SUSPENSION
I’d known the school was too small for the over two thousand students it currently housed, but I was still surprised that in-school suspension wasn’t held in a classroom. Instead, it was in an old, unused service hallway, at the end of a T junction. On either side of the T, there were doors with signs marking them that they were the school heating and air conditioning units, and at the center top of the T, there was an emergency door.
Ms. Wright marched me down the bottom of the T, passing the nurse’s office and a couple of other rooms, all the way to the top. She walked quickly, unconcerned about matching my pace.
At the intersection was a wide teacher’s desk, facing a row of student desks, separated by movable walls, making a line up and down the hallway. The students faced away from us, everyone quiet, some with bowed heads.
An older woman was sitting at the teacher’s desk, her hair in tight grey curls. She wore a nurse’s uniform. Did she work two jobs, as a spare nurse and for the in-school suspension?
As we approached the desk, I kept my eyes on the floor, not wanting to look at the students, though I could hear some noise like they were turning to see what was going on. My cheeks heated at my embarrassment. Sang Sorenson used to be a straight A student, and was now being pulled from classes and under suspension. If the students talked about me before, they would love this news.
These were the bad kids. I was now one of them.
Ms. Wright waved to the woman at the desk. “I’m sorry to drop another one off with you.”
“I’m going to be out of desks soon,” the woman said and then focused on me. “You’re not one of my regulars.”
“She will be for a few days,” Ms. Wright said. She picked up a basket from the desk that was filled with cell phones and shook it at me. “I know you’ve got one. Everyone does.”
I considered saying I didn’t have one. I needed to reach Mr. Blackbourne or anyone else to let them know where I’d gone. However, I was a horrible liar. I was worried if I tried to lie about it, if Ms. Wright wouldn’t suspend me for longer. I bit my lower lip, and with an embarrassed drop of my head, I reached for my phone in my bra and held it out. Luckily with the jacket, it might have looked like I was reaching for an inside pocket. Neither one of them seemed to notice.
Ms. Wright didn’t take it, but shook the basket at me. I placed my phone next to the others before she put the basket back down on the desk. “You’ve got her from here?”
“Yes, of course. Have a nice day,” the old woman said.
Ms. Wright nodded and waddled down the hallway without a look back; I was forgotten. She was off to do whatever, maybe call down another student with too many absences.
The woman at the desk shifted through stacks of papers, neatly organized across the top. I eyeballed my phone in with the collection of others. “Don’t worry about your phone. You’ll get it back at the end of the day. Your parents will have to call the school if it’s a real emergency.” She started rifling through her papers, like she was trying to decide which to give me. “I don’t suppose you have anything to work on.”
Did I? Not really. I’d completed homework, but now that my classes had changed, I didn’t think that mattered anymore. I shook my head.
“Normally we’d have you work on homework and missed assignments from your classroom, but since we weren’t prepared for you, and it’s a Monday and you probably don’t have any, you’ll have to work on SAT prep.” She reached for a packet and an answer sheet and passed them along to me. “It’s just like a regular SAT test. Finish what you can. Whenever you have spare time the next few days, you’ll work on it. Let me know if you need a pencil.” She moved a clipboard to have me sign in and then pointed to a seat. “Go ahead.”
I held my breath, still avoiding looking at any of the students. I didn’t want to make eye contact and have someone there recognize me.
I signed my name, took my test packet, and with my head bowed, quickly identified an empty seat near the left side of the hall and went for the desk. When I sat down, I could barely see the woman with the wall in the way, and I certainly couldn’t see anyone else when I sat close to my desk. At least I was mostly isolated. The monitor could probably see my back, but she probably couldn’t tell what I was working on.
The hall was cold. My lungs filled with stale air. It felt like the first time I had taken a full breath since leaving Dr. Green at the office.
I held the SAT packet in my hand, and all I could do was stare at it. So much had just happened, overwhelming me. But now my brain was completely blanked as I realized I’d been cut off from the others.
What was I supposed to do now? Excuse myself to a bathroom? What would I do if I got there? I didn’t think I could slip back into the front office and down to the office with the unmarked door. Not that it would do much good, especially if Dr. Green was in some kind of trouble.
Maybe I could calculate what period it was, and find one of the boys.
I couldn’t even fully blame Ms. Wright; she was obviously under a lot of pressure, and I imagined with a school full of misbehaving kids, that she had her work cut out for her.
And then she’d lied to me about talking to my mother. It was just so unbelievable that she would. Or was that what she said to all students to get them to confess? Either way, why had she done it? I couldn’t tell if what she did was something sinister, or she was just following policy and was simply bad at her job.
Maybe she made so many calls, that she mixed me up with some other students?
I wondered about if my parents really would be notified. What would happen if the school tried and found out about my situation?
Despite knowing the real reasons for my absences, I was still ashamed about my behavior. There were times I could have been at school, like when I just discovered information about my real mother. I’d been out for a week during that time, but could I have sucked it up and just went in? Even if I didn’t participate in class, would it have hurt to have been there? Mr. Hendricks had warned me not to do that, even though I claimed to be doing what he wanted then.
I breathed in deeply but unable to find some relief, feeling hollow and helpless. Perhaps it was mostly shock that left me almost without feeling at all.
But no matter how upset I was, I knew I shouldn’t be worrying about myself; Dr. Green might have been in real trouble. There was a possibility that someone might show up to confront me about it.
I was so worried about him: Was he okay? Would they kick him out of the school? Ms. Wright had said suspension without pay and possibly worse. My only hope was that while I was miserable and didn't know what was going on with the guys, they’d focus on Dr. Green and help him. It was different for a teacher to be called up. While I didn’t have details, because I suspected we’d been discovered, it made me paranoid.
What else could it be?
A scraping sound pulled me from my downward spiral of thinking. A foot slid under the wall from the desk beside me. It lifted and then moved away, revealing a note underneath.
I rolled my eyes so hard, that I was almost left with a headache. I received a lot of random notes from other students. While North or one of the others were usually around to intervene, and North kept and read them all, getting one right now was about the last thing I needed.
I picked it up quickly and was going to expel some energy ripping it apart.
The outside of the note had a carefully drawn paintbrush, looking almost lifelike.
I stared at it, and then exhaled a really slow breath, my heart suddenly in a rush. I looked at the wall, as if I could see through it. Either Gabriel was there, or he was down the line and had managed to pass the note to me.
It had to be him. The more I looked at the brush, I was sure.
How did he get here?
And then I realized if he’d taken time to draw the paintbrush, he might have been waiting for a bit. Had they known this was going to happen?
I checked over my shoulder but the monitor had pulled out a book, and was reading. All she had to do was babysit, and didn’t hide the fact that she was bored, too. I opened the note, trying to be quiet and shielding it with my body in case the monitor looked over.
I can’t leave you for two fucking minutes without you getting into trouble, Trouble. What the hell?
I smiled, a wave of relief washing over me. I could have kissed the paper. I did bring it closer to my face, detecting a smidgen of rose with a mix of something leathery, the smell he wore since he’d slept at Nathan’s. I went back to reading.
I gave the old bat at the desk a dead phone. Mr. Blackbourne wants to know anything important about what happened in there. Anything he might not have been able to see, because he could only listen and couldn’t watch. We heard everything. Ms. Wright is a lying fuck. She kept saying you were out for 25 days, but you were marked excused for nine, and you were out sick for five and had a doctor’s note for a lot of the rest. You were in the office for some. I don’t know how she came up with that number. I don’t know who she called, either, but it wasn’t your step mom at the hospital, that’s for sure, and it wasn’t your house. I hope we get out of this school after this. This might be the last straw, even for Kota.
I had to agree. I wrote quickly on a piece of paper from my notebook.
How’d you get out of class? Was what she said about being put into the express lane something they can really do? I was worried. How’d you get in here?
I was about to write more when another foot, this one on my left, slid under the wall. The nice leather shoe was familiar, but I wasn’t sure until I picked up the note under it and recognized Kota’s handwriting.
Pass me your answer sheet. Gabriel’s too. All the packets are the same. I may as well do something while we’re all waiting.
All waiting? For what? I put the notes down on the desk and put my hands over my eyes for a moment. I couldn’t believe this. A sinking feeling hit me right then, but I had to pull myself together before I could confirm it.
I checked on the monitor, who was completely absorbed in her reading. I scooted back in my chair a little, reaching back in a pretend stretch; I had to see for myself.
Seven familiar heads and backs sat quietly inside their cubicles. I couldn’t believe I’d missed them before. Kota was the only one to my left, everyone else was down the right: Gabriel, Luke, Nathan, Victor, Silas, North.
North was easier to see than the others because he was further away and his chair was out more. He had removed his uniform jacket, down to the black T-shirt he’d worn underneath. He was slumped over his chair, and might have been sleeping for all I knew.
There were a few other students sitting beyond where North was, and a few more on the other side of Kota, but the Academy boys managed to sit all together and seemed to have saved the seat between them for me.
I tucked my chair back closer to my desk, putting my head down and smiling through a flood of relief tears. I remembered back to the first time I got a detention when they’d all volunteered to stay with me. Here I was again in trouble, and somehow they’d gotten here even before I did.
When one was in trouble, they did the punishment together.
I swallowed several times and was suddenly grateful there were walls between us so they couldn’t see me in my messy state.
After I put a heart up in the corner next to a ‘Hi’, I sent my answer sheet to Kota, amused he wanted to play with the SAT prep test and finish mine for me. I then quickly finished a note to Gabriel.
Send me your answer sheet. Kota said he’d do our tests. How did you all know I was down here and get here ahead of me?
I quickly jotted down what I could remember, important things Mr. Blackbourne often asked me after I dealt with Mr. Hendricks, like things I noticed on the desk, or gut feelings I had when I was actually in the room. When I was done with my note, I passed it along, I didn’t have much else to do. I checked the time from a clock on the wall, but I wasn’t sure if it was right. If it was, we were still in first period. If Mr. Blackbourne didn’t come for us and we had to stay here all day, then what were we going to do?
Gabriel sent a note back. I picked it up.
Inside was the start of a tic-tac-toe game, with an X already in one of the spots.
Below it was another message.
Victor wants to know if you want his cell phone to play with. If you do, you should probably have mine. He might get caught if we’re sliding it all the way down. Just wait until I get done with texting Mr. Blackbourne.
I tried not to laugh and swallowed back the emotion, trying to calm myself down. I sighed and took in more air, this time feeling relieved. They were here. It might work out okay.
I thought of what I had in my bag, nothing but textbooks and homework, which was useless now. None of it would matter next week if I changed classes anyway.
Did anything I’d done matter? I thought of all the work I’d done, the homework and studying for tests, and none if it would count. I might as well have not done it.
It was in that moment I realized exactly how useless homework and classes were to the guys. It seemed like in the Academy they didn’t do any homework, at least not in the traditional sense. Going through an entire year of classes that didn’t count for anything, didn’t have any importance to their future, seemed even more tiresome.
And with my future in question, I started thinking of how grades simply didn’t matter, when they used to be so important. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do well, but that if my future was with the boys and the Academy, withdrawing from classes wouldn’t make a difference.
But what was going to happen for the rest of the school year?
I supposed if the boys weren’t worried about it, then I shouldn’t be, either. Or maybe they simply were waiting to make a decision about it later.
Besides, there was Dr. Green to worry about.
I wrote back:
How’s Dr. Green doing? And if anyone has a book that isn’t a textbook to pass along, I can read.
I didn’t want to take one of their phones, but if we had to sit there for a while, I wanted to do something. I wasn’t sure if I could focus on a book, but at least they would think I was entertained. I appreciated the semi-alone time to think.
There was some shuffling down the line. The woman at the desk seemed to either not hear or ignore everything we were doing. She got after some other students for talking, but that was it. As long as we didn’t try to talk or do too much that was obviously not what we were supposed to do, she didn’t seem to care.
The next time Gabriel passed something over, it was a small hardback edition of one of the Hardy Boys series, with some folded notes sticking out of it. I opened it to find Silas had written on the inside cover.
I like this one. - Silas
Silas seemed to like the Hardy Boys. He’d used the reference more than once.
The notes were from the other boys, some just saying hello, the others offering phones and reiterating how mean Ms. Wright was and how ticked off they were about me getting ambushed like that.
Luke sent down a wrapped piece of gum taped to some paper.
It was a nice offering, but now that I wasn’t in too much trouble, at least for the moment, I was wondering if I couldn’t write to him and talk.
No one was talking about Mr. Blackbourne or Dr. Green though, not even Gabriel, and I’d asked him specifically.
Were they avoiding the topic?
I studied the Hardy Boys book while I thought about what was happening. I wondered where Mr. Hendricks was and what he would have to say about this.
As time passed, staring and waiting began to get tedious. My thoughts were going around in circles and I suddenly envied Kota, keeping himself busy. I passed the tic-tac-toe game back and forth with Gabriel and in between moves, I read the book. I thought about what to write to Luke, wondering how to pass it down to him without anyone else reading it.
Maybe I should write a note to each of them, folding them nicely with their names on the outside, so they wouldn’t be tempted to look and read each other’s’ as they went down the line.
Suddenly, Kota’s foot slid under, and I picked up his note.
We’re trying to get to the bottom of why Ms. Wright went after Sang. Mr. Blackbourne doesn’t know who this Vera is, but it does seem more than one name was dropped by her into different office at once, essentially pointing out things that are wrong inside the school that went unnoticed before. We don’t know if Mr. Hendricks is working with this Vera, but he’s continuing what she started by pointing out what he knows, including rumors about Mr. McCoy when he isn’t even here. There’s something else going on here. He was overheard talking about something about the police. Pass this on. We may just need to leave so Sang’s not in the middle of an investigation.
Luke: check that door in the middle of this hallway and see if it’ll open. Do it the moment the monitor takes a break.
I stared at the page, worried that Dr. Green wasn’t mentioned again. Was it not a big deal enough to mention? Had the concentration turned to figuring out what’s going on with these letters this Vera?
I quickly passed the note on to Gabriel, and then stared at the book, forgetting about reading for now and temporarily about my plan to talk to Luke. My heart raced. We might need to leave soon.
Why would Mr. Hendricks add to the mess? Was he trying to point fingers at everyone else so no one looked at him? That seemed likely, but was this planned by him, or brought on because Vera started it?
What it meant for the guys was confusing me as well. They wanted to leave. It didn’t seem they got what they wanted. They wanted to get to the bottom of what Mr. Hendricks was up to, and possibly find some missing money. They hadn’t found it yet. Could they just walk away?
Could I if they asked?
I waited quietly, listening to the shuffles as the note got passed down the line until it ended with North. From the sounds of zipping up book bags, it sounded like things were being gathered, like they were ready to walk out now.
Were we really about to leave? Forever? I couldn’t believe it. What did that mean for me? My heart was in my throat, sure that the school board would call my father if I left.
He might have to come back, which would mean I’d have to go back home.
In a panic, I started writing a note to Kota.
Should I leave the school if you do? If I’m absent one more day at this point, then the school board may call my dad about this, or there might be some sort of hearing because I’ve been absent. However that works. Even if it isn’t true that I missed so many unexcused days, Ms. Wright, believes it. If you have to go, I understand, but if I leave, they might send the police or someone, won’t they? Mr. Blackbourne said not to do anything that might involve police or officials.
I dropped the note to the floor and slid it under my foot to pass it on to Kota, intending to lift my foot to reveal the message.
Kota’s foot slid over mine, the rubber sole of his shoe covering the material in the Keds I wore. The touch shocked me. I wondered if he’d heard me shuffling and writing quickly.
He didn’t let go at first, simply holding on to my foot with his, the pressure of his foot encouraging.
I almost felt he knew what I was going to say. He was telling me not to panic.
I appreciated it, but then checked over my shoulder to make sure the monitor wasn’t paying attention.
Kota bent over in his cubicle, and lifted my foot to remove the note. He tapped my ankle and I slid it back into my own area.
I heard Kota open the message. I put my head on my desk, staring at nothing, and simply listened to the boys shuffling notes back and forth and pencils scratching on paper. My heart was in my throat. I almost wanted Kota to tell me I was wrong, that it was all going to be okay. More than anything, if they had to leave, I wanted to leave with them. I wanted to dismiss Mr. Blackbourne’s warning that we should go. My school year was ruined already, so what did it matter?
Kota’s pencil began scratching and I began to tremble with anxiety. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, trying to hold myself together while I waited. The suspense was agony. At least in classes I could carefully text them, or could see them and get a reassuring glance. There was so much going on, and I was electrified with energy, but yet I had to sit still and try to stay calm.
Kota finished and slid his note over. I picked it up, unfolding it and swallowing, trying to gain some courage to read.
You’re right. We won’t leave unless it’s a dire emergency. I’m sorry. I’m as frustrated as everyone else and wasn’t thinking. We’d still be able to fix things, but let’s not cause more problems for us. Unless there’s an emergency, we can sit here today and maybe through until the holiday weekend. It will give us time to come up with a plan. Maybe we can fix your schedule, or give you a different one that will still work.
We’re not finished here at the school, but we may have to change a few things. I don’t know what this all means yet, and we’re just waiting to see how far all this pointing fingers at everyone goes. It’s a matter of not drawing attention of the police at the wrong things, like us, or at Mr. Hendricks before we find the missing money and replace it.
Try not to worry. No matter what happens, I’ll fix it.
I swallowed the emotion swelling through me again. I held the note and breathed out a sigh. Part of me had hoped he was going to tell all of us to leave right now, but suspension would have to do. A plan was what we really needed.
Waiting was going to be painful.
I only hoped this was the right path.
For the rest of the day, the boys napped or read or played phone games as we all waited for news. By lunch, they were all antsy and I was second-guessing my decision to stay put. I was sure Kota or one of the boys would be notified if we really did need to leave.
For a while, I sat up, ready. If they said again we should leave, I wouldn’t hesitate. I just hoped the police wouldn’t come after me, or my father would return.
I was very aware of the possible consequences: My father could pull me out of school. The school could put my parents into serious trouble.
The truth about my existence might be found out, about my mother and what my father had possibly done.
Or the authorities could find out that I was living with boys, that my sister was living alone in a house. Would we be put into foster homes?
The more I thought about things, the more anxious I got and when nothing happened, the seconds on the clock seemed to tick away too slowly.
Finally, at lunch the monitor asked one of the regular students who was in suspension to take orders and figure out what everyone wanted. We were given the option of the regular school lunch, which the student would get for us with our money, or we could eat what we had brought from home. We were permitted to shuffle and talk a little so we could sort ourselves out.
The boys opted for whatever we had in our bags, and we were permitted to quietly share. Among us we had Kota’s sandwiches and Silas’s chips and Luke had a couple of extra candy bars. Victor asked for permission to get bottled water, and came back with several for us.
I slowly ate a half of a sandwich and a candy bar, sipping some of my water and saving the rest.
After that, suspension turned into nap time. Heads were on desks and everyone was quiet. I think even the monitor was nodding off.
Hours passed, and everything was quiet. After something of a nap, the monitor started working on knitting, her needles clicking in the otherwise silent hallway.
There was no word from Dr. Green or Mr. Blackbourne. Chairs creaked. Shoes shuffled across the tile. I pulled my jacket around my body tighter. The air was cold.
When it was finally time to pack up to get ready to go, there still hadn’t been any word.
“Are we ready to go home?” The monitor asked five minutes before the bell rang.
“C’mon,” one of the kids down the row said. I couldn’t see his face. “Let us go early?”
The monitor smiled at him. “Hold your horses,” she said. “Give it two minutes more. If I let you all go too early, the front office will notice.”
I leaned back, checking out the other guys. All of them were dressed, book bags on, ready to go. North was even standing, stretching and waiting.
I shoved the book in my bag and readied myself.
After a couple more minutes, the monitor leaned forward, checked the time and then waved her hand at us. “Head on out,” she said.
It was such a relief to be freed. I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting in school suspension. It was a long day of not doing anything—going to class would be better.
We would have to do this tomorrow?
Before the rest of the guys even stood up fully, kids around us bolted. Some down the hallway, two through the emergency door.
We stared at that emergency door, and then looked back at the monitor.
She smiled and waved her hand dismissively at it. “That alarm’s been down for years. Even some of the administrators cut through here during the day to get to the parking lot without having to walk all the way around.”
“We can go through?” Kota asked.
“Sure,” she said. She stood up and started packing up a tote bag with her book and her knitting.
She never even asked us for our SAT sheets. Silas was at the door first, and pushed it open. He held it open, allowing us all outside.
The fresh air was warm compared to the chill of the hallway. I hurried along with the other guys, free and longing to get away from the school.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been so bored…” Gabriel said as everyone gathered on the sidewalk just outside the door. We were on the parking lot side, closer to the teacher spots.
“What’s the update?” North said, getting closer. “What’s up with Dr. Green?”
Kota was checking his phone. “No word yet. I don’t think they are arresting him or he would have been gone by now.”
“Arresting him?” I said, my voice almost a higher pitch.
“I mean, if they haven’t done it, it couldn’t be that bad,” Kota said.
“Where is he?” North asked. “Should we go in after him?”
I leaned a little toward Victor, who was standing beside me. He reached for my hand, fingers sliding between mine and then he gripped it firmly, bringing it to his face. “Sang, you’re freezing,” he said. He blew a warm breath over my skin.
“It was cold in there,” I said quietly. My cheeks felt heated now thanks to the others talking about Dr. Green. Would they know it was me? What exactly had happened?
“I still don’t understand what’s going on,” Silas said. “Are we done at this school?”
Kota looked up and addressed us, his face serious. “We need to wait for details, but right now, Mr. Blackbourne and Dr. Green had to go downtown to the school administrator’s office and have a chat with their contact.”
“Contact?” I asked.
The boys turned to me, but it was Kota who answered. “The one who called us about this job.”
“Oh,” I said, the heat of a blush rising on my face. “So what do we do?”
Kota looked at North. “I need to take someone with me to go find out who this Vera is, and how much she might know about Sang, or anything else going on for that matter. We need to figure out how bad this situation actually is.”
“We probably should have left sooner,” North pulled out his phone and checked the time. “We’ll have to get downtown and hope she’s still at the office.”
Kota’s lips curled up. “North, you go with Victor. He needs to check out everything Mr. Hendricks is doing right now. We don’t have anyone on him. We are relying on other teams to follow McCoy. We don’t have enough hands as it is now.”
“Who’s going with you?” North asked.
He looked at all of us and then settled on Nathan. “You okay to go?”
“Who stays with Sang?” Nathan asked.
“Luke and her will head to the diner. They’re going to wait there.”
“Oy!” Gabriel said before I had a chance to question why Luke and I were going to the diner when they were short-handed. “What about us left?”
“You and Silas need to go figure out damage control. How far are people taking this? Are the police even interested?” Kota sighed and then frowned. He dropped his bag on the ground and then took off his sweater dropped it on top. “I guess we can get rid of these stupid uniforms now.”
As the bell rang and voices and footsteps sounded around the grounds to signal the end of the day, the boys joined in throwing off their jackets, shedding them possibly for the last time.
They seemed determined this was it: the final showdown. Changes were coming. I’d been a part of it, even though I wasn’t sure what my place would be in the future. What was going to happen to me? Would I get to stay with them?
Kota led the way to the parking lot. He was going to ride with Nathan in the car Dr. Green had left behind, leaving his vehicle for Luke and I to use.
Numb and with questions and what-ifs whirling around in my brain, I quietly followed Luke to Kota’s car. There was nothing else I could do.