Nervous energy had overtaken me as we walked through the park toward the meeting with my father. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I think that I would ever want to meet him. I had carried a grudge against him for so many years and was deeply afraid he would reject me again. As we moved through the park toward the center, I began to worry more and more, causing Lucas to stop me with a tug of his hand.
He spun me around into his strong arms as he kissed me with a passion reserved for the movies. I felt myself dipped backwards and his strong lips smash against mine, his tongue forcing my lips apart so he could make love my mouth. That is the only way to describe the way he was kissing me. A deep, intense forging of souls, causing a calm to wash over me, my body becoming pliant in his arms.
As he pulled away and righted me onto my feet I was only able to mutter a single word at the display of love he had given me. “Wow!”
“Feel better? You seemed a little out of it and I wanted to calm you down a bit.” He smirked at me.
I gently touched my hand to my lips, the tingling sensation strong, sending pulses to my core. I shook my head and he took my hand back in his as we continued on our walk toward my past and my future. I found myself smiling as we began to approach the shaded benches.
As we sat down, I allowed myself to look around the park, taking in the Ferris wheel spinning high above the park, fountain in the shape of the Olympic rings and all the tourists’ attractions that make this a fun, yet peaceful place to visit and spend time. Being the middle of the week, there were very few people moving around the park, giving us some privacy.
I was lost in thought when I felt Lucas’s grip tighten slightly, causing me to look up and see Jason walking down the path toward us. He was dressed in a pair of khaki pants and a soft blue polo shirt and even though he had aged since I had seen him last, I recognized him as the man who I‘d feared and hated my entire life. The man whose eyes looked exactly like mine. I forced myself to stand but couldn’t will my feet to move.
Jason walked up and stood a few feet from us, tears falling down his face as he looked at me in awe. Neither one of us spoke a word as we just stared at each other, not knowing if we should embrace or not. Lucas broke the ice by reaching out and shaking Jason’s hand, effectively breaking the spell.
“Its good to see you Jason. Please allow me to introduce you to your daughter. Jason this is Maddie. Maddie, this is your father Jason.
“Its so good to see you again Maddie. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. I know this whole thing has been confusing and upsetting for you but I would like the chance to share a few things with you. Hopefully it can clear up some of the confusion about the past and give us a path to build some kind of future.”
Lucas and I sat down, his hand in mine, giving me strength to not run away or lash out. I was working on faith right now. Faith in Lucas. Faith in my mother. The one thing my mother wanted for me was to give my father a chance. Everything in me wanted to yell at him, to demand he explain how he could hurt my mom so badly, how he could let her die alone. Instead I gripped Lucas’s hand tighter and settled in for what guaranteed to be the hardest conversation I would experience in my life.
Jason sat on the bench next to me his hands crossed in front of him, his posture letting me know he was affected by this meeting as I was. He kept staring at me but hadn’t spoke since we sat down. The silence of us, surrounded by a city full of people, was telling of the magnitude of pain we both carried inside.
Lucas spoke first, trying to ease the conversation, without pushing too hard. “I know this is difficult for both of you but you have to say something. Jason why don’t you start.”
He nodded his head and began to speak. “I met your mom when she was seventeen years old and it was love at first site. It sounds cliché but I fell in love with her before we ever spoke a word to each other. There was something about her that caused her to shine. I can see so much of her in you.”
He cleared his throat, trying to continue but failed as he put his head in his hands and silently sobbed for the memory of her. I let the tears fall as Lucas slipped his arm around me and hugged me to his body, giving me warmth and the strength to not break down. My mother created a light around her that people wanted to be a part of. Her laugh was infectious and her beauty was unrivaled. She gave freely of herself to others and I had tried my whole life to follow in her footsteps.
“I’m sorry. Its hard for me to talk about her.” He paused looking at me before continuing. “I loved your mom with my entire being. We dated throughout college. She started a sophomore, just like you did. She was an overachiever and was destined for amazing things. I was the guy from New York who started college at twenty and struggled through most of my classes. After graduation I was supposed to go back home to help with my father’s company. I was always destined to take over the family business, but it wasn’t something I wanted to do. Back then it was Merrick Media and we ran fiber optic lines up and down the eastern United States. My father was making shady deals to get into certain states and some of the larger cities in other states. The competition of fierce and he was trying to make his money as fast as he could before the market was saturated. I never understood where the capital came from for such a sudden and gigantic move. We were local and suddenly we were running lines nationally.”
I felt my heartrate pick up. I remember Aunt Lisa telling me about mom’s trip to New York and I was fearing where this conversation was headed.
“I convinced my father to let me open an office in Atlanta to expedite shipping of goods and allowing us a strong position in the Southern States. Things were going great for about a year when I started getting letters and phone calls, all saying that my father had pissed off the wrong people. I flew home to find out what was going on when I walked in on my uncle getting beaten in my father’s office by a couple of goons.”
I gasped and covered my mouth, trying to absorb what he was saying. “Are you saying Mafia?” I whispered almost like they were standing behind me listening to what we were talking about.
“That’s what I thought at first but it turns out he borrowed money from a loan shark who was looking for the money they were owed. My stupid father thought they wouldn’t come after a man of stature in the community. He was right, they came after his family and associates. When I walked in on the assault of my uncle, I knew Sara was in danger. I wasn’t worried about me but I refused to let anything happen to her. We weren’t known in Atlanta. The money my family had, didn’t factor into our lives. Your mother worked for a publishing house before she got pregnant with you. Did you know that?”
“I didn’t know that. She always loved her job at the library.” I smiled at the memory of her walking through the rows of books, putting each on in its proper place, holding my hand as I watched her in wonder.
How could anyone know where all those books belonged?
“I always thought she would have made an amazing author. She could weave a story of wonder and magic that transported you into her mind. When we were first starting out, we would sit out in the back yard and look up at the stars, her painting a picture with her words of far away worlds and a life of adventure.”
“When I got back to home from my fathers’, she surprised me with the most wonderful news. She was pregnant with you. My heart overflowed with joy and broke into a million pieces at the same time, because I was going to have to leave her to protect her. To protect you both. Just by being with me, you were in danger. I feared my father would try and weasel out of his agreed upon payments and they would come for the two of you as a warning. Instead, I flew home once a month to make the payment to them and came back to Sara. The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. The love of my life had given me a perfect little girl.” He smiled at me and I reached out and placed my hand on his knee, a look of shock on his face.
He loved her as much as I did and his pain was evident. He placed his hand on mine and continued. “I stayed every minute with her at the hospital until they let you come home. I was terrified of the drive, going under the speed limit and taking side streets until I delivered you home safely. We put you in your bassinet and I held her as we stared down at the miracle we had created. I started thinking that I could dig my fathers’ company out of the trouble he had created and still have the two of you in my life.”
He shook his head as he leaned back blowing a breath out and looking into the park. The sound of laughter coming from the school children as they made their way past us and into one of the attractions around the edge of the park slightly lessened the seriousness of the mood.
“I got a call from my father a few hours after we had gone to bed. He had borrowed more money from the loan sharks without telling me, thinking he could pay them back behind my back and I wouldn’t know about it. Stupid man. They came calling for the money and my mom was the target this time. She had been run off the road while visiting her sister. At first, they thought it was an accident but the police found bullet holes in her car. Someone had shot at her and caused her to wreck, breaking both of her legs and causing an open skull fracture. She was in ICU and they warned my dad that I was next. I didn’t want them to connect me to your mother in any way so I did the cowardly thing and left. I packed a few personal items, took some of the pictures we had taken of us through the years, spent some time holding you and I walked away.” He said as a fresh round of tears fell from both of our eyes.
His pain was still raw and I began to think that mom was right. My memories of him were of a bad moment, not of him in general. Anyone who would leave his family to protect their lives was a good man. I didn’t want to interrupt him with questions but one kept popping up into my head.
Lucas hadn’t said anything throughout this exchange. His silent strength a testament to his devotion to both of us and his desire for us to reunite. I squeezed his hand as I asked the million-dollar question.
“Why did you send us away when we came to your house? I remember you yelling at us to leave and how heart broken momma was when you told us to go and not come back.”
He winced at the words I directed at him, shame and regret evident.
“I was still dealing with paying off the loan and digging the company out of the hole he tried to put us in. I was still being monitored by them and there were still periodic threats against us all. My mother was just starting to walk again after years of painful therapy, and my uncle had left the east coast for California. The night Sara came to the house with you, I had members of my father’s Board of Directors at the house planning a hostile takeover. We had the money to get the loan sharks off of our back and an agreement from them that the debt was cleared. We had repaid millions of dollars and the light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter.”
“Then why send us away and never make contact again?”
“I tried to reach out to your mom. As you know, we exchanged letter for years. They couldn’t be often and they had to be secret. I would mail one when I was visiting an out of town city and she would respond by mailing a letter to my lawyer. He was the one person who knew about you and your mom. I couldn’t tell my family out of fear of them finding out about you. When she told me she was sick, I felt like my world had exploded. I had been working for years to make my life safe for you to be a part of it and she wasn’t going to live long enough for us to get our happily ever after.” As his shoulders shook and he covered his face again.
His words caused me to turn and hold onto Lucas like my life depended on it. My heart broke for my parents who never got to be together and for a family that never happen. I gathered my emotions, wiped my eyes, and turned back toward my father.
“She loved you. So much. Everyday she told me about how much you meant to her and I was so angry with you for breaking her heart.”
“It was never my intention to hurt her. She found about the threats when you were still an infant and decided to protect you from the dangers. She used my absence to have me removed from your birth certificate. I’m not quite sure how exactly, but my guess is a friendly judge back in Columbus. I don’t blame her for that or any decision she made to protect you. When she was getting toward the end of her life and she knew there wasn’t any more options, she made the choice to hide you from me. She wanted to ensure your safety and I think she did it to make sure you had a mom and dad to raise you.”
“I started looking for you soon after she passed away. I received word from my lawyer she was gone and I had a breakdown. I destroyed my house, drank too much, and refused to deal with anything for a month or so. Sara had a letter delivered to me via courier that arrived out of the blue. I was sitting in my back yard, pissed off at the world, at God, and at myself. I was self-destructing and didn’t care anymore. Sara was gone, you were gone, and I was alone. I sat with a bottle of scotch in one hand and her letter in the other. The thought of ending it all came to mind.”
Those words caused Lucas to suck in a breath. I guess he was learning new things today as well.
“I’m glad you didn’t.” I said as I offered a small smile to him.
“Me too.” Lucas seconded.
“The thoughts were pretty dark that night, all the moments we missed, all the moments we were denied. I’d hoped she could give me some peace, or finally pull me over the ledge. Either way, that night would be the end of my self-destruction. As I read her letter, I realized she wasn’t gone. Not really. Her soul lives on in you and her memories live with all of us. I was finishing up the letter when a little blue butterfly landed on the bottle I was about to take a drink out of. I starred at the small creature, wings more delicate than glass, and it stared back at me, wings slowly flapping without taking flight. I realized she was right there with me. She had never left me, not really. I vowed that day to clean up my father’s mess, get my life straight so I could be the father you deserved, and do whatever it took to be a part of your life.” He said as he reached out to take my hand into his. I was being held by Lucas and my father, and for the first time I felt truly complete.
The tears flowed down my face as I told him the one thing that let me know my mom was still around. “Do you know she called me butterfly? There was this butterfly house I went to when I was about six years old. You got to walk into this giant glass room filled with plants and thousands of butterflies that fly around and land all over the place. One landed on my shoulder and stayed the entire time we were there. We laughed and had the best time I can remember. We got a small souvenir from their gift shop when we left and I keep it in my jewelry box at home. It makes me feel like a part of her is still with me.”
“I didn’t know that, but knowing Sara, she will make sure we are aware of her presence. She is always with us, loving us. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her. I’m sorry for everything that happened, Maddie. For all the missed years and all the tears, can you forgive me?”
“I’d like to try. It may take some time but I would like for you to be in my life. You mean so much to Lucas, and I would like to get to know you so we can move forward. How does that sound?”
“I think that sounds amazing. I would love to for us to get to know each other but there is one more thing I need to tell you.” He looked at Lucas who I turned to for guidance.
Lucas nodded his head for Jason to proceed. “You know MSJ Media?” I nodded my head slowly, a look of confusion my face. “Well, it stands for Maddie Sara and Jason Media. I bought out my fathers’ company and rebuilt it into the company you see before you today. One built with family in mind.”
“You named the company after us? I don’t know what to say. I’m honored.”
“He isn’t finished, baby.” Lucas said to me as he gripped my hand more firmly.
What could be worse than what Jason has already told me?
“Is there still danger? Do I need to be worried?”
“There is no danger, I promise, those days are long behind us. Its just that when I started the company, I decided to make myself half owner.”
“Okay. So, who owns the other half?”
“You do, sweetheart. You are fifty percent stockholder in the company. As of your twenty-first birthday, you became a multi-millionaire.”
“WHAT!?” I yelled before I remembered where I was and lowered my voice. “What?! How can a be a millionaire?”
“I wanted you to be taken care of, even if you didn’t want anything to do with me so I set it up that that half of everything I earn goes into an account for you. The lawyers bought company shares and divested your earnings into savings, bonds, property. You are now a very wealthy woman.”
“But, I never wanted your money.”
“I know but it is yours now to do with what you want. I also ensured your literacy program is fully funded for the next ten years if you still want to spearhead the program. I think you will do amazing things with the program and the money will make things easier. Please consider taking it.”
“Maddie, baby. I know this is a lot to take in but I promise it will be okay. You don’t have to make any decisions right now. Take some time to think about everything and you will come to the right decision.” Lucas assured me with a kiss to my temple, his arm drawing me into his body.
“I trust you. Both of you.” I said as I took both of their hands into mine and smiled at the two men who had healed my heart. The love of my life and my dad.