living, and it’s pretty much a lifestyle magazine, all southern?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Well, like that. Only for the wealthy or those who admire the wealthy.” He slouched slightly. “I think I should focus on what I know, what I love, what I care about. So, travel, reviews of spas, restaurants, the latest shows, hotels, architecture, design, fashion, that kind of thing. And not monthly, but bi-monthly, at least at first as I get used to it.” Drew watched me carefully for a reaction.

“How long have you been thinking of this?” I tilted my head and studied him.

“The last ninety days,” he joked. “I had a lot of free time on my hands. And I started thinking about how I needed a purpose, but I wanted to follow my passions. This pretty much encompasses all of it.” Drew shrugged. “It’s not like I have to find funding. I could hire some people who actually studied this stuff. I’d decide what we cover, act as the editor or something.”

I reached out and took his hand in mine. “I think this is a brilliant idea. Really, I do. And if you can offer subscriptions at a reasonable price, you’ll be hugely successful.” Leaning back, I smiled. “You can make this happen.”

Drew grinned. “It’s because of you.”

I frowned. “You came up with this idea long before you ever knew me.”

“This is true,” he admitted, “but before you, I never thought this was possible. You make me believe I can do anything. You make me want to take chances.”

“How about for your first chance, you go to the reception with me?” I squeezed his hand and waited for a response.

With a sigh, Drew nodded slightly. “I don’t want to disappoint my friends. Even though everything in me wants to curl up in our room with you, I’ll do this. Somehow.”

I bounced to my feet. “How about you do it with a little support?”

“Well, I figured you’d be supporting me.” A smile played at the corners of his mouth.

I leaned in and whispered in his ear. “Jackie had the prescription filled and gave it to me. It’s upstairs in my other purse, but I stuck one pill in here just in case.” I stepped back and watched him for a reaction.

His brows shot up, and then his shoulders heaved. Finally, Drew stood. “What are we waiting for? Let’s get the meds started so I can relax and enjoy this wedding.”

“That’s the spirit.” I held out my arm. “Let’s go buy a card and you can slip into the bathroom to take the pill, okay?”

He hugged me close. “Thank you. I couldn’t survive today without you. I mean it.”

My heart raced. “I’m happy to be here for you. As you well know, this is saving me too.”

* * *

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this coherent, this aware. The experience was both exciting and frightening. Without Talia to anchor me, I don’t know how I would’ve managed even this much. As we walked through the main floor of the hotel on the way to the gift shop, I kept seeing people from my past. They seemed to be leering at me and I could feel the sweat breaking out on my forehead.

“Not so tight,” Talia whispered as she tugged on her hand.

Only when I looked down did I realize I’d been squeezing her so hard, I could’ve seriously injured her. “Dammit. I’m sorry.”

She pulled me off to the side. “I know. Calm down. Ignore them.”

I focused on inhaling deeply. “This anxiety thing,” I mumbled. “I think it’s why I liked alcohol and drugs so much. The fear was completely muted.” I leaned hard against the wall and wiped my brow with my cuff.

“Remind me to look for travel Kleenex in there,” Talia murmured.

I glanced at her clutch. “Remind me to buy you a bigger purse.”

“I have a bigger purse,” she replied indignantly.

“Yes, but I want to buy you a new purse.” I smiled. The easy way we interacted soothed me.

“We’ll see.” She turned away. Then she paused when she realized I had more I wanted to say.

“It’s about my past.” I inhaled deeply. “I want you to understand. I guess maybe I do too.”

“Okay, so tell me. You know I’ll listen, Drew.” Talia nodded reassuringly.

“I think I always had anxiety. I couldn’t talk to my family about it because no one would admit they had issues. Like my father wasn’t a sex addict. And my mother, she wasn’t depressed.” I rolled my eyes. “So, there was no way I could be all nervous and tense about being around people, or leaving my comfort zone. Hell, some days even my room.” I watched her for a reaction.

“Go on,” Talia urged.

“The first time I drank with the guys was the first time I finally felt relaxed; I finally knew what others must feel like all the time.” I rubbed my forehead. “Only, I couldn’t have just a little bit. I was always trying to keep the fear at bay, so I had to keep chasing it off with more liquor. Suddenly, I wasn’t just occasionally drunk. It had become a way of life. And somehow, this was more acceptable to my family than the idea I might need help.”

“This is why you were resistant to rehab, right?” She frowned. “Your parents wouldn’t understand.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I couldn’t even admit it to Jackie in all those weeks.” I pointed at her clutch. “Obviously, she was on to me, saw past my defenses, but without your understanding, I don’t think I could consider chasing the fear away with some anxiety medication. I’d already be diving into a bottle or calling my old drug dealer.” I groaned as I remembered. “I had him fly here just before I ended up in rehab. He showed up at Harry’s. God, I’m an ass. How can they forgive all this?”

“Because they care for you,” Talia replied simply.

I bit my cheek for a moment as I stared down into her beautiful, innocent face. “How can you still stick it out?” I expected her to make a joke of it. I wanted the situation to lighten up, but instead, Talia managed to surprise me again.

“Because I care about you too.” Her lids fluttered shut and suddenly this moment became even more meaningful.

Leaning down, I pressed my lips to hers and embraced the rush of warmth and emotion that ensued. I would never tire of this feeling, the euphoria of connecting with someone in the realest sense. Our tongues met, but this time, they danced in celebration of our time together, my sobriety, and the budding feelings I looked forward to exploring. She pulled away first.

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked quietly.

She shook her head and gazed up at me. “No, Drew. You did everything right.”